Hi- I love your post about being a safe place for mandatory reporting and suicidality, and I have a question. I know you may not be able to answer this fully but a question that troubles me a lot is what do you actually do if someone is actively suicidal? Aside from being open/listening obviously, i mean assuming you are already doing that and someone is actively getting ready to kill themselves or is very much headed in that direction..
I promise I’m asking in good faith and not just as a justification for calling EMS. And I know it’s a big question that probably has a complex answer. I just could use any resources or thoughts, and I have had a very difficult time finding actual material advise or answers to this question on my own.
well, i agree with you that there are no complete or perfect solutions. in my experience, if someone is acutely suicidal and actively making plans, the best thing you can do is put yourself in a position where you're 1) sharing physical space with them, 2) are able to do basic first-aid if needed, and 3) (this is risky) able to remove potentially dangerous items -- blades, guns, pills -- from their vicinity. the third one i say with some trepidation as it is both dangerous for you and ultimately restricts their autonomy. however, as someone who has made attempts before while in a state of, well, Not Being Rational, i think it stands to reason that a good friend should be able to at least forestall someone killing themself until they've had the chance to consider all their options.
if you're far away from someone physically, there is less you can do without snitching to someone. i've been in situations where i've been in contact with a trusted friend or family member to receive updates about a person in crisis, but this can also run the risk of leading to institutionalization (or more accurately, it can result in institutionalizations that i really have no control over, bc i'm not there). sending regular texts at specific times per day can create a sense of security & schedule for both you and them, as can making concrete plans to, say, watch a movie or call on discord tomorrow or next week.
ultimately, if someone wants to kill themself, and really really wants to, there is very little you can do to stop them from attempting at some point. but the above measures can help buy you more time to support them/talk them out of it without jeopardizing their freedom. it can also very easily become a full-time job that you as an individual are not able to do on your own, though –– staying up all night, always being on call/text, keeping track of the whereabouts of xyz thing. i think the stronger the community is around the person, the more possible it is to preserve their life while also ensuring you don't get burnt out or resort to carceral measures, so maybe my biggest piece of advice to this ask is to cultivate community before and beyond someone wants to die, so that that community will be there to act when someone does.
