Lost in the Woods

| Ivy | they/them | ADHD |

[under-the-mud]

hi! i'm ivy (they/them) i don't often write, but if i do, it's often in the form of hcs. i started this blog as a minor and while i'm not a minor anymore, most things on this blog are still pg, discretion is advised. i don't really have one true fandom, I go all over. honestly, come talk to me about anything, i've probably read it/seen it at one point and i just love interacting with people! some fun things about me: i'm an ag major/forestry minor, i'm somewhere between the ages of 18-20 (sorry, internet safety kids!), i graduated from the ib program but did not get my diploma, i competitively swam all through middle and high school and i miss it very much, and i love all art forms, tho my favorites are mixed media and theatre!

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non-negotiables:

fuck trump, fuck nazis, fuck terfs, fuck jkr, free palestine, free congo, free hawai'i, free sudan, we are on stolen land, release the Epstein files, black lives matter, no human is illegal, let trans kids live, we are all God's children

i will block on sight

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my tags:

#ivy.text #ivy.reads #ivy.vibes #ivy.writes

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MASTERLIST

HP wizarding world

Jegulus microfic 04/01/2024

jegulus + lily animagus hc

jegulus lipstick kisses trend

james pretty little baby

t4t drarry fic rec

**non-updated list of hp fics + solangelo

Numb3ers

list of hc's

incorrect quotes

Pazzi

Babytalk

Marry Me

Summer Skies

KK9

Come home to me 1 2

*paige and azzi are real people and anything that I write is in no way connected to or a reflection of their real thoughts, feelings, or experiences. I have removed some of my work that is based on real life. at this moment i have not reuploaded them anywhere else nor will i be updating any current work. i am trying to distance myself from the current discourse happening on tumblr and across social media. paige and azzi deserve to live their lives free from pressure and hate from ‘fans’ and are allowed autonomy in their relationship and social media presence. thank you.

༉‧₊˚.⟢.⋆✴︎⸝꙳.˖𖥔݁˖๋

[akaz2908]

[under-the-mud]

her shoulders dear lord happy pride month. and to you too adam sandler lol

[under-the-mud]

guys i'm trying so hard to finish marry me, which i started last july (wild), but it's taking foreverrrrrrr and i'm so so so close to being done but tbh i may not finish the ending all the way just so I can be done w it.

ANYWAY I'm also working on babytalk, i promise, tho that is going very similarly to this, and I have a couple drabbles and maybe my first ever series for KK9? we'll see

I just want to say, to everyone who's been in my inbox for the past year, asking mostly about babytalk, i'm a terrible writer, i'm so sorry it's taking me forever, i'm much better with a sketchbook and a pen than I am with this. everything will get done when it gets done <3

[emeqem]

take me to church -- chapter 3: Renegades

masterlist | ao3

<- previous chapter | next chapter ->

Word Count: 6,121

got this one finished way faster than i thought i would yay!! shoutout to @girliblue for proofreading for me you're the best. ok without further ado, happy pride month and WINGS UP!

TWs: catholicism/praying/religious thoughts, cursing, a little bit of homophobia, and chris koclanes as a character

Running wild and running free

Two kids, you and me

And i say hey, hey, hey, hey

Living like we’re renegades

Long live the pioneers

Rebels and mutineers

Go forth and have no fear

Come close and lend an ear

Thursday, August 15th, 2024 — St. Anne’s Academy, Anderson, SC

Paige pulled into the school parking lot at seven thirty—way earlier than she’d ever arrived before, but today she was a woman on a mission.

She parked in her assigned parking spot and immediately turned the jeep off, lugging her backpack out of the car with her, closing the door and locking the car while she made a beeline for the school entrance. She knew Azzi always came early because her brothers were in lower school, which started at seven forty instead of eight oh five (which was a truly egregious time to start school, in Paige’s opinion).

She headed towards the lunchroom where she knew she’d find her, sitting in her usual spot at the table their class always sat at during lunch. Lainey, Ava, and military family girl—Veronica—were sitting with her, all quietly working on various assignments, none of them looking particularly awake or thrilled to be there. Paige wondered why military family girl wasn’t more awake—she had always assumed military people needed to be pretty prompt and alert first thing in the morning.

“Morning,” Paige greeted once she got to the table, plopping down next to Azzi and leaning into her space to look at what she was working on.

Azzi pointedly leaned out of Paige’s space, giving her a look. “You’re here early.”

“Well, y’know what they say. Early bird gets the worm.”

Azzi didn’t dignify that with a response, instead just raised her eyebrows at Paige and gestured for her to get whatever she wanted to say over with.

God she was beautiful, even when she very clearly needed a cup of coffee. Her curls were haphazardly pulled back into a bun and her undereyes were still a little puffy from the morning. Paige wished she knew her coffee order so she could bring her some next time.

Paige’s nerves spiked under her attention. C’mon, Paige. Woman on a mission.

“Um, do you maybe wanna get some extra reps in with me tonight?” She asked, suddenly acutely aware of everyone else at the table also looking up at her as she spoke. “I, uh, didn’t realize how much I missed having someone to hit with until yesterday,” she said, quickly adding on, “No pressure though!”

Wow. Way to go, Paige. Jesus.

Azzi smiled at her like the angel she was, shrugging. “Sure,” Azzi responded. “This afternoon?”

“Yeah.”

“Sounds good,” Azzi affirmed, before changing the subject. “Did you end up finishing the pre-calc homework?”

They launched into a discussion about class, the other girls joining in too.

Soon enough, the afternoon arrived, and Paige’s nerve endings felt like they were on fire as she led Azzi across the parking lot to her car.

When they got into the jeep, Paige asked a question that had been weighing on her heavily ever since realizing she had to wear a skirt to school three times a week when school started: “So, been meaning to ask. Do they actually let us wear volleyball shorts when we play, or do we have to compete in smocks?”

Azzi let out a laugh—an actual, real laugh. It was honest-to-God the best sound Paige had ever heard in her life.

Which, of course, had Paige giggling too. Absolutely besotted.

“Are you serious?”

“Dead.”

Azzi snickered again, clearly amused. “No, Paige, they don’t make us wear smocks.”

“Hey. It’s not a crazy assumption. You’ve seen our uniforms.”

“I have, yeah,” she said through giggles.

They got settled in the car, Paige turning on her newly curated Azzi-specific Gospel playlist (conspicuously just titled “August 2024 Gospel” with a playlist cover of a picture she took after school one day of one of the many two-pixel Jesus printouts taped to the wall of St. Anne’s).

The car drive over was nice. Paige lived to learn more about the other girl, and she didn’t seem to mind sharing. She learned that the dog that was at the door the other day was her dog, Stewie, that she’d had for three years. She played both basketball and volleyball when she was younger, but she switched to just volleyball in high school. She used to also run track. 

They still didn’t have a net to hit with at the rec center, so they were stuck doing random two-person ball handling drills. They essentially just did pepper—where one of them serves, the other sets themselves and then hits, and then the other receives and repeats. At this point in her life, Paige had probably spent thousands of hours doing pepper drills.

After about an hour, they took a small water break. “You’re a really good hitter,” Azzi pointed out in between sips.

“Thanks!” she responded, trying and failing not to seem like the compliment wasn’t doing anything to her. “I usually like to play 6-2.”

“Makes sense.”

She continued, “Although I hope Chris doesn’t run 6-2 for the school, because Marissa should not be allowed to start or share the ball on the court with us.”

Azzi snorted. “I think in the past they ran 5-1 and Marissa was the starter.”

“Did they ever score a single point?” It sounded sarcastic, but Paige was being serious. She was genuinely curious. If they ever did score a point, it would truly be a miracle and someone should get into looking to verify actual divine intervention. There was no way that would be possible outside of Jesus Christ himself coming down from the heavens and blessing the volleyball.

Azzi laughed (music to Paige’s ears) and amusedly shook her head. “I honestly couldn’t tell you.”

They finished up their water break and went back to their drills for another hour or so. They stayed and practiced until they quite literally couldn’t anymore because the rec center was closing for the night and they were getting kicked out. They’d worked on passing, serving, serve receiving, and did some sets and hits. Azzi was amazing. Paige had the time of her life.

——

Saturday, August 17th, 2024 — Westview Rec Center, Anderson, SC

They’d just finished up for the day after spending probably way too many hours practicing hitting and setting with one another. Paige wanted to nail down what type of set Azzi wanted, because they never actually got the chance to practice it during the school practices they’d done so far (which was insane).

They’d finally worn the rec center staff down enough to let them set up the nets to practice on the court, since the courts were otherwise rarely used—which was odd to Paige. Back in Minnesota at least, everyone was always playing pickup basketball games, and it made it crazy hard to get a court for her to practice on.

She’d worked on perfecting the high lofty four set Azzi wanted. Leaving her enough time to read the defense but not wasting too much time that they would be entirely predictable. And, once they nailed down the four set, they started practicing second tempo sets—both a hut and a 32. They hadn’t had enough time to get to the 32, so the girls had plans to work on it further on Monday. Paige had asked about tomorrow, but apparently Azzi had plans after Church she couldn’t skip.

Paige was on cloud nine. Azzi was incredible, and getting to practice with her like that was a feeling Paige didn’t think she’d ever be able to properly put into words.

She was trying really hard not to let herself get hopeful about the whole practically-in-love-with-Azzi thing. Really, really hard. But it wasn’t working. Every second she spent with the girl, she liked her more and more. And she seemed to actually be opening up to Paige a little. Her glares surely did nothing to dissuade Paige—she loved it. Azzi laughed at her stupid jokes now and she was willingly spending time playing with her. Which meant she, at the very least, at least liked her as a friend just a little.

When they finally left the rec center, the sun was setting in the most beautiful sunset. Azzi paused to take a picture of it on their way to the car.

Paige just found herself watching her like a lovesick fool. Taking a picture of the sunset like that is so cute. Paige was so gone.

Once she was done taking the picture, Paige asked, “Wanna get shakes?” while she swung the lanyard with her keys on it in a small circle, fidgeting. Please say yes.

“Sure.” Azzi looked back at her as they continued through the parking lot. Paige felt a dopey smile forming against her will.

“Cool. Cook Out good?”

Paige had discovered the place with her brother the first day they’d moved to Anderson. She was quite the fan of the milkshakes. There were like a million different wacky flavors (half of which had something to do with bananas, which Paige thought was odd, though they were still good).

Azzi hummed in affirmation, following Paige to her car.

She turned her curated Gospel playlist back on as they drove to Cook Out in a comfortable silence, satiated and in good spirits after getting to play the sport they both loved.

Volleyball always got Paige right. No matter what mood she was going into it with, it always cleared her head and lifted her spirits. And yeah, sometimes she felt burnt out or tired from all of the reps. That was just part of playing a sport like she did. But it was impossible for her to get a good workout in on the court and not leave feeling better. It had been the one thing to keep her afloat when her parents were getting divorced, and it was always where she felt closest to God.

It was comforting. Always had been. A sense of belonging engrained into her soul, like she was born to be there. She’d always liked to think that He made her to play.

And sharing the court with Azzi made everything feel even more right. She couldn’t really explain it, and a part of her wondered if she was just making it up placebo-style because of the crush she was harboring.

But there was just something about existing in that space with her that both set her soul on fire and brought her an immeasurable amount of peace. Which she realized was quite an insane thing to feel about someone she’d just met. She consciously chose to ignore how insane it made her sound and opted to trust that God had a plan in whatever it was He was doing.

She’d hoped that plan would end up with them falling in love and accomplishing all of their dreams together and going to Church with one another and living happily ever after in a beautiful little house made just for them and their future family. She almost felt bad for daydreaming about it so much when she knew, deep down, that God would work it out the way He wanted and that the dreams she’d conjured up likely would not match, and that would be okay, but she couldn’t help herself. It happened almost unconsciously.

Paige felt that pit of anxiety that seemed to live with her constantly now churn in her stomach as she was brought out of her thoughts as they got to the Cook Out, pulling into the drive-thru line.

She turned to Azzi as she approached the speaker. “Whatchu want?”

“Ummm,” Azzi said, contemplative. “Can you go first?”

She was so cute. She was biting her lip as she mulled over what to get, eyes tracing back and forth on the menu. Paige would do anything she asked.

“‘Course.”

She fully brought the jeep up to the speaker, rolling down her window and leaning out to speak. The worker’s voice reverberated almost immediately, asking for their order.

“Could I get a Reese’s cup milkshake, and…” Paige ordered, trailing off and turning back towards Azzi, gesturing for her to say what she wanted.

Azzi was still chewing on her bottom lip, clearly not sure what she was going to get.

Paige took matters into her own hands as she turned back towards the speaker, leaning against her car door. “Sorry, can we have a second?”

The worker granted her request and Paige turned back to Azzi, silently watching her deliberate.

“Watchu thinking?”

“Ugh, sorry. I had thought I’d wanted banana fudge, but then you said Reese’s and that sounds good too.”

“If you wanna get banana fudge, we can share my Reese’s.”

“You sure?”

Paige shrugged. Truly, there was nothing she’d rather do in this moment than share her milkshake with Azzi. Except maybe kiss her. “Yeah.”

“Thank you.”

Paige finished ordering and pulled the jeep up to the window, paying for their shakes. As Paige pulled out of the drive-thru and into a parking spot, Azzi asked, “What’s your Venmo?”

Absolutely ridiculous.

“Nah, I gotchu.”

Azzi leaned over and gently swatted Paige’s arm. Her skin buzzed at the contact. “No seriously, Paige. What’s your Venmo.”

She was clearly new here. There was genuinely not a single universe in which Paige would ever let Azzi Fudd pay for anything.

“Nah,” Paige responded petulantly.

Azzi quite literally pouted in her seat. “Are you sure?”

“Yes ma’am.”

Azzi’s cheeks flushed in response. “Thank you.”

“Anytime.”

——

Monday, August 19th, 2024 — Zaxby’s, Anderson, SC

Paige was sitting in a booth at the local Zaxby’s, aimlessly scrolling through her phone, making sure to slurp extra loud on her milkshake because she knew it would probably annoy Azzi and get the girl’s attention. Sure enough, it worked, as she looked up from her book and met Paige’s waiting eyes with a glare, kicking at her shin.

“Hey!” Paige exclaimed dramatically, making a show to grab at her leg.

“Stop that,” Azzi said, with a small smile–clearly amused at Paige’s theatrics. Paige tried to hide a smile, dipping a french fry in Zax sauce as she went back to her phone.

Zaxby’s was another Southern delicacy that Paige decided she was absolutely obsessed with. This was her first time going—Azzi insisted—and the seasoning on the fries mixed with the Zax sauce was otherworldly. Literally all she’d gotten was chicken fingers, fries, and the milkshake (only the healthiest meals for an athlete such as herself, of course), and it was amazing. Azzi got the house salad (with ranch) and a small fry (with Zax sauce).

Paige had paid for both of them, of course. And she made sure to make a mental note of what Azzi ordered for future reference.

As she unlocked her phone, a notification was waiting for her from her dearest Chris Koclanes. She clicked on it immediately, eager to see what bullshit he had for her today.

8/27 VS. DARWIN HIGH VB ROSTER

Chris Koclanes <[email protected]>                                 August 26th, 2024, 1:32 PM  ☆  ☺  ⮐  ⠇

to me ⏷

Here is the starting VB roster.

S1: Marissa

S2: Paige

H1: Azzi

H2: Isabella

M: Kayla

M: Virginia

L: Ava

See you tomorrow.

C

Paige choked on her milkshake, eyes practically bulging out of her head.

“What the fuck!” She exclaimed, letting her phone fall down onto the table. She shoved her last fry into her mouth and laid back on the bench, staring up at the ceiling in disbelief. What the fuck. What the fuck. 

Paige tried not to get too cocky, but, objectively, Marissa was quite possibly the worst setter she’d ever seen in her life. She’d only known her for a few weeks and even she knew that. She was pretty sure someone who’s never seen a volleyball in their entire life would still know that after having watched the puny girl on the court for longer than three seconds. In their last practice, she literally attempted to serve and launched the ball past everyone and fully out of bounds and into the bleachers to her right. At least ten times. And, if it didn’t end up in the bleachers, it would end up hitting someone on their team in the back. Or the legs. Or the feet. Never the head, because she couldn’t hit the ball high enough to even remotely come within the realm of clearing the net. Which was, like, the entire point of serving. Paige knew five year olds who could serve better.

“What?” Azzi asked, watching Paige’s reaction with a confused look on her face.

“We’re running 6-2,” Paige said, still genuinely in shock. What the fuck. “Stupid fuck ass bitch coach,” she added under her breath, slapping her hands over her face and taking a deep breath.

Not that Paige was opposed to running 6-2. In fact, she was great at it. She was a phenomenal hitter and she really enjoyed getting to play the position when she rotated in front. But this meant she’d have to play opposite hitter with Marissa as her setter. Which meant she’d probably never see the ball. In fact, none of them were likely to see the ball. Because who knows whether Ava could receive it. And if by the grace of God she did receive it, the chances of it making it into Marissa’s hands were slim. And the chances of it going anywhere near a hitter’s hands were practically nonexistent. 

Azzi was silent, and when Paige looked up at her, she had set her book down, grimacing. Paige gestured at her to spit whatever it was out.

“I’m not shocked. Lainey said he likes the whole ‘everyone gets to start because this is for fun’ thing and she’s Cathy’s precious little grandbaby.”

“Do you think he’ll sub her out when she’s front?” Paige asked, though it’s not like it mattered. She may be a terrible hitter, but she was by-far a much worse setter.

“Doubt it,” The incredulous look on Azzi’s face said all she needed to know about her thoughts on the situation. ”Not that it matters. Everyone knows she’s probably better as a hitter anyways, because then you could just not set her.”

“Do you know if any of the other schools in the division are good?”

“I mean, no, not really. But I’m sure they can at least get

the ball across the net,” Azzi lamented. “The same can’t always be said for us.”

“Ugh,” Paige said as she dramatically placed her face down in her hands again.

Azzi took a few more bites of her fries before asking, “You’re gonna play AAU too, right?”

Paige sat up, bringing herself to meet her beautiful eyes. “Yeah. And thank God for that.”

Azzi snorted. “Do you know what team yet?”

Paige was internally giddy at the reminder, so glad that Azzi had brought this up. She had been thinking about it ever since that first day at tryouts when she saw Azzi wearing the team’s hoodie. She couldn’t wait to play with her in a good system with a good coach and good team. 

“Elevation.”

Azzi’s eyes lit up. “Oh, nice, I play for Elevation too,” she said. “The 18U National Elite team?”

“Yeah,” Paige had been playing on National Elite teams for forever. She continued, “Do you like the club?”

“Yeah. Coach Nola is great. And the other girls are good too.”

“Sick. ‘m excited.”

The excitement of playing with the AAU team was almost enough to make her briefly forget about the fact that she was about to share the court as setter with Marissa. Almost.

She tried to tell herself that God was using this as an opportunity to teach her patience and fortitude. That she should try to be Christ-like and love her teammates, regardless of how clearly they were not put on this Earth to play volleyball. She’s sure they all had other great, wonderful talents unique to them.

Well, everyone besides Azzi. She was obviously made for volleyball just like Paige.

Paige wondered if they could just play the two of them. She’d take Kayla, too—she was probably the third best. Bam. Setter, hitter, blocker. Their team would probably fare better playing just them for the entire game three-on-six.

Paige finished up her fries and chicken fingers, closing up the containers and placing them back on the tray. “How does the team usually do in the conference?”

“My freshman year they were about in the middle of the pack.” Azzi put her bookmark in her copy of Anne of Avonlea and closed it, placing her trash on the tray too. “Last year I think they were almost dead last.”

“Geez.”

Paige swatted Azzi’s hands away when she moved to grab the tray, picking it up herself and bringing it over to the trash. She held the door open for her as they left, gesturing for her to go first. “After you.”

“Thank you.”

“Yup.”

They bumped shoulders a few times on their way to Paige’s car. Every touch felt like static on Paige’s skin. She couldn’t keep the smile off of her face.

——

Tuesday, August 27th, 2024 — Darwin High School, Pendleton, SC

The first game was an away game located about thirty minutes away in Pendleton. 

St. Anne’s didn’t have a school bus service and didn’t have enough money to offhandedly pay for a charter bus, so the team had to carpool to the game. The travel arrangements were incredibly disorganized in Paige’s not-so-humble opinion. 

She was packed into Virginia’s car in the back seat, squished between Ava and Marissa. Azzi was in the front. Paige didn’t understand why she was the one who had to sit in the middle, considering Ava and Marissa were basically a foot shorter and Marissa was also a year younger. Whatever, it was fine. If anyone was going to get front seat privileges, she was glad it was Azzi.

Kayla: How’s the car ride?

Kayla was riding shotgun in Lainey’s car. They had the two of them and then all of the quiet people.

Paige: if i have to hear one more morgan wallen song i’m going to jump out

Kayla: Haha L

Paige refused to dignify that with a response.

Chris was also driving himself separately. Which was fine by Paige, she thinks she’d explode if she had to endure his voice and stupid, stupid comments for an entire hour round-trip. It wasn’t a long drive by any means, but it’d definitely send her over the edge.

Paige wished she could be the one driving. Virginia was a senior, which was why she was being entrusted to cart all of them around. And, not that Virginia was a bad driver, and nor would Paige’s jeep be comfortable for three people to squeeze into the back seat. But she just really liked being the one to drive. 

Also, Paige would’ve played better music.

Virginia was blasting country music. Paige was willing to bet her entire life’s savings (which albeit wasn’t much) that the volume was on purpose so that she didn’t have to suffer through hearing Marissa and Ava talk. All they did was argue with one another because Ava loved to bait her. “Teacher’s pet” Marissa and “brash, aggressively Type B” Ava did not mesh well.

Paige used to swear she hated country music. She still did, mostly. Morgan Wallen could choke. Racist asshole.

She had always claimed the classic “anything but country” music taste. But, in just a few short two weeks, she’d heard it so many times now that it’d grown on her. Slightly. Just a little. Not that she’d ever actually admit it out loud. Luke Bryan was at least tolerable.

The town they had finally arrived in was tiny. Like, so tiny. It probably had more Baptist churches than it did restaurants. Even though she knew Virginia was just trying to keep Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum from arguing, Paige thought country music suited it.

Even though the game was bound to go terribly, and words truly could not describe how much Paige dreaded the thought of being forced to lose, she was excited to experience the thrill of a game coursing through her veins again. 

Even if there was probably no crowd. Or a real gym. Or any internet service. Like, at all.

But the last match she’d played was in Honduras in July. So, safe to say she’d missed it.

Once they finally arrived at the tiny, dingy gym, it’d been the longest thirty minutes of Paige’s life. She all but climbed over Ava to escape the car the second it was parked. Not even the opportunity to stare at Azzi sitting in the front seat had been enough to fix the car ride.

Chris was twenty minutes late, arriving halfway through warmups. Not that they really needed him there. Paige would rather coach the team herself, if she was being honest.

The other team looked quite similar to theirs, minus no Paige or Azzi. They just looked like regular kids who were playing for fun. Which, good for them. All the power to them.

But Paige refused to lose to a tiny school from Pendleton, South Carolina.

Not that she didn’t also attend a tiny school. But, still, it’s the principle of it.

A small girl resembling the likes of the one girl with the braces in Finding Nemo stood to the side of the court and, unfortunately, sang the national anthem to start off the game. There was no sound system in the small gym, not that it mattered because the area was tiny and there was nearly no one there. Paige could still, unfortunately, hear every excruciating second loud and clear. It was like nails on a chalkboard; quite likely the worst Paige had ever heard. She had always been notoriously bad at holding it together during the anthem when surrounded by teammates regardless of whether or not it was good, but it was truly a testament to her strength of will that she didn’t burst out with laughter at the performance. Every time she made eye contact with Kayla or Azzi, she came so close to breaking character. It was so bad.

It was genuinely almost enough of a disaster to pull Paige out of her bubble of focus before the match.

The first rally started with Paige as setter and Marissa as a hitter in the front.

Somehow, they sneaked by with a win in the first set. But everyone besides Paige played like shit. By normal people's standards, Azzi wasn’t playing bad per se. But it wasn’t even close to being on par with what Paige had seen in the prior week. Her timing was off. And, not that Paige would claim to know the girl extremely well after their singular week of friendship, but she wasn’t acting like herself.

Paige had tried to pull her back into the game by joking with her in the huddle, reassuring her after plays, and egging her on, but she still just seemed timid.

Everyone else—Marissa especially—had played just as bad as she’d expected. Marissa had actually managed to hit Paige in the back with a serve attempt. But Paige was too busy worrying about Azzi to care.

After the first set, Chris attempted to berate everyone into playing well, acting as if he didn’t show up twenty minutes late and like he’d actually prepared everyone for success through his practices.

Halfway through his barrage of comments, he snaps, “And, Azzi, I know it’s your first game back from ACL, but get it together.”

What.

Paige’s first thought was that his weaselly ass did not deserve to snap at her like that. Her second was: she was out last year because of an ACL? Jesus.

Paige’s eyes snapped over to the girl’s face, tuning out the rest of whatever the hell Chris was saying, but she wouldn’t meet her eyes.

As they walked back onto the court to start the second set, Paige caught up to Azzi and placed her hand on her back. “You good?”

“Mhm,” Azzi muttered half-heartedly, brushing her off.

Paige didn’t have the time to offer much else, so she gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze before returning to her position to start the game.

They ended up winning, but barely. It came down to the fifth set.

Azzi ended up mostly working out of whatever funk she was in. Paige had tried to meet her eyes and approach her on it to encourage her a few times, but the girl made it clear she didn’t want to talk about it, so Paige took the hint.

By the grace of God the drive back to St. Anne’s didn’t include thirty minutes straight of country music on maximum volume. Instead, it was thirty minutes straight of country music on low volume, which Paige was fine with. Everyone was tired, so the ride was blissfully silent. Azzi had gone home with her parents, so Paige got to ride shotgun in retribution for being in middle seat jail on the way there.

She pulled out her phone.

Paige: hey nice finish today. you good?

She didn’t get an answer until she was back at her house and freshly showered, in her room getting ready for bed. When her phone flashed with Azzi’s name, Paige quite literally dropped her phone onto her foot in surprise. She ignored the pain of her toes and fished for her phone to open up the thread and read what she said.

Azzi: Thanks Paige, you’re so sweet. I’m okay. Next game should be better

Paige was grateful no one was in the room to bear witness to her flushing a truly embarrassing shade of red at Azzi calling her sweet.

Paige: np, always here if you wanna talk!

Azzi: Thank you <3

She wanted to know what was going on in her head so bad. She wasn’t sure what to do to fix whatever was bothering the girl, so she figured the best thing she could do in the moment was pray about it.

She knelt at the foot of her bed and did the sign of the cross before clasping her hands together and closing her eyes. She prayed silently, asking God to keep her healthy and to grant her the strength and courage to play at her best. She prayed that He would take any pain she may be feeling away and that she be able to accomplish whatever her dreams may be and that both the school and AAU seasons would go well.

She finished back up with the sign of the cross again, getting up, plugging her phone in, and sliding under the covers for bed.

——

Wednesday, August 28th, 2024 — Westview Rec Center, Anderson, SC

Paige lugged herself and all of her stuff out of the rec center, looking up as she heard voices still talking in the parking lot. Azzi was leaned up against Paige’s car, her bag on the ground next to her while she talked animatedly to Kayla and a few of the other girls on the team. Paige felt a smile slip onto her face as the tiredness seemingly vanished from her system as she practically skipped over to Azzi and the other girls.

“-And you know he doesn’t actually even know anything about volleyball anyways!” Kayla exclaimed, waving her hands around as she spoke to emphasize her point.

Paige dropped her bag down and slid up next to Azzi against the car. Not quite touching, but definitely close. Because she was obviously just being casual with a good ole’ friend. Soooo casual and so friendly. Her heart definitely wasn’t already beating out of her throat. Nope, not at all.

“I’m pretty sure he didn’t even play past the high school level,” Azzi said. Paige’s head snapped over to look at Azzi, an expression of shock on her face.

“Wait, what?” Paige said. “I knew he was ass, but I didn’t know he never played past high school. Jeez.”

“Right?” Azzi said, an incredulous smile on her face as she met Paige’s eyes, bumping her shoulder. Paige’s shoulder felt tingly at the contact.

“How do you even know that?” Lainey said, with a hint of exacerbated laughter in her voice.

Azzi shrugged. “Looked him up.”

“Was he good in high school?” Kayla asked.

Azzi gave her a look. “What do you think?” right at the same time that Ava said “Of course he wasn’t.”

“Right, dumb question.”

The girls continued ranting about their dearest coach in the parking lot for probably another thirty minutes. The gist being: he was awful, rude, terrible, unqualified, and abysmal at running a practice. The list went on and on.

Paige and Azzi continued to rant about him the entire drive home. It was cathartic. Paige was obsessed with her.

Things had been going so well lately in Paige-land that she had almost forgotten the reality of her new life in South Carolina.

She walked into the cafeteria the next morning, ready for her 10:15 a.m. brunch (a grape uncrustable and a bag of cheez-its calling her name—truly a brunch of champions), when she was faced with what was likely soon to be her death sentence: a big paper banner hanging on the wall with the copy paper Facebook Jesuses spelling out the words ‘Homecoming’ in loopy, pink cursive. 

Somehow, in all of her lovesick idiocracy, she’d completely forgotten that dances were a thing that high schools usually had.

“How do you even have a dance at an all girl’s school?” Is the first thing out of her mouth as she takes her seat at the table, squished between Kayla and Azzi. And, granted, she would love it if the dance could just be a little lesbians-only adventure. No boys allowed. Staunchly cootie-free. But even she wasn’t delusional enough to believe that was the case.

“People can invite outside guests if they want, but otherwise it’s a fun girls thing,” Ava supplied helpfully in between bites of her turkey sandwich.

Right.

She was honestly just surprised that a school like St. Anne’s even entertained dances. Genuinely what was the point if the vast majority of girls wouldn’t have a date to bring.

“People bring outside dates? Like—like boyfriends?” Paige questioned.

“Well we can’t go as each other’s dates. That would be so gay,” Veronica supplied (unhelpfully).

She’d had so much fun in the past week that she had almost forgotten that this was a Catholic cult school and it was pretty likely that everyone around her thought she’d go to Hell for liking girls.

Paige thanked God almighty when Cathy’s voice rang back out before Paige had to figure out what in the world to say to that. She was honestly just a little impressed that no one else there had figured out that Paige was gay. She didn’t exactly try to hide it. What, with the chain necklace she always wore around her neck, the gay-looking bun she always put her hair in, and lesbian flag colored bead bracelet Drew made for her as a joke that she always wore.

“Outside guest forms are due to me by September 13th,” Cathy announced. “I must get a physical copy and the date must be approved by me.”

“Ooh, Azzi, better get your outside guest form,” Lainey goaded, playfully nudging Azzi.

Azzi blushed, barely concealing a smile. “Shut up, Lainey.”

Lainey and Ava made obnoxious kissy faces at her, causing Azzi to blush and push them both away.

What.

She’d never once mentioned a boyfriend in their time together in the past week.

There honestly weren’t words to describe how Paige felt in that moment. It was like all of the work she’d done to assure herself that the way she felt was okay and perfectly human snapped, and she burned hot with guilt and shame.

All of the memories Paige had of crying over how wrong she felt, the times her mom would make fun of a gay couple they’d see in passing, and the times her priests over the years would condemn gay marriage flooded back into the forefront of her mind. Fuck.

She tried to calm herself down by telling herself it was ridiculous to feel this way about someone you’ve only known a few weeks and she doesn’t owe you anything, but it didn’t do much. She tried to keep her face blank as she got up from the table.

“You good?” Kayla asked. Stupid Kayla and her stupid ability to be perceptive.

“Yeah. Just gunna go to the bathroom.”

Paige didn’t give her time to reply as she turned and left the room.

[hcneymooners]

this week i officially finished my bachelor’s. one more year to go for the accelerated master’s, but for now i’m letting myself enjoy the fact that i’m officially a cosmetic chemist. quite happy, really. x

[under-the-mud]

whooooooooooooooo! congratulations!!!

[elleaitch22]

Happy pride my lovelies 🤍🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ I hope you feel seen, known, and so loved for being exactly who you are. My inbox is always open 🫶🏾🫂

[ororium-z]

Happy Pride!

[rootbeergoddess]

Every pride, you must reblog this. No exceptions

[thesaltofcarthage]

I love that four different people on my feed scheduled this joyous person to reblog by 8am on June 1. I look forward to seeing this a dozen more times today.

[ggballerzpbaz]

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH EVERYONE!!!🏳️‍🌈

[under-the-mud]

How have you been?:) feel like I haven’t checked in in a minute!

heyyyy i saw this last night but i didn’t get a chance to reply so sorry! i’m doing better. summer has been nice tho i’m working full time on a farm for a little bit which has been truly my favorite thing. how about you? how’s your summer?

[elleaitch22]

Chapter 2 – Worth the Wait

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Hello all! I still have shit in my lungs, but this is the best I've felt in days! Physically at least (still severely depressed 🤪) Anywho, I didn't proofread this, but I hope you love it anyway!! xx Elle

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On Monday morning, Azzi found herself taking a little more care in choosing her outfit for the day. Most of her favorites were too much for days where the temperature hit ninety by noon. There were other dresses that were pretty, but she didn’t want to just be pretty today – she wanted to be memorable.

She chose a soft pink, pleated, plaid skirt and an eggshell button up. The baby pink cardigan and white ballet flats tied her outfit together. It was a simple outfit, one that she had a million variations of, but the skirt landed a few inches above her knees. It was the shortest she owned, and it highlighted her long legs.

She curls the ends of her long hair and gathered them all into a tight, high ponytail. A satin bow was wrapped around her locks, knotted perfectly at the back of her head. She smoothed her hair back one more time and frowned.

She wasn’t enough – she just needed…more

Azzi applied an extra layer of mascara, making her lashes look even longer. A few extra swipes of blush. Mixing together two different shades of lip gloss to add more shine.

She tried to convince herself that she just wanted to feel extra pretty today. But she knew the real reason – the sessions started today.

She’d been wanting Paige to just look at her since field day in Mrs. Johnson’s class ten years ago. But she was never loud enough, never magnetic enough to bring the blonde into her orbit.

These sessions were going to be the only opportunities for her to show Paige who she really was.

Guilt flooded her body.

Her father had just spent two hours lecturing his congregation about submission – submitting to God, submitting to men, submitting to fathers and husbands.

And Azzi wasn’t submitting.

Sure, it looked like she was being the same, obedient girl she always was. She did read her Bible and pray this morning, like she did every morning. And if they were at her house, Azzi’s outfit would have been praised by the whole congregation.

But she wasn’t submitting to them, and she was surely not submitting to her father.

Her dad would want her to primp herself every morning to impress her boyfriend, not for her high school’s star receiver.

But her dad wouldn’t accept her for who she was, who she loved, and he never would.

Azzi shook herself out her disappointing spiral and grabbed her backpack. It was much heavier than normal, carrying her own work, as well as the assignments Paige needed to work on.

She grabbed her typical breakfast of strawberries and cottage cheese, grabbed a granola bar, before walking outside.

Today was going to be a great day, she could feel it.

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Jacob Gibson was a pain in Paige’s ass. He never knew how to shut the fuck up. Sometimes, he teased Paige and Tash about being trans because both of them were taller than him. Other times, it was about having a faster 40 time during summer training when she had the stomach flu. Today, he wouldn’t shut up about Friday’s game.

Everyone was heading back to the locker room after practice when he started again.

“Coach only calls routes for Bueckers because he wants the support from all the other libtards in the county.”

Paige rolled her eyes, sick of his rambling.

“If I got half the opportunities she got, that game wouldn’t have been half as close as it was.”

Multiple teammates scoffed loudly at his idiocy.

“That catch should’ve been called back. Should’ve been offensive pass interference. That bitch pushed off.”

Outside of a couple of their teammates, the team ignored his rants. They’d never had a teammate who complained about the play that won them the game, but they all digressed.

But Paige was fed up. Natasha tried to grab the back of her practice jersey, but it was slick with sweat. The blonde was able to slip away and deliver a firm push to his back.

“I’m the bitch? You only got rid of your defender twice all game.” Paige pushed again once he turned around. “I might be a bitch, but it’s crazy that you get outplayed by a bitch every day.” She smirked.

Before Jacob could come back at her, Tash was in between them, pulling Paige away. “Chill, P. He’s not worth it.”

Her temper flared as she looked at his smug face, but she’d have to put T out of the way to get back to him, and she respected her friend too much to do that.

Instead, she yanked away from the shorter woman’s grip and stalked out of the locker room.

She walked out to Natasha’s truck, agitation still coursing through her body.

Who the fuck did Jacob think he was? He is better than me. He is a harder worker. He’s just an ignorant piece of shit. A little boy who –

And that is what made her halt in place. Because that’s what it was.

He was a boy. Something that Paige would never be. Something she never wanted to be.

But that’s why he was allowed to be less than mediocre and still have a starting spot.

“Paige,” she heard a voice call. “You gotta stop letting him get you riled up like that, man.” Natasha looked weary – she was sick and tired of having to step in between the two receivers, always going at it about something.

“Nah, bruh,” Paige huffed in reply. “He always chirping bout something. Wish he would just shut the fuck up for two seconds.”

Tash held back a chuckle. “P, you know why he’s doing it. He’s just insecure.”

“That’s not my fucking problem, bro,” she rolled her eyes. “If he wanted to be better than me, he could just work harder. Like he expects everything to just be handed to him without doing none of the work. I grind my ass off every single day to make sure I’m the best.”

“And nobody’s denying that, Paige. But letting him get you out of character makes it look like you’re just as immature as him.” T brought a hand to her shoulder, forcing eye contact. “Everyone who matters already knows you’re better than him. Start acting like it.”

As much as she didn’t want to admit it, Tash was right. Blowing up in the locker room wasn’t a good look for someone who was supposed to be a leader. She didn’t want to ruin the offers she’d gotten by letting anybody get under her skin. No one was worth that.

“Yeah, yeah,” she sassed, turning towards the passenger door. “I’ll be better tomorrow. Can we stop by Torchy’s? I’m starving.”

“Um, no. You got something you need to do first. I’ll be waiting out here when you’re done.”

Paige groaned loudly. “Bro, I’m not apologizing to him. He doesn’t even deserve it.”

“That’s not –” Tash paused. “Wait, did you really forget?” At Paige’s blank stare, she continued. “Your tutoring!” She exclaimed.

Fuck. Coach was gonna kill her if she didn’t fix her grades, and she wasn’t gonna be able to do that without a tutor.

Paige broke out into a dead sprint, taking the locker rooms to get back into the main hallways.

It took her a few minutes, but she made it. But the lights were dimmed – there was no one there.

She looked to the ceiling, eyes welling with tears. God, she’d ruined everything.

Then, she saw it. A small glow at the other end of the massive room. She couldn’t see it’s source from her position outside of the library, but she hoped and prayed it was Azzi Fudd.

She pulled the door open gently, not wanting to frighten the girl.

She stepped further into the space, and at the back of the library was her new tutor. She was sitting criss crossed on the floor, which seemed a bit odd to Paige, but who was she to judge. What was even weirded was the girl using the flashlight on her phone to shine a light on the book cradled in her lap.

Paige steeled herself, gathering the courage and willpower to head over to the girl and get started.

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The sound of the media center door closing broke Azzi’s attention on her reading.

She’d been reading – and translating – Tartuffe for her AP French class. It was a fun project – each student got to pick a piece of classical French literature and do a presentation on it. The project was worth thirty percent of her nine weeks grade, and it wasn’t due for another five weeks, but Azzi wasn’t one to put off assignments. Besides, it was a good way to pass the time as she waited for a certain someone to show up for her tutoring sessions.

From her splendid relationship with Jacob, Azzi knew that football practice ended around six on Mondays because they had to watch film before they went on the field. So Azzi set up the table for tutoring at 5:45.

Fifteen minutes later, the table was organized into four sections. The first was for English – two copies of The Great Gatsby were stacked on top of an empty notebook, one that would be just for Paige. They would be talking about literary elements and the layers they added to the plot of the novel. The next was for liberal arts. The first half of the course was dedicated to financial literacy, so Azzi wanted to make sure that Paige understood all of the variables on the formula sheet, and which formula should be used for certain problems. For economics, they only needed to talk about supply, demand, and what could make them fluctuate. Spanish was the final course they’d be working on. She printed out a practice Spanish 1 final she’d made for a client last year – she and Paige would work through it throughout the week, so Azzi could see what she did and did not understand.

For class, she’d already printed the syllabus and highlighted important information – blue for English, pink for math, purple for Spanish, yellow for economics and government, and green would be for chemistry. There was also a list of all of her missing work.

She knew it was a lot for just one day, but she would rather be over prepared than run out of material and look like she didn’t know how to do her job. She was ready for Paige.

But then it was 6:15 and Paige wasn’t there.

Then 6:30. She thought that maybe she just took really long showers after practice.

At 6:45, Azzi decided to get a head start on her own work. Maybe the football player had a meeting with her coach after, needed to go over extra film or something.

When seven rolled around, Azzi promised that she’d wait until 7:30 before getting on her bike and going home. She didn’t know why she thought that Paige would actually want to work with a know it all, goodie two shoes.

Then, at 7:28, when the sky had turned to cotton candy, a throat cleared.

At the entrance to the library was Paige Bueckers. She stood tall in navy sweats and a plain white t-shirt. Azzi could see the places where the water from her hair soaked into the fabric. It wasn’t often that people saw Paige with her hair down – it was almost always in a flawless bun, but Azzi thought she looked beautiful.

She felt her face start to heat at the thought, and immediately told her brain to calm down, desperate to cool off before Paige got to the table.

Azzi didn’t say anything – couldn’t think of anything that wouldn’t embarrass her – as the blonde walked towards her.

When she finally made it over, Azzi peered up at her, forcing her teeth to stay clenched so her jaw didn’t drop. She saw blue eyes beneath furrowed brows, eyes that weren’t looking at her, but at the book in her lap instead.

“You’re reading French?” She questioned incredously.

Azzi couldn’t do anything to stop the heat that rushed to her cheeks. “Oh, um yeah. I wanted to work on one of my assignments while I waited,” she smiled softly.

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Paige watched the girl stand and pull out a chair at the table.

Of course Azzi Fudd knew French and knew Spanish enough to tutor someone. Part of Paige envied the girl for having access to the resources needed to speak multiple languages, but more than anything, she hater how pretentious and stuck up she probably was.

Instead of voicing her disdain, the blonde swallowed her comments. Instead, she sat in her own chair.

She saw the papers and books on the table as she approached Azzi, but she wasn’t expecting…this.

The material was separated by subject. Paige could see all of the handouts her teachers had provided as well as printouts with all of the assignments she hadn’t turned in. And the list wasn’t that bad yet, but it was only the fourth week of school.

“You…did all this?” Paige’s voice was airy and full of shock.

She could see Azzi playing with her ponytail nervously. “Well, I spent all of Saturday reading through your syllabi and figuring out the most important topics. Then, I emailed your teachers to get the missing work list. Mrs. Pacheco is being difficult though, so I don’t have the list for chemistry yet. And after I knew that, I just needed to put together some material for us to work on during our sessions.”

Paige forced her face to stay neutral. “You did all of this in one weekend?”

“Yes, I wanted to be prepared.”

Paige was confused. Azzi Fudd, the perfect girl next door, goodie, little church girl had spent her entire weekend to prepare to help her, and she was an hour and a half late for their session.

“You know that’s not normal, right?” Shit, that came out wrong. God, she felt like such a bitch.

Azzi’s smile faltered a bit. “Oh.”

“Why did you do all this?” She asked, trying to fix the joy she’d broken.

Big brown eyes entranced her as Azzi tilted her head to the side. “What do you mean? You need the help, and I can help you.”

Then she smiled.

It wasn’t big or anything, but for some reason, Paige knew she wanted to see it again.

“Besides, you’re supposed to be the first girl to get a football scholarship from a big school. We can’t have you missing out on an opportunity like that.” Azzi finished sweetly.

The blonde almost choked on her spit.

For someone homophobic, Azzi seemed really supportive of a girl doing “boy” things.

“Well, thanks. I really appreciate you being willing to help me.”

The tutor visibly perked up before turning back to the organized papers on the table. She frowned a bit before turning back to Paige. “Well, we only have half an hour before we have to be off campus. So maybe we can start with math?”

Paige was shaking her head before she could stop herself. “I don’t think there’s a single math concept that I’ll be able to understand in under thirty minutes.”

Instead of choosing something else, Azzi just stacked the papers from the other classes, small smile still painted across her lips. She slid the math packet over to the footballer. “I have a trick for this. Just trust me.”

The blonde shrugged. Azzi had a good reputation for a reason – it was time to see if she was as good as everyone said.

Azzi moved her chair a little closer to Paige’s. “So how much do you understand about simple versus compound interest?”

“Um, I think interest is like a percentage of what’s added or subtracted to something.” Paige’s cheeks colored. She knew it was more complicated than that, but she had no clue how to explain it. “But that’s probably wrong.”

“No, no!” Azzi beamed. “That’s right! There are just different types of interest, but you’re totally right about the basics.”

Paige’s chest puffed out a bit at the praise. She’d practically been floating through classes, so, even though it wasn’t a big deal, she was proud of getting that one right.

“So simple interest is exactly like it sounds – simple. With that, the interest, I, is just your principal, P, or original value, times the interest rate, r, in decimal form, times the length of time, t, in years.” Azzi wrote as she spoke, making each variable a different color. Paige wasn’t even sure where she pulled the notecard from – it seemed to just appear.

The brunette pointed to the first problem. “So the way these problems are worded can be a little tricky, but once you have a good system, it’ll be super easy!”

At Azzi’s pause, Paige figured she was supposed to read the question. “Charlie borrowed $350 from Liza. He has to pay the money back in 2 years, paying 8% in interest. How much money will Charlie pay?”

“Okay, so what do you think the principal is?”

“He borrowed 350, so I think that would be the principal, right?”

Azzi beamed again, “Excellent!” She underlined the number with the same blue she’d used to write the P on the formula notecard.

“Then, 8% would be the interest rate, so that would be 0.08, then the time is two because he’s paying her back in 2 years, right?” Paige questioned, hoping she said everything correctly.

“Exactly,” Azzi smiled again. “And you told me you weren’t gonna be able to get it. And it’s only been five minutes!” She paused, sliding her calculator over to the blonde. “Now, I want you to solve for the interest.”

Paige plugged the numbers in. Then she cleared the calculator and did it once more to make she it was right. “Is it 56?”

“Perfect job, Paige. But when you look back at the question, does it make sense for 56 to be the final answer?”

Paige reread the question three times before coming up with the answer, “It can’t be 56 because they’re asking for how much he’ll pay her back. And if he borrowed $350, he can’t just give her back 56.”

Azzi moved the notecard closer to Paige. “You’re right, and that’s because 56 is just the interest. To figure out the future value, or A, we have to add the principal and the interest.” She said, writing A = P + I beneath the previous formula.

“Oh, so he pays back $406, right? Because it’d be 350 plus 56.” Paige said, writing the interest and future value equations on her homework.

When Azzi didn’t answer, Paige looked up, scared that she got it wrong. But instead, she saw Azzi sitting up, spine straight and pride clear on her face. “Very good. How about you work on the next two, just to make sure you’ve got a good understanding of simple interest.”

It took Paige five minutes to finish the problems, constantly looking at the formulas to make sure she was doing them right. She had no interest in getting something wrong and having to start over.

After Azzi checked over her work, she pulled out a fresh notecard.

“Okay, compound interest can be kind of tricky, but focus on my tips. So, think of compounding like practicing. Think of the person that works on catches and getting stronger and more coordinated once a week. Now think of someone who do extra work three times a week, and someone who does more every day. It may not make a big difference in a week, or even a month, but over a year? There will be clear differences in all three players, right?”

Paige nodded, appreciating the sports metaphor. “Obviously the one who did extra work every day will have a much bigger advantage because they got in a lot more reps.”

“So that’s what compounding is. You’ll she an ‘n’ in the compound interest formula, and that stands for how many times something is compounded every year. So the higher the n is, the more the interest is. Does that make sense?”

The wheels were turning in Paige’s head, typing the abstract concept of compound interest to something she understood well. “I think so. So, like something that’s compounded weekly would end up having more interest than if something was only compounded monthly. Because there are 52 weeks in a year, but only 12 months.” She looked up, “Is that the right way to look at it?”

Azzi’s doe eyes shined with pride. “That’s exactly the right way to look at it, Paige.”

An alarm broke their eye contact. “Damn, it’s late,” Paige commented, looking at her watch with furrowed brows. “We probably need to be heading out.”

“Yes,” Azzi started, scrambling to collect the materials. She handed the first page of the Spanish practice test and a copy of The Great Gatsby to the blonde. “If you have time, I’d really appreciate it if you could read the first chapter, so we can have a discussion tomorrow. And then I made a Spanish 1 crash course last year, so working on it throughout the week will help me know how I can help you.”

Paige raised her brows at the unofficial homework she’d been given. She didn’t want to do any of it, but if doing extra work was gonna get her to pass, she was more than fine with doing it.

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow, Paige. I think you did a great job today,” she said, slipping her backpack on. “Will six be an okay time?”

“That should be fine,” Paige nodded. “I may be a little late after practice – not like today though, I forgot, and that was my fault.”

Azzi shooed away her excuse, “No worries. I get schedules changing. I’m just happy you showed up.”

The two walked to the front of the school in comfortable silence, not even passing a custodian on their trek.

Tash’s pickup truck was waiting out front – Paige continued straight ahead, while Azzi veered off towards the bike rack.

“Your parents aren’t here?” She questioned.

Azzi looked down at her feet, “No, they’re in Pennsylvania, I think. They travel a lot.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she said, even though they both knew it wasn’t. “Have a good night, Paige,” she called sweetly.

Paige looked over her shoulder at the girl unlocking her shiny, pink bicycle. “You, too Azzi.”

As she climbed into the truck, Tash was waiting with a toothy smile. “Soooo, how was your first session with the brainiac?”

“She’s kinda weird. She was reading French – like a regular book in French – like it was just a completely normal thing to do,” she held back a giggle at how outrageous it seemed.

Natasha scoffed, “I didn’t ask you about Azzi. I asked you how tutoring was.”

“Everything is color-coded, T,” Paige grumbled.

Tash looked impressed, “Good. You could use some order. But did she help you with anything? Are you gonna go back?”

“I kinda don’t have a choice,” she paused. “But yeah. I understand the interest thing, and I think I’m gonna show up on time tomorrow.”

Paige let Natasha clown her until they pulled up at her house. She was content to look at the way the trees blurred during the drive and think about the dark-haired girl who had agreed to help her.

Sure, Azzi Fudd was still a good, little church girl who wanted to be a perfect angel. And sure, she was only tutoring Paige because Coach asked her. And sure, she probably thought Paige was going to hell for her sexuality, even though she was nice about football earlier.

But maybe, just maybe, this tutoring thing would work out.

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Azzi was giddy the entire way home.

Not only had she talked to Paige Bueckers without embarrassing her, but the other girl actually seemed interested in what Azzi was saying.

And sure, maybe it was mainly a bunch of stuff she needed to pass her classes, but she actually asked Azzi questions about speaking multiple languages.

There was nothing that could bring the girl down on her cycle home.

Not even the sweat that trailed down her forehead since she refused to remove her cardigan.

Not even the text from Jake where he complained about not being able to see her because she was more focused on “stupid losers” than their relationship.

Even when she opened the door to her empty house.

Even when her footsteps echoed on the cold marble floors.

Even when she cooked steak and rice to make homemade chipotle bowls.

There was nothing that could dim her mood because her crush saw her today.

For thirty minutes, Paige saw Azzi for who she was.

The smile stayed on her face all night.

And she knew it could only get better from here.

🏈📖💙🏈📖💙🏈📖💙🏈📖💙🏈

[pizzafein]

a/n: Literally just spent the weekend writing. I already had an outline. Again, it's probably not fully proofread, so my bad. I also didn't realize this might be more drawn out than planned. I'm just building the story lol. Let me know your thoughts!

Warnings: none

Word count: 4.7k

Chapter 2: Unpacking

Azzi could feel the sun creeping through the sheer curtains long before she actually opened her eyes.

The birds outside had been going at it for at least twenty minutes. At first they'd blended into the background of her sleep, but now every chirp seemed determined to keep her awake. She squeezed her eyes tighter.

Nope.

She wasn't ready to be a functioning member of society yet.

Unfortunately, the rest of the world had other plans.

A few seconds later, the distant hum of a lawn mower drifted through the window. Not close enough to be obnoxious, but close enough that she couldn't ignore it.

Morning.

The sun was up. People were doing things, existing, and being productive.

It felt rude, honestly.

With a groan, she finally cracked one eye open before immediately turning her head away from the window. The sun was public enemy number one before 9 a.m. She rolled onto her side and reached for her phone on the nightstand.

7:30.

"Damn."

Her entire plan had been to sleep in. Granted, she hadn't gotten to bed until after one in the morning.

After accidentally taking a four-hour "nap" yesterday afternoon, she'd spent the rest of the evening carrying boxes and bags inside from her car. By her third trip, her stomach had growled loud enough to remind her she'd somehow forgotten to eat all day.

So she'd ordered the fastest thing she could find on DoorDash.Small-town options were limited, which was how she'd ended up eating a Caesar salad and a barbecue chicken panini from a diner she'd never heard of.

Still, sitting outside in the garden with dinner had been nice. The air had been cool. The sky had slowly darkened overhead. She hadent realized how long she was siting out there until. one of the guests stumbled back from the bar, yelling about something she couldn't quite make out. At that point, she'd decided the universe was telling her it was bedtime.

And now here she was.

Awake.

Against her will.

With a dramatic sigh, Azzi finally forced herself out of bed and shuffled into the main room. The sight that greeted her was less than ideal.

Boxes, Bags, and Random belongings scattered everywhere. She stared at the mess for a few seconds. Yeah. That sounded like a problem for Future Azzi. Current Azzi had other priorities.

She dug through her travel bag at the foot of her bed until she found a pair of black leggings and an old NYU t-shirt that was at least two sizes too big. A run sounded good. Necessary, honestly.

Running had always been her thing in college. One of the few ways she could reliably shut her brain off for an hour. Somewhere between long workdays and everything else life had thrown at her over the last few years, she'd stopped making time for it.

Maybe it was time to start again.

A few minutes later, she was dressed, her phone and wallet tossed into her tote bag. She grabbed her pink Owala from the counter before heading out. The night before, while she'd been falling down a rabbit hole researching the town, she'd noticed Pierson’s Park wasn't too far away..

First, though, she needed caffeine. A lot of caffeine.

She remembered seeing a coffee machine in the lobby when she'd checked in yesterday and immediately changed course. After dropping her bag off in the car, she headed back inside. The side door Paige had shown her yesterday was still unlocked. 

As she made her way toward the lobby, voices drifted down the hallway. When she rounded the corner, she found Paige behind the front desk typing something on her computer while a man stood on the opposite side of the counter.

Paige glanced up briefly as Azzi walked by. Their eyes met. Azzi offered a small smile. Paige returned it before turning her attention back to the guest.

At the coffee station, the machine was already brewing, so Azzi wandered over to a nearby bookshelf to wait. She picked up a random novel and pretended to read the back cover. Mostly so she could eavesdrop.

"What time will breakfast be available?" the man asked. The tone alone made Azzi lower the book slightly.

"Oh." Paige smiled politely. "As it says in the booking confirmation, we don't provide breakfast. We do have fresh fruit and granola bars by the coffee station, though. And there are some great breakfast places in town. Id be happy to give you some recommendations."

"Hm." The man frowned. “ I'm starving."

"I'm sorry, sir."

Azzi nearly laughed. Something told her Paige wasn't sorry in the slightest.

Movement beside her caught her attention as the person who had their coffee brewing finally grabbed their cup and walked away.

Perfect. Azzi practically swooped in and started making her own.

"And what about parking?" the man continued. "Can we park in the back?"

"Yes, sir. The parking lot behind the building is for guests. There are signs posted throughout the lot."

Paige's customer service voice was still intact, but just barely.

By the time Azzi finished adding milk and sugar, the man had finally wandered off.

Coffee in hand, she headed over to the desk.

Paige looked up. The second their eyes met, they both broke into matching grins.

“He seems fun” Paige snorted.  “I deal with people like him every day and somehow I am always surpriswed by their stupidity.” She says in a hushed tone. 

They both chuckle to themselves, while Paige takes a second to take in Azzi’s appearance. 

“headed somewhere?”

“Mhm,” Azzi mumbled into her coffee as she took a sip. “Going for a run. Piersons Park, I think it was.” Azzi smiles. 

“Yeah it’s nice over there. If you want to try some other trails, let me know. There are a few good ones most people dont know about.” 

“I’ll report back after this one” 

“Deal”

“see you later?" Azzi said as she started walking back away from the counter. 

“Probably. I'm always around,” Paige grins. 

Something about the way she said it made Azzi smile. She headed back down the hallway toward the parking lot. 

Outside, she spotted the breakfast guy standing by himself on the phone. As she walked past, his voice carried across the lot.

"Isn't that ridiculous? No breakfast. I mean, come on. You're a hotel. You should have breakfast."

Azzi rolled her eyes and unlocked her car. The last thing she heard before closing the door was:

"Well, no, it didn't actually say breakfast was included."

The door clicked shut. Azzi chuckled to herself.

What an idiot.

⋆｡°✩ 

Azzi pulled into the recreation center parking lot and parked toward the back. Once the engine was off, she stepped out of the car and took a deep breath. 

She made her way toward the walking path connected to the lot, taking her time as she looked around. A family occupied the middle of the field, the dad chasing after two kids who were screaming with laughter. A little farther away, two girls who looked about high-school age tossed a softball back and forth.

Everyone seemed so... comfortable. Like they belonged here. Azzi wasn't sure if she did yet.

She continued down the path, passing a group of older women power-walking with small hand weights. One of them smiled at her as she went by. 

After a few minutes, she picked up her pace. The walk became a jog. Then she was full-on sprinting. 

Soon she could feel her heartbeat pounding in her chest, matching the rhythm of her feet hitting the pavement. The morning sun beat down on her face, and sweat started collecting along her forehead. She wiped it away before it could drip into her eyes.

For the next half hour, she let herself stop thinking. No breakup. No job. No parents blowing up her phone.

Just running.

By the time she slowed down, her legs were burning pleasantly, and her lungs felt wide open. She dropped into a brisk walk and continued along the trail. That's when she noticed someone disappearing down a walkway that branched off toward the river.

Curious, she followed. The path led her to a small pier stretching out over the water.

She stopped immediately.

"Oh."

The river sparkled under the sunlight. Off to the left stood the Tappan Zee Bridge, stretching across the horizon. For a few moments, she simply stood there. A strong gust of wind hit her, sending a chill through her sweat-soaked shirt. Maybe she'd admired the view long enough. 

On her way back, a sign across the street caught her attention. Tarrytown BakeHouse. Her stomach immediately reminded her that coffee did not count as breakfast. After grabbing her wallet from the passenger seat, she walked over. A few minutes later, she left with a breakfast burrito, a lemon blueberry scone, and another coffee. The second coffee was probably a bad idea. But that sounded like a future problem.

Back at the inn, she tossed her keys onto the counter and set her food down. The burrito had gone a little cold during the drive, so she stuck it in the microwave and picked at the scone while she waited. It was good. Definitely not as good as her mom's. The thought hit her before she could stop it. For a second, she almost reached for her phone to text her. 

Then she remembered. She hadn't spoken to her mom in five days. Five days of missed calls. Complete radio silence.

Her stomach twisted. She pulled out her phone and opened her messages. Because she'd had her phone on Do Not Disturb, she hadn't actually seen most of the notifications. There were dozens. The last text sat at the bottom of the screen. 

Please just call me. 

Azzi stared at it for a long moment. Then she sighed, locked her phone, and set it face down on the counter. The microwave beeped. For once, she was grateful for the interruption.

⋆｡°✩ 

After breakfast and a quick shower, Azzi decided it was finally time to bring in the rest of her stuff. She was carrying the last box from her car when she heard a voice behind her.

"Need help with that?"

Azzi turned. Paige stood a few feet away, hands shoved into the pockets of a pair of gray sweatpants hanging low on her hips. She wore a white tank top and a small silver cross around her neck. Her hair was twisted into a messy bun, loose strands framing her face.

She looked like she'd rolled out of bed five minutes ago.

Azzi checked the time on her watch. 10:45. Seems like a lateb start for her today. 

"I'm good." She adjusted the box in her arms. "I'm stronger than I look." Paige raised an eyebrow and stepped closer. 

"I don't doubt that. Let me at least help you close your door. Keys?” 

"Yeah, um..." Azzi froze. Where the hell had she put her keys? She mentally retraced her last ten minutes.

"Oh." She laughed. "They're actually in my front pocket." She started shifting the box so she could reach for them.

"I got it." Before Azzi could react, Paige stepped forward and hooked two fingers into the edge of her pocket.

The gesture was innocent. Completely innocent. Azzi's brain, unfortunately, was not. For one very embarrassing second, she forgot how words worked. Paige pulled the key free and turned toward the car as if nothing had happened.

Paige locked the door and gave the handle a quick tug to make sure it was secure. As she did, Azzi's gaze drifted to the back of her neck. The loose baby hairs that escaphad escaped her bun. A tiny freckle just above the collar of her tank top.

"Alright." Paige turned back around. "You're all set."

Azzi immediately snapped her eyes somewhere else. Anywhere else. Paige held the key out, then glanced at the box. Without warning, she grabbed the box from Azzi's arms.

"Oh, you don't have to—"

"You looked about two seconds away from dropping it."

"I was not."

"You absolutely were."

"I had it under control."

Paige laughed. "Sure."

She adjusted the box against her hip and held out the key.

"Here." Azzi took it and shoved it into her pocket.

Together, they headed toward her room. Azzi was painfully aware of Paige walking beside her. Which was ridiculous. She was just walking. People walked next to each other every day. Totally normal activity. 

When they reached the room, Azzi pushed the door open. Paige stepped inside and glanced around.

"So where does this go?" Azzi followed her gaze around the disaster zone she'd been pretending didn't exist.

"Anywhere there's space." Paige snorted. She found an open spot beside the TV console and crouched down to set the box there. Azzi immediately looked away. 

"Thank you," she said quickly. Paige smiled and glanced around the room. 

"You need help with anything else?"

Azzi looked at the piles of boxes. A deep sigh escaped her.

"I think now I just have to organize all this crap."

"Fair enough." Paige headed toward the door. Just as her hand landed on the doorknob, Azzi spoke.

"Your uniform looks a little different today." The second the words left her mouth, she wanted to launch herself directly into the sun. What was that? Who says that? Paige looked down at herself before laughing.

"Yeah, I'm trying something new." Azzi groaned internally. Paige continued.

"Nah. I overslept a little. We don't have a check-in until eleven, so I figured I'd stretch my legs before getting ready."

"Makes sense."

"I'll see you around."

"Yeah."

The grin lingered for another second before Paige opened the door, pulling it shut behind her. Silence filled the room. Azzi stared at the closed door. She smacked her hand o her forehead. 

"Stupid," she muttered. "so stupid."

Why did she suddenly forget how to act every time Paige was around? She shook it off and turned around to the rest of the room. Time to get this all situated. 

⋆｡°✩ 

After a few hours of unpacking, Azzi decided she was done. Not finished, but definitely done. Most of her things had found a place, and whatever didn't could become a problem for another day.

She'd spent the last two hours stretched across the couch watching reruns of Real Housewives of New York on E!. After scrolling through what felt like a hundred channels, it was the only thing she'd found that could halfway distract her. Halfway being the key word. Because every few minutes, her mind drifted somewhere else. Or rather, someone else.

Paige.

Azzi groaned and grabbed a throw pillow, pulling it over her face. This was ridiculous. She'd known the woman for less than twenty-four hours. Yet somehow she kept wondering what she was doing. Whether she was working. Azzi dropped the pillow onto the couch.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she reached for her water bottle and discovered it was empty. With a sigh, she pushed herself off the couch and headed toward the kitchen. As she passed the counter, her eyes landed on her phone. 

For a moment she considered walking away. Just filling her water bottle and pretending she hadn't seen it. Instead, she picked up the phone. Her call log appeared instantly. Rows and rows of missed calls. Almost all from her mom. Azzi swallowed. Despite everything, she missed her. Missed talking to her. Missed calling her after work to complain about her day. Missed hearing her ramble about neighborhood gossip or whatever recipe she'd decided to try that week. Her mom had always been the first person she went to. For advice. For comfort. For absolutely everything. So why was this different? 

Her thumb hovered over her mom's contact. She stared at it for a long moment. Then she pressed call. Immediately, panic set in. Maybe she should hang up. Maybe she wasn't ready. The phone started ringing. Too late now. Azzi carried the phone back to the couch and sat down, tucking her legs underneath her. Her stomach tightened. She adjusted her grip on the phone. Maybe her mom wouldn't answer. After the fifth ring, a rustling sound came from the other end.

"Az?" The second she heard her mom's voice, guilt punched her square in the chest. She sounded exhausted.

"Hey, mom, Were you asleep?" Azzi asked quietly.

There was some rustling on the other end of the line.

"I was starting to drift off." Her mom cleared her throat. "But I'm awake now." A pause.

"I'm glad you called." The words were careful. Like she was afraid saying the wrong thing would make Azzi disappear again.

"Yeah." Azzi stared down at her hands. "I'm sorry I haven't called back." Silence. "I've just been trying to figure everything out."

"And did you?" The question wasn't sarcastic. If anything, it sounded hopeful. Azzi swallowed.

"I'm working on it."

"Working on it?"

"I think things are going okay." Another pause. Longer this time.

"Okay how, Azzi?" Here we go. She squeezed her eyes shut.

"Mom—"

"No, seriously. How?" Her mother's voice cracked. "You quit your job. You left Jason. You packed up your life and disappeared."

Azzi felt her stomach sink.

"I didn't disappear."

"You stopped answering your phone." The hurt in her mom's voice landed harder than the anger ever could.

"I know."

"We’ve been worried sick."

"Mom—"

"And Jason—"

"Don't."

"No, because I don't understand." Her mom's voice rose slightly. "One minute everything was fine, and the next you're gone."

"I wasn't fine." The words slipped out before Azzi could stop them.

"It wasn't?" her mom asked softly. Azzi rubbed at her forehead.

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"No." The admission felt pathetic. But it was true. She didn't know. Not completely. She just knew something felt wrong. Wrong enough that she'd run away. 

"I know that sounds crazy."

"It sounds scary." Azzi's chest tightened. Neither of them spoke for a moment. Finally, her mom sighed.

"Azzi, I'm terrified you're going to wake up one day and realize you threw away a life people spend years trying to build." The words hit harder because she knew her mom meant them.

"You had a good job."

"I know."

"You had a future."

"I know."

"You had people who loved you."

"I know." Azzi could hear herself becoming more frustrated. 

"Then why?"

The question came out barely above a whisper. And that was the problem. Azzi didn't have an answer. Not one she could explain. Not yet.

"Because something felt wrong," she said quietly. Her mom didn't respond. So Azzi continued.

"I can't explain it any better than that." She picked at a loose thread on the couch cushion.

"I don't know what my plan is."

"That concerns me." A small laugh escaped Azzi despite herself.

"Yeah. Me too." That earned a reluctant huff from her mom. The closest thing to a laugh she'd gotten all conversation.

"Just..." Her mom's voice softened. "Please give me something, Az."

"What do you mean?"

"Just let me know you're okay."

The desperation in her voice made Azzi's throat tighten.

"Let me know you're alive. Let me know where you are. I don't need every detail." A pause.

"I just don't want to lose you."

"You won't."

"Then stop disappearing." The words were gentle. Which somehow made them hurt more.

"I'll try." Another silence settled between them. This one wasn't angry. Just sad.

"I love you, Azzi." The words came immediately. Azzi felt her eyes sting.

"I love you too."

"And I'm always here." Azzi nodded even though her mom couldn't see it.

"I know." A shaky breath left her. "I'll talk to you."

"When?" Azzi stared at the floor. 

“ not yet." Her mom sighed. But this time she didn't argue.

"Okay." 

After they said their goodbyes, Azzi sat there staring at the dark TV screen. The call had ended minutes ago. The tears she'd spent the last three days holding back were finally threatening to spill over. Her throat burned. Her chest felt tight.

She pressed the heels of her palms against her eyes. God. What was she doing? She knew how all of this looked from the outside.. It sounded insane. Maybe it was insane. But staying had felt impossible. Like she was slowly suffocating. The worst part was that she couldn't even explain why. Not to her mom. Not to Jason. Not even to herself.

A shaky breath escaped her. She checked the time on her phone.

11:47 p.m.

Sleep wasn't happening anytime soon. Her brain was moving too fast. She needed a distraction. Something that didn't involve doom-scrolling through texts she wasn't ready to answer.

With that thought, she tossed her phone onto the charger and pushed herself off the couch. The books. She'd been meaning to look through the shelves in the main house anyway. Maybe she'd find something good. Or maybe she'd just wander around until her brain shut up. Either option sounded appealing.

The hallway was quiet as she made her way toward the lobby. Most of the lights had been turned off, leaving only a few lamps casting soft pools of light across the floor. As she rounded the corner, she immediately froze. There was a light on near the bookshelves. And someone was sitting in the chaise lounge chair tucked against the wall. For a second, all Azzi could see was a glimpse of blonde hair peeking over the back of the chair.

Paige.

Of course.

Azzi became painfully aware of what she looked like. Her hair was a disaster. Her face was puffy and her eyes red from tearing up on and off throughout the day. She slowly started backing away. If she left now, Paige might never notice she was there.

Unfortunately, she'd forgotten one very important detail. The floors. Her foot landed squarely on one of the old wooden boards. The sound echoed through the otherwise silent room. Azzi closed her eyes. Goddammit.

"Hey." Azzi looked up. Paige had turned around in the chair and was looking at her over the backrest.

"Hey," Azzi said quietly.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah." The lie came out automatically. Paige raised an eyebrow. 

"I was just looking for a book." 

Paige gestured toward the shelves."Be my guest." Azzi wandered over to the bookshelves and started scanning titles.

"Were you looking for anything specific?" Paige asked.

"Not really."

Paige stepped closer to the shelf and crouched down. After a second she pulled out a book and held it up.

"This one's good." Azzi took it. "Fingersmith."

"One of my favorites." Azzi turned it over, skimming the back. Truthfully, she wasn't paying attention to a single word. When she looked up again, Paige was watching her. Not in a weird way.

Just… Watching. Like she was trying to figure something out.

Azzi suddenly became very aware of how puffy her eyes probably looked.

"Do you mind if I sit out here with you for a bit?" She hesitated. "I think I've spent too much time alone today." Something softened in Paige's expression.

"Yeah." 

After a beat, she nodded toward the chair across from her. Azzi settled into the lounge chair with the book in her lap. For a minute, neither of them spoke.

"I don't mean to pry." Azzi looked up. Paige was fiddling with one of the strings on her sweatshirt.

"You just seem kind of upset."Azzi let out a breath.

"You can tell?"

"A little."

"Great.” Paige gave her a sympathy smile. Azzi looked down at the book.

“I talked to my mom earlier."

Paige nodded. The kind of nod that said she wasn't going to push. Which somehow made Azzi want to keep talking.

"I think she's worried."

"Parents tend to do that.” Azzi rubbed her thumb along the edge of the cover.

"I kind of blew up my life recently. I quit my job” 

Paige nodded.

"And I broke up with my boyfriend." This time Paige's eyebrows lifted slightly.

"Busy week?" Paige said under her breath.

Azzi laughed. The sound surprised her.

"Yeah." The laughter faded.

"I just..." She stared at the floor.  "I wasn't happy." The admission felt bigger than everything else she'd said.

Paige was quiet for a moment. Then she looked down at her hands. "I think that's harder than knowing why you're unhappy." Azzi wanted to ask, but she had a feeling she wasn't ready to hear.

"I think I'm spiraling." Azzi blurted out. 

"We all spiral."

"You don't."

Paige barked out a laugh. "That's cute." 

Azzi frowned. "What?"

"You think I have my life together."

"You seem like you do." 

Paige grinned. "You should spend more time around me." Azzi rolled her eyes at that.

"I'm serious. Last week I locked myself out of the building with no phone, no keys. no shoes."

"No shoes?"

"I'd rather not discuss it." Paige shook her head with a goofy grin.

Azzi quietly laughed.

"See? You have no idea what people are dealing with half the time. Everyone's kind of making it up as they go."

Azzi gives a slight nod at this."Makes me feel a little bit better."

"Good." Paige leaned back in her chair.

"Just give yourself a little grace, okay?" Azzi stared down at the book in her hands.

"Yeah." They sat in silence for another minute or two.

Azzi stood and adjusted the book against her chest.

"I should probably try to get some sleep."

"Yeah. s' pretty late. "

"Thanks. again.”

Paige gave her a small shrug. "Anytime." Azzi smiled and headed back toward her room.

Once she was back, Azzi leaned against the closed door for a second. The conversation replayed in her head almost immediately. The way Paige had listened. Actually listened. Not waiting for her turn to speak. Not trying to solve the problem. Just listening.

With a quiet sigh, Azzi pushed herself off the door and crossed the room. She checked the time on her phone.

12:57 a.m.

Definitely later than she'd planned. Before setting the book on her nightstand, she flipped it over one more time and actually read the back. Her eyes skimmed over the summary.

Then stopped.

She read the last sentence again.

A sapphic novel.

"Huh." That wasn't exactly what she'd expected Paige to reccomned. Not that it mattered. It was just a book.  Her gaze lingered on the cover for another second. Then she set it down. 

She headed into the bathroom and started getting ready for bed. The familiar routine helped settle some of the static buzzing around in her head. By the time she climbed into bed, the room was dark except for the faint glow of the string lights from the garden. She pulled the blanket up to her chest and stared at the ceiling.

Everything was going to be okay. She focused on the sound of her breathing. In. Out.

At some point, somewhere between worrying about the future and replaying blue eyes and easy smiles in her head, sleep finally found her.

[hiitsme535]

I know I could be better

Chapter two: Cared for

Collegestudent!paige x dadsgirlfriend!azzi, forbidden romance, cheating, age gap.

A/n: here’s chapter two! I hope you enjoy it!! I also wanted to let you know I’m going to start posting one chapter a week every Saturday! 🩷

Word count: 10k

Azzi let herself in the house using the spare key Peter had given her. Her twelve hour shift in the ER had been brutal, the moment she stepped into the warmth of the house, her exhaustion seemed to melt away.

Peter was still stuck at his office downtown until late, and Paige was still on campus.

Azzi dropped her bag on the entryway bench and headed upstairs to change out of her scrubs. As she walked past Paige’s open bedroom door, she paused. The room wasn’t incredibly messy, but there was a giant, overflowing wicker basket of laundry sitting near the closet, topped with a mountain of hoodies and mismatched socks.

Azzi smiled softly, affection washing over her. Poor baby, she thought, remembering Paige the night before talking about how overwhelmed she was with school.

Without a second thought, Azzi grabbed the heavy basket and hauled it down to the laundry room. For the next two hours, she hummed to herself as she ran the loads. Once everything was warm and fresh out of the dryer, Azzi carried the clean clothes back up to the kitchen island, meticulously folding every single item into neat, perfect stacks.

She was just finishing up the last sweatshirt when she heard the front door click open.

Paige walked in, looking completely drained. Her blonde hair was pulled into a messy ponytail, her bag looked like it weighed a hundred pounds, and her eyes were fixed on the floor. "Dad?" she called out, her voice raspy and tired.

"In the kitchen," Azzi called back gently.

Paige rounded the corner, stopping dead in her tracks when she saw Azzi standing at the island. Her eyes traveled from Azzi to the perfectly folded laundry covering the counter.

"You..." Paige blinked, her brain struggling to process the sight. "Is that my laundry?"

"It is," Azzi said, offering an incredibly sweet, warm smile. She smoothed down the top of a stacked pile of t-shirts. "I came over after my shift and noticed the basket was overflowing. I know how stressed you are with school and I figured the last thing you wanted to do tonight was spend hours on this."

Paige stood entirely frozen. Her bag slipped out of her hand, hitting the hardwood floor with a heavy thud.

Growing up, nobody did things like this for Paige. Her dad washed clothes because they needed clean clothes, but it was never an act of care; it was just a chore. But looking at these neat, perfect stacks, realizing Azzi had spent her free time after a shift doing something so mundane just to make Paige's life easier... it did something violent to Paige's chest.

A wave of gratitude rushed through her, so intense it made her throat tight.

"Azzi," Paige breathed, stepping closer to the island. Her blue eyes were suddenly shimmering, dropping all of her usual armor. "You didn't have to do that. Seriously."

"I wanted to," Azzi said softly, her voice dripping with soothing, nurturing warmth that always made Paige feel completely safe. She walked around the island, closing the distance between them, and reached up to gently tuck a stray blonde strand of hair behind Paige's ear. "You work so hard. You deserve to come home and just rest."

The intimacy of the touch made Paige’s breath hitch. The warmth radiating from Azzi’s hand against her cheek was intoxicating. Paige felt the urge to just lean her head forward into Azzi's palm, to let herself be completely taken care of by this incredible woman.

"Thank you," Paige whispered, her voice incredibly thick with emotion as she looked down into Azzi's brown eyes. "Seriously, you have no idea how much this means to me. Thank you."

"Anytime," Azzi murmured, her thumb brushing lightly against Paige's cheekbone before she reluctantly pulled her hand back, her heart doing a nervous little flutter at how intensely Paige was looking at her. "Now, go drop your bag off. I brought some takeout from that Thai place you said you like, and it's warming up in the oven."

Paige nodded blindly, her heart hammering against her ribs as she watched Azzi turn back toward the stove.

While Paige went upstairs to drop off her backpack and change, Azzi pulled the containers of Thai food out of the warm oven.

By the time Paige walked back into the kitchen; now wearing comfortable black sweatpants and one of the fresh, lavender scented t-shirts Azzi had just folded; two plates were set at the kitchen island, steam gently rising from the food.

"Perfect timing," Azzi smiled, sliding a glass of ice water toward the stool next to her. "Sit. Eat before it gets cold."

Paige climbed onto the barstool, her posture completely relaxed compared to the stiff, defensive girl from a few nights ago. She picked up her fork, taking a massive bite of the noodles, and practically groaned out loud. "Oh my god. I was starving. You are literally a lifesaver."

"Well, it’s part of the job description," Azzi teased gently, taking a seat on the stool right beside her. Their knees were only a few inches apart.

Azzi watched Paige eat with a deep sense of satisfaction. "Rough day at school?"

"Exhausting," Paige said around a mouthful of food, before swallowing and wiping her lip. "My lab partner was horrible." She looked over at Azzi, her blue eyes shining. "I won’t go into the specifics but just know he was an idiot"

"I’ll take your word for it," Azzi said softly, she reached over and gently patted Paige’s hand where it rested on the counter.

Paige swallowed hard, gently sliding her hand out from under Azzi’s touch before she did something stupid like try and hold her hand.

"What about you?" Paige asked, desperately trying to redirect the focus so her face wouldn't give her away. "How was the ER today?"

Azzi sighed, leaning her elbow on the counter and resting her chin in her hand, looking right at Paige. "Busy. A lot of kids with sports injuries today. One little boy came in with a broken wrist from a skateboard accident. He was absolutely terrified, crying his eyes out."

"Did you fix him up?" Paige asked, her voice dropping to a lower, softer register. She was completely mesmerized by the empathy softening Azzi’s features.

"I did," Azzi smiled, a warm, nostalgic look in her eyes. "I sat with him for a while, gave him a popsicle, and let him pick the brightest blue for his cast. By the time I was done he was laughing. It’s a tough job, but moments like that... making someone feel safe when they’re scared? It’s everything."

Paige stared at her, her chest aching with an intensity that almost frightened her. Making someone feel safe. That was exactly what Azzi was doing to her, filling a quiet, empty ache Paige had carried for years. Azzi was so incredibly selfless, so grounding, and so staggeringly beautiful that it felt like an actual crime.

"You're really good at that," Paige whispered, her eyes locked onto Azzi's. "Making people feel taken care of."

Azzi felt a flush of heat creep up her neck, her heart hammering against her ribs.

Get a grip, Azzi, she fiercely reminded herself, desperately trying to maintain her sweet, calm composure. She's just grateful for the laundry and the food. Don't misread it.

"Well," Azzi cleared her throat, offering a slightly smaller, softer smile as she reached for her water glass. "I try my best. You and your dad deserve to be taken care of."

"Yeah," Paige murmured, tracing the rim of her plate, her voice thick with unspoken longing. "My dad is a really lucky guy."

—

The house was dead quiet, except for the faint hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen. Peter had already gone upstairs leaving the living room bathed in the soft, warm glow of a single floor lamp.

Azzi was sitting on the couch, curled up on one side of the deep cushions. She looked entirely relaxed, dressed down in a comfortable t-shirt and sweatpants. When Paige walked into the room Azzi simply looked up and offered a warm, familiar smile.

Paige crossed the rug and went straight to the couch. She sat down on the opposite end, shifting her weight to face Azzi, her hands loosely gripping her knees. Her blue eyes were wide, carrying a sudden, serious focus.

"Azzi? Can we talk for a second?" Paige asked, her voice low and quiet.

"Of course," Azzi said without a second thought, setting her phone face-down on the coffee table. She shifted her legs, giving Paige her full, undivided attention. "What's up?"

Paige swallowed hard, looking down at her own fingers for a beat before forcing her gaze back up to lock onto Azzi's dark eyes.

"I know I already apologized after that first dinner," Paige started, her rough voice cracking slightly with a raw, genuine vulnerability. "But I didn't mean it then. Not in the way I mean it right now. I just said it cause my dad made me. I wanted to come sit with you and actually apologize properly. I am so sorry for how I acted when we first met."

Azzi listened quietly, her expression soft and completely devoid of any lingering resentment.

"I was just so incredibly rude to you," Paige rushed out, a flush of real embarrassment coloring her cheeks as she shook her head. "I sat right across from you at that table and told you to your face that I didn't care about anything you had to say. And then I called you my dad's sugar baby. I guess I just had this idea of who you were in my head before you even walked through the door."

Paige paused, her eyes darting to the side as her mind suddenly got completely side-tracked by a heavy, historic thought. She shifted her posture, leaning slightly closer across the cushions.

"Actually... how much do you even know about my mom?" Paige asked suddenly, her voice dropping into a quieter register. "Like, how much did my dad tell you about Amy?"

Azzi blinked, surprised by the sudden transition, but her voice remained calm and steady. "Not much, honestly. He just told me that she left a long time ago and that it was a really hard, painful split for both of you. He doesn't really talk about her."

"Yeah, because it's a disaster," Paige muttered, letting out a short, hollow breath. She looked back at Azzi, her blue eyes swimming with a sudden, bleeding honesty. "I adored her when I was little and she was horrible to me.”

She took a sharp, shallow breath, her large hands tightening against her knees as she bared the root of her defense mechanism.

"So when my dad told me he was bringing home a new girlfriend, I just automatically assumed you were going to be the exact same way," Paige confessed, her gravelly voice cracking. "I just assumed you were going to be cold and mean to me. So... I decided I was going to be mean to you first. I wanted to hurt your feelings before you could ever have the chance to hurt mine."

The sheer honesty of the admission hung in the warm air of the living room.

Azzi didn't flinch, and she didn't look down on her. Instead, understanding washed over her features. She slid slightly closer across the sofa, her dark eyes wide and shining with an absolute, unconditional empathy.

"Paige, I completely understand," Azzi said softly, nodding her head with total certainty. "Seriously, there are no hard feelings at all. I would have acted the exact same way. You don't have to feel bad for trying to protect yourself."

Hearing those words; feeling the complete, uncritical validation from the woman sitting across from her sent a massive wave of relief straight through Paige's chest. Her broad shoulders finally dropped, a genuine, relaxed smile breaking through her anxiety.

Paige let out a quiet, relieved breath, her hands relaxing against the fabric of her pants. She looked at Azzi for a long beat.

"I also just... I want to clarify something else," Paige said, her voice dropping into a firm, intentional register. She shifted on the cushion, squaring her shoulders. "I'm not saying any of this because I'm looking for a mother figure, Azzi. I'm a grown woman, and I have my own life."

She paused, a genuine, completely unforced smile cutting through the residual seriousness of the conversation.

"But I just really, really like the idea of us being friends," Paige added softly, her eyes locking onto Azzi’s. "Real friends. Outside of just whatever you and my dad have going on."

Azzi didn't hesitate. A warm, incredibly brilliant smile lit up her face as she nodded with absolute, unshakeable certainty.

"I would love that," Azzi said, her voice thick with affection. "I don't have any desire to try and step on your toes or act like a parent to you. You're an adult, and you're incredibly independent. But I think you are an amazing person, and I would be so incredibly happy to just be your friend."

The simple, uncomplicating finality of the agreement settled over the quiet living room like a breath of fresh air. Paige’s smile widened, her chest rising with a deep, content breath.

—

It was a lazy Saturday, a few days after their talk on the couch.

Azzi was sitting on the loveseat, scrolling through her phone, when Paige walked into the room. She let out a thick, congested sigh, rubbing the back of her neck with a m hand.

"Hey," Paige mumbled, her voice sounding even deeper and more raspy than usual. She sank heavily onto the main couch, leaning her head back against the cushions with a miserable groan.

Azzi looked up, her eyes instantly tracking the tightness in Paige's jaw and the slight puffiness around her eyes. "Hey. You okay? You sound incredibly congested."

"I feel so stuffed up," Paige complained, sniffing heavily and pushing her glasses up her nose. "My entire face just feels heavy, like there's a ton of pressure right behind my eyes and down my neck. It's driving me crazy. You're a nurse... what do I do for this?"

Azzi smiled gently, setting her phone face-down on the coffee table. She stood up and walked over to the couch. "Well, let me take a look first. Sit up a little bit for me."

Paige shifted, sitting up straighter and turning her head toward Azzi.

Azzi stepped closer, stepping right into Paige's space. She reached out, her warm, gentle fingers making light contact with the skin just beneath Paige's jawline. She moved her fingertips in small, precise circles, palpating the sides of Paige's neck with a practiced focus.

"Yeah, your lymph nodes are definitely a little swollen right here," Azzi murmured softly, her voice calm and grounding as her fingers slid gently down the sides of Paige's neck toward her collarbone. "Your body is just trying to fight something off, and the fluid is getting trapped. I can actually help you clear this out right now if you want."

Paige swallowed hard, her blue eyes tracking Azzi’s face. The sheer proximity; the casual, gentle touch of Azzi's hands on her neck, was making her heart thump a little faster against her ribs. "How?"

"A drainage massage," Azzi explained, offering a warm, reassuring smile. "It moves the fluid down so your body can drain it. Sit right here, turn around so your back is facing me, and just try to relax."

"Okay," Paige muttered. She shifted on the cushions, turning her back to Azzi, her heart hammering a slow, heavy rhythm in her chest.

Azzi moved around the couch and sat down directly behind Paige. She rubbed her hands together for a brief second to warm them up, then reached forward, gently sliding her hands underneath the collar of Paige's sweatshirt, making direct contact with the bare skin at the base of her neck and shoulders.

Paige’s breath hitched sharply at the sudden, warm friction of Azzi’s palms against her skin.

"Just breathe, Paige. Take a deep breath in, and let it out," Azzi guided softly, her voice a low, soothing vibration just inches from Paige’s ear.

Azzi began the massage incredibly light, rhythmic strokes with her fingertips. She started right above Paige's collarbone, clearing the pathway first, before moving her hands up to the base of Paige's ears, slowly pumping the fluid downward along the neck.

It wasn't just physical relief. It was the way Azzi was taking care of her. The absolute tenderness of her touch, the focused kindness in her dark eyes, the way her voice felt like a safety net in the quiet room; Paige felt a pull towards her.

Oh, god, Paige thought, her hands clenching into tight fists inside her sweatshirt pockets as her face flushed a deep, hidden red. I'm falling for her. I'm actually falling for my dad's girlfriend.

"Is the pressure too much?" Azzi asked gently, noticing the sudden, rigid tightening in Paige's shoulders. She paused her fingers, her tone filled with instant, protective concern. "I can go lighter."

"No," Paige choked out, her gravelly voice tight as she desperately tried to swallow down the heat and force her breathing to stay even. She forced herself to relax her shoulders, staring blindly at the wall ahead. "No, it's... it actually feels really good, Azzi. Thank you."

"Of course," Azzi murmured.

"Alright, that’s the main pathway cleared," whispered, her voice a low, soothing hum right behind Paige’s ear. She gently withdrew her hands from beneath the collar of the sweatshirt, the sudden absence of her warmth leaving a cool, tingling sensation on Paige’s skin. "Now we need to move up to your face to get the pressure behind your eyes to drop. Turn around and face me."

Paige shifted clumsily on the couch cushions, turning around until she was sitting cross-legged, facing Azzi directly.

"Take your glasses off for me," Azzi instructed softly.

Paige nodded silently, folding the frames and setting them on the coffee table. Without them, her blue eyes looked incredibly unguarded, wide and slightly hazy with congestion as she looked up at the older woman.

Azzi shifted closer, closing the distance until their knees were practically brushing. She raised her hands, her warm, slender fingers gently framing the sides of Paige’s face. Her thumbs settled right at the bridge of Paige’s nose, resting against the soft skin just beneath her brows.

"Just close your eyes and relax your jaw," Azzi whispered.

Paige did as she was told, her long eyelashes fluttering shut as she let out a long, shuddering breath.

With Paige's eyes closed, Azzi’s thumbs began to sweep in slow, rhythmic, downward strokes across Paige’s cheekbones toward her ears, Azzi found herself completely losing her train of thought.

God, she is so beautiful, Azzi thought, her eyes tracing the features beneath her fingertips.

Up close like this, Paige looked entirely different. Azzi’s gaze lingered on Paige’s jawline, the slope of her nose, and the way the soft afternoon light caught the pale gold of her eyelashes.

Azzi’s thumbs moved down to Paige's jawline, sweeping in light, repetitive circles to sweep the fluid away. Her fingers brushed against the soft, stray hairs near Paige's ears, and a dangerous pull tugged hard at Azzi's chest. It wasn't just care anymore. She was entirely mesmerized by the sheer softness of the girl sitting in front of her. She wanted to linger on the warmth of Paige’s skin. She wanted to trace the fullness of her lower lip.

The realization sent a quiet shockwave through Azzi’s own mind, but she forced her hands to remain steady, keeping the rhythm of the massage perfectly even.

"How does that feel?" Azzi murmured, her voice dropping into a register that felt entirely too private, too intimate for a quiet afternoon in Peter's living room.

"Mmm... feels amazing," Paige breathed, her voice completely thick and sleepy, a soft, relaxed sigh escaping her lips as the pressure in her sinuses finally began to melt away.

Azzi smiled, a heavy, secret warmth blooming in her chest as she continued the slow, soothing strokes.

—

It had been two weeks of Azzi’s constant presence. Two weeks of her cooking dinners, cleaning up around the house and making Paige feel cared for.

Paige walked into the house after class expecting to see Azzi at the kitchen, or maybe the living room. But as she walked through the house she couldn’t find her.

“Azzi?” Paige called out to the empty house. Paige knew she shouldn’t be as needy as she was right now but she had grown used to afternoons with Azzi.

“I’m upstairs, Paige!” Azzi called out. A sense of overwhelming relief washed over Paige as her shoulders relaxed instantly.

She practically raced up the stairs. Finding Azzi in the guest bathroom, she was wearing a floor length black slip dress; her hair was perfectly straightened and she was bent slightly over the counter focused on applying her mascara.

Paige’s heart stopped.

Azzi noticed her after a few seconds, turning her body towards Paige immediately giving her undivided attention.

“Paigey! How was your day? Sorry I wasn’t downstairs to greet you,” Azzi cooed, “Your dad’s picking me up in a few minutes for dinner.”

Dinner. Azzi and Paige’s dad. At dinner together. Paige felt like her head was being dipped into ice cold water. Azzi wasn’t here for Paige. She didn’t think about Paige in the way Paige thought about her. Azzi was in love with her dad.

“Alright.” Paige murmured, suddenly incredibly annoyed. She thought of kissing Azzi right there, forcing her not to go, making Azzi hers.

Azzi picked up on Paige’s annoyance almost instantly. She didn’t understand it. “I’m sorry I should’ve invited you out with us tonight. Would you like me to bring you something back?” Azzi turned back towards the mirror, feeling a sense of dread for the night ahead of her that wasn’t there before. She never wanted to give Paige a reason to be upset with her.

“Nah it’s cool,” Paige said before turning on her heel, retreating to her room. A sharp wave of panic washed over Azzi seeing Paige leaving so quick.

“Paige! Wait a second!” She called out, “Could you help me brush my hair please?” Azzi didn’t need help; not really, she was perfectly capable of brushing her own hair but she wanted to give Paige a task that would make her feel important; needed.

Paige turned around instantly at the offer. Azzi’s hair was beautiful, and the chance to play with it was way too good for Paige to pass up no matter how annoyed she was.

She walked fully into the bathroom, grabbing the brush. “Your hair doesn’t need to be brushed, looks perfect.” The words slipped out of Paige’s mouth before she could stop them, a deep flush covering her face as she stepped behind Azzi.

She gathered Azzi’s hair gently, pulling it all towards the back; running her fingers through the soft strands.

Azzi let out a sigh of pure contentment; relieved to be cared for after a week of taking care of everyone else. “Feels good p” she rasped out, her voice the softest Paige had ever heard.

Paige moved from her fingers to the brush; starting at the ends. “Was work stressful today?” She questioned, savoring the feeling of being the one Azzi relied on.

“Honestly yeah, there was a pretty bad car accident about half way through the day…..” Azzi tensed before finishing her thought. “Kids were involved…..it’s always worse when it’s children in pain.”

Paige felt a pang in her chest, an urge to protect the older woman; even if only for a few minutes.

“I’m sorry,” Paige murmured, her voice dropping to match Azzi’s.

She slowed her movements, bringing the brush down in long, deliberate strokes from the crown of Azzi’s head to the ends of her hair.

“Don’t apologize,” Azzi whispered, closing her eyes. In the mirror, Paige watched the tight lines around Azzi’s mouth begin to soften. “You’re making it better.”

She shouldn't be the one easing Azzi’s mind. That was supposed to be her father's job.

Paige gathered a section of hair, her knuckles accidentally brushing against the sensitive skin of Azzi’s neck. Azzi inhaled sharply, a tiny, involuntary catch in her breath. Neither of them moved.

Instead of pulling away, Azzi let out a slow exhale, resting her back completely against Paige’s stomach. It wasn't a confession. It wasn't a betrayal. It was just comfort.

“You have good hands, Paige,” Azzi murmured, her eyes still closed, a soft, genuine smile finally touching her lips. “Calm. Your dad is always in such a rush.”

Paige forced herself to keep her breathing steady, continuing the gentle strokes of the brush so Azzi wouldn't feel the sudden spike in her pulse.

“Then I guess it’s a good thing I’m here tonight,” Paige said softly, her thumb lightly smoothing over the crown of Azzi’s head as she finished up.

“Yeah,” Azzi breathed, her voice trailing off into the quiet room. “A really good thing.”

Paige gave one last, lingering brush through the smooth strands, setting the hairbrush down on the counter with a soft click. The date was still going to happen, the night would go on as planned, but for now, the lingering warmth between them was more than enough.

—

The front door clicked open, and Peter’s voice echoed down the hallway. “Azzi! I am so sorry I’m late, traffic on the interstate was a total nightmare.”

Azzi took a steadying breath, smoothing down the fabric of her dress. The lingering warmth of Paige’s fingers in her hair still felt fresh, almost like an imprint. She stepped out of the bathroom just as he made it to the top of the stairs.

When he caught sight of her, his face softened instantly. He walked over, wrapping his arms around her waist for a brief, warm hug. As he pulled back, his eyes lingered on her hair, neatly brushed and framing her face.

“Wow,” Peter smiled, running a hand down her arm. “You look beautiful. And your hair looks amazing tonight.”

A prick of guilt hit Azzi’s chest. She swallowed the lump in her throat, offering a small, practiced smile. “Thanks. Paige actually did it for me.”

His eyes lit up, a look of pride washing over his face. He grabbed his coat from the railing, shaking his head with a soft chuckle. “You have no idea how happy that makes me. I was so worried she’d still be distant, you know? But seeing the two of you bonding… it’s a relief.”

He opened the front door for her, guiding her out toward the car. As they walked down the driveway, he kept talking, his tone thick with genuine gratitude. “I’ve always worried about Paige not having someone she can really lean on. I’m just so glad she has you in her life now. You’re exactly what she needs. It gives me such peace of mind knowing you can be that kind of comfort for her.”

Comfort. Motherly. It made Azzi sick. She stared out the passenger window as Peter backed out of the driveway, her stomach twisting into painful knots. The guilt was suffocating. He was a good man, a kind man, and he was completely blind to the fact that the woman sitting next to him was developing feelings for his daughter.

Throughout the entire drive to the restaurant, Peter’s voice became background noise. When they arrived and the waiter brought their drinks, Azzi smiled and nodded at all the right times, but her mind was entirely back in that bathroom.

“The steak here is always great, what do you think?” Peter asked, looking up from his menu.

“Oh, yeah. That sounds perfect,” Azzi murmured, but her eyes locked onto the candle flickering in the center of the table. The golden shadows across the white tablecloth reminded her of the way the bathroom mirror had caught the flush on Paige’s cheeks. She remembered the quiet rasp in Paige’s voice when she asked about the car accident.

When the food arrived, Azzi barely tasted it. Every time he laughed, or reached across the table to squeeze her hand in a gesture of simple, comfortable affection, the weight in her chest grew heavier. She felt like a fraud. He was talking about the future, about summer plans and family dinners, completely unaware that Azzi’s thoughts were entirely consumed by Paige.

She wondered what Paige was doing right now. Was she downstairs in the kitchen? Was she thinking about her too?

“Everything okay, honey? You’re a little quiet tonight,” Peter noted softly, his brow furrowing with gentle concern. “Still thinking about work?”

Azzi forced a smile, squeezing his hand back because it was the only way to stop the trembling. “Yeah,” she lied, the word feeling heavy and dishonest. “Just a really long day.”

—

Paige stood in the middle of the kitchen. Her fingers still felt warm, a phantom sensation of the soft strands of Azzi’s hair lingering on her skin. Just twenty minutes ago, they had been tucked away, breathing the same air, suspended in a moment that felt entirely theirs. Now, Azzi was sitting across a dinner table from her dad, playing the part she was supposed to play.

Restless, Paige wandered into the living room. She threw herself onto the couch, staring at the dark TV screen, but she couldn't sit still for more than a minute. Her chest felt tight, sadness sinking into her bones.

What are they doing right now? The thought was a masochistic loop in her brain. They were probably at the Italian place downtown. Her dad was probably laughing, reaching across the table to cover Azzi’s hand with his own. Azzi would smile that soft, beautiful smile; the one Paige wanted to spend a lifetime pulling out of her.

A wave of jealousy, mixed with a sickening amount of guilt, twisted in Paige’s stomach. It was her dad and he loved Azzi. But seeing them together felt like watching someone else live her own life.

Needing a distraction, Paige went back upstairs. Her feet automatically guided her back to the bathroom. The air had cooled down, the steam from earlier entirely gone, but the scent of Azzi’s perfume still hung faintly in the air.

Paige picked up the hairbrush from the counter where she had left it. A few dark strands of Azzi’s hair were still caught in the bristles. She ran her thumb over it, her throat tightening.

“Feels good, P.” Azzi’s soft, tired voice echoed in her head. The way Azzi had completely leaned into her touch. In that moment, Paige hadn't felt like a bystander. She had felt like the center of Azzi’s world.

She turned off the bathroom light and walked into her own bedroom, flopping onto her bed. She pulled a pillow tightly against her chest, curling her knees inward. The clock on her nightstand ticked away, every passing minute a reminder of how much time was left on their date.

She wanted to text her. She wanted to type out I miss you or Are you having fun? or just Azzi, please. But she couldn't.

—

The digital clock on the microwave showed ⁠2:14 AM⁠.

Paige leaned against the kitchen counter, her hands wrapped around a mug of chamomile tea that had already gone lukewarm. She hadn't slept more then five minutes. Every time she closed her eyes, she pictured the master bedroom down the hall, knowing Azzi was lying in it. Her dad’s muffled snoring only made the house feel smaller, more suffocating.

A faint, soft rustle from the hallway made Paige freeze.

She turned her head just as Azzi stepped into the kitchen. Paige’s breath hitched, caught completely in her throat. Azzi wasn't wearing her usual oversized sweater. She was wearing a slip; a tiny, emerald green silk nightgown trimmed with delicate black lace that hugged her curves and cut high on her thighs.

A wave of heat rushed straight to Paige’s face. Azzi looked devastatingly beautiful, her skin glowing, her hair still holding a bit of the wave from when Paige had brushed it. But right on the heels of that intense attraction came a stab of jealousy.

She didn't put that on for me, Paige thought, her fingers tightening around her mug until her knuckles turned white. She wore that for him. Azzi stopped short when she noticed Paige, her hand flying to her collarbone in a soft, startled gesture. “Paige,” she breathed, her voice incredibly rough from sleep. “What are you doing up?”

“Couldn't sleep,” Paige said. Her voice came out smaller than she intended, carrying sadness she couldn't hide in the middle of the night. She kept her eyes locked on Azzi’s face, desperately trying not to let them wander down to the lace. “You either, apparently.”

Azzi took a tentative step forward, her bare feet making no sound on the cool tile.

She looked closely at Paige, her brow furrowing as she caught the dull, tired look in the younger girl's eyes.

“Everything okay?” Azzi asked softly, crossing her arms over her chest. “You look... really tired.”

“I’m fine,” Paige murmured, looking down at the liquid in her mug. She swallowed past the lump in her throat, her voice dropping into a soft, aching register. “Just had a lot on my mind.”

Azzi leaned against the counter opposite Paige, the proximity making the air feel suddenly thick. “Want to talk about it?”

Paige let out a weak, humorless breath, staring at the counter. She wanted to say I’m thinking about you. I’m thinking about your hair in my hands. I’m thinking about how good I could make you feel. Instead, she forced herself to ask the question that had been tormenting her all evening. “How was dinner? You guys got back pretty late.”

Azzi swallowed, her eyes flickering away for a fraction of a second before meeting Paige’s gaze with a soft, careful look. “It was good. Really good,” she lied, keeping her tone even, though it felt entirely empty. “We went to a steakhouse downtown. The food was great.”

Paige felt an ache in her chest. She forced a tight smile, her voice carrying a fragile, sad vulnerability. “Good. I’m glad. Dad deserves to be happy, and he really, really loves you.”

“He’s wonderful,” Azzi whispered. The words felt like a script she was forced to read, heavy and dishonest. She watched the way Paige’s shoulders slouched, the sorrow radiating off her, and it broke something inside Azzi’s chest. She stepped a little closer, her voice softening into a gentle plea for connection. “He was actually telling me how glad he is that we’re... bonding. He thinks it’s great for you.”

“Yeah, it’s awesome,” Paige said. There was no anger in her voice, just a profound, quiet sadness that cut much deeper. She finally looked up, her eyes swimming with an unspoken longing. “It’s great having a... someone to look up to.”

Azzi flinched slightly at the implication, the subtle shifting of the green silk drawing Paige’s eyes downward for a split second before she forced them back up. Azzi saw the look. It made Azzi’s heart hammer against her ribs so loudly she was afraid Paige could hear it.

“Paige,” Azzi breathed, her voice trembling just enough to betray how deeply she was affected. She reached out, her fingers hovering for a second before she gently touched Paige’s forearm. Her skin was warm, and the contact sent a jolt through both of them. “You know I care about you, right? A lot.”

Paige looked down at Azzi’s hand on her arm. Suddenly, the weight of the night, the jealousy, and the exhaustion became too much to carry.

With a soft, shuddering sigh, Paige let go of her remaining defense. She stepped forward, letting her eyes close as she slumped into Azzi’s space, leaning her full body weight completely against her.

Azzi caught her instantly. Instead of pulling away or trying to maintain a safe distance, Azzi’s arms wrapped tightly around Paige’s waist, pulling the younger girl flush against her. The cool, smooth silk of the nightgown pressed directly against Paige, but the body underneath was pure warmth. Azzi rested her chin gently on top of Paige’s head, holding her up, letting Paige fully anchor herself against her chest.

“You’re so beautiful, Az,” Paige whispered into her shoulder, her voice muffled and cracking slightly. “In that dress. Just... always.”

Azzi’s breath hitched completely, her embrace tightening even more at the confession. She buried her face into Paige’s hair breathing her in. Azzi was trying so hard to be the adult, to set boundaries, but holding Paige like this, feeling her weight, made the boundaries dissolve into nothing. She wanted this. She wanted Paige to never let go.

They stood like that in the dark for a long, unmeasured moment, just holding each other up against the gravity of everything they couldn't say.

Finally, Paige took a slow, shaky breath, reluctantly finding her footing again. She gently pulled back, her skin freezing the moment the contact was broken. “You should probably get some sleep,” she whispered.

Azzi stared at Paige’s lips for one agonizing, lingering moment, her heart breaking for both of them. “Yeah,” Azzi breathed, backing away slowly into the shadows. “Goodnight, P.”

“Goodnight, Azzi,” Paige whispered.

Paige turned back to the counter, closing her eyes as the aching silence returned, both of them trapped in a beautifully soft, heartbreaking lie.

Paige stood frozen in the center of the dark kitchen, the space where Azzi’s warmth had just been feeling completely hollow. As Azzi took another slow step backward into the hallway, a sudden, desperate wave of neediness crashed over Paige. She couldn’t let the night end like this. She couldn’t go back to that lonely room by herself.

“Azzi, wait,” Paige breathed, her voice a nervous, fragile whisper.

Azzi paused, turning back. Her silhouette was framed by the moonlight. “Yeah, P?”

Paige rubbed her arms, her fingers pressing into her own skin as her heart hammered against her ribs. She looked down at the floor, a deep, hot blush creeping up her neck. “Could you... I know this sounds incredibly stupid, but...” She swallowed, the words feeling so incredibly childish. “Could you tuck me into bed?”

The moment the words left her mouth, Paige’s eyes flew wide and she instantly felt a wave of mortification. “I’m sorry, forget I said that,” she rushed out, her voice cracking. “That’s so childish, I don't know why I just said that, I’m just really tired.”

“Paige,” Azzi interrupted softly. Her voice was like velvet in the quiet house. A tender, sad smile touched her lips, any hesitation she had melting away at the sheer vulnerability from the younger girl. “It’s okay. Come on.”

Without waiting, Azzi held out her hand. Paige’s chest squeezed as she stepped forward, slipping her hand into Azzi’s; their fingers intertwined perfectly.

They walked up the stairs in absolute silence, the only sound the faint sound of Bob’s snoring down the hall. When they reached Paige’s bedroom, the room was cool and dark.

Paige climbed onto the mattress, she pulled the heavy blankets up to her chest. Azzi leaned over her, her movements slow and deliberate as she smoothed the covers, tucking the edges neatly around Paige’s shoulders. The scent of vanilla enveloped Paige completely, and for a second, she closed her eyes, completely intoxicated by Azzi’s proximity, by the sight of the green silk draped so close to her face.

But even with the blankets tight around her, the empty ache in Paige’s chest didn't go away. She looked up at Azzi, her eyes wide, needy, and completely exposed in the dark.

“Azzi?” Paige whispered, her voice smaller now, cracking with an old, deep-seated ache. “Could you... would you mind sitting with me for a minute? Maybe trace my face? And... hum or something?”

She looked away, swallowing hard as a tear finally slipped down her cheek. “It helps when I’m not feeling good.”

Another pang of sadness struck Azzi’s chest. Realizing just how deeply starved the girl was for comfort and safety made Azzi’s heart break.

Without a word, Azzi sat down on the very edge of the mattress. The bed shifted under her weight, and she turned her body fully toward Paige.

“Of course I can, sweetheart,” Azzi murmured, her voice dropping to a low, soothing hum.

Slowly, Azzi raised her hand. She pressed the back of her knuckles gently against Paige’s cheek, wiping away the lone tear. The contact was so soft, so purely tender, that a quiet breath escaped Paige’s lips. Azzi began to trace the lines of Paige’s face, her pointer finger lightly brushing over the curve of her cheekbone, then down the line of her jaw, back up to trace her nose and eyebrows, repeating the motion as Paige’s eyes closed.

Azzi took a quiet breath, closed her eyes, and began to hum. It was a slow, beautiful melody, the notes low and steady, vibrating softly in the space between them. It was a comforting sound that seemed to wrap around the entire bedroom, shutting out the rest of the world.

Paige leaned her cheek directly into the palm of Azzi’s hand, opening her eyes to lock on Azzi’s face. She memorized the way Azzi looked in the shadows of her bedroom, the way her eyes softened, the way her finger kept up a soothing stroke against her temple.

As the gentle humming filled the room, the tension finally began to drain from Paige’s limbs. The safety of Azzi’s touch and the quiet melody wrapping around her like a warm blanket.

Azzi kept humming, her voice never wavering, she kept tracing until the younger girl’s breathing finally slowed, evened out, and she drifted off into a deep, peaceful sleep.

Only then did Azzi let the melody trail off into a whisper. She lingered for one long, agonizing minute, her thumb brushing Paige’s cheek one last time before she softly pulled her hand away.

—

The house was entirely quiet when Azzi let herself in through the front door late that evening. Another twelve hour shift at the hospital had left her physically and emotionally drained. Her shoulders ached beneath her scrubs, her feet burned, and her head throbbed from the bright, unforgiving fluorescent lights of the ER.

Peter was already asleep, having texted her earlier that he couldn't keep his eyes open past ten.

Azzi quietly tiptoed up the stairs, intending to just wash her face in the bathroom and collapse into bed. But when she pushed the door open, she stopped.

The room was dimly lit, a single small lamp casting a warm glow over the space. Sitting on the edge of the large, porcelain soaking tub was a beautiful glass jar filled with lavender and eucalyptus bath salts, a warm folded towel, and a small, torn piece of notebook paper.

Azzi stepped closer, a soft, curious smile touching her lips as she picked up the note. Written in Paige’s handwriting were just a few words:

I know you don't have a soaking tub at your house. Use mine tonight. You deserve to relax. Bath salts are lavender. - P

A wave of warmth bloomed in Azzi’s chest, completely catching her off guard. She held the little note in her hands, her throat turning tight with emotion. It was such a simple, thoughtful act of service; the fact that Paige had noticed her exhaustion and intentionally set this up just to make her night a little easier.

Holding the note, Azzi walked quietly down the hallway toward the bedrooms. Paige’s door was cracked open just an inch, a sliver of light spilling out onto the floor.

Azzi pushed the door open a bit further, her heart doing a tender, familiar flutter.

Paige was sitting up in bed, buried beneath her heavy comforter, a massive textbook propped up against her knees. She was wearing her glasses, her blonde hair pulled into a loose, messy topknot. The second she heard the door move, she looked up, her blue eyes instantly softening when they landed on Azzi.

"Hey," Paige whispered, her voice a low, raspy murmur in the quiet room. She looked at the note in Azzi's hand, a small, slightly shy smile tugging at the corner of her lips. "You saw it."

"I did," Azzi said softly, stepping fully into the room. She walked over to the edge of the bed, looking down at Paige with an immense amount of gratitude and affection. "Paige... thank you. Seriously. You have no idea how much my body aches right now. This is the sweetest thing anyone has done for me in a really long time."

"It's just a bath," Paige muttered, suddenly looking very interested in the margin of her textbook, though a faint, beautiful pink flush was creeping up her neck. "I just... I knew you had a rough schedule today. And you’re always the one taking care of us, making sure I’m comfortable. I figured you deserved it."

Azzi watched her quietly, her brown eyes shining. She remembered how she had tucked Paige in and rubbed her face when Paige was feeling sad. Seeing Paige return that care in her own quiet, thoughtful way made Azzi feel completely seen.

Without thinking, Azzi reached out, her fingers gently brushing against Paige's cheek, a soft, lingering touch. "You're incredible."

Paige looked up through her lashes, her blue eyes locking onto Azzi’s. In the quiet, dim sanctuary of the bedroom, the weight of the world outside seemed to fade away completely. There was just a profound, comfortable sweetness between them.

"I just wanted you to be able to relax," Paige whispered honestly, leaning a fraction of an inch into Azzi's touch.

"I'm going to," Azzi smiled, gently pulling her hand back with a soft exhale. "Don't stay up too late studying."

"I won't," Paige promised, a contented warmth settling deep in her chest.

Azzi quieted her steps as she walked back to the bathroom. She turned on the heavy gold fixtures, watching the hot water rush into the deep basin, steam immediately rising and filling the room with the soothing, aromatic scent of lavender and eucalyptus as she poured the salts in.

Sinking into the hot, bubbling water, Azzi let out a long, shuddering sigh of pure relief. As the tension finally began to melt from her muscles, she closed her eyes, entirely enveloped by the comfort Paige had created for her; realizing just how deeply she was falling.

Azzi reluctantly climbed out of the deep soaking tub. The hot water and lavender salts had worked wonders, smoothing out the sharpest knots in her back and leaving her skin warm and flush. She wrapped herself in the plush towel Paige had left out, drying off before slipping into a pair of soft, oversized flannel pajamas.

Still feeling a bit hazy from the steam, Azzi unlocked the bathroom door and stepped out into the dimly lit hallway.

She jumped slightly, catching her breath when she realized she wasn’t alone.

Paige was standing a few feet away, leaning nervously against the hallway wall. Her hands were buried deep in the pockets of her sweatpants, her shoulders tense, and her eyes fixed firmly on the hardwood floor. She looked incredibly young and small in the low light, her bottom lip tucked between her teeth.

"Paige?" Azzi asked softly, her voice still a bit raspy from the bath steam. She took a step closer, her brow furrowing with gentle concern. "Is everything okay?"

Paige’s head snapped up at the sound of Azzi's voice. Her eyes were wide, a blush rushing up her neck and flooding her cheeks. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, her usual confidence completely vanishing into something entirely timid.

"Yeah. Everything's fine," Paige rushed out, her voice a quiet, nervous whisper. She cleared her throat, looking everywhere but at Azzi’s face. "I just... I heard the water turn off. And I know you said the bath would help, but..."

Paige paused, swallowing hard. She finally forced herself to meet Azzi’s dark eyes. "You still look really tense around your shoulders. I was just wondering... do you want a massage? Like, just a quick one. To help you sleep."

Azzi blinked, completely caught off guard by the request. She reached up instinctively, her hand brushing against the back of her own neck. Paige was right; even though the hot water had relaxed her, the lingering physical toll of lifting patients and standing on hard hospital floors for twelve hours was still pulling her shoulders tight.

Azzi looked at Paige; at the sweetness radiating from her, and the quiet hope in her eyes. The sheer selflessness of the offer made Azzi’s heart swell with a deep, comfortable warmth.

"That sounds amazing," Azzi murmured, offering a soft, grateful smile. "My shoulders are still feeling pretty tight."

A visible wave of relief washed over Paige, her shoulders dropping as she gave a small, eager nod. "Okay. Cool. Um... we can go in my room."

"Lead the way," Azzi said gently.

Paige turned and walked the short distance down the hall, pushing her bedroom door open.

Paige’s bedroom felt entirely separate from the rest of the house, Azzi sat on the edge of the mattress, suddenly feeling a little shy in her pajamas, the damp ends of her dark hair cooling against the back of her neck.

Paige closed the door with a soft, deliberate click. The nervousness from the hallway was still there, hovering in the small space between them, but beneath it was a steady, quiet resolve.

"You can lay face down," Paige murmured, her voice low and soothing. "Just stretch out. Make yourself comfortable."

Azzi offered a grateful, slightly tired smile and crawled further onto the bed. She laid down flat on her stomach, resting her cheek against the soft cotton of Paige's pillow. Inhaling deeply, she realized the pillow smelled exactly like Paige. It was an incredibly grounding, safe scent.

Paige climbed onto the mattress, moving with a quiet caution so she wouldn't disturb Azzi. She knelt beside Azzi’s torso, sitting back on her heels. For a long moment, Paige just looked down at her. In the dim light, Azzi looked so small, she was a tired, beautiful woman letting her guard down.

"I'm going to start with your shoulders, okay?" Paige whispered.

"Okay," Azzi breathed into the pillow.

When Paige first placed her hands on Azzi’s back, Azzi let out a soft, involuntary shudder. Paige’s hands were large, warm, and remarkably steady. Beginning at the base of Azzi’s neck, Paige used long, sweeping strokes, smoothing her palms over the fabric of Azzi's shirt, applying just enough pressure to make Azzi’s muscles instantly begin to yield.

"Am I hurting you?" Paige asked softly, her thumbs finding a thick knot right beneath Azzi’s left shoulder blade.

"No," Azzi murmured, her voice muffled by the pillow, dripping with pure contentment. "It feels perfect, P. You have no idea."

Paige leaned her weight forward, using the alignment of her body to deepen the pressure. She worked methodically, her thumbs tracing the contours of Azzi's spine, kneading away the lingering stress of the hospital. The rhythm was slow, hypnotic, and filled with a profound, unspoken tenderness. Paige wasn't rushing. She wanted to stretch this moment out for as long as the night would allow.

Every time Azzi let out a soft, relaxed sigh, Paige’s heart did a violent, erratic skip against her ribs. She was acutely aware of the warmth of Azzi’s skin beneath the fabric, the gentle slope of her waist, and the absolute trust Azzi was placing in her hands.

Paige moved her hands down, tracing the long lines of Azzi’s back to her lower muscles, her touch lingering just a fraction of a second longer than necessary at the small of her back.

Azzi’s breathing shifted, turning slightly shallow. Even with her eyes closed, she could feel the sheer intentionality behind Paige's touch. It wasn't just a clinical massage; it was a deeply reverent act of devotion. It felt soft and nurturing, filling the ache of wanting to be taken care of. The slow slide of Paige's hands was sending a quiet, simmering heat straight to Azzi's core.

Slowly, Azzi turned her head, shifting her cheek on the pillow so she was facing Paige’s direction. She opened her dark eyes, looking up through her lashes.

Paige stopped her hands, hovering just above Azzi’s lower back. She looked down, her eyes wide and dark with intensity. Her glasses had slid slightly down the bridge of her nose, and her cheeks were flushed a beautiful, deep pink.

"You're falling asleep," Paige whispered, though her pulse was hammering so loudly she was certain Azzi could hear it.

"I'm trying not to," Azzi murmured, her voice so low it sent a shiver down Paige’s spine. She reached one arm up, sliding her hand across the mattress until her fingers gently brushed against Paige’s knee. "I don't want to miss this."

Paige swallowed hard, her breath catching entirely in her throat. The physical contact, simple as it was, felt like a lightning strike in the room. She shifted, sliding down from her kneeling position until she was lying on her side right next to Azzi, propping her head up with one hand. Her free hand came to rest gently on the side of Azzi’s arm.

They were so close now.

Azzi looked at Paige's lips, her heart thumping against her ribs. She knew she should get up, knew she should go to the master bedroom, but Paige’s gaze was anchoring her to the mattress.

Paige reached out, her thumb tenderly brushing a stray curl of dark hair away from Azzi's face, her fingers lingering against the warm skin of Azzi’s cheek.

"You don't have to go anywhere," Paige whispered, the vulnerability raw in her eyes. "Just stay here let me keep taking care of you."

Azzi didn't answer with words. Instead, she leaned her face just a fraction of an inch into Paige’s palm.

Azzi’s cheek remained pressed gently into Paige’s hand for a few more heartbeats before Paige slowly, reluctantly, pulled her fingers back.

"Your shoulders feel a little looser," Paige whispered, her voice low and comforting. "But I’m not done yet."

Azzi offered a sleepy, questioning murmur, her eyes half closed as Paige shifted her position on the mattress. Paige slid down to the foot of the bed, her movements careful and deliberate. She sat cross legged, facing Azzi’s feet, and gently reached beneath the hem of Azzi’s oversized flannel pajama pants to grasp her right foot.

Azzi gasped softly, her eyes flying open. "Paige, you don't have to do that. Thats…."

"You’re a nurse, Azzi," Paige interrupted gently, her tone completely unyielding but incredibly soft. She grabbed some lotion from her nightstand, pouring it into her hands and rubbing them together to warm the cream. "You told me yourself you stood on a hard tile floor for twelve hours today. You’re feet have to be killing you. Just let me."

Nobody had ever looked at her exhaustion with that level of specific, observant care.

When Paige’s warm, lotion slicked hands firmly grasped the arch of her foot, Azzi let out a long, ragged sigh, burying her face completely back into Paige’s pillow. Paige used her thumbs to trace the tight muscles along the sole of Azzi's foot, applying a deep, steady pressure that made Azzi’s entire body go wonderfully lax.

"Oh my god," Azzi groaned, her voice muffled by the cotton fabric. "P... I think you might actually be a miracle worker."

"Just wanna make you feel good," Paige murmured, a small, proud smile breaking across her face. She shifted her focus to the heel, her strong thumbs working in slow circles, kneading away hours of stress.

The charge in the air hadn't dissipated; if anything, it had grown thicker, more concentrated. Every slow, deliberate stroke of Paige’s hands felt intensely intimate. Paige was pouring everything she felt; all the gratitude, the safety, and the affection she had been harboring into this quiet act of service.

Azzi lay completely still, the warmth spreading through her was intoxicating, turning her brain to mush. She felt so safe here. In this room, surrounded by Paige’s scent, wrapped in Paige’s unconditional care.

A dangerous, beautiful thought bloomed in Azzi’s mind, taking root before she could stop it: I want to stay here. I want to turn off the lamp, crawl under the covers with her, and just let her hold me for the rest of the night. The desire was so strong it made Azzi’s chest ache. She wanted to surrender to the softness of Paige’s bed, to the devotion of the girl sitting at the foot of it. She wanted to wake up to those blue eyes in the morning.

Paige smoothly transitioned to Azzi’s left foot, her touch remaining incredibly tender, her eyes fixed on her hands as she worked. "You're really tense right here, too," Paige whispered, her voice a soft, velvety rasp. "Just relax, I've got you."

Azzi swallowed hard, a lump forming in her throat as reality crashed through the hazy, warm fog in her mind.

I can't stay. The thought was sharp, painful, and entirely unyielding. She looked around the dim room, her eyes landing on the door. Down the hall, sleeping soundly under the same roof, was Peter. The man who loved her. The man who trusted her. The man who was Paige’s father.

Guilt rushed through Azzi’s veins, chilling the heat that had been coiling in her stomach. To stay in this bed tonight would be crossing a line she couldn't walk back from. It would change everything, ruin everything, and she couldn't do that to Paige, or to Peter.

Slowly, gently, Azzi flexed her ankles, signaling Paige to stop.

Paige paused, her hands still resting warmly against Azzi’s skin. She looked up through her lashes, her eyes wide, dark, and filled with a quiet, pleading vulnerability. She had seen the shift in Azzi’s posture. She knew.

"Az..." Paige whispered, her voice cracking slightly.

Azzi slowly sat up, pulling her legs back and tucking them against her chest. She looked at Paige, her dark eyes swimming with a mixture of gratitude and a heartbreaking amount of sorrow. She reached out, her fingers gently brushing against Paige’s shin over her sweatpants.

"That was... the amazing. Thank you," Azzi murmured, her voice trembling just a fraction. She forced a soft, bittersweet smile onto her lips, though it didn't reach her eyes. "But I think I need to go to your dad’s room now."

"Azzi..." Paige whispered, her voice cracking slightly. She didn't let go. Instead, her grip tightened just a fraction, her thumbs pressing gently into Azzi’s skin as if she could prevent her from getting off the bed. "Don't go. Just stay."

Azzi looked back over her shoulder, "Paige, honey... I have to. You know I have to."

"No, you don't," Paige insisted, her words tumbling out in a quiet, urgent rush. She slid forward on her knees, closing the distance between them until she was sitting right beside Azzi’s hip. "Just stay. Just for tonight."

"Your dad is right down the hall," Azzi breathed, her voice trembling as she looked toward the bedroom door, then back to Paige’s flushed face. "If he wakes up, if he comes in here."

"He won't," Paige cut her off. "He’s exhausted, Azzi. You know how he sleeps when he’s stressed about work, he’s down for the count until his alarm goes off at seven. We can set an alarm for six. Six-thirty. You can slip across the hall to his room before he even opens his eyes. He will never know."

Azzi swallowed hard, hearing Paige voice the exact fantasy she had just been imagining made her heart skip a beat. It would be so easy to give in. The bed was so soft, the room was so warm, and Paige was looking at her like she was the only person left in the universe.

She looked down at Paige’s hands resting on her ankles, and the reality of the house they were standing in pressed down on her chest with an immovable weight.

"Paige," Azzi said softly, her voice steadying as she gently but firmly placed her hands over Paige’s, halting the thumb strokes. She didn't pull away harshly, but she stopped the motion. "Look at me."

Paige blinked, her breath catching in her throat as she met Azzi’s gaze.

"Even if we set an alarm, even if he never walks through that door... we would know," Azzi murmured, her dark eyes filled with a devastatingly tender sorrow. "We would know exactly why I spent the night in your bed. Your dad trusts me, Paige. He loves me, and he loves you more than anything in this world. Slipping across the hall at six in the morning like criminals... that isn't who I am. And it’s not who you are, either."

"Azzi, I don't care about that right now," Paige whispered, a sudden, hot tear slipping down her cheek as her defenses began to crack. She leaned closer, her voice dropping to a desperate rasp. "I just want to hold you. Let me take care of you. Please."

Azzi felt her own heart break at the sight of the tear, her thumb reaching up instinctively to gently wipe it from Paige’s cheekbone. Her touch was incredibly soft, lingering for a long, quiet moment, but her expression remained unyielding.

"You already did take care of me," Azzi whispered, her voice thick with emotion as she gave Paige's cheek a final, comforting pat before letting her hand drop. "The bath, the note, the massage... it’s the most taken care of I’ve felt in years. You gave me that, and I am so grateful for it. But I can’t stay."

Paige’s shoulders sank, the fight draining out of her all at once as she realized the line was firmly drawn. She slowly let her hands slip away from Azzi’s ankles, sitting back on her heels. The disappointment in her chest was heavy.

"Okay," Paige muttered quietly, looking down at the comforter.

Azzi slid off the edge of the bed, her movements heavy with a exhaustion that was now entirely emotional. She walked to the door, pausing with her hand on the brass knob. She turned back to look at Paige one last time. Paige was sitting alone in the center of the mattress, looking small under the amber glow of the lamp.

"Goodnight, sweetheart," Azzi said softly, the pet name carrying a quiet promise.

"Night," Paige replied.

The door clicked shut, leaving Paige alone in her room, the lingering scent of lavender and the ghost of Azzi’s warmth the only reminders of how close they had come, and how far apart they still were.

-

The kitchen was entirely quiet when Azzi walked downstairs the next morning, the bright, early morning sunlight streaming through the windows and casting long, sharp shadows across the hardwood floor. Peter had already left for his early shift an hour ago. His empty coffee mug sat in the sink, a brief, scribbled note next to the coffee maker letting them know he’d be home by six.

Azzi took a deep breath, trying to shake the lingering exhaustion from her bones. She had barely slept. After leaving Paige’s room, she had tossed and turned in the guest bed for hours, her skin still feeling the warmth of Paige’s hands, her mind a tangled, guilty mess of logic and longing.

Needing something to occupy her thoughts, Azzi set to work making breakfast. She kept her movements quiet and methodical, slicing a fresh avocado, whisking eggs in a glass bowl, and dropping slices of sourdough into the toaster. She took extra care with Paige’s coffee, hoping the small gesture would smooth over whatever awkwardness remained from the night before.

By the time the food was ready, two plates were neatly set at the kitchen island, steam gently rising from the eggs.

Then, she heard the heavy, dragging footsteps coming down the stairs.

Azzi’s posture stiffened slightly. She wiped her hands on a dish towel, bracing herself as Paige entered the kitchen.

Paige didn't look up. She was wearing a massive, oversized gray hoodie with the hood pulled entirely up over her blonde hair, shadowing her face. Her hands were buried deep in the front pocket, her shoulders hunched forward. The relaxed version of her from the night before had been completely wiped clean. In its place was a cold, impenetrable wall that Azzi recognized from the very first day they had met; only this time, it felt entirely unyielding.

"Morning, P," Azzi said softly, her voice carrying a tentative, gentle warmth.

Paige didn't reply. She gave a single, barely perceptible nod of her head as she walked past.

Instead of sitting on the barstool right next to Azzi like she usually did, Paige walked the long way around the kitchen island. She walked straight to the refrigerator, pulled the door open, and grabbed a cold bottle of water.

The silence in the room stretched out, punctuated only by the loud, sharp crack of Paige twisting the plastic cap off the bottle. She took a slow, deliberate sip.

Azzi cleared her throat, the knot of anxiety in her stomach tightening. She carefully pushed the plate of food and the steaming ceramic mug just an inch closer to Paige's side of the counter.

"I made you some breakfast," Azzi murmured, her eyes searching the small sliver of Paige’s face visible beneath the hood. "And your coffee. Just how you like it."

Paige stared at the plate for a long moment. Her expression was completely blank, her eyes flat and unreadable.

"Not hungry," Paige said.

Her voice was dangerously quiet, a flat monotone that lacked any trace of the emotional warmth from hours prior. She didn't touch the food. She didn't even reach for the coffee. She just stood there, holding her water bottle, staring at a spot on the marble counter a few inches away from Azzi's hands.

"Paige... please," Azzi whispered, stepping closer to the edge of the island. Her chest was beginning to ache. "Can we talk for a second? About last night?"

Paige’s jaw tightened. She didn't look up, but her entire body went rigid beneath the heavy fabric of her hoodie.

"Nothing to talk about," Paige muttered.

"There is," Azzi countered gently, her voice cracking slightly with a note of genuine distress. She hated how quickly Paige could lock herself away. "I know you're upset. I know it wasn't what you wanted to hear, but I was just trying to do the right thing. I didn't want to leave things broken between us."

Paige finally raised her eyes, the absolute lack of warmth in them was terrifying. It was a completely clinical, detached stare, a total shutdown of the girl who had cried into her pillow after Azzi left.

"It's fine," Paige said, her tone cutting and efficient.

"It doesn't feel fine," Azzi said, her dark eyes swimming with worry. She reached a hand across the counter, her fingers hovering just a few inches away from Paige’s arm, desperate for some kind of connection. "Please don't shut me out, P."

Paige looked down at Azzi’s hovering hand. Her face didn't change, but she slowly, deliberately stepped back, pulling herself entirely out of Azzi's reach.

"I have a lab report," Paige said flatly, her words sparse and absolute.

She turned on her heel, not waiting for a response, and began to walk out of the kitchen.

"Paige," Azzi called out, a desperate plea slipping past her lips as she took a step around the counter to follow her.

Paige stopped at the edge of the hallway. She didn't turn around to face Azzi, keeping her back completely rigid. For a split second, the heavy rise and fall of her chest gave away the anger and hurt she was trying so hard to smother, but when she spoke, her voice remained terrifyingly cold and clipped.

"Don't," Paige whispered.

Before Azzi could say anything else, Paige moved up the stairs, her footsteps sharp and fast against the wood. A moment later, the heavy, definitive thud of her bedroom door closing echoed down the stairwell, followed by the sharp click of the lock turning.

Azzi stood entirely still in the center of the sunlit kitchen, the silence rushing back in to fill the space, staring helplessly at the breakfast that was slowly turning cold.

—

She stood there for a long time, staring at the untouched food and the cold coffee. A knot of misery tightened in her chest. She had spent her entire adult life learning how to heal people, how to fix things, and how to make people feel safe; yet in a single morning, she had managed to make Paige freeze up like a block of ice.

I did this, Azzi thought, a wave of guilt washing over her. She knew her logic from the night before was sound, but seeing the utter devastation Paige carried completely broken her. She couldn't just sit in the house and do nothing while Paige was hurting.

Needing to act, Azzi grabbed her car keys.

She drove to a local florist, her mind racing the entire way. She walked past the bright, aggressive roses and the generic supermarket arrangements, searching for something that felt right. Finally, her eyes landed on a bundle of striking, deep blue hydrangeas mixed with soft, pale white delphiniums and sprigs of eucalyptus. The colors immediately reminding her of Paige; sharp, brilliant, and beautifully complex.

By the time she got back to the house, the clock showed just past noon. Peter was still at work, and Paige's schedule meant she would be stuck in class for another hour.

Azzi brought the flowers into the kitchen, her hands moving with a focused, quiet urgency. She found a heavy, clear glass vase in the upper cabinets, filled it with cool water, and carefully trimmed the stems. She arranged them meticulously, ensuring the deep blues and soft whites balanced perfectly, the fresh, earthy scent of eucalyptus filling the room and masking the lingering tension from breakfast.

Carrying the vase upstairs, her heart hammered a nervous rhythm against her ribs. She felt like an intruder as she gently turned the knob to Paige’s bedroom door. It was unlocked now.

She stepped inside, the room smelling faintly of lavender and clean cotton. Azzi carefully set the heavy vase down on the center of Paige's desk, right next to her neatly stacked notebooks and a stray drafting pencil. The blue of the flowers caught the afternoon light, casting a beautiful glow over the wooden surface.

Azzi pulled a small, blank card from her pocket. She sat at the edge of the bed; the very same spot where Paige had sat the night before and took a deep breath. She didn't want to overcomplicate it. She just wanted to ask for a second chance.

In looping cursive, she wrote:

"I was trying to do what I thought was right. I'm so sorry I hurt you. Can I please stay in your room tonight? - Azzi"

She propped the card securely against the base of the glass vase where Paige couldn't miss it.

Slipping out of the room, Azzi closed the door softly behind her, praying that Paige would let her back in.

Paige’s feet dragged heavily as she walked down the hallway, the exhaustion of class weighing on her shoulders, though it was nothing compared to the hollow ache in her chest. She unlocked her bedroom door, expecting to just throw her backpack on the floor and bury herself under the blankets to avoid facing the house.

Instead, she stopped dead in her tracks.

The afternoon light was hitting her desk, illuminating a massive bouquet of blue hydrangeas and white flowers. The scent of eucalyptus filled her room. Paige dropped her backpack to the floor with a loud thud, her heart hammering against her ribs as she stepped closer.

There, propped against the clear glass vase, was the small white card.

She picked it up with trembling fingers, her eyes racing over Azzi’s handwriting:

"I was trying to do what I thought was right. I'm so sorry I hurt you. Can I please stay in your room tonight? - Azzi"

A sudden, dizzying rush of pure happiness flooded Paige’s chest, completely shattering the walls she had built up all morning. The relief was so intense it made her dizzy. A massive smile broke across her face, her eyes stinging with fresh, happy tears as she stared at the words. She wants to stay. She’s sorry. Paige practically ripped her phone out of her pocket, her fingers flying across the keyboard, completely abandoning her cold, distant act from breakfast:

Yes. Please. Come in after he falls asleep. I’ll leave the door open.

The moment she hit send, Paige tossed the phone onto her bed and let out a breathless, giddy laugh. But a split second later, the excitement gave way to panic.

She's staying in my room. Tonight.

Even though Azzi's note was soft and comforting; even though Paige knew, realistically, they were just going to sleep in the same bed, her brain completely short circuited. She rushed over to her full-length mirror, suddenly horrified by her appearance. She yanked the hood of her massive, stained gray sweatshirt off her head, staring at the messy bun that was falling apart.

"Oh my god," Paige whispered to the empty room, her cheeks turning a bright, frantic pink. "I look like shit."

She threw open her closet doors, her hands tearing through the hangers in a total frenzy. She had never cared about clothes before, but suddenly, every single piece of clothing she owned felt entirely wrong. She couldn't wear her usual paint stained sweatpants; what if they looked too sloppy? But she couldn't wear anything tight or scandalous either, because that would ruin the softness of what they were doing and scare Azzi away.

She pulled out a pair of matching dark blue flannel pajama pants, they were brand new, soft, and completely unstained. Then she spent a ridiculous ten minutes agonizing over a t-shirt. She finally settled on a fitted, soft white cotton tee. It was simple, completely casual, but it actually flattered her shoulders and didn't look like something she had dragged out of a hamper.

Paige practically sprinted into the bathroom, letting her long blonde hair down. She brushed it out until it fell in soft, shiny waves over her shoulders, then applied a tiny, subtle swipe of vanilla lip balm, just enough to make her lips look soft.

She walked back into her bedroom, adjusting the pillows on her bed, fluffing the comforter, and making sure the single bedside lamp was dimmed to the perfect, warm glow. She sat down on the edge of the mattress, her heart racing a mile a minute as she looked at the blue hydrangeas on her desk.

She was incredibly nervous, her stomach flipping over itself, but for the first time all day, she felt entirely alive, just waiting for the house downstairs to go dark.

The house grew still as the clock ticked past midnight, the only sound in the master bedroom being the heavy breathing of Peter sleeping soundly beside her. Azzi lay perfectly rigid on her side of the mattress, her dark eyes wide open, staring blankly at the shadows stretching across the ceiling. Every minute that had passed since Paige's text had felt like an eternity.

When she was absolutely certain Bob was down for the count, Azzi slowly, meticulously peeled back the heavy comforter. She slipped out of bed, her bare feet making no sound against the hardwood floor as she crept toward the door.

When she reached the door, she found it cracked open just a fraction of an inch, exactly as promised.

Azzi pushed it open softly and stepped inside, closing it behind her with a quiet, deliberate click.

Paige was sitting up in bed, her long blonde hair brushing over her shoulders in soft waves. She looked incredibly beautiful, her blue eyes wide and luminous as they locked onto Azzi.

"Hey," Paige whispered, her voice a low, breathless rasp.

Azzi didn't say a word at first. She walked straight to the side of the bed, crawling under the comforter and shifting until she was sitting face to face with Paige. She reached out, her warm hands gently cradling Paige's face, her thumbs brushing softly over her cheeks.

"I'm sorry for hurting you last night," Azzi murmured, her voice a fragile, tender whisper. She looked deep into Paige's eyes, her gaze filled with a quiet, raw honesty. "I didn’t want to leave you and I hated the way this morning went."

Paige leaned her cheek a fraction of an inch into Azzi's palm, her hands coming up to gently rest on Azzi’s wrists. "I know," Paige whispered. "I'm sorry too, I was being immature."

Azzi let out a soft, shaky breath, her forehead leaning forward until it rested gently against Paige's. "I don't know how to navigate this."

"Me neither," Paige whispered against her skin, a soft, genuine smile finally breaking through the tension. "I just want you close to me."

With a soft, shared exhale, the remaining distance between them completely dissolved. Azzi slipped further down beneath the comforter, turning onto her side, and Paige moved instantly to meet her.

The care Paige had taken to look nice; the brushed out waves of her hair, the soft cotton tee, all faded into the background as they finally collapsed into each other’s space.

Paige stretched her arm out, allowing Azzi to settle her head perfectly into the hollow of her shoulder. Azzi fit against her effortlessly, her body relaxing completely as she curled her knees up, draping one arm over Paige’s waist. Paige wrapped her strong arm securely around Azzi, her hand resting on the small of Azzi's back, pulling her flush against her chest.

"You smell so good," Azzi whispered into the quiet darkness, her lips brushing against the fabric of Paige's shirt.

Paige felt a warm, full blush creep up her neck, a soft smile spreading across her face. She rested her chin gently against the top of Azzi’s head, inhaling the lingering scent of the eucalyptus and the clean warmth of Azzi's skin.

"I washed my sheets today," Paige admitted, she let her fingers trace slow, comforting circles on Azzi's back. "And I... I did my hair. I wanted everything to be perfect for you."

Azzi let out a low, contented chuckle, the sound vibrating softly against Paige’s chest. She squeezed Paige’s waist, tilting her head up just enough to look at her through her lashes. "You're always perfect. You could be wearing your oldest hoodie, have horrible bed head, and I'd still want to be right here."

"Doubtful," Paige whispered back, though her eyes were shining with happiness. She shifted slightly, her hand moving up from Azzi's back to gently thread through her dark, curly hair. "I was so scared this morning. When I walked away from you in the kitchen, I hated being mad at you."

"I hated it too," Azzi murmured. She raised her hand, her fingers tenderly tracing the line of Paige's jaw.

"I’m so happy you’re here," Paige whispered, leaning down just a fraction of an inch until her forehead rested against Azzi's again. Their breath mingled in the small space between them, warm and shallow. "It's just you and me. No one else is in this house right now."

"Just you and me," Azzi echoed, a soft, sleepy sigh escaping her lips. She closed her eyes, nuzzling her face deeper into the crook of Paige's neck, finding a perfect, secure spot there.

The shadow of Peter across the hall and the weight of their complicated reality didn't vanish, but in the quiet warmth of the bed, the fear melted away. Paige continued her slow, hypnotic rhythm, her fingers gently stroking Azzi’s hair, while her other hand held Azzi tight, anchoring her.

"Go to sleep, Ma," Paige whispered after a while, her voice a barely audible huff of air against Azzi's temple. "I’ve got you. I'll watch the clock."

"Mmm... six o'clock," Azzi mumbled, her speech slurring slightly.

"Six o'clock," Paige promised softly, her heart swelling with affection so fierce it almost frightened her. She pressed a gentle, lingering kiss to the top of Azzi’s head. "Goodnight, beautiful."

"Goodnight." Azzi breathed, her arm tightening around Paige’s waist one last time before her breathing evened out.

Paige kept her eyes open a little longer, just watching the steady rise and fall of Azzi’s shoulders, savoring the absolute trust of the woman in her arms, before she finally closed her eyes and let herself drift off into the safest sleep she had ever known.

—

Paige’s phone alarm cut through the quiet bedroom at exactly six o'clock. Paige’s eyes flew open instantly, and her hand shot out from beneath the comforter to silence it before the sound could carry down the hallway.

The room was still cast in a deep, early morning gray, the first hints of dawn barely filtering through the blinds. Paige let out a low exhale, her body automatically tightening its hold on the warmth wrapped up against her chest.

Azzi stirred at the movement, let out a soft, protestive murmur, and shifted even closer. She was completely curled into Paige’s side, her face buried in the crook of Paige’s neck, one leg hooked over Paige’s thighs.

"Hey," Paige whispered, her voice deep. She gently ran her fingers down the length of Azzi’s arm, smoothing over the soft fabric of her pajamas. "Azzi. It's six."

"No," Azzi mumbled against Paige’s skin, her voice thick and heavy with sleep. She tightened her arm around Paige's waist, pulling herself so close there wasn't a single inch of space left between them. "Five more minutes."

Paige couldn't help the soft, breathless smile that broke across her face. She pressed a warm kiss to the top of Azzi’s head, inhaling the comforting scent of lavender that still lingered. "We said six sharp, beautiful. My dad’s alarm goes off in an hour."

Azzi let out a long, heavy sigh, her eyes fluttering open. She tilted her head up, staring at Paige’s blue eyes, which were soft and completely focused on her.

"I don't want to get up," Azzi whispered, the confession raw and completely honest. She reached up, her warm hand framing Paige’s jaw, her thumb brushing softly over her cheekbone. "I don't want to leave this bed."

"I don't want you to leave either," Paige whispered back, leaning into the touch, her heart hammering a slow, heavy rhythm. "I wish you could just stay here all day."

"Me too," Azzi murmured, her thumb lingering on Paige's cheek for a brief, agonizing second. She took a deep, centering breath, forcing herself to find her resolve. "But I have to go. Before the house wakes up."

"I know," Paige said softly, her expression turning serious, though entirely understanding. "Be careful in the hall."

Azzi gave a tiny, reluctant nod. She slowly uncurled her body from Paige’s, the sudden rush of cool morning air hitting her skin where Paige’s warmth had just been. She slipped out from under the blankets, her feet hitting the cold hardwood floor, and looked back at Paige one last time.

"See you later," Azzi whispered.

"See you later," Paige replied.

Azzi quieted her steps as she slipped out the door. She tiptoed across the hallway, her heart in her throat, and gently pushed open the door to the master bedroom.

The room was dark, the air heavy and thick. She could hear the deep, rumbling sound of Peter’s snoring. Azzi felt a knot form in her stomach that contrasted violently with the warmth she had just left behind.

She carefully slid back into the bed, pulling the covers up to her chin, trying to make it look like she had been there the entire night. She lay perfectly still, staring at the wall, waiting for her racing pulse to calm down.

A few minutes later, Peter stirred. He let out a low, congested groan, shifting his heavy frame across the mattress. Still completely asleep, he instinctively reached out for her. His large, heavy arm draped over Azzi’s waist, pulling her back against his chest as he buried his face into her shoulder, mumbling something unintelligible.

The moment his skin brushed against hers, a sudden, violent jolt ran straight down Azzi’s spine.

The heavy scent of his cologne, the rough texture of his hands, the sheer weight of his body against hers; it all felt completely, fundamentally wrong. Her skin practically crawled under his touch, every nerve ending in her body screaming at the intrusion. It felt like a violation of the sacred, quiet softness she had just shared across the hall.

Azzi lay completely paralyzed in the dark, her breath catching in her throat, forcing herself not to flinch away as she stared blindly into the shadows.

—

The kitchen was bright, the smell of freshly brewed coffee and sizzling bacon filled the air, creating a domestic picture that felt violently at odds with the quiet, suffocating panic still twisting inside Azzi’s chest.

Peter was standing by the stove, humming under his breath as he scraped scrambled eggs out of a pan and onto a platter. He looked refreshed, completely rested, and entirely oblivious. Every time he glanced over at Azzi, his eyes softened with deep, steady affection.

"Alright, breakfast is served," Peter announced, setting the heavy platter in the center of the kitchen island. "Before I dig into this, I gotta use the restroom. Don't let Paige eat everything before I get back."

"No promises, Dad," Paige called out, her voice cutting through the space as she walked into the kitchen. She was swallowed by her usual dark gray crew neck sweatshirt, her blonde hair messy, her blue eyes bright.

"I'll be right back," Peter smiled, heading down the hallway and clicking the bathroom door shut behind him.

The moment the latch clicked, the atmosphere in the kitchen completely shifted.

Paige didn't hesitate for a single second. She abandoned the breakfast platter, she crossed the kitchen tile to where Azzi was standing by the counter. Without a word, Paige wrapped her long arms around Azzi, burying her face into the side of Azzi’s neck and pulling her into a massive, tight hug.

"God, I missed you," Paige murmured into her skin, her voice a low whisper that sent a shiver straight down Azzi's spine. Paige’s fingers tightened into the fabric of Azzi’s shirt, holding her with a fierce, sudden intensity before she pulled back just enough to look down into Azzi’s eyes.

A sudden, hopeful vulnerability crossed Paige’s face, her hand subtly brushing against the side of Azzi's hip, safely hidden beneath the counter line.

"Can you come back in tonight?" Paige whispered, her blue eyes wide, pleading, and entirely focused on Azzi's face. "Please, Azzi. Just for a little bit. After he falls asleep."

Guilt crashed over Azzi. Images of Peter’s heavy arm draped over her waist this morning, of his absolute trust. She knew it was a dangerous line to cross. She knew she shouldn't.

But as she looked up at Paige; feeling the pull of this new closeness that she was completely caught up in, the guilt was drowned out by a terrifying, desperate need to feel that comfort again. She couldn't get enough of it. The thought of going a whole night without it after just experiencing it for the first time felt impossible.

"Yes," Azzi breathed, her voice a ragged whisper as she looked up at her. "Yes. I'll be there."

A giant, brilliant smile instantly broke across Paige’s face, lighting up her entire countenance and making her blue eyes crinkle at the corners. It was a look of pure, joy; an expression so radiantly happy it made Azzi’s heart ache with a mixture of intense anticipation and deep terror.

The heavy click of the bathroom door unlocking down the hall shattered the moment.

Paige pulled away from Azzi’s space instantly, stepping back toward the refrigerator just as Peter’s footsteps echoed back into the kitchen. By the time Peter walked through the archway, Paige was casually leaning against the counter, reaching for the orange juice, while Azzi picked up her coffee mug.

"Alright, nobody touched the bacon, thank God," Peter joked, sliding onto a barstool and pulling the platter toward him, completely blind to the fact that the dynamic in his house had just been irrevocably rewritten.

[pazziwings]

guys this is the cutest thing ever

[buffalo1221]

can you fix a broken heart

Synopsis: Paige knows she should probably stay at work and finish wiping the grout. But the alternative option, going home to finish Azzi, seems much more appealing.

warnings: down bad lesbians. suggestive language. tool boxes. still a lot of gayness and cuteness and fluff.

wc: 6.3k

a/n: i'm not gonna lie, i'm getting emotional posting this final installment of cyfabh. i started this little journey in december and i can't believe so many of you followed along. thank you so much for your comments and likes and heated debates that gave me the motivation to keep going!! this 20 chapter fic that was supposed to be a 20k word one-shot (like genuinely wtf was i thinking? lol) brought me so much joy writing, but most of all, i'm grateful it brought me family fc. 🫶🏼

epilogue:

Paige was kneeling on the tiled floor of a half-finished bathroom, her hands and the Big Buckets Remodeling t-shirt covered in grout, when the call came in.

The bathroom looked nothing like it had three weeks ago when she started work on it. Back then it had ugly yellow linoleum curling at the corners and a sink that looked like it had survived several wars and maybe even a small fire. Now, the walls were wrapped in perfect hunter green wainscoting with a new walnut vanity sitting on the marble floor tile Paige had spent the better part of the week laying on her hands and knees.

Her lower back was already threatening mutiny but stopping wasn’t an option. She was behind schedule already thanks to a supplier mix-up and a client who decided to add on the half-bath renovation last minute. 

Rich people loved saying things like “while you’re already here.”

Like timelines weren’t real and Paige wasn’t already booked out twelve months. 

Her phone rang, muffled from the back pocket of her jeans, and Paige immediately recognized it. Azzi had her own ringtone, mostly because after the third time Paige accidentally ignored her wife’s calls while elbow-deep in insulation, Azzi dramatically informed her she could be dying on the side of the road and Paige would never know. 

The ringtone itself was nothing like the original one Azzi had picked out. The first time the chorus to LOVER GIRL started blasting from Paige’s phone in the middle of her workday, she nearly fell off a ladder trying to shut it off. It wasn’t quick enough, and when she mumbled “Hey, Az,” into the phone, her employees doubled over laughing. 

Now a much more acceptable instrumental version of their wedding song played when Azzi called, but her employees weren’t subtle about playing LOVER GIRL whenever Paige walked onto a job site.

Technically speaking, Paige could ignore calls from subcontractors. Clients, too, if they were particularly annoying. But she’d learned very early on that no matter how busy she was, ignoring a call from her Azzi was rarely worth the consequences. Especially because Azzi only called if she really needed something.

Although, if Paige was being honest, their definitions of what constituted “really needing something” varied wildly.

Paige, for instance, wouldn’t necessarily classify a spider on the ceiling as an emergency worthy of summoning her home in the middle of a workday. Azzi, on the other hand, absolutely would.

In Azzi’s defense, it had been a pretty massive spider. And it had been on the vaulted ceiling in their living room, which meant Azzi couldn’t even attempt to reach it herself without climbing a ladder and risking a broken neck. So Paige had driven home with her extension ladder, vacuumed the thing into oblivion while Azzi supervised from a safe, respectable distance, and then accepted her reward in the form of several grateful kisses and a very convincing promise to “make it worth her while later.”

Which she had. Very thoroughly. So honestly? That emergency had worked out pretty well for everyone involved.

Paige laughed to herself at the memory and wiped her hands down the fronts of her dirty jeans before fishing her phone from her pocket. A streak of grout smeared across the screen as Azzi’s contact photo lit up the display.

It was one of Paige’s favorites. Azzi was grinning into the camera in an old Big Buckets shirt with paint on her cheek and sunglasses shoved into her curls while holding up a drill she absolutely did not know how to use properly.

Paige’s chest cinched a little. Five years together, three of them married, and somehow her wife still managed to knock the wind out of her on a regular basis.

“Hey baby,” Paige answered, pushing herself upright with a groan as her knees cracked in protest.

“Hey, P.”

Just hearing her wife’s voice softened Paige. Even though she knew the call was inevitably going to end with Azzi asking for something. 

“How’s work?” Azzi asked.

Paige glanced around the construction zone, taking in the open tool bags, sawdust coating nearly every surface, and the sound of a drill going in the kitchen.

“Busy,” Paige laughed, dragging the back of her wrist across her forehead to wipe a bead of sweat. “But what else is new?”

Azzi laughed too and Paige smiled automatically at the sound. 

“Everything okay?” Paige asked after a second.

“Yeah…” Azzi answered, though the word trailed off strangely.

Paige’s brow furrowed immediately. She knew that tone.

“What’s going on, baby?” she asked, softer now as she stepped away from the bathroom doorway and leaned against a cabinet sitting in the hall waiting to be installed.

There was hesitation on the other end. Finally, Azzi exhaled.

“There’s something wrong with the shower head.”

“With the shower head?”

“Yeah,” Azzi confirmed, somehow sounding guilty about it. “It’s not really working.”

Paige tipped her head back toward the ceiling with a sigh that wasn’t entirely annoyed. Mostly just tired, as one more thing was added to her to-do list.

“Okay,” she said slowly into the phone. “I can take a look when I get home later.”

“Well…” Azzi hesitated again. “I have a last-minute photo shoot and I kinda need to shower.”

Paige pinched the bridge of her nose. Of course she did.

“Can’t you use the guest bathroom?” she asked, already mentally calculating how much grout she still needed to wipe before it dried permanently.

“You know I don’t really love the water pressure in there.”

Paige closed her eyes and sighed internally. The thing was, Paige normally would’ve dropped everything without much complaint. She would’ve. She fully understood the term “happy wife, happy life”. But this project was already running behind and drying grout waited for no one. Not even WNBA royalty who didn’t like the water pressure in the guest bathroom.

“Can I send Nikki to take a look?” Paige asked carefully.

Nikki was the first employee Paige hired, back when Big Buckets Home Repair became Big Buckets Remodeling, a transition that still occasionally made a heady mix of disbelief and pride flood through Paige.

And even though Paige refused to take Azzi’s money—or her “investment” as Azzi tried calling it—Paige still had Azzi to thank for the business growth. 

It started after Paige taught Azzi how to fix a few things around the house one offseason. Nothing major, just swapping outlets, patching drywall, installing new blinds. Simple things.

Somewhere between nearly electrocuting herself trying to replace a light fixture and proudly changing out a bathroom faucet entirely on her own, Azzi had looked over at Paige one night and said, “You know you’re actually really good at explaining this stuff, right?”

Azzi spent the next week insisting Paige should make videos teaching women basic home repair because she could do it without being condescending about it. And she was hot so they’d pay attention. Paige immediately refused because she had approximately zero interest in becoming whatever the hell an influencer was.

Then Dijonai called saying she needed some shelves hung in her living room. That turned out to be a big fucking setup.

Paige showed up with her tools only to find a full camera setup in the living room, Azzi sitting cross-legged on the couch trying not to look too pleased with herself, and Dijonai laughing so hard at Paige’s shocked face she nearly doubled over. 

Paige had sighed and dropped her toolbox in defeat, threatening divorce before they were even married. But of course, she’d filmed the stupid video. 

The first one barely got any traction. A few thousand views maybe. The second one, unfortunately, exploded.

Paige still maintained it went viral because the actual repair was useful and extremely informative. Everyone else insisted it was because she happened to be wearing a cutoff shirt while replacing fence panels in the blazing sun and the internet collectively lost its mind over her glistening arms and sweat soaked shirt.

Judging by the comments on the video, her friends were probably right. Azzi reposting the videos and adding #imsolucky as her own commentary probably hadn’t helped.

Things spiraled quickly after that. Suddenly Big Buckets Repairs had millions of TikTok views, and her YouTube channel subscribers skyrocketed. The comments were full of women saying she made home repair feel “approachable” instead of intimidating, and contractors arguing about whether she was “qualified enough” while simultaneously thirsting after her in the replies.

Paige’s friends found the whole thing deeply entertaining. They’d screenshot the especially suggestive comments and send them in the joint group chat aptly named “family fc” with Gabby and Sarah where they collectively roasted Paige. To the point where Paige tried to figure out how to turn the comments off completely. 

Azzi found it significantly less entertaining once Paige’s comments section started looking like the world's biggest lesbian convention. That quickly led to one very serious household rule: no more filming in cutoffs.

Paige argued that was discriminatory. Azzi argued she enjoyed their relationship remaining intact.

Azzi won. Obviously. And Paige teased her but secretly loved that the comments on Azzi’s reshares became more possessive. Or that she’d occasionally catch Azzi watching those specific edits late at night.

Still, the videos DiJonai filmed, edited, and monetized brought in enough extra income business that Paige could finally afford help. First Nikki. Then a few months later another employee. Then another. Until suddenly Big Buckets wasn’t just Paige running herself into the ground six days a week anymore.

Now, she had ten employees, an office manager, a few company vans, and a waitlist booked out nearly a year in advance. There was a new website, too, courtesy of Azzi’s graphic designer. 

But the logo stayed exactly the same. The graphic designer had said it was important for brand recognition but Paige later discovered an email from Azzi that basically said in more or less words: don’t you dare touch it.

Nikki had been there through the ups and downs of the expansion, and Paige trusted her implicitly. The suggestion made sense, and it wasn’t the first time Paige had sent Nikki in her place for these little emergencies that popped up. 

A few seconds of silence before Azzi answered quietly. “Well… I was really hoping it would be you, P.”

Suddenly all the pieces clicked together so fast Paige laughed out loud in the middle of the hallway.

Oh.

Ohhh.

She pressed her lips together, fighting a grin as heat rushed up the back of her neck.

The shower head wasn’t broken.

Hell, Azzi probably didn’t even have a photo shoot.

This was the game.

Their game.

The one they’d been playing in one form or another for years now, since that first ridiculous service call when Paige walked into Azzi’s kitchen and completely changed the trajectory of both their lives. Somewhere along the way, fake household emergencies had evolved into foreplay.

Not intentionally at first. Well… probably not intentionally. There was no telling with Azzi. 

It started soon after they officially got together, when Azzi claimed the bedroom door was jammed and she was trapped inside, only for Paige to come home and find her girlfriend stretched across the bed wearing black lace lingerie and an absolutely feral smile.

Another time it was “the landscapers cracked the living room window,” which turned out to just be Azzi sitting innocently on the couch in nothing but one of Paige’s old work shirts with a smirk that instantly made her wet.

Then there was the “suspicious sound the garbage disposal was making” that ended with Azzi bent over the kitchen island while Paige messily ate her out because apparently there was no actual emergency. 

The specifics changed.

The outcome never did.

Paige usually ended up driving back to work an hour or two later, flushed, smiling like an idiot, and trying very hard to pretend she wasn’t thinking about her girl spread out underneath her.

The guys she employed were completely oblivious, thankfully. As far as they knew, Paige just really cared about maintaining her house or didn’t want to piss her wife off. Nikki, unfortunately, was not oblivious at all.

She always took one look at Paige strolling back onto the job site with pink cheeks and a dazed little smile and immediately got a knowing smirk on her face that made Paige want to walk directly into oncoming traffic.

Knowing what Paige knew now meant there was absolutely no fucking chance she was sending Nikki home to deal with her very clearly horny wife.

Paige leaned back against the hallway wall, suddenly very aware of the sweat sticking her shirt to her spine. It had, depressingly, been nearly two weeks since she’d had her mouth on Azzi, which was almost a new record for them.

Azzi was in season again, Paige was juggling three open jobs at once, and lately it felt like they were just two exhausted people trying to coordinate extremely conflicting calendars well enough to occasionally have sex before passing out.

Quite frankly, it was ruining Paige’s quality of life and she wasn’t going to turn this opportunity down. 

“Ohhh,” Paige dragged out slowly into the phone, grinning now as she ducked her head toward the floor. “I see. Yeah. Um…”

Her brain immediately betrayed her by supplying approximately twelve different scenarios for what could be waiting at home. Each one equally enticing and endless in possibility. 

Maybe Azzi would be naked already.

Maybe lingerie.

Maybe just one of Paige’s button downs and nothing underneath.

Maybe she’d tell Paige to get the toolbox…

Jesus Christ.

Paige scrubbed a hand over her face as her cheeks flooded with heat. God, she was so easy for her wife. Who could honestly blame her, though. She was married to Azzi Fucking Fudd. 

“Can I have like… fifteen minutes to finish wiping this grout?” Paige asked, trying and failing to sound remotely professional. Wiping the grout was going to take twice that long, but she was feeling optimistic. 

Azzi hummed softly on the other end, clearly pleased with herself now that Paige had caught up.

“I guess I can wait a few minutes.”

Paige outright grinned this time.  “Okay baby. I’m gonna be outta here as soon as I can.”

“I’ll be waiting…” Azzi drawled.

The words slid straight down Paige’s spine and settled in a pool of liquid between her legs. Then the line disconnected before she could shoot back a cocky remark.

She stared at her phone for a solid two seconds before muttering, “Holy shit,” under her breath. 

Suddenly the grout became the least important thing in her entire day even though the whole bathroom renovation timeline revolved around it.

Paige shoved her phone back into her pocket and walked quickly down the hallway, trying very hard to arrange her face into something that didn’t immediately give away the fact that she was about to leave her employees on a very busy jobsite to go home and fuck her wife.

Unfortunately, she suspected she was failing miserably.

The ranch house they were remodeling was massive. She and her team had already gutted most of it over the last two months;  new hardwood floors stretched through the open-concept living space, kitchen cabinets were being installed, and the smell of sawdust and fresh paint hung thick in the warm afternoon air. Sometimes, it still astounded her how far her dad’s small business had come. It made her smile to think about how proud he would be of what she’d done with what he’d left her. And it always felt like one of the ways to keep him and his memory close.

Paige found Nikki standing on a small step stool near the stove wall, leveling an upper cabinet with laser-focused precision. Her short hair was tucked under a backwards hat, a measuring tape clipped to her belt.

She glanced over when Paige walked in.

“What’s up, boss?” Nikki asked, pausing after taking in her appearance. “You look… weird.”

“I do not,” Paige shot back defensively. 

Nikki’s eyes narrowed. “You absolutely do.”

Paige ignored that and jerked her head vaguely toward the bathroom. “I need a hand wiping grout.”

“Okay.” Nikki set down her level without question and hopped off the stool. “Thought you said it was too tight in there for two people.”

“I did,” Paige muttered.

They walked together, their work boots thudding softly against the paper-covered hardwood floors. Paige grabbed a sponge from the bucket while Nikki leaned against the doorway watching her for a second.

“What’s the rush?” she finally asked.

Paige crouched back down and focused very hard on the grout lines of the tile floor instead of on the heat creeping up her neck.

“Azzi called,” she said casually.

Nikki hummed. “And?” 

Paige scrubbed exponentially harder than necessary at a tile corner. “And she needs me to come home.”

Nikki’s expression didn’t change, but Paige could physically feel the judgment radiating off her.

“What happened?”

Paige cleared her throat. “The shower head isn’t working.”

There was a beat of silence before Nikki slowly raised an eyebrow in recognition.

“Oh,” Nikki said, nodding once with immediate understanding. “The shower head. Right. Right.”

Paige’s face went fully hot. 

“Don’t start,” she warned weakly.

Nikki pressed her lips together attempting professionalism for approximately half a second before losing the battle entirely.

“You know,” she said cheerfully with a smug grin, “I can just finish this up on my own.”

Paige looked up from her knees, hope coursing through her. “Are you sure?”

“I mean…” Nikki drawled, crossing her arms. “If the shower head is such an emergency, you wouldn’t wanna keep wifey waiting.”

Paige groaned and dragged a wet hand down her face, not even caring if some grout smeared. “Bro.”

Nikki burst out laughing and the worst part was that Paige genuinely had nobody to blame but herself. Years of mysteriously disappearing in the middle of workdays only to return looking dazed and suspiciously happy had painted a pretty clear and damning picture.

“She said the water pressure in the guest bathroom wasn’t good,” Paige muttered defensively.

Nikki just stared back, blinking slowly, her arms crossed. 

Paige sighed. “Okay, yeah, saying it out loud makes it sound so much worse.”

“Little bit.”

Paige shook her head, though she was grinning now. So her wife wanted a middle of the day quickie. Fucking sue her. She pushed back to her feet. 

“Alright. The grout just needs one more wipe before it hazes over,” she instructed. “Then let it sit another hour before sealing. The plumbing fixtures are all labeled in the garage.”

Nikki nodded easily. “Got it.”

Paige moved down the hall to the working kitchen sink and scrubbed her hands thoroughly beneath the faucet, trying to remove the stubborn grout from her fingers and underneath her nails. 

Behind her, Nikki leaned against the kitchen island with a wide smirk still plastered across her face.

“You know,” she said casually, “normal people just text each other nudes and wait until after work.”

Paige nearly choked. “Jesus Christ, Nikki,” she laughed. Then she turned to meet her green eyed gaze. “Also… have you met my wife?” 

“Good point,” Nikki laughed. “Alright, get out of here. I’ve got this covered.”

Paige grabbed her keys off the counter and pointed at her threateningly. “Buy yourself and the boys lunch on the company card,” she called over her shoulder, hoping it would buy her some goodwill and maybe Nikki wouldn’t tease her relentlessly when she returned. If she even came back… 

“I love being bribed for my silence,” Nikki teased. 

Paige shook her head, laughing under her breath as she headed toward the front door. She hadn’t made it outside yet before Nikki yelled after her, “Tell Azzi I said hi!”

Paige stumbled slightly on the porch steps, catching the railing to steady herself.

“Mind your business!” she shouted back without turning around before tugging the door shut behind herself.

Nikki’s cackling followed her all the way across the driveway. As Paige climbed into her truck, flushed and grinning like an idiot, she had a feeling Nikki was absolutely planning on tormenting her about this for the foreseeable future.

Whatever. 

It would be worth it. It had been a while since Azzi pulled this move; months maybe. Maybe even closer to a year, if Paige really thought about it.

Which probably explained why she felt borderline manic with excitement.

Paige drove home with absolutely zero regard for the speed limit. She kept catching herself grinning at red lights like a complete idiot, her fingers drumming impatiently against the steering wheel while her mind ran in approximately twelve different directions at once. 

There was something wildly unfair about having to drive twenty minutes home while actively imagining your wife waiting for you half naked somewhere inside your house.

Especially when said wife looked like Azzi Fudd.

Paige adjusted in her seat with a muttered, “Let’s fucking go,” at the car in front of her rolling entirely too slow through the suburbs north of Seattle.

Finally, she turned onto their street. The neighborhood they’d moved into after their wedding sat far outside the city. More trees, bigger lots, fewer people trying to parallel park Teslas on the narrow streets and leaving no room for Paige’s truck. It also meant getting out of the house Azzi bought with Mark. Something Paige never outright protested when she moved in after they’d dated for a year, but Azzi knew her well enough to know deep down, it bothered Paige. 

The house itself had been rough when they bought it. Not structurally because Paige would never allow that. But aesthetically, it was deeply, deeply disturbing. 

Paige had called it offensive, but Azzi loved it immediately because it had space. Space for family, friends, and a future they were only beginning to talk about out loud back then. In Azzi’s mind, Paige could make it whatever she imagined. Which was obviously true, but Azzi had no concept of timelines or budgets or the logistics behind the stunning projects she’d work up with Paige's interior designer behind her back. 

The house sat at the end of a quiet cul-de-sac wrapped in soft gray cedar siding Paige installed herself over the course of one very miserable rainy month. Warm light glowed through the massive front windows her wife insisted they install as she turned into the driveway, illuminating the flower beds Azzi swore she was going to personally plant before quickly realizing gardening required both patience and manual labor. It turned out she preferred yelling encouragement from the rocker on the front porch while Paige and Nika dug holes. 

Paige whipped into the driveway a little too fast, skidding to a halt as adrenaline buzzed through her veins. She barely remembered to throw the truck in park before clamoring out.

The cool afternoon air hit her flushed skin as she jogged toward the front door she’d finally replaced a few months earlier. The stunning, solid ipe door cost a small fortune. Not to mention the number of people it took to hang due to the sheer weight of it. But the “vibes” reminded Azzi of their honeymoon in Turks & Caicos, and really, who was Paige to deny her wife that memory. Especially because every time Paige walked through that front door, she was also flooded with memories of their honeymoon. The honeymoon where they didn’t leave the villa, or really the bed, for the first two days. 

So, yes, their bank account was $20,000 lighter and Paige had tweaked her back installing it, but the thought of Azzi laid out bare beneath her in that stunning villa, coming undone on Paige’s fingers and tongue and strap whenever she came home was certainly worth it.  

Halfway through unlocking the monstrosity of a door, her eyes snagged on the unfinished trim. She still hadn’t caulked the far corner. Or painted the second coat. Or fixed the tiny gap near the top hinge.

Whoops.

Paige sighed. She’d been meaning to finish it for weeks, but there had been much more important things to focus on lately. Especially with Azzi on the road again and their time together more limited; there was enough going on that the trim could wait. 

Paige shoved the front door shut and immediately kicked off her boots on the entryway rug.

The house was suspiciously quiet.

Usually there was music playing somewhere, or the television murmuring in the background, or Azzi wandering around talking to herself.

“Az?” she called, emptying her pockets onto the foyer table. 

“I’m up here!”

The sound floated from the second floor, unmistakably coming from their bedroom. Paige’s stomach immediately flipped in anticipation.

Oh, she was absolutely getting laid.

She grinned to herself as she jogged toward the staircase, taking the steps two at a time despite the fact that her knees loudly objected to the decision. Construction had officially wrecked her joints years ago, but frankly, that sounded like future Paige’s problem.

Current Paige had much more important priorities.

By the time she reached the top floor, her heart was thumping hard enough she could practically feel it in her throat. She pushed open the bedroom door half expecting to find Azzi sprawled dramatically across the bed wearing nothing but lace and the smug little smile she got whenever she successfully derailed Paige’s entire workday.

That wasn’t the case. Her breath caught anyway.

It didn’t matter how many years had passed or that Paige saw her every day. Azzi still had an unfair ability to knock the air from Paige’s lungs without even trying.

Azzi was sitting on the edge of their bed wearing one of Paige’s old Big Buckets shirts—the first one with a faded logo stretched across the front—and a pair of tiny black athletic shorts that barely counted as clothing. Her curls were piled messily on top of her head and she looked soft and warm and entirely too pretty sitting there waiting.

Paige’s brain short-circuited before snapping back into focus.

“So should I go check on that shower head, baby?” she asked, voice rougher than before.

Before Azzi could answer with anything more than a smirk, Paige crossed the room and grabbed her face gently between both hands, kissing her hard enough to tug a startled little sound from her throat. Azzi laughed softly against her mouth for all of two seconds before Paige kissed her again, deeper this time, and guided her backward onto the mattress.

God, she missed her wife like this. She made a mental note to make time for work breaks more often.

Paige climbed over her carefully, one knee pressing into the bed beside Azzi’s hip as she kissed her, slower now, savoring it properly. It was like re-centering herself, after a week of rushed kisses and exhaustion and collapsing into bed, too tired to do much besides mumble “love you” before passing out in each other's arms.

Azzi’s hands slid into Paige’s hair immediately, nails scraping against her scalp in the way that always made Paige melt a little.

“Hi,” Azzi murmured against her mouth.

“Hi,” Paige breathed back before kissing her again.

Her hands slipped beneath the oversized t-shirt, palms smoothing over warm skin and soft muscle until she reached Azzi’s chest. Paige groaned quietly into the kiss when she realized there was no barrier between her hands and Azzi’s nipples. 

“Fuck baby,” Paige muttered reverently as she cupped Azzi’s breast in her hand. Five years and counting and she still loved every square inch of Azzi’s body; more and more with each passing year, in fact. 

Azzi laughed softly again, though it broke into a shaky inhale when Paige’s thumb brushed over her nipple.

Paige could have lived off that sound alone.

They kissed for another minute, both of them getting lost in the embrace. Paige was already thinking about peeling the shirt off her wife and marking her chest up when Azzi mumbled something against her lips. 

“P?”

“Mhm?” Paige mumbled distractedly against her neck.

Azzi’s fingers threaded gently through the hair at the nape of Paige’s neck.

“Can you go grab the strap for me?”

Paige eagerly nodded, practically tripping over herself getting to their closet.

It wasn’t due to lack of coordination, although years of construction injuries and one very unfortunate ladder incident had definitely taken a toll on her. Mostly, she was distracted by the mental image of Azzi waiting for her, flushed and needy, in one of Paige’s shirts.

The toolbox sat exactly where it always did, shoved beneath a pile of clothes in the back of their closet. At some point over the years, storing the strap in an actual toolbox became a running joke neither of them committed to intentionally but loved all the same. Paige certainly enjoyed the euphemism she could subtly drop when they were in public. 

Paige sank to one knee beside the bench and flipped open the metal lid, smiling to herself and wondering what excuse she’d need to make up to justify taking a three hour lunch break when she strolled back into work.

But then she stopped. There was something else inside the box this time, and suddenly the entire world tilted sideways.

The pregnancy test trembled slightly between her fingers as she picked it up carefully. Her heart seized so hard in her chest it actually hurt.

Two faint pink lines. She’d seen enough of these over the past year to know what this meant. 

For a second Paige genuinely forgot how breathing worked. Her lungs constricted as she stared down, tears already welling with tears. 

“Azzi…” she whispered.

She pushed herself upright so fast she got dizzy—it was definitely from how fast she stood up and not that her wife was pregnant—and walked back into the bedroom in a daze, clutching the test in one hand while her pulse thundered violently against her ribs. 

Azzi was sitting exactly where she left her, though now there was something nervous tucked into her expression. Paige stared at her wife, then back down at the test in her hand.

“Is this…?” Her voice cracked halfway through the question.

Azzi nodded, eyes already glassy.

“I have my official bloodwork at the clinic tomorrow,” she said, smiling so big it nearly made Paige’s heart explode. “But I just wanted to be able to surprise you.”

Paige stood there for a second completely stunned.

They’d been trying to get pregnant for nearly a year.

Months of appointments and hormone shots and medications and disappointment carefully hidden from the outside world behind brave smiles. Paige knew how hard it had been on Azzi’s body. Knew how many nights she’d held her afterward while Azzi pretended a negative pregnancy test didn’t hurt as much as it did.

But they had wanted this so badly. To become parents. To build their family.

“Holy shit, baby,” Paige breathed.

Then she laughed as the enormity of it crashed into her all at once and her brain genuinely didn’t know what else to do. But the laughter transformed into something shakier as tears burned behind her eyes.

Azzi laughed too, a watery little laugh that also dissolved into crying almost instantly. It completely destroyed Paige, and she crossed the room in two quick steps, pulling Azzi into her arms.

“You’re pregnant?” Paige whispered into her mess of curls, still awestruck as she looked down at the test in her hand.

Azzi nodded again, tears slipping freely down her cheeks even as she smiled brighter than Paige had ever seen her smile before.

“Yeah, P,” she whispered back. “We’re pregnant.”

Paige’s free hand slid instinctively to Azzi’s stomach as she kissed her, palm flattening protectively over the thin fabric of the oversized t-shirt. Azzi made a soft, broken sound against her mouth that made Paige’s heart clench all over again..

“I love you so much,” Paige whispered against her lips. “I’m so fucking proud of you baby.” 

She kissed her once more before pulling back just enough to look at her properly. Emotion hit Paige so hard she physically had to sit down.

She sank onto the floor between Azzi’s knees, still clutching the pregnancy test in one hand while the other remained against Azzi’s stomach. Azzi laughed softly through her tears and stroked her fingers through Paige’s tousled hair.

Paige looked up for a second, completely wrecked by how beautiful her wife was, before gently sliding Azzi’s shirt up and pressing a kiss against the soft skin of her stomach.

“Hi little one,” she mumbled.

Her voice cracked on the words but Paige just smiled against the soft skin and kissed Azzi’s stomach again.

“It’s your mama,” she whispered, planting another kiss there.

Azzi’s stomach was still flat and toned beneath her mouth, but Paige suddenly found herself imagining all the ways it would change over the next several months.

Stretching. Softening. Swelling with their child. The thought only made her love Azzi more.

She’d always dreamed about becoming a mom. About playing basketball in the driveway and teaching her kids to work with their hands, just like her dad did with her and Drew. And that dream was coming true, but all Paige could think about was Azzi becoming a mom. 

She imagined her wife wrapped in her favorite pink silk robe, pacing in the nursery with their little bundle of joy, singing lullabies. She’d be terribly off key as always but it wouldn’t matter. That baby would still think she hung the moon. So did Paige. 

And then the thought of Azzi returning to basketball flashed in her mind. Paige in their stands, their daughter or son draped in a way-too-big Fudd jersey, watching her ball out. Their baby’s first steps happening on the Storm court, dribbling a basketball before their second birthday, surrounded by a million aunties. 

In all the dreams Paige had of her future as a kid and young adult, they were never this sweet. She never could have imagined that she would get to share her life with someone as incredible as Azzi.

Paige pressed more kisses there as the thoughts flooded through her mind, calmed by Azzi’s fingers combing slowly through her hair.

Finally Paige looked up at her.

Azzi was staring down at her with tears clinging to her lashes and so much love in her expression it made Paige’s chest ache.

“You’re gonna be the best mommy, Az,” Paige whispered thickly. 

Azzi’s composure crumpled at that. She reached down, grabbing Paige by the front of her shirt and pulling her back onto the bed so they could kiss again.

The two of them stayed tangled together on the bed for a long time after that. Eventually though, somewhere between slow kisses and whispered holy shits and Azzi’s second orgasm, Paige pulled back slightly with a sheepish grin on her face.

Azzi frowned. “What?”

Paige hesitated. “Well…” 

Azzi narrowed her eyes. “Tell me,” she demanded. 

Paige winced and then pulled in a deep breath. “Is now a bad time to mention that I lost a bet to Nika a while back and technically promised I’d name my first kid after her?”

Azzi stared at her. “No.”

Paige rushed in before she could get fully shut down.

“I gotta stay true to my word,” she argued. 

Azzi sighed. “No.”

Paige started spiraling.

“It’s really not a huge deal, Az,” she continued confidently. “Like imagine a little girl named Nika Bueckers-Fudd. That’s deadass kinda a strong name actually.”

“No.”

“Okay but what if it’s a boy? We could probably get away with Nico.”

“Still no.”

Paige gasped softly. “Wow. So you hate my best friend.”

“I do right now.”

Paige laughed, ducking her head to Azzi’s shoulder as she grinned helplessly against her skin. She started kissing her neck, hoping to wear down Azzi’s defenses. 

“Okay. Okay,” Paige mumbled against her neck. “I can probably negotiate her down to like… middle name territory. We'll be fine.”

Azzi rolled her eyes so hard Paige was fairly certain she saw her soul leave her body for a second.

“You are not naming our child after Nika because you lost a bet.”

Paige lifted her head again, trying to be serious. She pressed her lips together to try and stop smiling and failed completely.

“We can talk about it later or somethin’, baby,” she said, still trying to sound reasonable despite the fact that she absolutely was not being reasonable.

Azzi stared at her for one long suffering second before her expression softened helplessly around the edges.

Paige opened her mouth, preparing to launch into more nonsense arguments about honoring sacred betting traditions and emotional loyalty and whatever other bullshit her brain could come  up with, but Azzi grabbed her face and kissed her. Hard enough to shut Paige up immediately. Which, to be fair, had always been an extremely effective strategy.

Paige melted into the kiss with a muffled little laugh against Azzi’s mouth while her wife smiled victoriously into it.

“I love you so much,” Azzi said firmly against Paige’s lips after a minute. “But absolutely fucking not.”

Paige laughed softly, one hand settling against Azzi’s stomach again, still unable to believe this was real. 

Somewhere downstairs, her boots still sat abandoned in the foyer by the unfinished trim around the front door that still needed paint. There would always be projects waiting for her to fix. Walls to repair. Floors to refinish. Something cracked or outdated demanding her attention. But as Azzi pulled her closer and smiled against her mouth, Paige realized she’d finally built the one thing she used to think only existed for other people. 

A home.

[urmothersgyal]

Couples that score together stay together xoxo

[soloey]

hanging out to dry (fuck!) (3+1)

ao3 link here

uconnless!pazzi, wings!au

word count: 7.4k

synopsis: three times paige should have kissed azzi, and one time she actually did. 

notes: paige is a LOSER. azzi thinks that's hot. paige isn't sure if azzi is flirting with her, and she also isn't sure if she's flirting back. both are a definite yes.

----

two people had already asked paige if she and azzi were dating. aziaha, two weeks ago; jessica, last thursday. that’s why it was particularly humiliating when she got a text from arike at two in the morning, having just returned from a group hangout at alanna’s place downtown. 

arike: so…

arike: u n azzi?

not this shit again. paige threw her head back against her headboard with a sigh. 

chillllll bro

it’s a vibe

she couldn’t think of any better way to explain what was happening. they didn’t really hang out alone, but they texted a lot. and flirted. paige was trying beyond comparison to be chill and normal, and was doing her damnedest to not hit on her. 

the only problem was that azzi fudd was jawdropping. paige had never in her life seen someone that gorgeous. to make things worse, she had a thing for talent, and the way azzi could shoot– paige got genuine heart palpitations watching her sink shots in practice. 

they were only a year apart, but azzi was her fellow number-one-draft-pick and her rookie of a whopping one month. it was stupid to have a crush on her, stupid to send her dumb jokes and to hang around her after practice as much as possible. paige should be leading. paige should be setting examples. 

well if she was leading the homo brigade and setting examples on how to look pathetic, she was doing a pretty good job. 

arike: wait did u know each other in college?

no, paige replied, too quick. the answer was more complicated than that; of course paige had known who azzi was in college. they’d played each other a handful of times. but college-paige had only cared about one thing while on the court: a natty. azzi was nothing more than another player to scout, some straight girl with a good shot. 

only, azzi wasn’t straight. and she was certainly no longer just another player that paige could ignore. 

sure, she’d seen the headlines back in the day– bueckers vs fudd, who will carry their team to victory– but it was all some bullshit. 

arike: bullshit 😂

arike: [picture attached]

paige squinted. it was a picture of her and azzi at some conference, azzi mid laugh at something and paige making a face. 

dang, paige had no clue where that had been taken. she’d given so many speeches with so many players over the years, made so much small talk– it could have been taken the week prior and paige wouldn’t have had the faintest idea. 

i dont even remember that bro fr fr

arike: she looks mad good tho

yeah

arike: 😂🫵

shut up. paige locked her phone, rolling her eyes. bait. 

after about three seconds, she unlocked it again, re-opening the picture and zooming in a little on azzi. dang, she really did look good. 

arike: don’t look too hard at it. you gotta look her in the eye at practice tomorrow ;)

kill yourself, paige shot back, locking her phone again and throwing it on her nightstand. it buzzed once more, but she refused to look. 

laying on her back and staring at the ceiling, she rested her hands on her chest. stupid. her heart beat against her palms. 

she closed her eyes, deciding to fall asleep. the image of azzi sprung into her mind, mid-smile, bathed yellow in the living room light. her mind supplied a little glint in her eye, a detail of a freckle on her cheek, a little curl by her ear. her heart rate sped up, pounding against her hands. 

“fuck,” she groaned. this was bad. she should not be thinking this much about azzi. but at the end of the night… she let herself flash back to earlier. 

…

if you asked paige what project hail mary was about, she’d be able to give you about a two word summary. first word: azzi. second word: fudd. 

the team was getting to know each other with all the new additions, hanging out at alanna’s house and watching a movie. it was literally nothing special– alanna just happened to have the biggest space to hang out, and they ordered food to eat and lounged around. 

half the team was off to the right, talking at the kitchen table in the next room. the remainder were huddled in the living room around two bowls of popcorn. 

when the movie started, paige was cognizant of about thirty seconds of science fiction freakiness before her gay brain took over entirely. azzi sat directly to her left, muscular arm brushing against paige’s, thigh pressed into hers. she didn’t seem to be aware of how close they were, at all, which was unfortunate because the situation was a little catastrophic for paige. 

she exhaled a little strangely and winced. smooth. nice.

it was honestly ridiculous, feeling her stomach jolt at the feeling of a pretty girl next to her. paige had cuddled with plenty of girls on couches before, had lounged around with tons of her friends. she should know what to do with her hands, should be able to keep her anxious stomach in check. 

but azzi was a category that paige couldn’t define; one year paige’s junior, and her athletic equal, paige felt responsible for ensuring her well-being. paige also felt like her brain melted like a popsicle every time azzi spoke words to her. which was unfortunate, because that was a lot. 

if this was a date, or if azzi was anyone but paige’s coworker that she was sitting with at a group function, paige would have leaned right into the touch and played along. if azzi were her longtime friend, paige would have manspreaded into her space to try to get on her nerves. but azzi was neither, and paige couldn’t decide how to act, so she just sat there, stiff. 

paige’s internal monologue was as follows: arm. she smells good. her hair is brushing my shoulder. can she feel how fast i’m breathing from the rise and fall of my shoulder? arm. thigh. dang, she really smells good. should i kill myself?

after about twenty minutes, azzi grew visibly uncomfortable. she shifted her torso away from paige, against the armrest of the couch, and drew her feet up to where they stopped just shy of resting on paige’s legs. 

paige stared really hard at her feet. she wanted to ask her– was it weird? 

no, it was weirder to overthink it. it was a friendly gesture, a kind gesture. they were hanging out. it was chill. 

“azzi,” she muttered. the brunette turned towards her, eyes wide and expectant. “stretch your legs out.”

azzi’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. trying to stop her cheeks from pinkening, paige patted her own lap. here. 

azzi smiled gratefully, understanding. she shifted her body so that her back was against the armrest, legs splaying across paige’s lap. 

bzzz. bzzz. paige’s phone vibrated violently from her pocket. her eyes snapped up, scanning the room. aziaha, who was sitting on a chair to their right, was pointedly raising an eyebrow at her.

aziaha: bro….

aziaha: be fr

paige stole a frantic glance at azzi to see if she was watching paige’s screen. which she wasn’t, clearly. why would she be? 

dude chill i’m just helping her be more comfortable

aziaha: wouldn’t have done ts for me 🤨

ur feet stink like poo 

she smells like sunshine and rainbows

aziaha: there’s a word for the likes of you and it rhymes with bomosexual

i swear bro i swear

don’t even know her middle name stop talking crazy

of course paige knew her middle name. her middle name was jazlyn. she’d found that out when she’d looked up azzi fudd on google, and also azzi fudd college highlights, and also azzi fudd from where and what perfume smells like jasmine but like better and valentino born in roma perfume and is there a born in roma cologne. she’d gotten distracted.

okay, jesus. she needed to focus. 

ryan gosling, in the movie, was wearing a really distracting yellow coat that made paige think of curious george. they were saying something about the sun dying, and paige wondered if they made him yellow on purpose. like the sun. that was dying. maybe he was going to die later in the movie, and it was foreshadowing.

she kept trying to see him as a serious scientist, but she couldn’t stop thinking of him as ken from barbie. this was Depressed Ken, maybe. he was certainly dressed the part, in some bullshit a depressed person would pull from their closet without thinking twice. 

her brain launched into an impromptu performance of i’m just ken, and she lost track of a decent amount of minutes before she came crashing back online. 

azzi’s legs were shifting uncomfortably again. don’t move, she wanted to say, but that would be pathetic. 

“you uncomfortable?” she murmured. stupid. clearly, azzi was uncomfortable. 

“yeah,” azzi whispered. “this armrest is really hard.”

“that’s what she said,” paige whispered back. azzi socked her on the arm. 

aziaha sat up straight. “what are y’all whispering about over there? i’m getting fomo.”

“i’m wondering if there’s a pillow i could use? the armrest is kind of hard,” azzi asked. 

at the conversation, everyone’s heads turned towards them. paige suddenly became incredibly aware of the two legs draped across her thighs, of the way her hands laid on top of them awkwardly. 

shit. she desperately did not want to seem like she was trying to make moves on the rookie, regardless of how incredibly badly she wanted to make moves on the rookie. 

“just use paige,” aziaha suggested. to azzi, she might have looked genuine, but to paige, who’d known her longer, she could see the shit-eating smile aziaha was trying to hide. she narrowed her eyes at her. 

“hey!” she complained. 

“paige got all that muscle now. go head and put it to good use.” paige was going to smack her the next time she got within arm’s reach.

azzi’s eyes flicked down for a second. paige unintentionally flexed a little. “yeah, alright.” azzi decided, shifting herself around. 

paige’s mind went full blown static as azzi laid down on her lap, on her back, head facing the screen and feet hanging over the armrest. it was a wonder sparks didn’t fly out of her head by the way that she was short-circuiting. azzi’s head was warm against paige’s thighs, flyaways brushing her bare skin with every breath. 

paige had the horrible urge to smooth her hands over azzi’s head, to play with her hair and scratch her scalp, and then she decided that she needed to die. honestly, she genuinely didn’t know how azzi was comfortable, but she wasn’t about to ask and risk her moving. 

she needed to distract herself, stat. could azzi hear her heartbeat in her thighs? was that a thing? because that could be a problem. clearing her throat, she squinted at the television and tried to pay attention again. 

on the screen, ryan gosling was having an existential crisis in a tunnel while eating some shit from a thermos. then, he was staring really hard at a plaque. then, he was doing some sciency shit in a lab coat that tried to cover up the world’s ugliest striped sweater. 

the best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time, paige’s brain sang. she snorted out loud. that was a good spongebob reference. 

azzi turned her head so she was looking up at paige. 

“what?” she asked, quiet. christ, she was beautiful. and really near paige’s crotch. enough.

paige blinked back at her. 

“what’s funny?” azzi tried again, whispering. 

“nothing,” paige muttered, “was thinking about something else.”

that seemed to be good enough for azzi, who rolled back over. paige spent the next few minutes thinking about the shape of azzi’s lips and pretending that she wasn’t. 

paige’s leg started to feel numb. azzi, bless her heart, was completely restricting blood flow to her lower left extremity. unfortunately, paige would rather die than kick a beautiful girl out of her lap, and she didn’t want to look fucking stupid, so she resolved herself to ignoring it and hoping her leg would figure it out. 

“wait, why is he on a plane?” azzi turned again, asking under her breath. 

“i really couldn’t tell you,” paige admitted. “i’ve been thinking about how to get the last piece of popcorn from that bowl without moving your head.”

azzi’s mouth curved upwards into a small smile. she reached her hand out and grabbed the last piece, holding it in front of paige’s face. the demons in paige told her to take it with her mouth, but she was a rational human being, and she let azzi drop it into her hands. 

“isn’t it cold now?” azzi asked. 

“eh,” paige shrugged, “like, room temperature. it’s still nice and salty, and that’s what matters.”

azzi wrinkled her nose. “makes me too thirsty.”

“good thing you have a water then, thirsty girl.”

thirsty girl? was paige fucking serious?

azzi snorted. she was fully looking up, then, not paying any attention to the movie. paige stared at her, hoping the dim lighting of the room was enough to cover the way she greedily drank in the sight of all of azzi’s face. 

“what’s he doing now?” azzi whispered. 

paige, with great effort, tore her eyes away from azzi to look at the screen. “he’s standing in front of a room of people who look like they’re in the military.”

azzi listened for a second. “i keep hearing ken whenever he opens his mouth.”

paige’s head snapped back down. “right?”

“he was just so good in that role. it ruined any of his other movies for me.”

“he was the perfect casting,” paige agreed. 

they looked at each other. dang, paige’s leg was really numb. 

paige was suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to bend down and kiss her, awkward and mismatched, uncaring of anything but the feeling of their lips against each other. she held azzi’s gaze, dark and unblinking, and her thoughts started moving a million miles a minute. 

no, she shouldn’t. azzi was her fucking rookie, for god’s sake, and who knows what the team, let alone the rest of the world, would have to say about it. and it would be ridiculous to do it right there, in front of everyone. she’d never in her life gotten the impulse for such drastic pda. 

but she wanted to. 

azzi’s tongue darted out and wet her lower lip. paige followed the movement with her eyes, eyelids falling just a fraction. 

there was a sudden warmth at the corner of paige’s mouth, and she startled as she realized that azzi’s gentle thumb was brushing at her skin. 

“salt,” azzi murmured in explanation, like she hadn’t just given paige a heart attack. paige wanted her to do it again. the way azzi looked at her lips, the feeling of her soft and sweet, was intoxicating. 

paige’s breath caught in her chest, and her mind went a little blank, and–

she hissed loudly, leg jolting hard. fucking pins and needles, jesus christ, her entire leg was being stabbed–

azzi shot up. “what? oh my god, are you okay?”

even through the pain, paige felt immediately cold. “yes, yeah, pins and needles.”

someone paused the movie. “paige, bro, what–”

“pins and needles,” she groaned again, louder, “ignore me, play the movie.”

azzi laughed in her face, the rest of the team joining in. azzi patted her thigh gently. 

“fuck,” paige muttered, “sorry.” she tried to give her a sheepish smile. 

“s’okay,” azzi shrugged, “my fault.” she knocked her shoulder against paige’s, turning back to the tv. paige needed to get her fucking act together. 

____

TWO: 

paige had now known azzi for two and a half months. in the last week, alanna and jj had both singled her out to inquire about the status of her and azzi’s relationship; she’d had to tell them both a miserable no. 

with how chill all of her teammates were being about it, she figured that the whole “azzi is a rookie” hangup didn’t hold much water now. paige herself had only been in the league for one measly year, as arike liked to remind her. 

the point was that that was a good thing, because she was now pretty sure that azzi was flirting with her. 

she wasn’t positive, of course– it was very much a possibility that paige’s own delusional thoughts were misinterpreting azzi’s actions entirely. maybe azzi was looking for a super close best friend when she texted paige good morning with a little sun and a heart every day. they clicked so well on and off the court, it would make sense. 

but paige had to let hope cloud her vision a little, especially at times like this, where–

arike: bro where did u guys go

arike: always disappearing somewhere together i swear

arike: this my own house

arike: don’t desecrate it

woah woah calm down

we’re just talking in the driveway

arike: don’t wanna watch the fireworks out back with the team?

we’re having fun

ur buffalo chicken dip is fire

arike: of course it is

arike: come inside and eat my wife’s dessert before i whoop you both

be there in a minute mom

arike was hosting the team for a fourth of july party. everything was going well this season, and the wings were coming off a much-needed win. they were celebrating in the dallas heat, everyone a little happy and sweaty.

there’s a line paige remembered from to kill a mockingbird about the southern heat, something about the ladies being like soft teacakes with frostings of sweat and sweet talcum. she said as much to azzi, who looked at her kind of funny. it sparked a conversation about whether or not talcum was a carcinogen, a topic on which neither of them were particularly knowledgeable. 

the point of her thought process was that azzi looked sweet and shiny and smelled really good, and paige kind of wanted to eat her whole.

as previously mentioned, half the season gone by had done wonders for getting rid of the azzi-is-a-rookie nerves. paige tried not to be corny, but azzi fit into her life in a way that she never expected her to. they had similar interests, hobbies, and humor, and they became practically inseparable. sports media adored them, calling them all kinds of names and gushing over their chemistry. 

it wasn’t something paige was proud of, having a fat and massive crush on azzi, but it was truly impossible not to. the more she’d gotten to know her, the worse it had become. she kept expecting azzi to do something weird and offputting that would change the way paige felt, but paige was endeared to all of her quirks. they just fit together.

time after practice was spent grabbing food together, time off on the weekends was spent hanging out with each other’s friends, and time before bed was spent texting back and forth about whatever crossed their mind. it was nice.

dressed in a striped blue tube top and little shorts, azzi looked like a muscled vision sitting next to paige on the pavement. her knees were drawn up to her chest, chin resting atop one. paige had been resisting the urge to wrap her arms around her for about twenty minutes straight. 

paige looked like an idiot in a white wifebeater and massive firetruck-red jorts, her butt in genuine pain from digging into the driveway. she probably had pebbles stuck up her crack. not really. but it felt like that. that was the common theme with paige when it came to azzi; she was stupid around her. every time she considered making a move, she managed to make herself feel so dumb that she thought azzi would get weirded out. 

“i just think it’s unrealistic for king kong to be that massive. like, think of evolution. everything got small again before apes even evolved,” paige complained. 

“not everything,” azzi disagreed, “think about whales.”

“yeah, but that’s underwater. they got their own freaky shit going on down there. i’m talking about on land.”

“well, why don’t you have a problem with godzilla?”

“because they didn’t make godzilla a massive fucking ape. massive fucking ape implies real-world evolution.”

“they probably have some logic for it. maybe he got chemicals spilled on him, or he was part of a species of giant apes living on an island and he was the last one, or something,” azzi mused. 

“massive fucking ape,” paige grumbled, again. “stupid.”

“you’re stupid.”

“your mom.”

azzi rolled her eyes, but paige could see her biting back a smile. 

a loud popping sound rang out, and they both winced. 

“oh– there, there!” azzi pointed, excited. the house diagonal from arike’s must have been setting off fireworks from their backyard, because the sparks were loud and massive. 

azzi’s eyes were wide as she looked up at the trailing colors streaking the sky. she looked beautiful, calm and happy, fully at peace in the moment. paige studied the way the lights fizzled out in the reflection on azzi’s pupils. 

on instinct, she moved her pinky so that it overlapped azzi’s. azzi turned to her, then; paige couldn’t tell if her cheeks were a little pink in the fading light or if it was a lingering beam from the almost-set sun. 

“this is romantic,” azzi said quietly. 

paige blanked, eyes widening. “what,” she said, more caught off-guard than a question. 

“i mean,” azzi clarified, flustered, “like, y’know, in the sense of the word where it means something pretty. like romanticize. like it– it just feels really lovely.” she tucked a stray curl behind her ear. 

right. sure. 

“i guess it could also be romantic,” azzi was definitely blushing, “with the right person.”

“yeah,” paige agreed, dumbly. she didn’t know why she said what she said next, but she did. “at my family’s cabin in minnesota, we used to go to the lake every fourth of july. my dad and my stepmom, well, my first stepmom, used to always stop what they were doing and kiss at the first firework.”

azzi leaned her shoulder against paige. “that’s really sweet.”

paige laughed. “yeah, i mean– they didn’t work out, clearly, but i always kinda wanted to do that some day. have a family, have a woman i love, make up stupid reasons to kiss each other. y’know.”

azzi’s pinky twitched underneath paige’s. “my dad does something similar,” she said. “he does this stupid thing called pancake kisses, where he makes pancakes on saturday mornings, and he kisses my mom once for every pancake she eats.”

paige grinned. “i could get behind that. i eat a lot of pancakes.”

“oh, you wouldn’t be the one making them?”

“depends. which would you prefer?” paige asked.

“i like waking up to the smell of batter and eggs,” azzi admitted.

“then i change my mind. i’d be the one making them.”

“whatever,” azzi grumbled, but she looked away and tried to hide a pleased smile. 

“are you someone who,” paige cleared her throat, “really likes things like that?”

azzi thought about it for a second before nodding. “yeah, i mean. my parents have always been like that, so i guess it’s by example. i just think it’s so sweet, always doing things to keep the relationship special,” she paused, “what about you?”

“probably, for the right person. i like keeping things fun. and i like to make people i care about feel appreciated,” paige admitted. 

azzi made a playfully intrigued face. “good to know.”

“taking notes?”

“maybe. you want me to?”

paige choked a little on her own spit, and tried to pass it off by clearing her throat. “wouldn’t complain.”

“then i’ll jot it down, boss.”

“perfect.”

“aren’t i?”

“yeah.” paige should kill herself. what the hell was she even saying? she couldn’t flirt for shit. was this flirting? jesus, what if azzi wasn’t even flirting?

“i get that a lot,” azzi sighed, scooting a little closer to paige so their sides pressed together fully, “usually in more,” she paused, “intimate context.”

nope, azzi was flirting. 

“oh?” 

“you heard me.”

paige laughed softly. “i’ll jot it down, boss.”

“perfect.”

the conversation lulled for a moment. another round of fireworks went off, red and spiraling high into the air before exploding. paige took a moment to appreciate what a blessing it was that she was able to be there, seeing something beautiful, warm and full of something like hope, with someone she cared about. 

she turned to face azzi. she kind of wanted to see the awe on azzi’s face as she looked up at the lights, to trace the curves of her face in mental graphite and commit it to memory forever. azzi, though, was already looking at her, eyes deep and dark. 

“you look pretty,” azzi whispered. 

which was ridiculous, because azzi was making paige’s heart functionally arrhythmic in her chest. paige couldn’t even think of the words to rebut that, just let her eyes drag down azzi’s frame and back up to her face. she raised an eyebrow as if to say really? coming from you?

azzi scrunched up her nose and smiled. paige felt a little breathless, a little captivated. jesus christ, she wanted to lean in so badly. she was fairly sure that azzi wanted her to. she let herself imagine moving forward, capturing azzi’s lips in hers, cupping her jaw and finally, finally, kissing her.

azzi blinked up at her slowly, and paige’s pinky curled around azzi’s. her heart fluttered against her chest like a caged bird, violent and frenzied. 

she wanted it bad. she wanted it like an angel pleading for its fucking wings.

but they were sitting outside of arike’s house. in public, on the pavement, in front of the windows, where anyone could be watching. she couldn’t. she couldn’t do it right there. 

oh, shit, arike. “oh my god,” paige blurted out, heart sinking. “arike wanted us inside, like, twenty minutes ago. she’s gonna kill us.”

azzi stared at her for a second like she was still processing her words. “yeah,” she said, slowly. 

“we’re dead,” paige groaned, “they’re gonna give us shit for the next week.”

“yeah,” azzi repeated, brushing off whatever haze she was in. she shook her head and stood up, facing the door. “nice night, huh?” 

paige brushed her hands off as she scrambled to stand up, too.

“let’s go eat lala’s dessert,” azzi said, turning away and walking. 

that was abrupt, paige thought. did she look a little disappointed? shit.

azzi made it to the door, opening it and waiting for paige. 

“one second, i need to tie my shoe. go on ahead,” paige lied, waving azzi in. the younger woman disappeared through the door.

“fuck!” paige cursed, kicking a rock on the pavement. “stupid!”

__

THREE: 

it was the beginning of august. count of people who’d asked paige if she and azzi were together: fourteen. her mother, for one. her college best friends. the trainer. her dietician. name them, and they’d asked paige if she’d had her tongue three thousand leagues down the length of azzi’s gullet. it was beginning to piss her off, honestly. if that wasn’t obvious.

don’t say a word.

arike: wasn’t gonna

arike: later… 😏

NOTHING later. i will kill you. with a gun.

arike: hey man

arike: you’re digging your own grave

the team were sitting around a table, plenty of drinks for everyone. the place was a nice one, crisp black tabletops and comfortable chairs. they’d even given the table a bowl of chips to snack on, which paige was pleased with. the music was fairly loud, enough to really worm into paige’s brain when she finished her second beer, but it was nothing unpleasant. 

underneath the table, azzi’s hand was on paige’s thigh. 

it had started with her turning to the side, quietly complimenting paige’s rings while the rest of the team were arguing about something. paige had shown them to her, and she’d leaned in to get a better look, and paige had lost her breath at the proximity and felt like a fucking loser. 

azzi said, “i like the one that spins. i always need something to fidget with.” 

paige replied, “feel free,” and stuck her hand out. azzi giggled, dragging her fingernail up paige’s hand to the ring on her middle finger. she spun it gently once, twice, and gave paige a grateful smile. 

paige tried to tune back into the conversation after that, but she noticed that her and azzi’s chairs seemed inexplicably closer. she tried to laugh at something alanna was saying, tried to make fun of aziaha, but her brain kept replaying that little tilt of azzi’s lips. 

she was wearing this really shiny gloss that somehow hadn’t come off as she sipped her cocktail with a straw, and she also smelled really nice, and–

paige felt a finger trail across her knuckles. her eyes shot down to her lap, where her hands rested, and she saw azzi’s hand gently stroking her way back up to paige’s ring. paige felt her face pinken, and her free hand nervously came up to stroke at her ponytail. 

she stole a glance at azzi, but azzi was turned forwards, intently listening to the conversation in front of them. her hand was as low as possible, trying to be discreet– and she knew paige would let her. paige felt hot. 

not five minutes later, azzi’s fingers drew a sharp path down, onto paige’s lap. 

paige looked over, eyes widening in question, and azzi breathed a laugh. “these rips are bothering me.”

rips? what rips? 

right. the rips in her jeans. paige begged her brain to come back online. “what, you want them bigger? can’t see enough of me?”

not that online, jesus christ. middle ground. middle ground. 

azzi’s eyelids lowered just a fraction, barely noticeable. “no, the little white strands that come off of them– they’re all tangled.”

“so detangle them,” paige muttered, shifting her attention back to arike. the older woman was complaining about her brother-in-law, something about coming over to her house to detail his own car in her driveway. 

azzi didn’t need to be told twice. for a few minutes, she tugged on the outside of the rips, combing fingers through and separating them. she didn’t even look down as she did, just felt around paige’s thigh for the next rip and kept moving. 

when she finished tugging on the strands, her fingertip would circle the tear gently, as if seeking out another strand to focus on. if there were none there, she’d stay there for a minute, softly stroking the skin of paige’s thigh. she’d start with the pad of her finger, little lines, then edge it over to her fingernail, drawing little shapes. when she was bored of that, she’d go back to stroking, a little firmer and bolder.

it only became a problem when she reached one particularly close to the inside of paige’s thigh. the top half of paige wanted to jerk away– not appropriate for team dinner– and the bottom half of paige wanted– well. it wanted.

a bit more forcefully than she would have liked, she brought her hand over top of azzi’s, forcing it flat and stopping her movements. 

alanna turned towards her questioningly, looking down. paige drew her hand back up, tucking her hair behind her ear. she tried so hard to be nonchalant that her elbow knocked against the top of azzi’s chair, and she ended up extending her arm across it. 

great. now her arm was practically around azzi. subtle! cool!

it definitely did not help her case. clearly, nobody cared about what was going on between them, but paige was still nervous. it was rude, if anything, to be overly absorbed in one person at a group hangout. 

what also definitely did not help her case was the fact that azzi didn’t move her hand at all. for the next hour, azzi’s hand just rested on top of her thigh, tightening minutely as she laughed, absentmindedly fidgeting, and paige felt as red as a tomato and twice as wet as one. or whatever. 

past a certain point, she could almost forget about it; then, azzi would crack a joke too loud, and someone’s eyes would move from her face down to where her arm was slightly too far away from her own body, and someone would raise an eyebrow at her. whatever! whatever. 

slowly, people peeled off, paying for their own meals and excusing themselves to go home. eventually, it was just arike, paige, and azzi. 

paige was grateful that arike was there– she and azzi weren’t paying any special attention to each other, and minus the hand on her thigh, the interactions between them were perfectly friendly. it was three people settling deeper into their dynamic, talking life and firsts and basketball, and it was chill. 

it wasn’t even her fault that her and azzi had parked next to each other, and arike had parked down the street. 

when they left the bar, she and azzi lingered outside of their respective cars for a few minutes too long. paige leaned against her door, a casual elbow resting on her side mirror. 

“arike’s so funny,” azzi said quietly, lips curving upward. 

jesus, she was beautiful. paige’s brain took a mental snapshot. the short distance between them felt much bigger after their proximity all night, and paige wanted so badly to touch her again, to be close to her. 

“she’s aight,” paige shrugged, a lopsided smile on her face. “you know she’s real stubborn sometimes.”

“aren’t we all?” azzi asked with a laugh, and paige nodded. 

“for real, though, you’re really lucky to have her as your vet. on the personal level, she’s been through it all. ups, downs, getting overlooked….anger issues,” paige said, seriously. 

azzi snorted. “and being a lesbian. publicly. that’s pretty cool.”

“everyone’s a lesbian, bro.”

“yeah, but not everyone is open about it. i’m not. it’s brave.”

paige had to agree. “yeah. it is.”

“especially because, y’know, until recently nobody really watched us. the stereotype was that we were all dykes. nobody wanted to watch a league full of dykes. and now they do watch us, and there’s so much hatred being brought into our space, and she’s still proudly who she is. that’s really fucking cool.” 

paige looked at her, her eyes wide and earnest, and felt something in her chest soften. “you should tell her that,” she agreed quietly, “i think she’d love to hear it.”

azzi shrugged. “someday.”

“tomorrow, first thing at practice,” paige smiled.

“fat chance,” azzi rolled her eyes. 

they looked at each other for a minute, quiet and soft. 

“i should get going,” azzi said, eventually. 

“you should,” paige agreed.

they stood there for another moment. paige grinned. azzi mirrored her expression. 

“seriously,” azzi insisted. 

“sure,” paige nodded. neither of them moved. 

a feeling passed through paige that was too gentle to handle, and she finally shook her head and stepped forwards, arms wide. “c’mere,” she muttered. 

azzi stepped into her arms, hugging her goodbye. 

“i’ll see you at practice tomorrow,” paige said, cheek pressed up against azzi’s hair. 

“yep,” azzi agreed from somewhere next to paige’s neck, “don’t be late.”

“i’m never late.”

“you were late to this.”

“this isn’t practice.”

“well, you better practice being on time, because i better see you tomorrow.”

“bro, i’m gonna be there,” paige complained, finally pulling back. neither of their hands quite left the other, still in each other’s space. 

azzi’s face was a few breaths from paige’s, just below her, luminescent under the street lamps. her eyes were dark, wide and bright, and she was smiling again, and paige’s chest did some awful squeezing motion that almost knocked her breathless. 

she looked down at azzi’s lips. her eyes darted back up to azzi’s eyes in a fraction of a second, trying not to overstep, but azzi’s gaze was pointed right at her mouth. 

okay. she should kiss her. 

azzi had just spent an hour feeling up her thigh. azzi was looking up at her like she’d hung the moon. azzi’s hands were still around her back. 

she wanted to kiss her. 

azzi was right there, beautiful, perfect, and it would be so easy to just lean down and take her lips in a kiss–

right. paige was overthinking. all she had to do was lean down– or– wait. should she ask her first? was azzi the sort of person who assumed a kiss was okay, or was she someone who wanted to be asked? shit, if paige asked, would it be good, or would it ruin the moment– or– god, she should just do it, fuck– 

azzi moved her gaze back up to paige’s. she searched her eyes, pausing, and for a moment everything was still; then, at the same time, they both pulled away. 

“bye,” paige tried to say, but no sound came out. their hands dragged against each other for a heartbeat too long. 

see you tomorrow, azzi mouthed at her. she gave her one last smile before disappearing into her car. 

paige felt like a marionette, limbs uncoordinated and jerky as she forced herself back into her own car. she fumbled with the ignition for a moment, cursing under her breath. 

out of the corner of her eye, she saw azzi’s car back out of the parking lot and disappear. immediately, she groaned and slumped against the steering wheel. she sat like that for five full minutes, feeling pathetic and miserable and like a giant fucking loser. finally, she straightened up and put on her seatbelt. 

“FUCK!” she yelled, slamming her fist against the horn. BRAAM, her car protested loudly. she jumped. 

—

paige’s mouthguard hung halfway out of her mouth. she bent over challengingly, hands on her knees, eyebrow cocked. 

azzi smirked, dribbling the ball between her legs once, twice. she bent her knees like she was going to move forward, pretending to fake paige out. 

“go,” paige called out. her voice echoed in the gym. “you playing or just showing off?”

azzi shrugged, keeping the ball moving. “doesn’t matter. you can’t guard me either way.”

someone behind paige whistled, and paige narrowed her eyes. her gaze landed on the sweat on azzi’s collarbone. her bicep. her thigh. she shook her head. 

azzi started forwards, and paige sucked her mouthguard back in, hands immediately out. azzi stopped, grinned, and went the other way. 

fuck no. paige dogged her determinedly, fighting through a li screen and trying to get her hand on the ball before azzi shot. as her hand came down, azzi passed it to maddy on the three-point line. shit. she caught paige’s gaze and smiled, and there was a glint in her eye that sent a jolt down paige’s spine.

the ball bounced off the backboard to alanna, who shot it back to maddy. 

odyssey got in maddy’s face, and paige saw azzi’s body turn before the idea even came to maddy’s head. paige knew azzi’s catch-and-shoot, knew she was going to release it immediately–

the ball flew to azzi and paige was already jumping as azzi moved the ball up. azzi pivoted, turning past paige and sprinting in for a clean layup. 

absolutely not. paige hit the ground running, chasing her back, following the movement of her arm up, and BAM. 

the ball slammed back down to the earth before it had the chance to fly for more than half a second. paige’s chest pounded with exhilaration, and she shot azzi a cocky look as she turned on her heel. 

azzi, usually known for being calm and collected, looked pissed. it made something in paige’s stomach churn. she couldn’t stop a wild grin from taking over her face as she waited for azzi’s team to inbound the ball. her heart pounded. this was fun. 

alanna inbounded to arike. jessica ran a screen on odyssey. arike to alanna, paige shifted, alanna to maddy, paige shifted. 

her eyes, focused on the ball, never strayed for long from azzi. she looked intense and determined, brows furrowed and face flushed with exertion. she looked godlike. 

maddy to azzi, outside the arc, and before paige could blink, azzi nailed a three over her head. 

she froze, dumbfounded. how–? 

azzi backpedaled and winked at her. paige wanted to tear her clothes off. 

“that’s game! arike’s team, twenty points. water break,” jose yelled.

“she traveled,” paige complained weakly, but she knew it was a lie. she thought of azzi’s shirt riding up her stomach as she jumped up for the shot. she couldn’t think straight.

arike raised an eyebrow at her. “that’s it? no hitting the wall? no yelling? just a ‘she travelled?’” she clicked her tongue. “you’re soft on her.”

“no, i’m not,” paige grumbled, eyes flicking over to azzi. azzi grinned at her, reaching over and hitting her lower back. the touch rippled through paige like fucking sonar, and she needed to leave stat before her brain drove her absolutely insane. 

arike snorted.

“whatever,” paige muttered. “i left something in the car. be right back.”

ducking the rest of the group, she jogged out of the practice facility doors and through the hallway that led to the parking lot. she pushed open the exit, desperately fanning herself. she kept thinking about azzi’s face, determined, her perfect shot, how unfairly fucking attractive it was for her to be so good. 

she walked over to her car and rested her forearm against it, putting her head down for a fraction of a second before yelping at the hot metal and drawing back. she deserved that, she thought miserably, for being incapable of having normal, friendly thoughts about–

“paige!” azzi called out, walking out of the facility. 

jesus christ. this was not going to help. “hm?” she tried, unable to say much else. 

“oh,” azzi shrugged, “you left your phone inside.” she held it out, waiting for paige to take it from her. 

paige stared at her, trying to read her expression. slowly, she took her phone from azzi’s hand, letting their fingers brush together for longer than strictly necessary. 

“you know i don’t need my phone to get something from my car, right?” she didn’t even need to get anything from her car. she just needed some air.

“i know,” azzi said, matter of fact. “i just wanted to see you.”

paige held back a laugh. “you just saw me.”

“sure did.”

“and you came out here in the scorching hot sun to see me again.”

“is there a problem with that?” azzi challenged, stepping closer to her. her eyes sparkled mirthfully. paige wanted to swallow them whole. 

“depends.”

“depends on what?”

silence. 

paige couldn’t take it anymore. azzi was so– and– she was right there, and there were no excuses, there was nobody around– paige didn’t just want it, she needed it. azzi was a fire and paige had to stoke it, needed to breathe life into this thing that was driving her fucking mad. 

azzi raised an eyebrow at her, and paige stared back helplessly. they were so close, hovering on the verge but not quite daring to fall over it, and she was going to do it, she was finally going to do it, fuck it, she was going to ask–

“can i–”

azzi interrupted her by kissing her full on the mouth.  

paige felt like she was bursting into flames. azzi’s lips on hers were hot, perfect, firm and absolutely sure of what she wanted. paige’s hands clung to her waist like it was keeping her on earth, kissing back for all she was worth.  

it was whatever paige had fantasized about since the moment azzi had walked into practice on the first day, letting her hand linger in paige’s for a second too long when they shook hands. it was perfect. paige was fucking melting.

after a moment, azzi pulled back. “god, i’ve been waiting for you for months. you’re such an idiot.”

“well,” paige shrugged, “did it live up to the hype?”

“i need a second opinion.” azzi kissed her again, and paige smiled so wide she nearly broke their lips apart, and azzi only kissed her harder, and paige felt so happy she could fucking die. 

yeah, she could get used to this. 

___

[11:04 am]

arike: u massive liar

arike: “i need something outside” headass yeah needed some TONGUE

arike: i can see u thru the window  

[11:05 am]

arike: u dont get paid to kiss women on the clock get a move on

[11:14 am]

arike: dang let that lady ass go

[11:23 am]

paige: fuck you

[littlesheep23]

What's 1800 miles away from home?

wc : 12.5k cross-posted : Ao3 Playlist : songs by chapter

Author's note : Hi guys! It's d-day chapter five is here!!!

Enjoy the read :)

Chapter 5

Two mornings after her discussion with Caroline, when Azzi woke up, it was to the objectively gentle – but aggressive for her, at the moment – buzz of her phone.

Again.

The groan she let out as she read the name of the contact calling her could have been inhumane; but being who she was, and her mother never understanding that if she did not answer it meant she was sleeping (and thus calling several times in a row afterward), the brunette picked it up anyway. 

“Hello” she croaked out, already falling back on her pillow.

“Hi baby, how are you doing?” she was greeted by her mom. “Did you just wake up?” 

Azzi wanted to scoff at this because she could tell her mom a hundred times not to call her before 9 AM on her off-days – mind you she had her shift schedule so no excuses, the older woman would not register it or care to remember. 

And she loved her mom, but that was annoying. 

Although, if she was being honest (only if and she would not say it aloud like ever) she didn’t really care that much at the end of the day. Because waking up to her mom calling her and spending thirty minutes or more on the phone with the older woman telling her how they were doing back at home was quite the highlight of her days; it made her feel like she was still at home, most days, waking up to her parents bickering in the kitchen and her two little brothers already being their annoying selves. 

So no, she would not tell her mom she was the one who just woke her up. Even though it was really unnerving for the first dozen of seconds.

“Yeah, I did. ’Was gonna make myself breakfast.”

Not a complete lie anyway. 

As she got up and made her way to her kitchen, they switched the phone call to facetime, and she went on with her routine, preparing coffee and getting a few things from her fridge to make some toasts and scrambled eggs. They chatted quietly, through most of the process, Azzi’s dad joining them at one point, disrupting the calm with his loud boastering laugh – often making himself heard after his own jokes. 

But again, even though she rolled her eyes each time he was being ridiculous, Azzi would not have traded those mornings for anything. Even though her parents could be the most annoying, her brothers were both parasites who didn’t understand the concept of personal space, and her grandparents were a little over the top in their dedication sometimes, she would not change anything to her family. Those were the people she loved the most regardless of anything else and the little moments, like that morning facetime, she still had with them were the ones she cherished the most.

At one point, when she was halfway through eating her breakfast and the clock on her oven was showing 9:13 AM, her phone buzzed from a text, proceeding to make the device fall from its carefully calculated position against a box of tissues and startling her at the same time. 

Azzi cursed lightly as her mom chuckled at the awkward camera angle. 

As she was about to make a snarky come back to the mockery, maybe mentioning the way her grandma was better at angling the phone during a facetime than her, her mouth stopped working very quickly as she saw who made her phone fall. 

It was Paige. 

And from what it looked like, she had sent her another reel. Something she had kept on doing pretty regularly – and that Azzi did too – even after she finally accepted her defeat of the other night. 

In spite of the fact that it was something that made her laugh out loud each time, since her conversation with Carol, Azzi could not help but get lost in her head when she saw the blonde’s name on her phone. Her best friend’s words echoing in her mind like an annoying reminder that she didn’t know what she was doing. 

Because she had been right. 

Azzi liked Paige (too). 

But she had been scared shitless to make a move or worse that Paige would make a move and that she would say yes to anything the firefighter asked of her. She had been scared to try and that history would repeat itself. Which was very much irrational because how could Paige, sweet kind Paige, do something bad? 

Yeah, no… not possible.

Nonetheless, even after two days of constant zoning out and pondering on the pros and cons of making a move herself, she was still on a standstill. 

The only constant outcomes of her thinking process being that she was pretty sure – like ninety percent sure – that Paige liked her, and that she liked the blonde too. 

That and the fact that Paige was a good person without a doubt. 

(so yeah, great way to go)

“You ok over there sweetheart?” Her mom cut through the thickness of her thoughts. 

Brought back to reality and their conversation about the basketball camp, Azzi nodded quickly, muttering a low yeah. 

“You wanna talk to me about something?” 

And maybe it was a mom's superpower to know everything and every detail about your kid’s behavior or change of, but each time she did this with her, Azzi couldn’t help but be amazed at her capacity to read her. 

“I don’t know… Maybe” Azzi hesitated. Because if there was one person who could understand her at the moment, surely it was her mom.

Because, besides Azzi herself, Katie Fudd was the only one who knew everything that had gone down with James, and then later on with Clara – the only one to know both of their names too, ironically. 

So maybe she was the one she really needed to talk to. 

“Is dad still here?”

“No, he went outside a few minutes ago to walk the dogs” informed her mom, quickly comprehending that she had aimed right when asking if something was troubling her.

The silence hovered on the line for approximately ten seconds – Katie looking at her screen and Azzi doing everything but that – before the older woman prodded gently again; not pressing or insisting but encouraging. 

“What’s going on Azzi?”

The young woman bit her lower lips as she finally looked at the image of her mom, the dilemma written clearly on her face; tension going through her shoulders. Well, while she was on the phone with her, she might as well search for answers to her mom. 

Time to jump in.

“Uhm- well, there’s this girl…” She began unsure of what she wanted to share and what she didn’t. “She’s really good friends with KK and Ice and we met a couple weeks ago, after she moved in the city.”

She made a pause, which led to more silent prodding, now her mom’s attention was definitely caught. 

“And– well, we’ve, like, gotten to know each other a bit since she’s now joined our friends group and also mostly because she works as a paramedic at the same station as them so she’s often at the hospital… and I don’t know, I– she’s really nice, and kind, and like– very pretty too. And I think we’ve kind of clicked but… I don’t know.”

The brunette was now avoiding her mom’s gentle gaze coming from those tiny pixels, so she could finally voice out what she wanted to say.

“I think I like her.”

Here it was in the wild, loud and clear, real.

And she kept on going.

“Well, that’s not true… I know I like her. And I think she likes me too, but– on the other hand, I like my life where it’s at right now: nothing is really complicated except my job, which duh it’s supposed to be… I have great friends, a nice apartment that’s quiet when I come home” she was not stopping now. “I told myself those kinds of things were not for me, and I don’t need something like a relationship or– like anything like this. I really don’t…”

Another blank.

“But I really do like her.”

Still nothing came from her mom, who was leveling her like every micro-movement from her face was a page from the open book Azzi seemed to be to her.

“I like her… and I’ve been thinking about this for two days and now I feel like I’m fifteen years old again talking to you about this kind of stuff, and– it’s embarrassing, ridiculous… I feel ridiculous.”

A moment of latency kept the discussion suspended between them, Azzi slightly flustered by her own confession and her mom completely unreadable. 

Until…

“You’re done?”

Azzi nodded aggressively, nearly breaking her neck; a car crash would have been less aggressive for her cervical vertebras. 

“Baby, don’t you think you’re just scared?”

“Ok thanks, but Carol already said tha–” 

“I don’t mean that about what happened before” Interrupted the older woman. “I mean there’s probably a part of you that is still careful when thinking about it, but I don’t think that’s what’s refraining you from making a move. Because I’m pretty sure that if you really like her like you said that’s gonna be the least of your problems.”

Azzi frowned not following her.

“I know you by heart Azzi. You’re not scared of being hurt by this girl. You’re scared of change.”

That had the effect of shutting the young woman up. 

“Even as a kid you’ve always been like this. You don’t like your world tilting, or what’s surrounding you, changing. You like habits, routine, always the same people, you like constance and control because it’s safe.” Listed Katie. “But baby if you want my opinion, every time you took it upon yourself and made the jump, it became one of the best thing that happened to you or it helped you grow and become the person that you are today: when you decided you wanted to begin football and then basketball, and not only track, the teams sport helped you overcome your shyness even though you were so scared to at first. When you said yes to this sport camp the next summer and you met Caroline, it gave you your best friend. When you decided to go to university in nursing school despite all those exams and the stress the job would give you, when you finally made the jump and moved to LA, sure we don’t see each other that much anymore, but you’ve become who you are, because of all those choices you thought made you uncomfortable at first.”

The brunette was pondering, those words hitting her deep in the chest.

“I don’t know this girl, but I don’t think she would be that close to your friends if she wasn’t a good person, I don’t think you would describe and praise her like that either.” Finally added the redhead. “So, I won’t tell you to make a move or not to. That’s going to be up to you. But if you really like her, and you want to, and the only thing restraining you is your fear of the unknown, I’m gonna tell you to start living your life Azzi. Because you can’t stay on a dead stop just ‘cause there’s chances for things not to go down your way. That’s not living.”

She was right. 

Unnervingly so, and Azzi knew it. 

Her mother had always known her the best, better that Caroline, better than Kaitlyn, better than anyone. There was no questioning that. And as she hummed in acknowledgement to everything she said, Azzi realized that in talking to her mom, she had not been searching for the answer; she had been looking for the last little push she needed; the small bit of courage she had been lacking to this point. 

“Yeah… I think you’re right.” Admitted Azzi.

A smile crept up on her mom’s face, mischief now present in every glint of her eyes.

“Sweetie, I’m always right,” she joked. “But now that it’s settled, I need to know more about this girl. What’s her name, what does she look like? Where is she from? You need to tell me everything.”

“Ugh… moooom” groaned Azzi, chuckling at her enthusiasm.

“Come on I’m waiting” she said gleefully, as she leaned back against her own chair, arms crossed over her chest in a faux-stern way. 

And well, in the end Azzi did end up telling her some things… ok, lots of things. She yapped about Paige – though she never told her mom her name because she was precautious and she wasn’t going to give her a name she could potentially one day put a face on yet while everything could still go sideways and result in too much teasing or knowing looks. But she still told her numerous elements about Paige, like how sweet she was with everyone around her; how she had little siblings that she clearly loved as much as Azzi loved hers (maybe even more); and mostly how hot she was. Because one could really keep it inside them for so long, and Azzi hadn’t had the chance to gush over the blonde’s hotness before, so she embraced the occasion. 

(Her mom wouldn’t judge her for fawning over a girl’s shoulders and arms, anyway. So it was safe to say she didn’t hold back.)

Throughout all her rambling, she did not really notice the fond look her mom was giving her, she heard the gentle scoff, the small reactions she was given to the myriads of adjectives she had found to describe Paige, but she missed the look. 

And maybe for the best because anyone seeing a mom looking at her kid like that would instantly understand that it meant:

 I see you and I know you’re falling for this person you’re rambling about but it’s clearly too soon to point that out.

---

When she entered their locker room a few minutes before the start of their shift, Caroline spotted Azzi immediately. And call it her sixth sense or her Azzi’s sense, but the second she dropped her bag down next to her best friend she knew something had changed, that in some way she seemed lighter than she had been in days (or weeks). 

The light-skin girl was smiling softly at literally nothing, humming a low melody Caroline vaguely recognized as she tied the string of her blue pants. But most significantly, the nearly imperceptible crease that had been present between her eyebrows for the past two days had, like, miraculously disappeared and, being aware of what had caused it in the first place, it picked at the other girl's curiosity. 

“Someone is in a good mood today.” started smoothly Carol, very inconspicuous, before joking lightly. “What happened? Your mom let you sleep in for once?”

Azzi looked up at her eyes gleaming and beaming; her smile was bigger and brighter than anything the other brunette would have expected and as she flashed her white teeth to her, a giggle passed her lips.

“No, she didn’t. But you know her, the week she doesn’t call at least three to four times and lands each of them on one of my allowed late mornings, I swear I’m gonna get scared.”

Yeah, Caroline would get anxiety too if Katie Fudd stopped doing this one day.

“But it was good, though” continued Azzi as she turned around to get her shirt on. “My dad was there too, they caught me up on what was going on at the camp… and it gave me the opportunity to talk to her a little.”

“About?” prodded gently Caroline, seeing now where this was going.

“About Paige… mainly” Azzi let out, not really nervous, but surely quieter. 

Now clearly implicated in the discussion due to the one they had two days ago, Caroline pressed her to tell her what they talked about exactly, and she did. She summarized what the Fudd’s matriarch told her, and how relieving it felt to discuss her apprehensions for once; she was now regretting not opening up sooner about all of this because that thirty minutes phone call might or might not have resolved (or at least appeased) lots of the doubts she had. 

“So yeah… I think I’m gonna ask her out if she comes around today.” She finished with. “this’s probably not the most ideal but I don’t see myself waiting two weeks for the next time we all go out and do this in front of everyone else, and I surely don’t want to ask her out by text in between three shared reels.”

The expression painted on Caroline's face could have been described as only one thing: proudness. 

And having gone through Azzi's bad relationship and then anti-relationship phases she had all the reasons to be.

“Ok, Azzi!” she teased her lightly, hitting her shoulder slightly as the other girl sat back down. “Not you being all grown up and taking matters into your own hands.”

Azzi smiled up at this. 

“I didn’t think I would see the day you made the first move and asked someone out, and here we are, girl.”

“Who’s asking someone out?”

Of course, that was the moment Aubrey and Sarah chose to come in.

“Azzi” said Amari as she rounded the row of lockers and headed to the mirror to tighten her ponytail of small braids. “She said she’s asking Paige out today.”

All heads wiped to the side, not expecting someone else to be there. 

“What the heck, Amari!?” responded Azzi shocked, as the two newcomers squealed in excitement. “How long have you been in here?”

The older girl looked at her unimpressed, likely not caring a bit about the fact that she had been blatantly eavesdropping (since Azzi would have probably told them too).

“Since before you even came in here.” She answered simply, shrugging. “Kait and I were changing when you came in here all perky and singing… And then you started talking with Car when she entered. ‘Didn’t want to interrupt.”

“Yeah, you seemed pretty focused on your topic of discussion–” Joked Kaitlyn now chiming in too from behind the lockers. 

“Ok, but can we come back to the important stuff?” Cut Aubrey still flabbergasted in the middle of the room, ignoring the outraged expression Azzi was bearing. “You’re asking Paige out?!”

Everyone turned to her, expectantly.

“Yeah” nodded Azzi quietly, excitement and nervousness readable on the slight sheepish smile she was displaying.

The room erupted in a newfound chaos, questions, and remarks thrown in from everywhere, and happiness and trepidation buzzing around like a growing electric current.

It followed them right to the ER as they started working in a rhythm, relieving the nurses from the previous shift, as they hovered around each other; to be honest the subject did not leave the atmosphere for the rest of the morning and the early afternoon, only getting stronger when a few of them escaped to the break-room at 3 PM. It was the topic of every single one of their discussions that day.

And if one of them ended up spilling what they knew about Paige liking Azzi with the brunette right there, no one else would know (sorry KK, but there was no point keeping it secret anymore… plus if it could motivate Azzi on making her move, what was wrong in it?).

---

It was 4 PM. 

Paige was already exhausted. 

The morning having been quiet, Geno made them run on a circuit in the back courtyard. Team bonding and all this shitty PT thing; the entire team had taken a shower at 11:30 when they finally stopped – which had been really necessary seeing they had been running for almost two and a half hours under 95°. In the shade or not there was no difference at this point, the air had been scalding.

After that, and having lost four pounds of water from the sweating, Paige and Nika had gone to Geno’s office to discuss the previous intervention they had done two days ago and debriefed what the engineering report said. Nothing much but still demanding in attention, and focus (and most of all Paige had been wearing her contacts which were not ideal to read, this even more so when she was already so tired). 

A fatigue that had been caused by a certain woman named after a famous basketball player – she had just learnt that a few days ago – but not in the way one would think.

They had been texting late after Azzi’s shift ended last night – or early this morning, and Paige, being the down bad simp that she was, had refused to tell the younger one that she had to get up at six the next morning for her shift. So, it only had been when Azzi realized it by herself, because of previous conversations, that she reprimanded her and ordered her sternly to go to sleep right then and there. 

(which, by the way, Paige had found very hot… ok, bossy attitude)

So yeah, four and a half hours of sleep were not that much, but what wouldn’t she do to talk with Azzi Fudd?

Quite literally nothing.

Both her and Jana were on their way to the hospital at the moment. The Egyptian girl was driving (for safety’s reasons), and Paige was in the back with the biker they had just picked up. The man had had a car cut him up and even though he did not seem that badly injured, the two paramedics feared a heavy concussion and maybe secondhand symptoms. 

They arrived quickly at the hospital as usual, though not quickly enough according to Paige, seeing how much of an annoying and misogynist loudmouth the guy was. 

God forbid women were no longer spending their days at home nowadays, but clearly a simple-minded frustrated little shit like him couldn’t wrap his brain around this.

Because what do you mean that guy insulted the entire profession that just saved him, by saying paramedics were not firefighters, then proceeded to do the same with half the world population, and ended up mansplaining to her her own job, she had been doing for the past three years (not counting her time in school) in LESS than ten minutes, because – let her quote : he had been to a first aid course for his license and it was given by a firefighter, so he knew about it.

All of this with a flirtatious smile (which ew, the man was probably more than twice her age) and little comments about Jana’s driving skills (mind you he had just crashed his bike).

But sure, ok Robert, go ahead and spread your science.

And if Paige had said before that the people that annoyed her the most were family, and that she was always pretty empathetic of the victims she took care of, well this man clearly was the exception to the rule. 

As soon as the doors of the aid car opened, Paige took the welcomed salvation from her growing headache and started babbling about the guy’s health condition, proceeding to cut him off in another of his weird explanations. And maybe the relief showed on her face, because the look she got from Azzi and Kaitlyn was pure confusion when they caught her eyes. 

The man got moved out to the ground pretty quickly, Amari joined the group too, observing from a few steps away; but as soon as her two friends were starting to get inside with him she told Azzi to stay back here, take a break, and let her take him with Kaitlyn.

Azzi was ready to protest as the taller girl stood there and nearly body checked her out of the way with a pointed look that could mean anything for someone on the outside, but that plus Paige’s hand landing on her shoulder, stopping her from doing so, got her attention instead. Her head whipped to the side to look at the blonde (a slight pink coloring her cheeks). 

“I promise you, it’s better this way,” Paige said, sighing while she pinched the bridge of her nose. “Gonna save you from a headache.”

“Oh my gosh, tell me he wasn’t for real” interrupted Jana through the light ER noise as she rounded the truck. “I swear to God, I was this close from crashing into the nearest building to put us out of misery.”

Paige scoffed as she sat back down on the back step, dropping her hand from Azzi's strong shoulder and massaging her own temples. 

She scoffed.

“Bro, I wish you had”, Paige turned to the nurse, pointing in the guy’s general direction. “That was probably one of the biggest dickheads I’ve encountered in the last five years of my life… and mind you, I spent six months in the army and went through firefighter school, all of that being a woman.”

Azzi looked down at her with sympathy but also questioning.

“So, you’re just letting Amari and Kait with him like that?”

“Oh, I promise you, princess, you do not want to stay with a douchebag like that for more than five minutes.” Paige shook her head, smirking at her own use of Azzi’s nickname. “Plus, I kinda wish he gets put back in his own place by Amari or mocked by Kaitlyn, that would make my day a tiny bit better actually.”

The braided brunette smiled at this, as annoying as she found the nickname or the princess allegation, as she liked to call it, when it came from the blonde it only rang as a compliment in her ears, making her forget anything else, and her cheeks threatening to get a little bit to irrigated with blood. 

But that little cloud her brain was on promptly popped off, disappeared, as she came back to reality with two – very different – thoughts. Firstly, and she remembered, when she saw Paige yawned into her hand and leaned her head back with her eyes closed, she had not slept that much last night because of Azzi, which the brunette still hadn’t had the chance to lecture her about in person; and secondly, she had been planning to ask Paige out since 9:30 this morning, and now seeing the blonde in person was making her realize that she was way more nervous about this than she would have imagined.

Classic underestimation.

“P, I think your day can only go up since you nearly got yourself crushed this morning” Jana mocked her, efficiently cutting Azzi’s messy pondering short.

A comment that got the other paramedic a one-eyed glare from Paige, but no response ensued. 

Azzi though had plenty to say about it.

“What do you mean you nearly got crushed? What happened?” She asked, concern tinting her voice.

“Nothing– she doesn’t mean anything, don’t worry” Paige said, shrugging.

“Bro– stop lying” clocked Jana already mid-laughing, mid-blaming, as she turned to Azzi pointing accusatorially at the blonde. “This dumbass didn’t sleep well last night, and when she arrived this morning instead of telling Geno just that and getting a break from training, she chose to just say nothing and spend two hours lifting hoses and 250 pound tires and running on tiny ladders…”

Azzi was now leveling up a very sheepish Paige with a raised eyebrow and a look that said everything she hadn’t voiced out yet.

“And of course, because she’s half blind she tripped on the fucking ladder while we were lifting one of those heavy-ass tires, and guess what happened next… Aaliyah and I had to jump out of the ladder and not drop that shit right on her head as she rolled out of the way, this and not breaking our backs or ankles with it too.” She carried on now another reproachful look directed at the blonde. “I honestly don’t know how we managed to avoid crushing her, because, in that moment, I saw myself coming here with her on the stretcher.”

Not a word was coming from Paige now, as both of her friends were waiting to see if she had anything to respond to this. 

And thanks to Jana, Azzi knew now which topic she was going to begin with. That had been the easiest way she dealt with a dilemma in a long time.

“See?” asked rhetorically Azzi, to Jana’s utmost confusion. “That's exactly why I scolded your irresponsible ass and told you to go to sleep.” She added, weakly kicking Paige’s boot to make her point heard.

“What?”

Jana’s confusion and the way she had described Paige state like a basic misfortune, a common insomnia, told Azzi exactly how the blonde had probably not explained anything (or flagrantly lied). 

“Ask her why she didn’t sleep much last night, Jana.” Said Azzi annoyed. 

A moment of silence passed through as Jana looked at a now nervously fidgeting Paige. 

“You know what, never mind don’t even ask her, I’m gonna tell you myself.” Azzi changed her mind, because that would have meant giving Paige too much grace. “This idiot, over here, stayed up ‘til I got off of my shift and so I could answer the reels she sent me, and then when I started talking with her, she didn’t tell me she had to get up like any normal person would. So, we just talked until 1:30, to the point I realized by myself that she mentioned she was working today. And then when I got mad because, and I hope you agree with me on this, not sleeping is dangerous in numerous aspects in this line of work, guess what she told me…”

She marked a pause in her angry tirade; Jana just shrugged her eyes wide though, and Paige didn’t even meet her eyes.

“She told me she didn’t want me to feel like what I was telling her was not interesting her.”

The silence that followed this was just pure disbelief from Jana’s side and embarrassment from Paige’s if the way she hid herself in her palm was any indication. 

Azzi still leveled the blonde with a pointed look that meant she was standing on business and would not allow her to deny or get away from this that easily. She had the proof if needed, anyway.

“Now P, we needa work on your priorities, ‘cause that’s gonna be a problem.” 

And Azzi could not agree more with the second paramedic, as both of them shook their heads in disappointment, looking like two parents scolding their trouble child. The fact that Jana meant a lot more with this sentence, and the knowing look she gave Paige, which told her there would be lots of teasing on the way back to the station, stayed unknown to the braided girl though.

Now that she had berated Paige like she had planned to, Azzi thought about the second thing she needed to tell her. 

Or ask her. 

One could think knowing ­that Paige liked her in more than a friendly way – if her best friend were not pulling the meanest prank ever on her, which she believed they were not – would help Azzi’s nerves and make her task less intimidating. 

Well, it did not.

The entire time they spend in front of the entrance chatting, Azzi kept on glancing at the time on her watch, calculating how much time was actually too long for a quick break, and praying that Jana – bless her soul but she was not doing this with her right there – would want to go to the restroom or anywhere else at one point. 

But of course, it never happened.

By the time Jana slipped into the driver seat, Azzi had casted a quick glance around her, only noticing two clearly invested Sarah and Caroline in inspectors mode, trying to pretend they were not looking intently at them from their posts by one of the computer posts. 

And they were right to send her those looks of encouragement because Paige had just closed the back doors of the ambulance and was now seconds away from leaving to the passenger side. It made Azzi’s heart skip a beat.

Since, it also meant they were as alone as they could be right now.

Azzi, recognizing it as her moment, turned away from her invasive emotional support system and took the deepest breath she could before she found herself face to face with Paige, and started talking.

“Hey, I wanted to ask you something… You have a minute?” Azzi opened up as smoothly as she could.

Concern etched itself on Paige's face as she heard the serious – nervous really – tone in Azzi’s voice, a striking contrast to what they had been up to just moments before.

“Yes, ‘course” she replied soothingly, now attentive as ever.

Her answer rattled even more Azzi, because ughhh how could someone be so sweet, and caring like that. And that yearning voice. That was unfair. Paige looked distressed just by hearing her be unsure of herself. 

Azzi wanted to melt already.

“Well, I know we’ve not known each other for that long, which big bummer by the way because why did you take so long to move here or how come we never met before since we lived so close to each other at one point, and also ‘cause I’m sure we would’ve got along just as well in any other circumstances, seeing you’re like a really really  nice person–”

Great way to go now she was starting to ramble with no coherency at all.

“Anyway” Azzi took a breath in the middle of her tirade and tried to settle back to a simpler version of what she wanted to say, before going too far into her own brain, feeling her neckline grow hotter by the second. “I wanted to ask you–”

BIPP BIPP… BIPP BIPP

The blaring sound of her pager ran over the rest of her sentence, startling the both of them. Of course it had to go off now. 

“Fuck…” sighed Azzi, looking at it.

But as she looked back up at Paige’s face, the openness and slight expectation there only told her this could wait for ten more seconds.

“Ok, I just wanted to know if you would want to–”

“PAIGE TIME TO GO NOW! CENTER JUST CALLED!” 

A-fucking-gain.

This time the blonde’s focus got swept from Azzi just as much as her head snapped to the side, and as the blue light turned on and Paige knew the sirens were seconds away from coming too, she turned back to Azzi apologetically. 

“Sorry, I really need to go,” she said with a rueful smile as she started walking backward. 

“If it’s very important you can always send me a text.” She nearly shouted over the awful sound of the sirens. “Or I can send you my number if you wanna call me to talk about it.”

Azzi simply showed her a thumb up to dignify what she said with an answer through the blaring noise.

“Sorry! See you later maybe!”

But to be honest Azzi wasn’t sure if she said “maybe” or “Azzi” and for an unknown reason it bothered her more than anything else as she quickly turned on her heels and started speed walking to where she was awaited.

The entirety of the scene unfolding in front of the desperate eyes of their two not so discreet onlookers. 

---

11PM.

What happened after her awkward moment with Paige hadn’t really registered in Azzi’s head; for the rest of her shift she was on autopilot, just doing what she used to do and not thinking about the opportunity she had missed (just because she rambled). 

She had tried to stay as far from her two friends for as long as she could too, as the last thing she wanted was for them to come over to her and remind her of it.

And it worked. 

For a few hours…

But by the time they were all being discharged by the next group, there was no more avoiding them possible, seeing they were all scattered on the booth in front of their lockers. And of course, when Azzi checked her phone for the first time in the last twelve hours, the first thing that popped up was a notification from Paige asking her what she had wanted to tell her earlier, followed by a second one with a phone number – hers of course – and a quick “or if you don’t wanna tell me by text”; and then a third one that came hours later – thirty minutes ago to be exact ­–informing her that they would probably not be coming back to the hospital for the rest of Azzi’s shift and joined with, again, another invitation to tell her however and whenever she wanted what she had to say earlier.

And that made her bang her head against the lockers, “ughhhh”. Because what do you mean Paige had calculated when Azzi’s shift ended and thought about texting her to tell her they would not be encountering each other again as if Azzi would not already know that by the time she saw the text. As if it really mattered that she told her herself (it did).

The next thing she knew, Azzi was saving the phone number as Paige’s contact and typing a minimal response, vaguely telling her it was not that important and that she would tell her when they would meet in person. Nothing more elaborated. Paige would hopefully have forgotten by tomorrow morning anyway.

Then she sort of slammed her phone screen down on the bench. 

“Soooo… I guess it’s not happening today?” 

Well, thanks Carol for stating the obvious; but she was not dignifying this with an answer other than a glare. 

“How far did you get?” asked Sarah then.

Ok, the answer to that one was actually lame but kind of necessary at the moment because a silence would be just as eloquent but way more embarrassing, “I didn’t get after the introduction”.

“Which means?”

“I didn’t ask her anything” she pressed her lips. “I just rambled saying she was nice and that I like her a lot but that took me like an hour to say it in the words I used so by the time I was asking the question we both needed to go.”

The face Paige had made had surely been enough info to her two friends. There was no world in which they hadn’t already known all of this but still voicing it out felt like a big ass stinging defeat.

“And you still don’t want to tell her by text, I guess” added Caroline not even interrogatively.

“No” that was probably the easiest thing to do on all aspects, but it was not something Azzi wanted; that was not the way she wanted to start something with Paige; easiness and practicality be damned she wanted the real way. 

“Well, that’s no biggie you can tell her in two days after her day off.” Sarah shrugged.

Oh, Azzi was planning to. 

The next time she would see Paige, she would not wait until the last minute, that would be the first thing she did. 

Jana or no Jana, she was asking Paige out. Be sure of it.

---

Back in her car, Azzi took a minute to start the engine. 

Her mind was not really blaming her for missing the earlier occasion anymore, she kind of knew there was no use doing so. No. Now it was plotting the next one. Next play mentality as they said.

From her pensive state, she saw all her friends’ cars leave one by one until she ended up being the last one of them in the parking lot. 

Another minute or so passed before she finally started to move. She buckled up instinctively, pulling out her phone and connecting it to her car’s Bluetooth to put on some slow beat song, something RnB-ish, SZA coded. 

Right before she put it down she noticed that Paige had still not answered her (which she usually did even when she was at worked), and it kind of made her want to know how her day went after the incident she had this morning – yes, the thought was still bitter in her own head, and she couldn’t help but be a bit worried about her.

She promptly found Paige’s newly added contact once again and typed a short text asking her how her day went; and adding: it’s Azzi btw. 

Maybe she would see it faster if she sent it through WhatsApp and not Instagram.

Then she threw her phone on the passenger seat and left the parking lot.

At 11:30 in the night, on a weekday, it was calm even at the start of summer break. The temperature was not above 75° and it was leaving goosebumps on her skin now, as she had rolled down the passenger window completely, and her own an inch just to feel the wind on her forehead. The light breeze cooling her down gently, blew the baby hair away from her face just enough to come tickle her neck while she drove from the very well-lit streets to the ones where a single streetlight was posted every 250 feet. But she didn’t mind it. It meant she was getting closer to her apartment complex. 

It was not a long drive in the end.

Even though Azzi never rushed on her way home. Sometimes when she was going to the hospital, she did put her feet a little bit more on the gas, but never on her way back. Hitting a side barrier once when she had been in a rush had stuck with her, since she had never been the most confident driver. She wasn’t bad by any means, just careful, and aware of the number of accidents on the road and the deaths as a result of them. 

Plus the 15 minutes’ drive back was her moment of the day where she tried to leave behind her working persona and the stress induced state, she was pretty much every moment of her day in, at the hospital. 

It was the moment she just breathed for the first time since leaving her apartment, and she was very happy if it took her two or three more minutes to get home as long as she got there in one piece and in a calm mindset. 

She took a turn left, even driving at this hour was relaxing. Indicator (of no use seeing no one was there, but still), slowing down, rotating the steering wheel. 

She was two minutes away now. 

One turn right in three intersections, then driving to the next big complex right in front of hers and taking right again to enter her parking lot. It was instinctive by now.

Her phone buzzed next to her, she would have ignored it usually but the thought of it being Paige made her gaze swayed right, as the light of the screen reflected against her windshield and window. She didn’t reach for it, but her first thought being correct – who else would text her at this hour anyway – a smile crept up on her face. 

Oh, that was the first thing she was answering when she was home.

Or not.

With no time to veer her eyes back on the road, what she had subconsciously integrated as the light of a street lamp got closer from her left side. And the moment she registered it, it was already too late.

The second she lifted her chin back up from the darkening screen, an atrocious racket of metal clashing against metal, embedding itself in it, screamed in her ears. Her head whacked against her door and window before it got projected to the other side. And then, she heard a scream, as she felt something similar to a second-hand impact, but in the midst of all the noise and tumult she couldn’t even say if the sound came from her or not. 

It probably did not, seeing how her body had completely locked up, contracting every single one of her muscles: the only thing it knew to do at this moment. 

After the first hit of her head, it was like her senses condemned themselves in a far and secret corner inside of her, refusing to communicate with her brain for a few seconds or maybe a few minutes. 

Answering Paige would have to wait.

---

“Bro, I still can’t believe you left without listening to her” whined Jana like it was personally affecting her.

“And whose fault is that?” retorted Paige, tired of this conversation happening for the fifth time already today.

“Uh not mine” Jana leveled her up. “I was just relaying info, but staying five more seconds and letting her finish was not going to kill that old man. The guy wasn’t even hurt, he just couldn't get up. He could’ve just waited for another minute.”

“Ok now that’s fucked up you can say that, Jana” Admonished the blonde.

“Still…” grumbled the Egyptian. “You could have waited, ‘specially if you said she looked stressed as fuck.”

“I know, ok.” Paige sighed, reminiscing Azzi’s crumpling expression when she had realized Paige was walking back to the front of the truck. “I texted her like three times to apologize and told her she could text or call me if she wanted. She even has my number now and she just texted me like ten minutes ago, which by the way I need to respond to her so please stop distracting me and wait a sec’.”

She tapped her thumbs swiftly on the keyboard, telling Azzi she was fine now, that she took a power nap two hours ago as she and Jana were coming back from their third call of the day – the second one in a row that didn’t end up at the hospital.

Sadly

…

Wait. Was it messy of her to start wishing the people they were helping needed to go to the ER?

Oh it so was.

Yeah, no. Not dwelling on that.

She asked the question back to Azzi, genuinely interested in knowing how her day went after this, and as she waited for an answer her gaze lifted back up to Jana’s side.

“She even said that could wait ‘til next time we saw each other so that’s probably not even that important.”

She was in denial.

“I certainly just don’t know how to read body language so it’s probably just me who made things up in my head because I’m projecting… oh gosh– I think I’m just projecting f’ real…”

She hid her head in her hands as she finished her sentence. 

“You wanna know what I think?” asked Jana in all the splendor of her big mom mode.

“No”

“I think she was going to propose and you ran away.”

“Bro–”

“No, I’m serious” she cut Paige off. “You guys talk all day long by text”

“No, we don’t–”

“Whereas Azzi has the worst texter reputation, the ‘over’protecting her peace and going to bed as soon as she’s home kind of one. And she got mad at you for not taking care of yourself” Jana was now listing. “She’s ogling you every time she sees you. P, she even went out with us. Twice. In a two week span. That never happened before you joined the group.”

“Ok so first of all, she’s not ogling me.” Defied the blonde. “And secondly, a girl can’t want to have fun and go out with her friends? I think you’re making a big deal of quite literally nothing.”

“I think you’re in denial. Or you’re trying to convince me to convince yourself because you don’t want to get your hopes up and risk being deceived. Both probably.”

Paige scoffed.

“Shut up bro.”

“’Just saying”

Bipbip Bipbip.

The voice of their “guy in the chair” from the central announced a car accident, cutting through the discussion and preventing Paige from denying any further something achingly close to a truth.

The initial information came fast, and Paige stored it somewhere in her mind. Mentally preparing for what was awaiting them. She checked everything with Jana while the truck took a wide U-turn before speeding up.

The location. 

A car SOS button went off. 

Driver not responding.

High probability of a multiple victims’ incident.

What a way to spend one’s night.

She sighed internally.

---

As she got back to her senses – a tinnitus dissolving in her ears – the first thing Azzi noticed was the noise. 

Or the lack of it. 

It was city sounds. A siren somewhere, very far away traffic, and the sizzling sound of electricity lanes. 

She registered all of it, but her eyes were still closed. Her breath was ragged, and she felt like her heart was intending on beating out of her chest. And not in the cliché way you use when you get scared. No. In the way that gave her the impression it was trying to rip away from both her main arteries, before propelling itself through her sternum and her chest to land on her laps and flee the scene.

Without thinking, she lifted a hand to her chest.

The dual sensation of feeling her own pulse in her hand and inside of herself was like a wake-up alarm for her body. 

Her nervous system wired back in, and the pulsing extended to her shoulder, and her head.

She got reconnected to her own body and quickly took in her surroundings.

Her car had clearly been hit from her side and was now half on the road and half on the sidewalk. Her window had scattered completely, and shards of glass were everywhere from her laps to the dashboard, the console, and the passenger seat. Her head had probably contributed to this, seeing how badly her temple throbbed underneath her skin. But as far as she could tell, and besides her left side, shoulder, her neck, and her head, she was ‘relatively’ fine.

Well, that was good news, at least.

She clicked her seatbelt free, but as she tried to open her door, it didn’t move. She pushed again, with more force. Nothing. Then she impatiently tried with a bit of momentum and rammed her shoulder against it. Bad idea. It hurt more than anything which caused her to wince while the door didn’t budge an inch.

Commotion from the other car got her attention and looking around her she promptly decided she’d rather go above the gear shift and come out from the other side. She looked up at the SOS button lit in a faint red light, and she pressed it before hoisting herself up as well as she could. 

She didn’t bother waiting for it to come through she knew the first aid calls central would send an ambulance or maybe two and that was all that mattered at the moment as she made her way outside of her destroyed car and jogged slightly – not her best idea since it sent jolts of pain everywhere in her body again – to the other cars (two of them. Well, that explained the second shock then).

Help could always be called back to give them more information but right now she needed to know if everybody was ok. That was her main concern as her brain shifted in nurse mode.

One of the drivers was getting out too. 

He was young, like ‘not older than twenty-one’ young. 

And the shock on his face didn’t help him.

“’You ok?” he called out first though as he saw Azzi coming his way.

Worry was all over his face and body language, and he looked like he thought Azzi was going to beat the shit out of him.

“I’m good” lied a bit Azzi, she certainly wasn’t good, but she could be worse all in all. Plus seeing the distress on his face, she better keep it cool and not add her own internal stress to the mix.

“I’m so, so sorry” started the younger man as she got to him. “One second I was driving, and– my friends distracted me and I– I looked away for like two or maybe five seconds, I didn’t see the stop sign – I know it’s my fault I’m so, so sorry…”

“Hey, it’s ok,” Azzi reassured him, her voice soothing as she tried to mask the edge in it. Now that it was done it was no use getting mad or screaming at him. Plus, she worked in healthcare so if someone was going to be helpful and keep their composure it would have to be her. “What’s your name?”

“Tim,” the guy said quietly. 

Ok now that was fucking ironic, getting rammed into by a guy whose name was the same as her father’s, was clearly not on her bingo list of the day. And if it was life trying to pass her a message, something like stop complaining about having two parents that call you nearly every day and support you through it all because I’m short… Well, thanks, hint received but next time it would be nice not to try to destroy her car (and herself) in the process.

“Ok Tim, I’m Azzi. How many friends do you have in the car.” 

“We’re four and­– and they’re five in the other car.” He stammered.

“Those are your friends too?” She asked as she peeked inside the first car and clearly, they were all in shock, not helping that they all looked just as young as him. 

“Yeah, we were going out. We just passed our last exams…”

Azzi rounded the car, opening the doors and checking on the others as they got out too and telling them not to move too much and stay seated until the first aid came.

“Did you drink Tim?” She asked then, seeing the packs of beers and stronger alcohol between the seats. 

“No, I swear I didn’t.” He denied it seriously. “They did but I did not– I just got distracted.”

“Hey, I believe you, don’t worry” sighed Azzi as she rounded back to Tim’s side and headed to the second car. 

Then a scream pierced the air.

“OH MY GOD!”

Azzi quickened her steps and stopped right next to the second driver, another young man, as he was getting out of his car. The woman on the passenger seat looked like she had seen a ghost and when Azzi took her two final steps she understood why.

One of their friends was laying on the tarmac, his feet still halfway on the front of the car and blood spilling on the dark ground from his head at a fast pace, creating an awfully quickly growing dark puddle on the floor.

Azzi's stomach dropped seeing this.

“Fuck” sweared Azzi as she crouched down next to him to take his pulse.

Nothing.

Double fuck.

As fast as she could she took the scene in, and clearly emergencies on the field were not her job but she would have to improvised. She heard the approaching sirens but there was no time waiting for what could be up to two or three minutes knowing how LA’s road worked, so she took matters into her own hands, as all the group started to panic as the situation downed on them.

Swiftly she turned to Tim, and his name being the only one she knew, she called him over and asked him to help her lay his friend down on the ground completely as she held his neck, careful about a potential cervical injury, even if the guy was actually dying (already was medically).

Once he was on the ground she called over the second driver and asked him to give her the flannel he was wearing above his shirt. 

He did it so quickly she nearly didn’t have the time to see him move, but as he handed it to her, she told him to give it to Tim so he could press it against the bleeding wound.

As he did just as she instructed and staggered back a couple steps afterward – the quantity of blood obviously scaring him – she positioned her hands on the unconscious man on the floor, the exact position now mastered with the years; not even needing to calculate it. She tried not to notice how young he was, clearly younger than her, but she felt the pinch in her heart nonetheless.

Then, she pressed.

Methodical, mechanical.

His ribs cracked, the thoracic cage caving under her forceful push, but she knew that too well to worry. It was normal. Weirdly, the most common thing that would happen tonight probably. 

CPR was not the most painless process, given that her shoulder was still screaming at her from the hit she had taken against the door of her own car but at the moment that couldn’t be bothering her less.

“Hey second driver?” Azzi addressed the man's breaths in rhythm with the forceful presses of her palms, helping her keep up the right cadence. “If any of y’all has their phone I need you to call 911 and explain the situation, ok? An ambulance is already coming but the more information they get the better help we’ll have.”

---

As Jana pulled up to the place of the accident, right behind the first aid-truck which seemed to be from station 38, the first thing Paige processed was the three cars and how beat up they looked. Clearly someone had not slowed down, she noticed to herself. 

In two seconds, the blonde jumped out of the car rounding their truck with Jana, who was herself behind three of their colleagues. The two girls made a quick stop to open the back of the truck and take their first aid bags, before running up to where the people caught in the accident were. 

That’s when they heard it. 

“Young male, 21, went through the windshield, has been visibly losing blood from a wound on his forehead and has been in cardiac arrest for at least five minutes now.”

What the fuck?!

As their two colleagues leaned down and attended to the victim, the young woman rose back to her feet and stepped back, still visibly shaking, and breathing rapidly with difficulty. 

But there was no doubt in who it was.

“Azzi?!”

Jana and Paige called out at the same time.

Said nurse’s head whipped around, surprised, but the movement made her clutched at her neck just as quickly as it was effectuated and she flinched.

“What the heck? What are you doing here?” asked Jana as she got closer now scanning up and down the woman with alarmed eyes.

And as she did it too, any hope in Paige that she had just encountered the accident and decided to help, vanished as she saw the trickling blood, seeping from a big cut on her eyebrow, itself on a very prominent and darker spot on splotchy red skin. It was in plain sight with how her hair was pulled up on the top of her head.

And even though she was standing and alright – except well, the state of her face – Paige couldn’t prevent the big wave, the tsunami of worry racking through her. She felt it shaking inside of her, creating an exponential surge of concern to take over her body, growing each second she was not right beside Azzi. It was very unusual for her to feel that much adrenaline going through her veins on a call like this.

So she jogged to her, following, with an eerie silence, behind Jana.

In an instant, Paige got to Azzi’s side too and put a hand on the small of her back instinctively, checking for anymore injury she was not seeing.

“You ok? What happened?” She asked more quietly.

Azzi’s hands were still trembling slightly; she looked down at them and wiped them against her grey (and very red) sweatpants, when she seemed to realize they were covered in blood. Although she was trying to appear calm and composed, not only the shaking of her hands, but also the cold sweat Paige felt through her shirt and the way her eyes were nearly grasping to focus on anything, told the two paramedics otherwise. 

“They crashed into my car as I was driving home” she said, successfully reining in her breaths a bit, now that someone else was there to take care of everything. “I didn’t see the car ‘til it was too late.”

The other paramedics quickly took over the young man on the floor; precise movements, and order flying around. In less than two minutes he was being loaded into the ambulance. The last thing they heard before he was driven to the nearest hospital, being a shouted “GOT A PULSE!” by one of the paramedics from 38. 

It made everyone around let out a sigh of relief, Azzi the first.

A third truck pulled up next to the one taking off and seeing more of their colleagues come over, Jana and Paige pulled the nurse aside, walking her slowly to the back of their truck. Jana asked the young woman a few questions about the accident and how and where she was hurting, trying to enlighten the potential gravity of her state to know if there was a possibility (hopefully not) that Azzi standing up and walking was due to sheer adrenaline. 

Fortunately, it didn’t seem like it was the case, and they just sat her down on the back step as Paige opened her bag taking out a pair of blue gloves.

Jana was now in the back grabbing a cervical collar, just for precautionary measure while they looked at her she had told Azzi as she complained about having to wear one. 

“That’s a nasty gash” commented Paige as she stared at the trickling blood moving down the side of Azzi’s face. 

The adrenaline waving down, Azzi must have started to feel things a bit more intensely now, and as a drip of deep red fluid rolled down her temple, she attempted to wipe it off. Her hand lifted toward it.

But Paige grabbed it with a scaring rapidity, forcing it away from her face and the wound in a quick movement.

“Hey, don’t touch!” She said panic flaring up.

Azzi jumped, a bit frightened, though mostly confused by the abruptness of it all. The grip the firefighter had on her wrist was not by any means violent, all things considered it was even rather gentle – kind and compassionate if she had to say. But the rapidity of her movement and the underlying strength, Azzi felt there, were what had startled her in the first place.

“Sorry” quietened Paige as she saw the scared look in her eyes. “You– you just’ve, like… a ton of blood on your hands…I think it would be better if you don’t touch this or– just your face in general.”

“Oh” Azzi said as she looked at her own hand in Paige’s grasp. “Yeah, sorry…”

Jana came back down just as Paige started dabbing antiseptic on said wound of a wincing Azzi. The blonde was apologizing every time she made contact with her skin, and it resulted in a flinch from the other girl. 

Surprisingly, she showed no sign of concussion after further examinations, the blonde trying to make a small joke about her having a thick skull, even though she was very relieved to see that, seeing those could be real bitches sometimes. 

Once the neck collar was put in place, and Paige had finished cleaning and putting butterfly's stitches on the wound, both paramedics looked at a now more collected and exhausted Azzi.

“Did you hit something else?” asked Jana, as Paige changed her sopping red, blue glove for new ones. 

“Besides my head, not really,” Azzi said, her voice more present. “My side and shoulder got hit too, but I don’t think it’s that bad, I can breathe normally and everything.”

“Let me see” asked Paige as she couldn’t tell if Azzi was really being honest or just wanted to get it over with the first assessment. The blonde grabbed the hem of Azzi’s shirt between her fingers, before looking up to meet her eyes. “Can I take a look?”

Azzi nodded meekly, welcoming the steady hands on her.

Gently she lifted the fabric out of the way, careful of not bumping or putting any strain on anything. 

Slowly, it gave place to golden brown skin; at first a sliver of it from her waist, and under the bright light of the aid-truck, the silver piercing adorning Azzi’s belly button caught Paige’s eyes. Ok now that could be the death of her in any other circumstances, because Azzi was ripped just like Paige had imagined the first time she saw her at the airport, and that little piece of jewelry was literally the cherry on top of some very prominent abs.

But at that moment, the darkened skin of her ribs that was discovered, as she kept on bunching up the shirt, got her mind deflected right out of its run for her gutter and put it back in its correct place. 

“Oh shit– “she cursed as she saw the state of her ribs.

“Yeah, that’s not pretty” agreed Jana, still observing from the side letting Paige do the job.

She passed the sleeve around Azzi’s arm mindful of every micro-movements and let the rest of it hang on her neck as it was sufficiently out of the way. 

After testing the range of motion of her shoulder and prodding her side to see if she felt any evident broken bones, Paige could confidently say it was nothing more than a nasty bruise or maybe a slightly cracked rib she couldn’t feel, at most, and probably what would be a lot of stiffness over the expanse of her body for the next week at least. Her shoulder was looking fine too, a little rigid and painful to move, but nothing was out of place, and there was no swelling nor unusual color. 

So, all in all, except for her ribs which probably needed an X-ray, Azzi was doing pretty well.

After another eternity of talking with the police, arranging the first things she could with the man who came to retrieve her car, filling the report of the accident for the insurance, and taking Tim’s number so she could have some updates on their friend state, Azzi sighed as she leaned back against the truck, Paige and Jana still hovering next to her, their stable presence needed at the moment. 

“Ok you good to go?” had finally asked the blonde paramedic, as she finished putting the material back in her bag. 

“Where?” Azzi looked up at her confused.

“Uhm, to the hospital, duh” responded Paige matter-of-factly like it was evidence – it really was.

And Azzi nearly looked offended by that answer, “What?! No– Paige, I just spent my day there, I’m not going back to the ER right now.”

“Bro, you just had a car accident too, you need your ribs checked out correctly.” Paige was flabbergasted by the lack of reasoning Azzi was putting up. She was a damn nurse. 

The younger woman sighed, “Yeah and I can go tomorrow…” She tried not to lose her temper, already on edge with everything. So she whispered the rest, “I just wanna go home and sleep right now honestly.”

The fatigue in her voice was unmissable, and the way her eyes were pleading the blonde to let her go home was hard to say no to.

Paige sighed frustrated with the lack of fight she was able to put up with a pouting Azzi.

“Comon Paige” her whine the final nail in the blonde’s coffin. “My place is like two minutes away from here, I’m not even kidding.”

Resigned Paige looked at her, pursing her lips; she gave in; she nodded.

Five minutes later, the three of them were driving in silence to her apartment, Paige, and Azzi in the back as the brunette was now texting her work to explain her situation and thus incapacity to come for the next few days (maybe Paige had something to do with her doing that now). 

As the ambulance pulled up to her complex, the blonde got out first, and helped the second one down. She the insisted-on walking Azzi to her door, saying Jana wouldn’t mind waiting a minute, and that she would feel awful if Azzi ended up tripping and hurting herself walking up the stairs.

The second part of course was mostly a joke but the way the light-skin woman shook her head at her ridiculousness made it worth it.

That’s how they found themselves, in front of Azzi’s door, keys in the lock, Paige overprotective presence right behind her as she pushed it open. 

The tension in Azzi's shoulder that had been ever present since they first saw her earlier had dissolved a bit now, letting place to sheer exhaustion, and numbness. With this, plus Paige breathing down her neck for the last five minutes, looking like she was going to put protective foam against every surface of her apartment if the nurse let her in (which was cute, but not the moment, Paige), Azzi was ready to finally get some very well-earned sleep.

“You’ sure you’ good from here?” 

Azzi met her eyes and nodded, a faint smile creeping up the corner of her lips.

“All good, thanks” she said, turning around to face her completely, as she prepared to say goodbye. 

“You’ gonna call if you need anything?” asked Paige unsure, her intense piercing blue eyes boring right into Azzi’s soul like they were trying to judge the sincerity of her responses in her silence. Like bullshitting was not even an option to envisage. 

“I’ll be fine, but yes, I will if I need to” Azzi reassured her.

“Ok, good” Paige nodded.

There was a small, suspended instant in which Azzi thought Paige was going to add something else. Her mouth twitched like words were trying to find a way to get out of her. But they never did. At least not the ones who seemed to want to in the first place. She ended up keeping them for herself, resigned, and took a first step back, retreating as she spoke.

“Well, I’m not gonna make Jana wait any longer.” Her hand lifted, waving slightly, shyly. “Good night, Azzi.” She smiled at her gently.

As Azzi waved back at her, the blonde walked backward a couple of steps before turning around, and it hit her. 

Kind of.

It had been brewing inside of her head since Paige had asked her if she could lift her shirt – the way she had, and the flash Azzi had seen go through her eyes when she did. It had been gone just as soon as it appeared. But its effectiveness in reminding Azzi that it was Paige who had been treating her. That stable hand that had touched her belonged to Paige, probably the hottest girl she had ever seen; the kindest too; and on top of that the one she was planning on asking out a few hours prior to her accident. It had its effects. And maybe the feeling of disappointment from her own previous failure would have been enough to motivate her by itself.

But the two added together? 

Yeah, no chance she would miss it once again. Even if the moment didn’t seemed like the best right now.

So, unlike Paige a second prior, the words flew from her mouth this time.

“Paige, wait!”

Paige’s head whipped around, clearly unexpecting, and she did stop in her tracks. 

This time, even though her chest was similar to a grand ancestral tambour in a traditional african music, the words that were stuck earlier, spewed out of her without an ounce of hesitation. Her brain wasn’t controlling anything anymore, kicked out of its own function by her heart.

“Earlier– I wanted to ask you…” She began, picking at the blonde attention, “ if– maybe, you would like to go out one of these days… To eat something, or whatever you wanna do, really” she said in one breath. “Like just the two of us… if you want to.”

Paige’s eyebrows flew to her hairline, surely not expecting that, not at this moment. 

“Just the two of us?” she repeated. 

“Yes” Azzi confirmed. 

“On a date?” Paige then hesitantly asked for confirmation.

Azzi nodded.

She was now fidgeting, and seeing the woman being so shy and so straightforward with her at the same time did something to Paige who now let a cocky smile appear on her face. 

“Are you asking me out, Fudd?” she teased clearly enjoying the way Azzi had squirmed under her gaze in the first place.

“I am.” Clearly the fake firmness behind her words were nothing else than pointless flourishes.

At this the blonde’s smirk only became bigger, “Wow that’s like the first time a patient asks me out.” 

Then Azzi tsked as she realized she was being played with. 

“Comon, be serious.” She complained. 

And Paige, seeing her patience grow thinner by each second she took to respond, stopped the joke right there, her expression changing from cocky to fond promptly, as warmth spread in her chest.

“Yes” she finally answered. “I would love to go out with you. Whenever and wherever you want.”

Azzi beamed up at Paige finally answering her initial question, and the brightness of her smile extended to the blonde’s, as the two of them just gazed at each other like idiots; two simps on a loss of words.

They stayed right there for seconds that felt like eternity small smile tugging at their lips, until Paige’s phone started buzzing insistently in her pocket, likely Jana wondering what was taking her so long.

“I probably should go” she said to the brunette sheepish, and not wanting to leave anymore now. 

“Yeah” Azzi looked sad admitting it. “You probably should…”

Walking backward again like she had done moments ago, Paige lifted her hand, two fingers pointing to her head, in a ridiculous mocked salute and the nurse chuckled at her silliness. 

“‘night, Fudd.”

“Good night” Azzi whispered, a smile plastered on and that had yet to leave her lips as she closed the door when Paige took the first steps down the stairs. She leaned against the wooden plank for a second then, the craziness of her night, of her day downing on her with a violent quickness. 

Yep, today had definitely been an interesting day, she told herself, finally able to take everything in surrounded by the quiet of her very still apartment while her heart kept on beating frantically, although for a whole other reason than the accident this time.