dean "the angry man in the house" winchester ??? WRONG. dean is the HEART of the house. he always has been. he became the fictional mother that never was, he pushed himself to fill the role of the mythical mother mary. he played mediator between the two who were always butting heads. he was quiet and seemingly obedient and when on the rare occasion he rebelled he was cast out by the Real angry man of the house. and while dean was gone, the metaphoric house was without heart. without joy. because dean did more than just take care of sammy, he was there. he made sure sam didn't feel alone or neglected. when sam says he was a lonely kid and dean feels it as a slap in the face that's because to dean, they weren't lonely because they had each other ! like "what do you mean you were a lonely kid you had me?" so dean, he tried. as the heart of the house, he tried to make sure sam felt cared for and then later, with every found family member, dean dotes on them and tries to help them however they can and he wants them to stay where he can see them and care for them and keep them safe. and when they finally have their first permanent home since lawrence, dean nests. and he cooks and decorates his room and keeps photos of his loved ones nearby and he likes a clean house. and does he get angry and upset sometimes ? yes. because those are human emotions and he also has decades of unresolved trauma and few healthy coping skills bc he's never been given a chance to just stop and take care of himself and address these issues and the only emotion he learned was allowed to be expressed was anger so often what is fear and worry gets filtered and comes out as anger. but HE is not the angry man in the house. that will always, always be john. john's ghost looming over them. john's influence like a shadow. john's ways ingrained in them but that they both (hot-headed sam, esp early seasons hello remember him !!) need to unlearn. but neither of them are that angry man. that man is always going to be john. people misunderstand and misuse that "angry man" quote all the time. it's not about becoming the angry man that was once there. it's about being haunted by him, even when he's gone. and both of them, but dean specifically, are haunted by john.
the quote appears in the short story "Cut" by Cathrine Lacy and it's a poem within the story that goes like this:
if you’re raised with an angry man in your house,
there will always be an angry man in your house.
you will find him even when he is not there.
and if one day you find that there is
no angry man in your house—
well, you will go find one and invite him in!
and in the story one of the characters asks the meaning of the title which means ‘womanly qualities’ or ‘womanhood’ and in the context of the poem the "angry man in your house" is meant to be this recurring male figure. you're raised with an angry man in your house. then you're haunted by that figure, "you will find him even when he is not there." and then when you are finally free of him, you will go out and find someone just like him and invite him inside. it's about cycles. and in the context of the poem it's about women mirroring and repeating patterns of their mothers, dating men that are like the angry men they grew up with, because it's all they know. it's not about becoming the angry man. and dean does not become that angry man either. he's haunted by john. he's internalized certain things about john but he's still a victim of john. and when he lashes out, that's more about unresolved trauma and needing better ways to express his emotions that aren't actually anger than it is about him becoming anything.
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