i'm gettin' dizzy

i'm mykayla. i love pretty much everything! pretty little liars, hellcats, vampire diaries, harry potter, twilight, narnia, mortal instruments, emma watson, georgie henley, selena gomez, kristen stewart, taylor swift, disney movies, and anything that you guys want to mention to me. i would love to get to know everyone who follows me so leave me some messages :) Mykayla's favorite quotes "You really love her don't you," she said. With all my heart." She looked as sad as I'd ever seen her. What's your heart telling you to do?" I don't know." Maybe", she said gently,"You're trying to hard to hear it."— Nicholas Sparks Goodreads Quotes

[ultimateyou10]

Eyes are closed, the dark oblivion of sleep is calling. I try to picture your face, your smile, and my favorite pair of blue eyes. Except, I can’t quite remember how you smiled at me anymore. And I know your eyes were blue, but I can’t recall the exact shade. That look you’d give me when I was complaining about leaving your bed to go home to mine has faded. Just like the scent you left on your clothes. Everything is shades of gray. I can’t remember. You’re lost in the darkness. So I’ll drift off to the oblivion that sleep provides. It’s the only place I can see you clearly.

[ultimateyou10]

“I have tried to let you go and I cannot. I cannot stop thinking of you. I cannot stop dreaming about you.”

-Night Circus

[ultimateyou10]

I wish that we could go back in time and I'd say to you…

So many things left unsaid. When you’re 31 years old you think you have an abundance of time left to do everything and say whatever to whoever. It was even worse five years ago. At 26, who’d have ever thought I’d run out of time? I’d run out of time to tell you anything and everything. I wish I could back in time to when you were still alive and tell you how much I love you. I never told you that. I had a year and a half and I kept it bottled up so I wouldn’t get hurt. You never would have hurt me, yet I never muttered those three words. I kept to myself how much I wanted to spend forever with you, not that it mattered because I only got one and a half precious years. I want to go back and tell you how much better my life is with with in it. I took that for granted and now that you’re gone my life is missing a crucial piece. Stress rages through my life and you calmed my storms with a simple cuddle and “school’s out” comment. Lately the thunder and lightening won’t relent and I’m waiting to be struck down any second. You should have been told that you meant everything to me and I loved you and wanted you always.

I wish that we could go back in time. And I'd say to you. I miss you like it was the very first night…Take me away to you..

[ultimateyou10]

Lights are all strung, presents in nice little bows.

But something is missing, of that I know.

There isn’t a box with your name under the tree

And all I want for Christmas is you here with me

But that won’t happen, your holidays are spent far away

Watching from above while I pretend everything is okay

I’ll put on a smile and pretend all is fine

Looking to the stars for some kind of sign

I’ll continue for my Christmas wish to be

Your hand in mine and you right next to me

[ultimateyou10]

All’s well that ends well but I’m in a new hell every time you double cross my mind

If I had called sooner for help everything would’ve been fine and that made me want to die

The idea I had of us together blown away just like a feather, gone just like you

I had no idea you’d leave me so soon, weeping on the floor without you, without you

You who made me smile right from the start. Charming your way right into my heart

Then I watched the light fade from your eyes, willing you to breathe

And I thought this is what it’s like living your worse dream

Time won’t fly it’s like I’m paralyzed by it

[stuckinapril]

oh u read the book i recommended u

come kiss me now

[ultimateyou10]

It will never be easy but I might be okay.

I tried to stop the bleeding, when the universe stole you away from me

I can never fix it, you never had a chance to stay

I said goodbye forever, but I will love you anyway

[ultimateyou10]

“But I’m in a new hell every time you double-cross my mind.”

It’s not that thinking about you is a bad thing. The memory of you brings a smile and a tear. A new hell every time I think of you. Grief and joy wrapped up in every single memory. I never know whether to smile with all happy memories or cry because I’ll never have them or you again. Hell, my own personal hell

[ultimateyou10]

The dream is so real. His lips on mine. But the sun is shining through and his side of the bed is still cold. Telling myself, again, he is no longer here. Inhale, “he’s gone.” Exhale, “you know this, he’s never coming back.” Inhale, “you heard the doctor.” Exhale, “ you need to ‘be fine’” Every. Day. Same mantra. Same sad realization. Dreams are a happier place than the cold side of the bed.

“Time won’t fly, it’s like I’m paralyzed by it.” Taylor Swift has said it best. Time is stuck and so am I. 5 years of the same grief stricken routine. The hole in heart isn’t getting any smaller

[ultimateyou10]

A year ago I was having the time of my life at a Halloween party with my amazing Prince Charming. A year ago my life also went from amazing to tragic in a matter of minutes. A year ago my boyfriend died at the age of 37 from a heart attack. A year ago I didn’t call the paremedics soon enough. A year ago I watched my boyfriend become unresponsive. A year ago I watched emts fail to get a normal heartbeat. A year ago I got driven to the hospital for the doctors to tell me they couldn’t save him. A year ago I lost myself and I still can’t, and probably won’t ever be able to find her. I still cry almost daily. I still pick up my phone to text him. I still go to bed every night and wish for this to be different. And every morning I wake up without him again. Every day I put on my makeup, do my hair, and go to work like everything is normal, even though I am as far away from normal as I can possibly be. Adam, I miss you so so much and wish I could have done more to save you that night. I am sorry that I am still so sad. I’m sorry I can’t find me. But always know that I love you and would do anything to have you back with me. Love you always dude

[ultimateyou10]

Day 210

It has been 210 days since I last saw your handsome face. 5,040 hours since I last heard your voice. 302,400 since I last felt your arms around me, holding me tight. How am I supposed to get through the rest of my life when I've been struggling to make it through these last 18,144,00 seconds without you? And each of these seconds have felt like eternities. We were supposed to be the ones who lasted. The ones who lived happily ever after. Instead I'm crying and lonely. I never thought I needed someone, but I need you. But more than that, I want you. But fate is cruel and took you from me. And the wall that separates earth and heaven could not be any larger if it tried. It's like I'm locked in an dream; a terrible nightmare that never ends. But it's not a dream. It's my now awful life. I will never wake up. You will never come back. I will be alone. What I wouldn't give to get you back. To have you holding me close as I slept. To wake up before you and have you pull me in closer because the centimeters between us were too much. To have you call simply to ask how my day was and find out when I am coming over. To have you here, with me. But life is cruel and took the one person who seemed to get me, that made me happier than I ever thought I could be, that made me complete. I found myself when I found you, and now that you're gone, so isn't she. I am not the same girl anymore. You probably wouldn't even recognize me. Not because my looks have change because I still look like me. But I am not me. Not happy, not enjoying life, not filled with laughter and smiles. Instead I am always stressed out, always exhausted, always working and yet never seeming to accomplish anything. I miss you more than I have missed anything. I wish there was something I could do to get you back, because I would do it. If it meant you were here and alive again, I would do it. So please come back. Call me tomorrow and ask when I am coming over and what am I bringing for dinner? Call me so this terrible nightmare can end. Better yet, come home. I miss you. I need you. I want you. I love you. Please come home. 💔❤️

[ultimateyou10]

Every day is getting harder and harder to cope. Every weekend I hate my life more and more. I just want you home with me. Come back to me.

[ultimateyou10]

I miss you so much dude. Everyday is getting harder to get through, not easier. "They say time heals everything, but I'm still waiting." I will never be healed from this tragedy. I had a hard time helping my student calm down cuz her problems seemed so insignificant to mine, to you being gone. Come back babe!

[ultimateyou10]

I miss you. There literally isn't anything else to say except that I miss you so fucking much. I just want you back. I just want to call and say goodnight and hear your voice. I want to cuddle and fall asleep on you while you watch madmen. I want to kiss your cheek after I tease you about something. I want so many things but they all revolve around you. Dude I miss you. Come back and be here with me....please...

[ultimateyou10]

Just read all my text convos with you because I miss talking to you so much. It didn't ease the ache I have. Dude I just want you back. I miss you so so much. I can't live like this. Please come home💔

[ultimateyou10]

Finally on Christmas break and I am not overly excited. I'm happy I don't have to deal with kids for 10 days, but I don't get to see you everyday. I am looking for a Christmas miracle; you back here with me. Babe I miss you. Please come home

[ultimateyou10]

I don't know why I watch the patriots without you...it just makes me miss you even more 😪 come back so we can have our Sunday football dates. I miss them and I miss you 💔❤️ come back to me dude, please. Love you always 😘