ugHH, no pls.

Tired of describing myself in short sentences. Mx.

[the-big-mood]

LeBron vs The Kids Next Door 2004 Rare commercial

[oysters-aint-for-me]

there’s a used bookstore in rural western massachusetts (the montague book mill) whose motto is “books you don’t need in a place you can’t find” and i just feel like that summarizes tumblr too

[oysters-aint-for-me]

posts you don’t need on a site you can’t search

[royalblueghost]

When I am elected president I will institute a law saying that anyone with a net worth over 50 million must, at their own expense, employ a Jester. They must feed, clothe, and house the Jester according to the Jesters wishes, may not fire the Jester, and may not retaliate against the Jester, as the Jester will have Jesters Privileges.

One must spend at least three hours per day on the company of your Jester, and allow the Jester access to your quarterly reports.

The Jesters will be chosen by voluntary lottery. Jesters will be regularly interviewed to make sure they have not become Lackeys.

This law will prevent rich folk from being surrounded with vapid yes-men. A lot of problems with the world right now are happening becuse rich and powerful men don’t have anybody on hand to say “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

[kaijuno]

[evilwizard]

[televisionenjoyer]

My problem is that I have betrayed everything that I am for phone in bed

[enki2]

[energyprison]

popcorn explodes too violently. they need to breed a new one that unfurls like the delicate wings of a newly emerged moth

[probuccalfat]

do you have any advice?

eat a protein heavy breakfast. don’t shop on shein. it’s never too late to get more educated. tell people you love them. listen to birds. go to an old growth forest. get really good at something, just to see if you can.

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[ekjohnston]

*weeps uncontrollably at 9 o'clock in the morning*

God, I love randos on the internet who just want to be kind.

[magicratfingers]

[dogpuppy]

[shinyhappygoth]

The Least Specific Movie Night Ever

The Thing

The Stuff

The Substance

The Entity

It

The Others

[marcelshorjian]

[nickelodeonhistory]

a deleted scene from the 2001 spongebob episode “just one bite.” it was cut from future airings due to complaints that it was too violent. 

[doubletrouble7997]

THIS ACTUALY HAPPENED! I THOUGHT I FUCKING MADE THIS SHIT UP IN A DREAM OR SOME FUCKING SHIT. MY LIFE IS COMPLETE NOW!!!

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

so what you're gonna do is you're gonna trim the top off a bulb of garlic, using the knife's edge to take off the tip of every individual clove, that's important. you're gonna place the garlic face-up in a square of tinfoil, drizzle with olive oil, wrap completely in foil, place in baking tray, repeat with a copious amount of garlic bulbs. you're gonna put that baking tray in an oven set to 375-400°F, for 30-50 minutes, until soft and browned. you're gonna toast some good bread, slather generously with butter and honey, maybe a tiny lil bit o' salt. and then. you're gonna SQUEEZE. OUT. THAT. ROASTED GARLIC. onto the butter honey toast. and you're gonna eat it. food stolen directly from the plate of the gods. that's what you're gonna do.

[cutiebabie]

everything’s good man. i stepped outside and it smelled like rain and fresh cut grass. this is what it’s about.

[what-even-is-thiss]

My dad is watching this historical drama and he’s like “there’s too much kissing. I thought there would be more politics” and I said “well for every person like you there’s someone else watching a political drama saying ‘there’s too much politics I thought there would be more kissing’” and for some reason that made him laugh so hard he almost crashed the car

[girlmostlikely]

Community is so important she said self isolatingly