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Noah Kahan
YOU ARE THE REASON
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@uncgwritingcenter
Brewing a pot of coffee, the grad student revels in a makeshift aromatherapy session.
A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
A question mark walks into a bar?
Two quotation marks âWalk intoâ a bar.
A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to drink.
The bar was walked into by a passive voice.
Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They drink. They leave.
THANKS FOR TEACHING ME THINGS THAT ENGLISH CLASS HAS FAILED TO ACKNOWLEDGE
More, please.
An Oxford comma walks into a bar. It orders a pint of beer, some snacks, and a shot.
A split infinitive used to often walk into a bar.
There is a bar which a preposition-ended sentence walked into.
An emphatic copula did walk into a bar.
A present subjunctive walked into a bar hoping that he be able to order a drink.
A typo walks into a bra
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[Drawing of a small blue and white bird saying âYou will graduate and achieve all your dreams. You got this!â in an orange speech bubble.]
At age 23, Tina Fey was working at a YMCA. At age 23, Oprah was fired from her first reporting job. At age 24, Stephen King was working as a janitor and living in a trailer.Â
At age 27, Vincent Van Gogh failed as a missionary and decided to go to art school. Â At age 28, J.K. Rowling was a suicidal single parent living on welfare.
At age 28, Wayne Coyne ( from The Flaming Lips) was a fry cook. At age 30, Harrison Ford was a carpenter. At age 30, Martha Stewart was a stockbroker. At age 37, Ang Lee was a stay-at-home-dad working odd jobs. Julia Child released her first cookbook at age 39, and got her own cooking show at age 51. Vera Wang failed to make the Olympic figure skating team, didnât get the Editor-in-Chief position at Vogue, and designed her first dress at age 40. Stan Lee didnât release his first big comic book until he was 40. Alan Rickman gave up his graphic design career to pursue acting at age 42. Samuel L. Jackson didnât get his first movie role until he was 46.
Morgan Freeman landed his first movie role at age 52. Kathryn Bigelow only reached international success when she made The Hurt Locker at age 57. Grandma Moses didnât begin her painting career until age 76. Louise Bourgeois didnât become a famous artist until she was 78. Whatever your dream is, it is not too late to achieve it. You arenât a failure because you havenât found fame and fortune by the age of 21. Hell, itâs okay if you donât even know what your dream is yet. Even if youâre flipping burgers, waiting tables or answering phones today, you never know where youâll end up tomorrow. Never tell yourself youâre too old to make it.Â
Never tell yourself you missed your chance.Â
Never tell yourself that you arenât good enough.Â
You can do it. Whatever it is.Â
This is so worth reblogging!
Thank you!
Same with writing! Weâre excited to share with you things you donât yet know!Â
Daily reminder not to let academia dictate your self-worth.Â
How do people get to own secondhand bookshops. Not the big/newer quirky ones, but the little dusty ones that are piled high with books and always staffed by that same old guy whoâs reading behind the desk. How do these businesses even begin, how do they survive, they feel like they were passed down by immortals and staffed by retired druids or something
From Aurora Leigh by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1856).
When you have to choose between finishing an essay as a deadline rapidly approaches or sleeping, itâs an easy choiceâŚ.
TOP 3 TRAITORS:
3. Brutus 2. Judas 1. Printers when you are in a hurry
what a beautiful day to register to vote
HOW TO WRITE 20 PAGES (from one girl w/mental illness 2 the rest of u, but please keep in mind all of this is just personal Stuff That Worked for me n u might be different):
first of all, and probably most importantly, make that paper about something you actually give a shit about. if you can write an essay on how long shakespeareâs dick is when youâre talking to your friends, thatâs a good topic. donât choose something u donât care about, you will Want To Die
âokay but the only topics are ones i donât care aboutâ talk 2 ur teacher 99% of the time if youâre like âhereâs a well-thought-out thesis can i talk about this insteadâ theyâre like âsure lmao i just couldnât think of other paper topics to suggestâ
âthey said noâ cool find the one u hate the least and try to tie it into something u like. for example i really hated this stupid paper i had to write about a stupid book so i ended up writing about the food inside the book and whether or not it was a historically accurate depiction of food. turns out i fucking love talking about food. i also remade some of the old recipes and brought them in as part of the presentation of my project and people went fuckken nuts bc BREAD. basically i thought about âwhat motivates me? uh foodâ and followed that. it was a 45-page book about bread and i looked like a really good student when really i just love bread (somewhere, oprah smiles over me)
the 20-pagers are the ones you Actually Cannot Do the night before. i know we all got real fuckken cocky back in hs when we learned how to do 5 pages in one night w/out trying too hard but 1. as a teacher now i can tell u for sure that teachers do know you rushed it, we just Donât Care bc Weâre Not Paid Enough and 2. twenty pages is not the same thing. you need to actually take the time to do it. this is the actual version of âyouâre not in hs anymoreâ DONT lie to yourself and think âitâs fine iâll do it in one dayâ you will !! Regret it!!!!Â
âraquel. raquel. listen to me. do you actually believe iâm capable of time management. raquel i have depression i barely manage to exist.â same. but the truth is that when i started like?? actually following the rules of timelines and taking my time etc it actually really helps mental illness. you donât feel pressured all the time by a deadline, so your anxiety chills a little bit. small progress being acceptable means that on depression days, you donât have to worry youâre fucking it all up. when itâs 15 minutes every day (even if itâs only 1 word a day) it feels a lot better.
ask the teacher what timeline theyâd recommend. they actually Know.
always ask if itâs informal or formal (if you can use âIâ statements or not). informal essays can rely on personal feelings and are so much easier and trust me if you find out on the day itâs due that you could have written 12 pages about your feelings instead of 12 pages of research, you will Be Very Upset
i lie to myself all the time and move the deadline up. i write it in my agenda as at least 2 days before itâs due. surprise!!! i tricked u, self!!! you canât procrastinate!!Â
agendas/planners need to be what actually works for you. i liked to prioritize w/colors + keep lists. i really love crossing things off lists. itâs like⌠a balm. for me, i usually say i have to finish the first 2 things, start the 3rd thing, and âtouchâ at least half the list. if i finish the whole list i get a prize. also i get to cross off everything which is so satisfying iâm sure itâs someoneâs idea of a rush. thereâs so many âhow toâ documents on these that i wonât get into it but frankly?? if you donât write it down you will not remember it. âyes i willâ no you wonât greg. just do it. write it down. write it where u can see it. not there, greg. greg, somewhere good. my friend is smart af and uses a post-it on her laptop. that doesnât work for me bc i can just? use my hand to cover the anxiety? so choose somewhere good greg.
nervous system, skeleton, meat, skin. nervous system is the thesis. skeleton is quotes/data. meat is the analysis of that data. skin is the fancy transitions + beautification.  meat goes on both sides of bone, and skin goes all around. nervous system has to touch everything. do what your teachers have been begging u to do since 3rd grade and start w/an outline. do this while you read/research. i usually have a starter thesis like âlady macbeth is a feminist ICONâ then take the quotes i think fit. but if while youâre reading u realize u wanna talk about the use of feminine language and how shakespeare parallels daintiness w/sharpness, u still have a bunch of quotes you can use or not use. this works also w/research papers. just pull what u think is something u wanna talk about. copy-paste it but leave a link to where u got it. then put a bullet point under that says roughly why u mention it
if you just write the outline like youâre keeping notes to yourself youâd be amazed how quickly you write the essay bc we get stuck in academic language but itâs easier to translate âthis is why bees are the #bombâ into a paragraph. i mean you just rewrite your notes to yourself in academic speech. âThe above passage illustrates the growing necessity of pollinators such as bees in an agricultural environment.â
keep track of your sources + label them. donât just write â(SOURCE)â instead if youâre using multiple sources use the lazygirl way which is (SA1) or whatever shorthand u have for each source. then when you need to finish your sources you go to your little source document, find the one labelled SA1 and then âFind+replaceâ w/the actual source.
integrate quotes so it reads w/clarity which means donât do this but if youâre running late on it and donât have time to look up the quote u want to fit this situation, technically you can âuse anyâ word you want (56). so yeah âthere isâ a moral question about it but you âcanâ make up quotes (79, 90). donât âactuallyâ do this unless youâre seriously in a crunch. which u shouldnât be, bc u managed ur time, right?
running late part 2 (which again would never happen bc you followed my advice and made a little time table for yourself but anyway if it does somehow magically happen) i really recommend using school computers to do your work. ur surrounded by people who will hold u accountable + u will focus
running late pt3 on the day of it being due, around 5 PM, be honest w/yourself and see where you are. if youâre like âit needs 2 more hoursâ okay. but if youâre like âthis isâŚâŚâŚ not startedâ email the teacher. theyâll be so much more receptive the earlier you do this in the process. it looks like âiâm genuinely struggling and i hope to finish this on time but iâm worried i wonâtâ instead of âi started this at 11:58PM and am asking for an extensionâ. please also just⌠be honest?Â
âmy teacher wonât accept late work!â they all say that, he probably will, particularly if you have a note from the school therapist being like âlmao sheâs got so many mental illnesses idek how to help herâ
âno he really doesnât, he doesnât careâ you can file for disability if you have mental illness, and, in fact, you should if itâs something that often stops you from completing work on time. i didnât bc i found that it just let me procrastinate for a longer time, but having that on file means you can go to the dean.
âno!!! raquel youâre not listening i have 2 pages and he doesnât take late work!!!!!!!!!â Â okay. yeah thatâs bad. but nerves, skeleton, meat, skin. what is it that youâre struggling with? is it that your canât find any quotes to back up your thesis? impossible, tbh, you need to be more willing to purposefully misuse quotes (donât do that). but the better option is to just change the thesis.Â
âi donât even have that!!â did you. do the reading? if you even just watched the movie, you probably have an opinion on something even if itâs âthis is bad.â you can use that. use why you didnât like it to write a hate-fueled examination on how whiny the main character is and why u think the author is trying to point out how miserable cis white boys are to deal with.Â
âi donât have enough sources!!!â go to wikipediaâs page about it and look @ the sources. try to like actually read some if you have time but frankly in a hurry a student (me) might be compelled to just slap the source in there.Â
âhow the fuck do i analyze thisâ. u know how ppl agonize over why an actor breathed in a scene. melt into that kind of thinking. you can literally force the words to mean whatever you want. iâve talked about word choice so specific that i based a 12-page essay on three separate uses of the words âmy dearâ. i talked about the possessive âmyâ and how it developed for like 5 of those pages. and always repeat the thesis like a million times. after every analysis you should talk about how it links to the thesis. that is like a free 3 sentences every paragraph.
âi did all that and itâs still 3 pages too shortâ quick ways to Beef Him Up: definitions are great in research papers + essays bc you can talk about either word choice or like the definition of every process used in getting the data. also make the conclusion hella informative (it should answer âwhat does this mean moving forwardsâ most of the time, tie it into modern life or into the past). thicken ur intro with âhereâs a quote from this guy about it and what he personally felt about acid-base titrationsâ, use a paragraph to talk about the history of the data/book, use a paragraph to talk about the modern reception of the data/book. also look for where you can use two words instead of one even tho like grammatically donât do that.
worst comes to worst, brevity is the soul of wit. most teachers prefer concise over rambling and all over the place. if you choose to scoot under the page limit, tho, your writing etc needs to be exceptionally clean. frankly iâve only done this once and it was terrifying
make computer read it aloud 2 u before u submit. âraquelâŚ.. i canât look at it anymoreâ. youâre not looking @ it, youâre discovering you wrote âbreathâ not âbreatheâ and u need to change it
tutoring centers exist, i worked in one, and this is how i know they actually Help and have Good Ideas
ask about extra credit and do it tbh
good luckâŚ. breathe. and remember u are astronomically more important than a grade could ever be.
Profanity in the post, but itâs a really long post with many good pieces of advice for writing long papers (20 pages or more)
On a seemingly daily basis, we see attacks against the intellectual culture of the academic humanities, which, since the 1960s, have opened up spaces for leftists to develop critical theories of all kinds.
pick-me-ups for writers
for the self-conscious beginner: No one makes great things until the world intimately knows their mediocrity. Donât think of your writing as terrible; think of it as preparing to contribute something great.
for the self-conscious late bloomer: Look at old writing as how far youâve come. You canât get to where you are today without covering all that past ground. For that, be proud.
for the perfectionist: Think about how much you complain about things you loveâthe mistakes and retcons in all your favorite seriesâand how you still love them anyway. Give yourself that same space.
for the realist: There will be people who hate your story even if itâs considered a classic. But there will be people who love your story, even if it is strange and unpopular.
for the fanfic writer: Your work isnât lesser for not following canon. When you write, youâve created a new work on its own. It can be, but does not have to be, limited by the source material. Canon is not the end-all, be-all.Â
for the writerâs blocked: It doesnât need to be perfect. Sometimes you have to move on and commit a few writing sins if it means you can create better things out of it.
for the lost: You started writing for a reason; remember that reason. Itâs ok to move on. You are more than your writing. It will be here if you want to come back.