Summary: The war is changing everyone including those Sadhbh had thought would remain the same. Wolffe finds Sadhbh to talk, and a new phase of their relationship begins.
Warnings: No warnings here in this chapter, Wolffe's recovery is being told from Sadhbh's POV.
Wc: Approx. 5.8k
Notes: And so now begins the beautiful thing that is Sadhbh and Wolffe working together, aka they team up and are quite frankly a pain in the ass for everyone else :) Also Sadhbh calling Wolffe by his rank was a load bearing buffer to keep him distant from her. And now that it's gone, how will she cope with someone trying to get to know her? (Sadhbh's about to have a no good very bad time of yet another person breaking down her emotional walls :) )
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Jedi Temple, Coruscant || Early Morning, Two months after Abregado || Sadhbh
In the years leading up to the war, Sadhbh had spent a lot of it bouncing around the galaxy in between her time on Coruscant.
The ExplorCorps have a large outpost on Ord Canfre in the outer rim, outside of Coruscant, it's the biggest gathering of ExplorCorp members in the galaxy. Despite its importance to the order, Ord Canfre is remote and it had been Sadhbh's favourite stop between exploration missions.
Often, Sadhbh had found herself sitting on a rooftop, watching the local sun rise through the wilderness around her and listening to the drowsy chirps and rumbles of akk dogs in the distance. It had reminded her of Pantora, a home away from home in a sense.
With the war, she hasn't been able to go back to Ord Canfre. There's not enough time between missions and the interface between the Republic and CIS shifts too fast to allow even a flying visit.
So since the war, Sadhbh has increased her visits to the gardens at the top of the Jedi Temple on Coruscant.
The Jedi Temple on Coruscant is blessed with many botanical areas, mostly for meditation purposes. There’s one such place on the top terrace where the tree cover is dense enough to absorb the surrounding noise from the skylanes. It even has a pond with a trickling fountain that had been installed hundreds of years ago. Everything is old and overgrown with plant life reclaiming the duracrete for itself.
Sadhbh is practically inert in the Force, and yet she feels like it calls to her. For her, it’s peaceful and lets her sort out her thoughts, the falling water offering a calm rhythm she can zone out to, and since the area isn’t as maintained as much as others, barely anyone comes here.
It feels a bit like Ord Canfre, another home away from home.
Quiet, removed.
That has its perks, and has enabled Sadhbh to store a few comforts here; a heater for Eos and Tena'a, and a sturdy metal box containing some drinks and snacks for their lads. She likes to be prepared, Sadhbh even has Airmid's favourite juice in case she appears some day.
Right now, Sadhbh sits on a little stone hewn bench by the pond gazing out over the surrounding district, the remnants of her warm tea sits beside her as Sadhbh watches the sun rise. The skylanes aren’t busy at the moment, but it’s only a matter of time before they fill up the horizon.
Already, the heat of late Spring is making itself known and Sadhbh knows that it’s going to be a beautiful day. This kind of weather always brings a feeling of potential with it, that something good is just around the corner. She hasn’t felt that in a while, certainly not since the war and now that it’s back, she tries to savour it as much as possible.
Resting back on the bench on her hands, her pinky finger brushes up against her necklace and a jolt runs through Sadhbh's hand making her flinch away. She had taken it off when she had sat down earlier, and almost immediately Sadhbh had felt the heaviness fade from her chest. Though, it still seems too agitated to be put back on.
It’s an intimate and significant gift, a shard of kyber that hums in resonance with the two in Eos' lightsabers. Eos had given Sadhbh and Tena'a each a small shard when they had become an official team, so long ago now. A Jedi doesn’t give away their kyber (even a sliver) on a whim and Sadhbh can only do her best to fully appreciate it, despite not having the perception to do so.
With this, all three of them are linked. Eos can find her anywhere in the galaxy if she keeps it on and the crystal's agitation has helped Sadhbh find Eos in the past.
It doesn’t mean it’s easy to wear all the time.
The shard vibrates with the Force and feeling those vibrations for prolonged periods of time can leave Sadhbh jittery, so she needs breaks. It's worse at night, where she finds herself waking up at night sweating, and is how she had found herself up here in the gardens this early in the morning.
In recent weeks, Sadhbh has had to take it off more frequently. She can feel it weighing on her like a sodden rain cloud weighing her down wherever she goes.
She has no evidence for it, and Eos has dismissed her theory already, but Sadhbh thinks it might be about Commander Wolffe. About his devastating loss at Abregado and how she had found him in 79s a couple of days afterwards. About how she has only seen him from a distance since that night, always fully dressed in his newly issued armour.
Maybe it's a trick of her eyes, but when she does see him, a permanent sadness now clings to Commander Wolffe. It weighs him down, making him look worn, and in the few briefings that they've shared in the last two months, he has been withdrawn and silent when before he had been forthcoming with observations. The Commander's eyes don't so much as flicker around the crowd any more; Sadhbh watches him for any sign of his old self, but none have appeared so far.
Even his armour is different, a new requisition given that his old set is still onboard The Triumphant. The paint on his new armour isn't the same maroon that Sadhbh could have recognised anywhere. Instead, the plastoid is detailed with grey paint, a mournful echo of what had come before. It's fitting, wearing a permanent tribute to his fallen men, and it's so distinctly him.
The other survivors, Sinker, Boost, and Comet, had all followed suit in repainting their kits. The designs are similar to their old ones if you’re not paying attention, but there are subtle differences. The motifs are sharper, more jagged than before, as if hardening these men to the galaxy around them.
Comet, Sadhbh has seen a lot of these past few weeks, especially in the morning when he slinks out of Dorn Squad's quarters. She has also been nudging pieces of Comet's armour with her foot over to Tena'a's door. Pieces that had evidently been tossed about to be forgotten during their trysts as they had made their way back to Tena'a's room. Needless to say, Sadhbh has made great use of her headphones.
Sinker and Boost, on the other hand, can be found in 79s every time they're on shore leave. They throw themselves into the pulsing crowd, partying until they drop or until they become embroiled in a fight. Almost always, the Coruscant Guard are called to intervene and have to haul the pair out. Sinker's nose has been broken multiple times by now and even the Guard are getting fed up with the pair.
And their Commander?
He's nowhere to be found outside of official duties.
Once Sadhbh had asked Comet about him when he had tried to sidle out Tena'a's door undetected.
"How's your Commander?"
Comet scoffs quietly at Sadhbh.
"If you can find him, ask him yourself."
Sadhbh gives him a perplexed look, and he sighs, "If he's on duty, he's working. And if he's off duty? He'll find work to do. Doesn't leave his quarters on The Perseverance unless he has to and doesn't leave the barracks here."
Sadhbh mutters, "Kriff." It seems his bender in 79s had been the healthier coping strategy, which... Sadhbh's thought trails off and she sighs.
"Kriff is right, but him disappearing is preferable." Comet resumes putting on his armour, patting blindly behind him for his thigh plate while he keeps his eyes on Sadhbh.
"Why's that?"
Comet snorts, "Truthfully? He's been a fucking nightmare to deal with. Won't talk about it and shuts down if any of us bring it or Nova up. Chews the heads off us if we push." He sits back and exhales deeply, "He used to love bonding with the shinies too, and now... he looks after these new ones, no denying that, but he stays away."
Comet stands on one foot and hops about as he shoves the other foot into a boot only to realise he has the wrong boot.
Scratching his head, he gives Sadhbh an exasperated look.
"I don't know what to do."
It troubles Sadhbh.
Sometimes Sadhbh thinks she should try to reach out to him like she had in 79s. But would he remember that night? Would their little 'pause' on The Triumphantstill mean anything? Sadhbh even now doubts whether she had helped him that night at all.
Sadhbh frowns to herself.
Out of the corner of her eye, Sadhbh spies Eos walking towards her, wrapped up in a thick brown cloak, montrals making points in her hood. Glancing over to Eos, Sadhbh quirks a brow at her in question and feels her frown soften.
“Too cold.” Eos flops down next to her, without her usual grace. Sadhbh supposes even Eos has limits these days.
Sadhbh snorts, “You’re worse than Tena’a… Here,” she slides the heater from under the bench to Eos, “Should be enough fuel in it, just point it away from me, it’s hot enough out here as it is.”
Eos fidgets with the heater, grumbling about how it’s not hot outside, and cranks the settings up full to Sadhbh’s dismay. She goes back to watching the horizon, the skylanes are fuller and the sun has made good progress in the sky since she had first sat down.
She realises that she must be up here a couple of hours now. Glancing down at the remains of her tea, she touches it to find the cup stone cold. Sadhbh wonders if Pan is awake by now, imagining him trudging into the kitchen for his first cup of caf for the day.
BEEP!
The calm from the morning shatters and she spins, startled, on the bench to check who has just commed her. It's only a message from the Hangar Engineers, emphasising that bays need to be pre-booked for all vehicles, not just starships. Mundane administrative business thankfully.
Still, Sadhbh holds her breath and flicks through her comm to double check that she hasn't missed any notifications. Her comm signal is at 100%, her battery is 78% charged, and nothing new appears when she refreshes the connection.
Sighing in relief, Sadhbh sets her comm down and leans back again. Her heart thumps in her chest, still reeling, and Sadhbh has to take deep breaths until she feels it slow again. She notices Eos giving her a strange look before Eos' expression smooths over again into serenity. Despite the look, Eos remains silent.
But Sadhbh has never been good at leaving things alone.
"I saw that." There's no bite in her voice as she tilts her head to look up at Eos and faint smile tugs at her mouth.
Eos sighs. For a moment, Sadhbh thinks that Eos isn't going to bite. Normally Eos wouldn't, she would let the bait dissipate into the air. But nearly six months into the war, everyone is changing, even steady calm Eos.
Eos sits back, choosing her words carefully, "Ever since you received that mayday message, you've been jumpy." Eos turns to look at Sadhbh fully, the morning light catching on the gold jewellery wrapping around her lekku.
When Sadhbh says nothing, Eos continues, "I'm worried about you."
Sadhbh looks down at her feet. "I'm fine." Eos snorts making Sadhbh look back up grimacing, "We weren't the ones in that pod. I'm just glad I saw the message when I did... Even if it was too late," Sadhbh starts to trail off until she mumbles to herself, "But I fixed that, that shouldn't happen again."
That gets Eos' attention. Slowly, she looks down at Sadhbh and Sadhbh can feel Eos' gaze heavy and serious.
Hmm, note to self, don't think out loud in the future.
"Fixed it how?" Eos' tone is calm, serene, but Sadhbh knows better than to miss the undercurrent of worry.
Sadhbh looks away, up to the cloudless sky and peers at the faint shadow of Coruscant's orbiting space station. It's too risky telling Eos about the comm. Questions about the comm will absolutely lead to the hypermatter and Sadhbh knows she's fucked if the wrong person finds out.
Eos had changed the trajectory of Sadhbh's life by inviting Sadhbh to Dorn Squad. She trusts Eos with her life, they've been through thick and thin together. But knowing this information would put Eos in the firing line along with Sadhbh, and Sadhbh isn't going to do that to her.
Commander Wolffe is the only other person who knows of course, being the recipient. Even giving it to him had been a risk, after all, there's no love lost between them. There had been every possibility that he could have refused it and reported her.
He still might.
Sadhbh can only mumble out, "The less you know, the better."
Eos groans, her head tilting back to watch the sky along with Sadhbh. Gold glitters as Eos' hood falls back onto her shoulders. "And here I had thought my problem squadmate was Tena'a for having that trooper over. I forgot about the one with a complete irreverence for the law."
"Comet," Sadhbh corrects her, pointedly ignoring the slight, but Eos only shrugs.
"Whatever."
Sadhbh raises a brow at the dismissal. It's not like Eos to not care, but Eos doesn't elaborate.
And because Sadhbh can't ignore the slight any longer, she tells Eos, "It's a healthy suspicion, not a complete irreverence."
Again, in a manner quite unlike the Eos from before the war, Eos huffs and looks away. Eventually, Sadhbh thinks that Eos will drop the matter, but she has one final thing left to say.
"Whatever it is you've done, I hope it's worth it."
At that, Sadhbh can only agree.
79s Beer Garden, Coruscant || Two weeks later || Sadhbh
As Spring matures into early Summer, Coruscant comes alive.
People mill about on the walkways, lounge in outdoor seating areas, and any establishment with a beer garden worth its salt is jam packed with patrons.
79s is no different. Especially since so many battalions are on shore leave for the next week.
The cheap lights, strung along the outside of the building and wrapped around the balcony rails, twinkle against the deep navy of the sky. Conversations grow and fade out, peppered with laughter and gasps, buoyed by the good weather.
Music from inside 79s thrums into Sadhbh's back as she leans against the wall. The duracrete feels warm against her skin, still holding the heat from the day, and does nothing to cool her down.
Jeans might not have been Sadhbh's best idea tonight. Rolling her jeans up at the ankles had barely helped and a bead of sweat trickles down her spine. Not even her flimsy excuse of a shoestring vest top, leaving little to the imagination, is able to balance out the heat in her legs.
Sadhbh's only reprieve had been her ice cold drink held against her neck. It had worked well enough until the ice had melted into the now lukewarm mixture. But the thought of leaving her place to enter the crowded bar to get some more ice is enough to keep her here.
The gardens in the Temple call to Sadhbh; the lush plants would provide the perfect cover for a private dip into the pond to cool off. She might even be able to take her hair out of this sticky mess she calls a plait. Sadhbh closes her eyes, already visualising her path to the nearest taxi rank. She feels her mouth tug up one corner at the thought, and she runs her fingers along the strap of her bag hanging from her shoulder.
A bead of water drips from her glass onto her collarbone. It's so tepid that Sadhbh doesn't react.
Someone in front of her clears their throat.
Sadhbh's eyes snap open.
Commander Wolffe stares right back at her, only a few feet away.
Sadhbh blinks in slight disbelief.
She can't help but give him a once over. For the first time in two months, he's not wearing his full armour. Although, he's still in his black compression suit and wearing armour on his lower half, kama wrapped around his waist. But his cuirass and other upper body plates are nowhere to be seen.
His sleeves are rolled up revealing a couple of tattoos and Sadhbh thinks she can spy some beads of sweat on his arm hair. Flicking her eyes up, she also finds some sweat around his temples.
It seems like they've both made poor clothing decisions tonight.
As Sadhbh looks back up at him, she watches him give her his own appraisal. His eyes catch on the glass still pressed to her neck, darting to her flushed cheeks, before he meets her eyes again.
He looks worn.
Abregado is etched into his face. He has frown lines between his brows that hadn't been there before. His mouth is downturned. Where his eyes had held a challenging glint, they now show caution.
His right brow slowly raises, almost imperceptibly, the longer he watches her.
Before Sadhbh can say anything to him, his eyes flick back to her neck and then he walks away without a word.
Words leave her before she thinks about them, a pathetic attempt to spark a reaction in him, "Was it something I said?"
When he looks over his shoulder at her, he huffs before walking away again.
Disappointment swirls in her chest at his reaction.
Sadhbh watches him head inside to the bar and shifts to finally put her glass down on a nearby table. Maybe it really is time to head back to the Temple. Twisting back to where she had been leaning against the wall, she catches Commander Wolffe now walking back over to her.
Oh?
Sadhbh hadn't been expecting that.
What's more unexpected is that he's now carrying a small clear bag. Filled with ice.
Stopping in front of her, he wordlessly holds the bag of ice out to her, and Sadhbh slowly takes it with a grateful nod.
Pressing it up against her neck she sighs in relief as a chill runs through her.
"Thanks."
He doesn't answer her, simply gestures to the space beside her, his brow raised in question. Sadhbh nods and shifts the bag of ice to another part of her neck.
There the two of them stand, watching patrons and looking up at Venators descending onto the planet in the distance. For a while they don't speak, letting the night drift by in an oddly comfortable silence.
Any thought of Sadhbh leaving 79s has left her. Her quiet companion next to her seems content to stand by, judging by his expression when Sadhbh glances at him every so often. There are shadows under his eyes and his mouth is still set in a flat line, but he blinks slow and calm and his shoulders aren't pulled tight like they used to be.
The ice against Sadhbh's neck is partially melted before he finally speaks.
"Thank you..." he trails off until Sadhbh looks up at him with wide eyes. He had been so quiet, she had thought she had imagined it.
"Cody filled me in. I don't remember much of... anything." At that, he looks away for a brief second and rubs the back of his neck distractedly.
Now that he has found his voice, he twists against the wall to fully face her now, eyes locked onto hers.
"You didn't have to help me, but you did. I won't forget that."
Sadhbh opens her mouth and closes it, speechless. It takes her a few more attempts until she eventually says, "It was the least I could do." Sadhbh doesn't know what else to say, everything else falls flat on her tongue or feels like empty platitudes, and she ends up clearing her throat to give herself something to do.
He snorts lightly through his nose and the sound perks Sadhbh up. That is, until he lowers his voice and leans in close, "If that comm is the least you can do, then I'm afraid to see the most you can do."
Her stomach sinks and she holds her breath.
Fuck, here it comes. I'm screwed.
Sadhbh grimaces and her heart rate spikes, "About that..."
Thankfully, for once, Commander Wolffe has more to say.
"I...found it in my pocket the next day and figured that it was you."
She keeps her gaze fixed on him, waiting to see which way he'll go: grateful enough to stay quiet, or report her for the major infraction.
He pauses to search her face before continuing, "I didn't tell anyone."
The Commander swallows, his throat bobbing slowly, and his tongue darts out to wet his lips.
Sadhbh's heartbeat thumps in her ears.
His voice rumbles low and deep as he emphasises, "No one else will know."
Sadhbh closes her eyes, her breath rushing out in one go. Opening them up she meets his gaze again and she swallows, her mouth dry.
"I've already installed it," he pauses, "It's faultless."
Then, as if he hadn't just admitted to a major infraction himself, he nods at Sadhbh before leaning back fully against the wall again. Crossing his ankles and arms, he looks back up to the busy sky as if this is just another night out.
Sadhbh stares at him, completely floored that not only has he accepted the comm, but he's already using it. This has gone better than she had dared to imagine.
A few seconds of silence washes over them, before he finally speaks again, as if shaking himself from his thoughts.
"I need to return your hoodie."
She feels the beginning of a relieved smile tug at the corner of her mouth from how he doesn't linger on the comm.
Efficient to a fault, Commander, tackle the issue and move on. I'm definitely not complaining.
Sadhbh makes a bemused noise, "My ripped one? I figured I was never getting it back."
He closes his eyes in embarrassment, "Apparently I was insistent, but I'm sure Cody is exaggerating about that."
Sadhbh snorts amused at the memory, "You were," at his sharp, disbelieving look she continues, "I don't blame you, it's so fucking soft."
And there for a fraction of a second, he smiles.
It's small and tentative, but it's there despite how he looks down in a poor attempt to hide it. Even his eyes crinkle slightly and for the second time in as many minutes, Sadhbh is floored with shock.
She's gawking at the sight, she can feel her eyes widen.
It's definitely the first time Sadhbh has seen him smile since before Abregado. She thinks not even the Wolf Pack have seen him smile since then. Next time she sees Comet, she'll need to ask.
Yet Sadhbh can't help herself. Old habits die hard after all, and once again words leave her mouth before she really thinks them through, a smile lacing her tone.
"Careful there Commander, I might start thinking you're enjoying talking to me tonight."
He looks back at her with a thoughtful expression, made sombre by the shadows under his eyes.
All he says is, "Wolffe."
Sadhbh quirks a brow at him confused. There's no tension in his body, so she's at a loss as to what he wants. She defaults to assuming she's caused him offence and guesses, "Commander...Wolffe?"
That doesn't seem to be what he had wanted from her if his exhale is anything to go by. Shifting again, he leans his side against the wall so that he can look at her face on.
Sadhbh twists to mirror him, leaning her elbow against the wall to support her head.
He shakes his head, "Just Wolffe."
She blinks, wondering if he really had just said that. All he does is continue looking at her, and... behind the caution in his eyes Sadhbh thinks she sees that familiar challenging spark flicker into existence for a split second.
Sadhbh tilts her head up at him and swallows, "Alright, Wolffe."
And another fleeting smile tugs at one of the corners of his mouth.
"Alright, Sadhbh."
Dorn Squad Quarters, Coruscant || Early Morning, A few weeks later || Sadhbh
There has been a change in Wolffe.
He no longer disappears when he's off duty. Sadhbh has seen him, briefly, in 79s and recreational parts of the GAR HQ. One day she had even collided with him in the Jedi Temple Library.
Sadhbh's face slams against something hard and unyielding making her stumble back swearing. Covering her nose, she scrunches her eyes under the smarting sting.
When she tries to open her eyes to see what has just happened, she makes out a pair of blurry gloves that are held in the air in front of her in a conciliatory gesture.
A low, rough voice reaches her ears, "Fuck."
She recognises that voice and Sadhbh manages to open her eyes further to confirm that she had indeed collided with Wolffe.
He stands tall and straight, his face in his usual focused expression when he's on duty. He clears his throat and apologises quickly.
The civility between them is still taking time to get used to.
Behind him stands Master Plo who fishes a small spray bottle of bacta out of his robes and floats it over to Sadhbh. Nodding in gratitude, Sadhbh grabs it to spritz herself and scrunches her face again as the pain recedes.
Finally able to speak again, she looks back to Wolffe. "It's fine, Wolffe. It happens."
Surprise flits across his face before he relaxes, evidently he also feels that their fresh start is still too new to be trusted.
Master Plo steps out to Wolffe's side and tilts his head down at her. "Koh-to-yah Sadhbh. I was showing Commander Wolffe the strategy sections before the briefing. Are you going to be here for another while?" He steeples his hands as he talks.
Sadhbh nods, "Finishing reports, I'll be here a while."
If she had to guess, Sadhbh would say that Master Plo looks pleased at that.
"Excellent, we'll be back after the briefing to continue our tour."
Together as if on cue, Sadhbh and Wolffe look at Master Plo with a raised eyebrow each and then look back to each other in confusion.
Sadhbh shrugs her shoulders, too used to the ways of eccentric Jedi, "Sure."
Said continuation of the tour had actually consisted of Master Plo sneaking his tea preparation kit into the library and plying both Sadhbh and Wolffe with continuous cups of tea while he talked about years gone by.
It had been nice to catch up with the old Jedi, but Sadhbh couldn't help but feel that he had an ulterior motive to the whole thing. Yet, she doesn't deny that Wolffe had looked marginally better afterwards.
Even Comet has remarked to her about the slight improvement in Wolffe. Everyone's theory is that maybe time alone is what he had needed.
Sadhbh's not naive enough, however, to believe that Wolffe's either close to recovered or back to his old self. She sees it in Airmid who is still reeling from her loss on Rhen Var only six months prior, and while Airmid has been having more good days lately, recovery hasn't been a linear thing for her.
And Sadhbh knows herself that you can never really go back to how you were no matter how hard you try.
You simply have to keep evolving.
Sadhbh sees that in Wolffe.
He's still holding everyone at arms length, but it's different from before. His shinies respect him but he's aloof, or so Sadhbh has heard through the grapevine. The Wolf Pack still haven't been able to get him to talk, but they have managed to get him into 79s for a night out. It hadn't been as rowdy as their usual, but the Guard hadn't appeared to haul anyone away either.
Wolffe's also developing a reputation for being stern and his presence feels more serious in briefings. He's not any worse than Marshall Commander Cody in terms of seriousness but, as his expression is less schooled and more fatigued, it's starting to give him an edge.
Speaking of Wolffe, he's why Sadhbh is currently awake and in her kitchen at stupid o'clock in the morning. Yawning again, she stirs her tea and clambers onto her sofa holding her mug as level as possible.
Everyone is asleep still. Even Comet, especially Comet. For good reason, because the previous night, Wolffe had collapsed into the seat next to Sadhbh at the bar.
Wolffe groans and rubs his temples. Clearly, something is annoying him. Again.
It's something that Sadhbh has seen more of from him recently.
It's never directed at her any more, which is a shame if she's being honest, she's starting to miss their fiery interactions. But it means she's in a position to ask him what's wrong when he's like this. Most times, he simply shakes his head and drinks silently beside her, but once in a blue moon, he speaks.
And there's only one way to find out if he'll talk tonight.
"What's got your knickers in a twist?"
Wolffe turns to give her a halfhearted glare and she gives him a faux innocent look.
"Comet," is all he grits out.
Sadhbh sighs, trying and failing to hide a smile at Comet's presumed antics, "What's he done this time?"
"We have drills tomorrow and he's been late to or has missed the last five." Anger laces his words, yet there's a stress in his voice that he can't quite hide.
Sadhbh looks away and stares at the counter with wide eyes. Oh, Comet is fucked if he misses this next one. Surely, he already has been given warnings. Any more infractions will put him on GAR Command's radar.
"I need to make sure he doesn't miss this one."
Sadhbh looks back at Wolffe, surprised at how quiet he was.
He's looking at her, eyes intense as he holds her stare and Sadhbh sees his anger for what it really is: fear.
"Do you know where he is tonight?"
Wolffe nods. "Here, drinking, like always. He'll disappear in a while, I've never been able to find him after that."
Ah. Now, that is something Sadhbh can help with. The corner of her mouth tugs up without permission and Wolffe frowns confused at her.
Without explaining, she pulls out her comm and sends him the coordinates of Dorn Squad's quarters. When Wolffe reads them, his frown is replaced with an exasperated look at her.
"You're fucking kidding me. Is that where he's been the entire time?"
Sadhbh chuckles, "He's our very noisy roommate at this point. But Tena'a is happy, so we're happy."
Wolffe rolls his eyes, relief seeping from him as his posture relaxes. "I thought the terrible flirting was the most he was ever going to do."
That only makes Sadhbh laugh again, "Nah, it just gave him the courage for more."
There it is, a flitting smile appears on Wolffe's face before he purses his lips in thought.
"Can I come over tomorrow morning? He can't be late to this one."
Sadhbh nods. "What time?"
"Five."
Sadhbh closes her eyes and puts her head in her hands. "I take it back. Comet who?"
Wolffe gives her a wry smile and claps her on the shoulder, "That's the spirit."
As she thinks about last night, she brings a hand up to ghost over the shoulder Wolffe had touched. It's the first time he's touched her, other than pulling her out of harm's way. She remembers how her skin had tingled under his callouses, his skin fiery to the touch.
Tracing where his fingers had been for only a moment, Sadhbh swallows.
She shakes herself, she's weird about people touching her, she's well aware of that. But there had been something good about the casual way he had touched her and continued drinking like he had done this many times before.
She's so deep in her thoughts that she misses the quiet knock on the door separating the quarters from the rest of the Temple. There's a brief pause before the door swooshes open and in steps Wolffe, fully clad in armour. Sadhbh is still lost in thought, fatigue making her slow to react until he steps in front of her.
"You look ready to join us for today's drills."
Sadhbh gives Wolffe the most venomous look she can muster given the circumstances. All he gives her in return is a smirk and Sadhbh can't help but notice how much lighter he appears when they have banter like this.
She's not going to lie, it feels good too.
Setting her mug down onto the coffee table in front of her, she slowly rises to stretch. Wolffe just watches her with slight amusement and she heads to Tena'a's door to knock on it.
No answer.
Expected. She hits the button to open it and is greeted with the red lock light. So she inputs Tena'a's override code to open it up.
Hmmm.
Well, Comet hadn't been about to wake up any time soon.
He's lying naked twisted in Tena'a's sheets, dead to the world. Tena'a must be under the duvet, the tip of one of her lekkus is peeking out over Comet's head.
She's about to step into the room when Wolffe holds his hand out and gives her another smirk.
Straightening up he clears his throat. Sadhbh sees where he's going with this, glad to have the warning.
"TROOPER."
Sadhbh jumps despite expecting it.
Comet bolts upright and stumbles out of the bed, eyes wide and startled. Tena'a doesn't move other than a grumble and a wave. As Comet spins around to find the noise, he catches Sadhbh and Wolffe standing in the doorframe and swears loudly.
Wolffe agrees, "Yeah, fuck. Get dressed, you're late for drills."
Sadhbh can't help herself and coos, "You're so screwed." She feels herself grin at his misfortune, and almost feels bad about it.
Comet finally realises that she's standing there and swears again, grabbing a pillow to cover his cock.
Sadhbh sighs, "You've clearly never changed in the same room as Pan, Cobalt, and ARC-7100."
Wolffe meanwhile is hunting through Tena'a's room and throwing pieces of armour in Comet's direction, so Sadhbh leaves them to it and steps out.
Sadhbh sits back on the sofa with her tea and only a couple of minutes later Wolffe and Comet reappear, with Wolffe scruffing Comet by the back of his cuirass. Wolffe throws Comet a frustrated look but it softens minutely when he looks over at Sadhbh.
"Thanks, Sadhbh, until next time."
Sadhbh gives him a little two fingered salute and leans back into the plush sofa, "You know where to find him."
The door swooshes again but not before Sadhbh catches Comet grumbling to Wolffe.
We move from a description that brings much joy (of the garden/sanctuary at the Jedi Temple) to one that brings much sadness (of Wolffe and how different he is now after Abregado.)
The whole interaction between the two of them in the beer garden was perfection. I read it twice, it made me so happy. To see Wolffe reaching out to her...truly lovely.
Letting her know he appreciated the "illegal" comm and wouldn't say anything.
And the hoodie...loved it.
"I don't blame you, it's so fucking soft."
And there for a fraction of a second, he smiles.
It's small and tentative, but it's there despite how he looks down in a poor attempt to hide it. Even his eyes crinkle slightly...
Aaaaah, amazing!! He's coming around, slowly but surely.
And then this:
"Just Wolffe."
"Alright, Wolffe."
"Alright, Sadhbh."
I can't breathe.
And Plo with his ulterior motive of having tea with Wolffe and Sadhbh. Sly dog.
And then the Comet parts were hilarious. I love that Sadhbh is helping Wolffe out there. It's for your own good, Comet! But I can't imagine the shock at hearing Wolffe's voice in his love nest! Haha.
Ohhh the garden! We'll be seeing this more in future chapters 🥰 and maybe Wolffe will get to see it too 😍 something tranquil and healing after all that he's been through!
I loved the beer garden scene! And omg you read it twice 🥹🥰🥹🥰🥹🥰!!
Yes the illegal comm with the very much stolen precious material 😅 he's very grateful, at some point he will think about how that tackles a big part of his fears of being left adrift again.
And sometimes Sadhbh acts before she thinks haha. Making the comm was definitely one of those times! So now they're bonded by that agreement 😅
The hoody!! He still hasn't given it back 🤔 and it won't be given back for a while haha.
He's coming round! It's not linear or clean but he's doing his best 🥰
Hahahaha I really enjoyed writing the Comet part! Honestly cackled at him jumping out of the bed when I wrote it 😂 it's the start of a wonderful partnership between Sadhbh and Wolffe 😍
Summary: Wolffe grieves his loss at Abregado in 79s.
Warnings: PTSD symptoms including but not limited to: flashbacks, anger and outbursts, nausea, hypervigilance. Excessive drinking, smoking, sex, and mentions of drugs.
Wc: Approx. 5k
Notes: This chapter is heavy one, as Wolffe is understandably grieving and unable to cope with his loss. I hope I've done Wolffe justice here, his loss is on a scale I can't imagine. The next few chapters won't be as heavy as this one, I think I've put the guy through enough.
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West Senate District Hovertrain Station, Coruscant || 1830, 2 days after Abregado || Wolffe
Wolffe can’t look at Fox’s armour while they walk.
After he had been deployed, Fox had chosen to paint his armour and that of his men, the same deep red that the Supreme Chancellor favours. What was once a source of pride in Wolffe at how far Fox has climbed is now a stark reminder of everything he’s lost.
The red is too deep, too vivid, too much like the red light of Abregado-Rae.
Too much like how Nova’s armour had looked on the bridge.
The scream of the hovertrain cars hitting the station platform in perfect rhythm make Wolffe flinch with every hit. Metal on metal pierces his ears and he has to scrunch his eyes closed.
The Triumphant rips apart as he’s ejected away in the escape pod.
Red light coats his uniform, seeping into the fabric like blood.
Fox’s hand slams onto his shoulder and Wolffe jumps out of his skin. He spins around looking for the threat, taking in the hovertrain interior. When did he get on the hovertrain?
Fox stays still, hand still on Wolffe's shoulder, his visor expressionless.
Other passengers, natborns, are looking at him with wary stares.
Wolffe heaves a deep breath and falls into a nearby seat, his head falling listlessly back against the window.
He needs a drink.
79s, Coruscant || The same night || Wolffe
Wolffe finds out that 79s never closes.
He flits between tables and conversations, a ghost. Wolffe hardly speaks, barely registers when someone tries to talk to him. Sounds around him are muffled, like he's still in that escape pod and everyone else are on the other side of the viewport.
He goes round after round at sabaac, pulling in the credits on autopilot. Just as quickly, he spends his winnings on the strongest drinks he can lay his hands on and whatever he can smoke.
Fox disappears some hours in for another shift at the Senate. Wolffe sees the guilt on Fox's face, but Wolffe is just relieved that his brother won't be looking at him with worry for a while. He doesn't remember what he says to Fox, it doesn't matter, Fox hadn't believed him any way.
Natborns come and go, like comets being pulled into his orbit before ricocheting away.
Some of them, Wolffe fucks. Others, they fuck him. The Nautolan from his first visit to 79s appears, fucks Wolffe against the wall of the fresher, and quickly leaves him under the harsh fluorescent lights. Everything feels like it's happening to someone other than Wolffe, as if he's merely a passenger in his own body.
The emptiness yawns in Wolffe's chest all the same.
He goes back to smoking, the harsh acrid taste burns his mouth as he lies down on the battered bantha leather seat in his booth. He thinks he passes out for a while, that is, until he feels the sharp burn of his cigarette between two fingers.
A pretty Twi’Lek he remembers standing up recently – the reason why escapes him for now – tells him she can get him out of his head and drags him to a dark corner.
She's true to her word, but it doesn't last.
79s, Coruscant || Unknown days later || Wolffe
His stomach roils and his brain feels like mush.
Wolffe finds himself laying in his booth, face sticking to the bantha leather beneath him. There's an awful taste in his mouth, making it almost unbearable to swallow. The inside corners of his eyes sting from accumulated sweat.
Peeling his face off of the leather, he winces. It takes far too long to sit upright, but eventually he manages, even with his head feeling off balance.
He doesn't know how much time has passed since arriving here. Wolffe’s mind is still on the bridge of The Triumphant replaying everything over and over again. He can't go back to the barracks, it's too empty with the vacant beds that should be filled with his men. He can't not go to the barracks, at some point the staff here in 79s will have to kick him out.
Wolffe doesn't have anywhere else he can go.
He looks down at the untouched powder on the table in front of him. It takes a minute for Wolffe to finally remember that he had bought it before passing out. A nagging voice in the back of his head tells him that Fox will kill him if Wolffe lands himself in the medbay.
His skipping heart agrees. He tells it to shut up.
A shadow falls across the table as he debates what to do with the powder. Wolffe closes his eyes and sighs.
Can he not get two fucking seconds to himself?
Wolffe looks up to glare at whoever is brave (stupid) enough to disturb him.
Fiery gold eyes assess him. He could identify those eyes half a galaxy away even with his bucket on backwards. They flick up and down, taking him in, bouncing between his face and the powder on the table. All without judgement which makes it far worse.
That pretty Twi’Lek from earlier, he had stood her up for the chance to feel the glare of those eyes. He remembers now, how she had been sitting at the bar when a flash of blue in the crowd had pulled his attention away, like Sadhbh always does when she's near him.
One time, Fox had called him a masochist and Wolffe had sworn at him for that. It's only now that Wolffe realises that Fox might have been right all along.
A memory flashes in Wolffe's mind.
The console screen shows the progress and the bar begins to move.
An error flashes on the screen and the hope that had been building in his chest splinters.
Sadhbh doesn't know he had tried asking her for help, and looking at her now just reminds him of that crushing feeling he had felt in the escape pod.
Grief wells up in his chest, building and bubbling until it takes on a sharp edge.
Anger spills over inside and Wolffe says the first thing that comes to mind.
“Fuck off.”
Sadhbh tilts her head, her eyes never once leaving him.
"Like fuck I am."
Wolffe must make a confused face, as Sadhbh emphatically translates, “No.”
Wolffe's lip curls before he knows he's doing it. He should have known that's what she had meant. Wolffe prepares himself for another of their arguments. If only he could properly focus his thoughts.
He mutters, “You’re fucking imposs-”
She interrupts him impatiently, “I know.” Her eyes roll as she talks.
All of his prepared words die in his chest, like someone has just thrown cold water over him, and Sadhbh sits down beside him in the booth, shimmying along until their sides are touching. Apparently, that isn't enough for Sadhbh as she turns her upper body to face him, one elbow on the table as support, all the while Wolffe can feel her soft body heat through his sleeve.
They're so close he can see her pupils expanding, black pushing against gold irises, while she continues to observe him.
Wolffe wants to snarl and snap at her audacity for disturbing him. He knows damn fine that whatever he throws at her, she'll hurl back something just as good, if not better. That would distract him, he's sure of it.
A strobe light hits his eye from across the dance floor and Wolffe is back on the bridge of The Triumphant.
The holotable beneath his hands trembles with the force of the blast from The Malevolence. He looks up through the holoprojection of his fleet and Nova is stumbling toward him.
Wolffe swallows thickly, breathing through the nausea.
Unaware, Sadhbh looks around the booth he has inhabited alone for the last while, assessing. A clutter of glasses, the line of powder right in front of him, a piece of flimsi with comm frequencies scrawled all over it nearby. The lube and condoms splayed in the middle of the table for convenience.
"When's the last time you ate?"
Whatever Wolffe had been expecting, it certainly hadn't been that.
Sadhbh looks up at him again, waiting expectantly. Wolffe blinks, floundering in his head, still unnerved by the flashback. He thinks he hears a quiet hum from her before she moves away from him to leave. He realises too late that maybe he doesn't want to be alone right now, but Sadhbh has already been swallowed up into the crowd before he can do anything.
Her disappearance tips him back into fresh grief, so Wolffe splays his hands on the table and picks at the patchy wood varnish to give himself something to do, while his throat threatens to close up on him. He stares at the swirls of the grain in the wood, his eyes tracking one line and then another.
A trill of beeps assaults his ears, and he looks up with a scowl on his face, eyes too watery for his liking.
Sadhbh's droid, BR-4N Wolffe recalls, jumps up onto the booth seat beside him and then up onto the table. It struts over to Wolffe until coming to a stop in front of him and sitting down.
All Wolffe can think about is how weirdly it's looking at him. It seems content to watch him for a few minutes, and Wolffe can see the optical sensors move as it zooms in and out of his face. Now clearly bored with Wolffe, it gets up and starts scanning everything on the table. There's an impressed whistle after it scans the powder and then it scuttles back over to Wolffe to scan him.
"Fuck off, droid." He waves at it, his hands useless against the scanner's light as the droid continues to do what it wants to do.
"That'll just encourage him."
Wolffe snaps his head in the direction of Sadhbh's voice, relief and frustration fighting over which feeling gets to be the dominant one inside him.
The booth seat dips when she falls back into the booth and Sadhbh presses herself up against his side again. Wolffe leans back into the seat, the temptation to lean into her building instantly.
He's not glad that she's back. But he is. He wants to be alone, but not alone at the same time. The last couple of days have been a blur where Wolffe has tried to stop thinking, to be someone other than him. And now? He feels like he's stuck in limbo, between two states of being, where he's separated from everyone else by a growing chasm.
"Eat."
Wolffe snaps his head to her, but Sadhbh is busy unpacking a bag filled with food... and is that food from the cart outside? Wolffe inhales deeply, his stomach growling for the first time since... since before Abregado.
Sadhbh sets a crumpled bag in front of him and places an identical bag in front of her. Turning to him she raises a brow, holding up a fork to him in question. Slowly, Wolffe reaches out to take it, confusion swirling as his mind tries to keep tabs on his heart rate and his stomach.
He opens the bag and Wolffe swears under his breath. Inside is his favourite food order to end a night in 79s. He has ate this more times than he can count by now and yet it always feels like the first time.
If he and Sadhbh were on better terms, much, much better terms, he thinks he would have kissed her for this.
He still might.
It's a fleeting thought that Wolffe fully blames on everything he has consumed over the last couple of days. Maybe he had snorted that powder without realising, but no it's still there untouched on the table when he looks around for it.
Thankfully, his stomach takes over and he digs in to the food. It's a mix of carbs and protein and spice. A lot of spice, just the way he likes it. Wolffe tries to savour it as much as he can while still eating as fast as possible, and he finds himself focusing entirely on his food.
Sadhbh is there by his side, eating from an identical bag but with less spice by the looks of it. A few minutes later she straightens up and looks for something in the bigger bag, the material rustling as she moves her hands about inside.
She pulls out a tub of sauce with a modestly victorious expression on her face. Opening it she slides it between her and Wolffe, and goes back to eating without speaking.
Silence descends upon the table, despite the noise all around them, Wolffe feels like his booth is encapsulated in a bubble just for him and Sadhbh. And her droid, who is currently making amused chirps at Wolffe's pile of condoms.
For a moment, Wolffe feels like he can breathe. As if the storm that has been raging in his mind since Abregado has subsided just a tiny bit. A snippet of normality, when none can be found, that he can cling to.
And like all things, this too ends.
Wolffe's stomach happily gurgles when he reaches the last few crispy pieces laying in the corner of his bag. Feeling full isn't a common sensation for him but it always brings on some peace and drowsiness that he quite likes. He sinks into that feeling now, the calm so inviting after the last few days.
The storm in his mind swirls in the back of his consciousness, but it's still far enough away that Wolffe leans back into the booth and closes his eyes. All he wants to do is to rest his eyes, to give them a break from the strobe lights overhead.
His senses become clouded, the din of the music starts to fade, and Sadhbh's faint heat on his side makes him relax.
He looks down at the holoprojector—
Jolting himself awake, Wolffe blinks rapidly and tries to get his bearings. His body doesn't feel right, his skin is sensitive under his uniform, and the collar is too tight around his neck.
He can't sleep again. He doesn't want to see it all over again.
He feels Sadhbh still beside him and somehow that is what makes him snap. She hasn't asked him for anything in return, and he shouldn't bite the hand that feeds but he lashes out regardless.
“Take your pity and fuck off.”
She sighs and looks up to the ceiling. “It’s not pity, fuck sake.” Sadhbh doesn't give him anything else, simply continues to eat the last of her food as if he hasn't just snarled at her.
Wolffe grits his teeth, glaring at her with as much venom as possible. Her lack of a reaction just makes him even angrier, his fingernails dig into the table and pain runs up his jaw as the anger builds ever more.
Of course he's angry.
Angry at himself for letting his men die, and for not being able to help while stuck in the pod. Angry at his uselessness. Anger at the Seppies for the superweapon, for existing. For the war.
A traitorous part of him surfaces and anger churns inside him at GAR Command for their incompetence, at the Senate for not doing enough, for—
The music grates his ears. His stupid fucking heart won’t calm down. He can feel Sadhbh's gaze heavy on his face. He's even questioning the Republic and he. Can't. Do. That.
A clawing feeling in his chest winds up his throat, threatening to cut off his breathing.
Wolffe has had enough.
Wolffe swipes at the powder in front of him, sending it flying in swirls onto the seats across from them. Sadhbh's droid watches the powder fly in an arc, head moving to track the trajectory. Pain throbs in his hand where he had hit it against the table, joining in with his now throbbing head.
A shaky, "fuck," escapes him as he threads trembling fingers through his hair and looks back down at the table.
Finally, Wolffe looks around at Sadhbh who hasn’t moved the entire time. Her eyes are still fixed on him, a white strobe light rotates somewhere above them and the light makes the gold shine as it passes over her. She doesn’t even blink, just keeps staring at him.
Slowly, Sadhbh's hand goes to pocket on her jeans. Gently, as if she knows Wolffe will spook at any moment, she sets her hand down onto the table. There's a soft clunk as she does so, and a light scrape when she moves her hand across the table towards him.
It's discreet, too discreet if you ask Wolffe. Given how he had been displaying a restricted substance on the table for everyone to see, he wonders just what it is she has under her hand. As if reading his mind, Sadhbh lifts her fingers so he can see what she has while keeping it otherwise covered.
It's a bespoke commlink.
Wolffe leans forward for a better look.
Upon further inspection, it's a GAR commlink like the one that he had in his spaulder. Only this one has been modified with aftermarket ciruitry and there attached to it is the reason for Sadhbh's discretion. It's a small battery, nondescript, but the warning stickers on it emphasise that it's nothing to be messed with.
It's a tiny hypermatter battery.
If Wolffe had to guess, there's only a couple of grams of the material in there. Yet, he knows just how powerful that is.
She must have siphoned the hypermatter from the Jedi or the GAR. It's too expensive to buy elsewhere and there's no way she has the authority to make this.
Yet, here it is.
No doubt, Sadhbh has broken a multitude of laws and procedures. Enough to be fired and arrested. So why do this? For him, of all people?
She doesn't make him wait for an answer.
"For emergencies," Wolffe looks up at her in disbelief as she continues, "With this amount, you'll get one maybe two messages out without a relay. But you'll reach whoever you need."
Wolffe's breathing picks up and his stomach churns.
Does that mean?
"You got my message?" Wolffe's voice is thin, cracking with the effort to hold himself together.
Sadhbh nods.
Wolffe leans forward, propping his elbows on the table to rest his head in his hands. His eyes sting and he can't let himself cry, not now. But this is too much all at once.
He doesn't know how to handle this gift from Sadhbh. He'll accept it, he knows that, he would be stupid not to. Even though Wolffe knows he could get a court martial if the wrong person checks his gear.
That's a risk he's more than willing to pay for.
A hand carefully rests on his shoulder. It's not like Fox's grasp on the hovertain days ago, but it's tentative in its placement. Wolffe feels Sadhbh's thumb make slow sweeps, light at first until she realises that he's not pulling away from her. At that, her hand holds his shoulder tighter and her thumbs movements deepen, becoming slower.
Wolffe breaks again. Not in anger like earlier. Instead, his throat tightens and he's left sobbing and gasping for air.
A wave of grief and confusion crashes down on top of him.
Through the sobs that he can't get under control, Wolffe hears Sadhbh speak softer than he has ever heard before.
"Let's get you to your barracks."
"NO."
Wolffe can't go back, not to the deafening silence or the feeling that he might catch a glimpse of maroon plastoid disappearing around a corner. He grips at the roots of his hair, trying to distract himself with the sharp pains but it doesn't work.
It's not until Sadhbh tells him, "Okay", that his grip relaxes.
Her hand leaves his shoulder, leaving him unmoored and drifting in his head. He hadn't realised just how much he was anchoring himself to her touch until it had disappeared. Maybe she's going to leave again, for the night this time, he doesn't understand why she has stayed this long when all he has done is fight and snap and snarl at her.
A hand rests on each of his shoulders, jolting him out of his thoughts, and Wolffe leans into her touch not caring about how he looks. He's too tired, too empty now.
He can feel Sadhbh try to move him towards her and Wolffe thinks that she's going to ignore him about the barracks so he wriggles in her grip until she stops.
"Just lie down here, even if you don't sleep."
Wolffe exhales and closes his eyes, letting Sadhbh move him until he's almost horizontal.
He feels the bantha leather of the bench against his shoulder but something different and soft hits his cheek making his eyes fly open. Looking down at the material, he realises that his head is resting on Sadhbh's lap, her jeans the soft material he feels against his face.
He still doesn't understand why she's being like this, soft and gentle when all he has really known has been the flash of her teeth and the furrow of her brow. He can't look up at her, as if looking at her will break whatever trance she's in, so he looks at the dirty underside of the table in front of him instead.
Wolffe exhales.
Her thighs are cushy.
A strange thing to think but it's true and he can't help nuzzling his face into them until he's comfortable. A faint voice in the back of his mind tells him he's going to regret doing that when he sobers up.
The faint voice shuts up when Sadhbh runs her fingers through his hair. Shivers run across his scalp and down his neck as she continues. Every now and then she switches up her movements, sending more shivers across his skin.
Wolffe is the first to admit that he's greedy for more. He leans into her touch, basking in it, hoping that she'll never stop.
Tears slip out from between his eyelashes, like traitorous little bastards. At first, they trickle down his face, dissipating into his skin again. More tears come, following the paths set before them and these tears don't disappear like before. No, these ones continue down, falling off of Wolffe and landing on Sadhbh's jeans, soaking into the material. And still the tears come, until Wolffe feels the damp patch below his face.
She doesn't comment on it. Still, she continues to caress him, adding little scratches to his scalp here and there. A silent invitation for Wolffe to let go.
Finally, he does.
He brings an arm up, in front of his face and over Sadhbh's legs, to hide himself from her. At first he tries to grab the leather of the seat to no success until Sadhbh pauses what she's doing and moves his hand to her outer thigh, lightly tapping the back of his hand to permit him to hold onto her.
Wolffe no longer stops himself from crying now. For his men who have marched on: his shinies who hadn't even seen their first shore leave, his veterans who had already shaped up to be fine soldiers, for Gauze, and for Nova. For his three surviving men who are in pieces just like he is.
Sobs leave him breathless and his throat dry.
He hates that he survived and so many didn't. He had known from his training that as a Commander he would experience loss again and again. The trainers hadn't told him about the guilt that comes with it. They hadn't told him that with each death, a piece of him would also die.
Wolffe wants to rage and scream. He wants to lie down on the floor and never stand up again.
He wants to push Sadhbh away and at the same time cling to her like a lifeline.
Pushing and pulling, at rest and in motion, all at once.
His mind drifts in the orbit of Abregado-Rae.
Wolffe doesn't notice his tears slowing, nor does he realise that his breathing is evening out.
All he knows is the soothing touch through his hair and the gnawing void in his chest that promises he'll never be the same.
???? || ???? || Wolffe
Murmuring voices rouse Wolffe, enough to make him aware that something is happening but not enough to make him open his eyes.
"...how long...passed...?"
"It's fine...," another voice stops before continuing, "...he needed..."
Fingers run through Wolffe's hair and he sighs contently.
"No barracks..."
Wolffe frowns in his sleep. No, he doesn't want to go back. Without realising, his breathing picks up.
The same voice as before continues, "I promised...we can...nearby."
He doesn't catch what is said but he sighs in relief at the voice's tone. Something about it makes him believe he'll not wake up in that empty hall.
The first voice sighs, "Alright, sweetheart."
Wolffe frowns again and this time grumbles, "I'm not... fucking sweetheart." The fingers running through his hair stop abruptly until Wolffe leans his head into them again.
Deep, muffled laughter reaches Wolffe's ears, but he doesn't know what's so funny.
And he doesn't care enough to wake up to find out.
???? || ???? || Wolffe
The first thing Wolffe senses is the scent of lavender. Light and airy.
The next thing is his pounding head and throbbing eyes. He doesn't remember much of anything, only that he had gone to 79s with Fox. After that? It's a mystery to him. He stays lying there for another while, breathing through the waves of nausea, until he thinks the danger has passed.
Once the nausea passes, a burning sensation in his throat is left behind. It's then that Wolffe realises that he's lying on his right side, curled up like a clone still in their tube.
His face is shoved against something soft and his hand flexes against the same thing. It feels nice and his hand squeezes slightly without thinking. Lavender reaches his nose again with each squeeze.
Wolffe feels himself begin to drift off again.
A cough from beside him startles him awake. It's low and raspy, so familiar but he can't quite place it.
Looking around, Wolffe sees that he's not in 79s, but in a... hotel room? He's been in some before, seedy places that he couldn't wait to be out of. This place however is... pleasant. Nothing fancy, but he doesn't want to immediately escape it either.
Another cough.
Wolffe twists in the bed to see Cody covering his mouth with a fist. He's fully in armour, on top of the duvet cover while Wolffe is under it, his ankles crossed like this is the most normal thing in the galaxy.
"Sorry, air quality is fucking grim on this planet."
Wolffe lays back onto his pillow, sighing. His head still hurts and his entire body aches. His throat is dry and when he looks around, he spies a bottle of water on his bedside table. Picking it up with great effort, Wolffe sees that it's not GAR issue, but neither is it from this hotel. He drinks it all in one go before laying back down.
Finally, Wolffe asks hoarsely, "Where the fuck are we?"
"A hotel not too far from 79s."
That doesn't explain how he got here or... the hoody that Wolffe has realised is balled up beside his head. Frowning, he unfurls it and takes a look. Black, no markings apart from some fashionable rips, cropped with no proper hem, smells like lavender when he brings it up to his nose.
"Your girl."
There's only one person Cody could be talking about.
Wolffe doesn't move a muscle, only his eyes flick over to Cody's smirking face. Wolffe refuses to speak, even if he truthfully denies that accusation, Cody will ask how Wolffe had known he had been referring to Sadhbh. And if Wolffe plays dumb, then Cody will call him out for being a bad liar.
A rock and a hard place.
But Cody is in a mood this morning, and keeps talking.
"I found you hugging her thighs last night, passed out. Didn't want to move aw—"
"Banthashit," Wolffe growls. Of course Cody would make something like that up. He'll accept that the hoody is Sadhbh's, purely because he can't think of another explanation, but even that leaves him with more questions than answers.
He utterly refuses to entertain the thought of holding Sadhbh's thighs. Not even Cody can sell that nonsense.
"I'm serious. You stole that hoody from her before she left," laughter tinges Cody's voice. Cody's face scrunches as he desperately fights his laughter, the effort growing more with each second.
Wolffe grumbles, "Why the fuck would I do that." This is the last thing Wolffe needs to hear today and he rolls his eyes, wincing when they hurt.
Wolffe throws Sadhbh's hoody at Cody's face who smugly smiles for getting a rise out of Wolffe. He doesn't stay smiling for long, his expression fading into seriousness that has Wolffe's mood plummeting.
"You didn't want to go back to the barracks."
Wolffe's throat closes over, so he resorts to shaking his head and staring at the ceiling. He rubs at his scalp, slow and gentle, to ground himself. A vague sense of deja vu hits him but he can't figure out why.
Cody drops Sadhbh's hoody back onto Wolffe, releasing a wave of lavender, and looks up to the ceiling himself.
Wolffe can't find an answer for Cody, what is there left to say really?
Cody, always the brother who knows what to say, does it for him.
"You and your boys are bunking with my battalion for the next while. No arguments." Despite the clear order, there's no bite to Cody's voice and it reminds Wolffe of when Cody would pick everyone up after a bad simulation, long ago on Kamino.
Wolffe exhales shakily, "Thanks Codes."
Cody turns his head to look at Wolffe, any remaining mirth completely gone, "We stick together."
Wolffe repeats it back to Cody, his voice cracking as he speaks.
Cody raises his fist into the air, holding it there until Wolffe knocks into him with his own fist.
Okay, yeah, you really put Wolffe through it. It hurt. Him AND me. Haha. But damn, did you write it so well!! You had me sucked in from the beginning, I was hoping so badly my husband wouldn't wake up so I could finish it uninterrupted. (And he didn't, so I did.)
Wolffe trying anything and anyone to forget. Poor guy. But then, there's Sadhbh. He thinks he doesn't want to see her, but she's the exact person he needs to see.
And he realized after a bit that he wants her there with him. He doesn't want to be alone, but he didn't want anymore of those hook-ups. He didn't want just anyone. She was the one who he was relieved to see and be near. He trusts her.
He thinks he hears a quiet hum from her before she moves away from him to leave. He realises too late that maybe he doesn't want to be alone right now...
Her disappearance tips him back into fresh grief
And when she came back, he was relieved!
"That'll just encourage him."
Wolffe snaps his head in the direction of Sadhbh's voice, relief and frustration fighting over which feeling gets to be the dominant one inside him.
He wanted to lean into her!
The booth seat dips when she falls back into the booth and Sadhbh presses herself up against his side again. Wolffe leans back into the seat, the temptation to lean into her building instantly.
She brought food. Something so simple, but so meaningful. No lectures. No pity. Just a little help.
He opens the bag and Wolffe swears under his breath. Inside is his favourite food order to end a night in 79s. He has ate this more times than he can count by now and yet it always feels like the first time.
If he and Sadhbh were on better terms, much, much better terms, he thinks he would have kissed her for this.
He still might.
So good.
And then the commlink! Wow, that's powerful stuff.
"For emergencies," Wolffe looks up at her in disbelief as she continues, "With this amount, you'll get one maybe two messages out without a relay. But you'll reach whoever you need."
Wolffe's breathing picks up and his stomach churns.
Does that mean?
"You got my message?" Wolffe's voice is thin, cracking with the effort to hold himself together.
Sadhbh nods.
Oof, the air left my lungs like I'd been punched in the gut. She knew. Too late, but she knew that he'd tried to reach her. To ask her for help.
His eyes sting and he can't let himself cry, not now. But this is too much all at once.
He doesn't know how to handle this gift from Sadhbh.
And then the soft touches, careful, trying not to spook him.
Wolffe feels Sadhbh's thumb make slow sweeps, light at first until she realises that he's not pulling away from her. At that, her hand holds his shoulder tighter and her thumbs movements deepen, becoming slower.
Wolffe breaks again. Not in anger like earlier. Instead, his throat tightens and he's left sobbing and gasping for air.
Sadhbh was so kind. So caring. After all the shit that went down between them, she couldn't leave him like this. She still cared for him under all that anger. And seeing him like this must have been heartbreaking.
This feels big.
"Just lie down here, even if you don't sleep."
Wolffe exhales and closes his eyes, letting Sadhbh move him until he's almost horizontal.
He feels the bantha leather of the bench against his shoulder but something different and soft hits his cheek making his eyes fly open. Looking down at the material, he realises that his head is resting on Sadhbh's lap, her jeans the soft material he feels against his face.
If you could have seen the look on my face! I was holding my breath!
And for the first time in this chapter, I smiled. At this:
Her thighs are cushy.
A strange thing to think but it's true and he can't help nuzzling his face into them until he's comfortable. A faint voice in the back of his mind tells him he's going to regret doing that when he sobers up.
Hell yeah! Cushy soft thighs are perfect pillows!!
And he NUZZLES! Omg.
The little voice in the back of his mind made me giggle. Just ignore that voice, Wolffe! Enjoy the cushy thighs!
But that wasn't all! The hands in the hair! Be still my heart. So calming and soothing!
The faint voice shuts up when Sadhbh runs her fingers through his hair.
Wolffe is the first to admit that he's greedy for more. He leans into her touch, basking in it, hoping that she'll never stop.
But then my smiles turned to a lump in my throat and tears burning my eyes. Because he was crying. :'( God, poor Wolffe!
And when I was reading the part about him putting his arm up in front of his face and on her legs, and then him trying to grab the seat, I thought...no, grab her other thigh, man! And she said it too! Without words...so lovely.
Sadhbh pauses what she's doing and moves his hand to her outer thigh, lightly tapping the back of his hand to permit him to hold onto her.
I can't breathe.
And then Cody was cracking me up. I love the commanders giving each other shit.
We made it through the worst of it. He made it. They made it. And you wrote it beautifully with such care and thoughtfulness. Great chapter, Maia!
I think I need to make it up to Carol for putting you through all of that!
Sjfbdifjdcjsi I love that you got to read it uninterrupted!! I love it when that happens!!
Yeah poor Wolffe has been through the ringer here, and I think I was almost as torn as Wolffe was when Sadhbh turned up. Here's a person who has been on his nerves and yet in his most vulnerable state she doesn't go away! Sadhbh's not good with words. She thinks of practical aspects like food because it's what she knows she can do. And somehow it worked!
The touching was big for both of them 🥹 Wolffe needing that soft comforting touch he had been craving for the last few nights and then he finally got it! And Sadhbh is awkward about touch so he was in a really bad place for her to actively reach out to him 🫠 but she did care!
Haha yes! He nuzzles but that's Tomorrow Wolffe's problems 😂 it's why in the next chapter he is so adamant that he doesn't remember 😂
Thank you so much Carol!! Honestly it's a treat to read your comments and reading this now as I'm working on Chapter 13 it's making so many connections spark 🥹 we did get through the worst of it! And as they get closer, his trauma doesn't go away but the mood does lift 💙
Haha I couldn't resist having Cody bring him back to normal at the end!
I like when people like a character so way too much that it transcends even self shipping or kinning and becomes more of a patron saint that you pray to type of deal
For the Muse fuck marry kill ask game, could I ask about your Jedi OC Xari and Pong Krell, Anakin, annnndddddddd Yoda 👀!
Oh my god this one is evil lmfao Xari is in my head and girl just nearly died slinging her head around going "what?!" XD Specially with me attempting to fic write today lmao
Divider by @saradika-graphics
Kill
Okay so the easiest one here right away without any hesitation is gonna be this one. Her answer is Pong Krell. It's not the jedi way, but well she's sure Master Plo would understand. After all: "He was clearly a threat and couldn't be reasoned with, I tried. It was self defense. He would have harmed others had I not done so." or maybe she makes it look like an accident. Maybe he ends up crushed under some boulders. Blown up in a freak accident involving a defective grenade. "We tried to warn him, but he wouldn't listen to us. There was nothing we could do to save him." Either way this is the easiest one of the three.
Fuck
Okay... I had to sit here a minute on this, because neither of the last two options were very great here lmao. I have to pick Anakin for this one. Cause okay like Anakin is good looking. (Hayden looks good and he's a sweetheart, so bonus points for Hayden at least.) Xari isn't attracted to him, he's not her type. -motions to Alpha17- I mean hard to compete with that right? But if she had to pick? Probably him. Like it has to be like a fuck or die situation. She sees Anakin as a friend, she's not super close with him but she gets along well with him. So it's kind of a "Do I really have to choose?" situation.
Marry
Lastly, Yoda. She was not going to pick him for either of the other two options. So default for this one. I can not even come up with a reason for why this would ever be considered an option for her or Yoda. Yoda is so recognizable by so many in the galaxy that it rules out it being a undercover mission thing. So you don't really get much on this one lmao.
