SCP but its just shitty fan takes

breaching containment with shitty takes and garbage posts so as to get it out so my friends can be free of the burden of my bullshit.

[unfilteredcontainmentbreach]

Me: [rabidly explaining Diogenes to my mom] "And then he goes up to Plato with the dead chicken like 'BEHOLD! a MAN!'"

My mom [who did NOT have The Autistic History Teacher option at her school as a kid]: "Wait... did all the philosophers just... hang out?"

Me: "I mean, not as such...but they kind of existed at the same time yeah."

[unfilteredcontainmentbreach]

Istg the twilight movies could be amazing if we redid them as George Lucas adapting the source material and somehow pull a bunch of people who are Used To That Shit.

The LONGER i think about the phenomenon of Whiny Emo 2000s Goth Boy the longer Im convinced he would at least kind of pupeteer the emotions out.

But also... it would at least be funny in a way that didnt make me sad.

George Lucas' Twilight

The baseball scene? THE most dramatic shit you have seen in your life.

The Big Battle? Spectacular and visually stunning

He wouldnt cut lore from the books. He would spend twice as much time on lore than anything else.

The Vampire Logic would be so much stupider and there may be a plothole bridging technobable.

Instead of looking constipated, everyone would be so over the top emotional that youd think the still shots were from shakespear.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Whats that? I stole it from the 1960s rendition of Hamlet. Its right here in the script."

The CG would be decent. But Jacob would look goofier somehow.

He would change Edwards eye color every time they rereleased it for no apparent reason.

He would not change a thing about the dialog. Delivery was perfect. Keep that in.

[unfilteredcontainmentbreach]

Hayden Christensen would be welcomed with open arms as Edward Cullen. And he would act the SHIT out of that.

[unfilteredcontainmentbreach]

Reasons I fucking LOVE weird 90s branches of comics.

In college, I found a cool looking X-men comic named X-Man in a dollar trades box. I bought it because it ammused me. I read it only to find that it was a comic in the midst of THE MOST soap-opera-y sounding X-Men plot involving a clone guy time traveling and proof that Scott and Jean are always in some weird familal drama.

It somehow endeered me and for like... the past 12 years I always take the time to try finding X-Man in the dollar trades if there is one.

This year, with some mental health changes, I finally begrudgingly got subscriptions to Marvel and DC's comic apps [because our librarys are limited, and fuck you I want to read Absolute Unit Batman and X-Men's Everyone Fucks Era].

So... of course after a gleeful week of catching up on some X-men new releases, my nostalgia for the most "just a lil guy" hero in my backlog hit.

So I found the catelog for him, starting at issue 1 in the 90s [the version I'm used to... not the newer more...normal one].

AND THIS... THIS is the shit I love about those days.

FIRST PAGE they basically nod at the fact that he's Terminator Plot Adjacent

But look at my blorbo! He's such a lovable idiot. No thoughts. Head empty. His half-brother has exclusive rights over the brain cell.

And the Anakin Skywalker level brooding over a bunch of silly shit. He's so silly. Such a dummy.

Now? That wouldnt fly. Then? When the concept was He-man Colored and comics werent about serious grounded scifi?

He is so silly and I love it. I love the weird "90s as shit grotesque warped Saturday Morning Cartoon" style looks at characters. That Big dude giving bad advice over his shoulder? An alt version of Mister Sinister.

Guy with gold claws a few images back? Thats Forge! Not the version youd recognize but the funky remix they did for this plotline.

Here's Domino and Caliban:

Like... these are fun because its not just "alternate timeline design". It's "what would a creepy version of the lil guy look like on a POG?"

But in the more serious side, I love the art combined with "shakespearian chorus style naration" combos. Like this:

And it reminds me why i babble about those so much. I miss the fun stylistic funky beats they played with.

And I need the universe to vibe with my blorbo about it.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk. Please check out X-Man [Nate Grey] as a blorbo with fun weird shit.

[unfilteredcontainmentbreach]

Shit my brain makes up: music edition

["Blues Clues" /"We Just Got A Letter"]: 🎶dont go down in the basement. Dont go down in the basement. Dont go down in the basement. Thats where monsters are.🎶

<alt - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles but its "dont go down into the basement">

[unfilteredcontainmentbreach]

2025 bingo card (with hopeful sprinkles to ward off the Monkey Paw of Apollo)

Goverment discloses details on Area 51 as a tactic to distract from a sneaky bill. Its so boring it doesnt work.

As a result the TicTok trend becomes "Aliens were so 2024..." and a montage of shitty conspiracy theories we finally move past

Elon Musk tries to revive Vine

Cybertruck releases color variations like with iPhone. They still look dumb.

Marketing Bro/ "Tech" Bro bubble bursts as they realize AI will replace them long before the actual codemonkeys involved (but code monkeys are nerds who fix shit so it doesnt entirely make the economy suck)

Major incident of political coruption met with an "oops! Sorry." And "we investigated ourselves and found no wrong"... the public instead pulls a star wars Vote of No Confidence and they are actually held accountable.

Next big noncomital bill threatens to regulate scummy online businesses and false ads. This inadvertantly leads to the downfall of Mr. Beast.

Jacksfilms is forced to review his creative model and begins making new fresh content like early videos. This starts with a spoof on Dexter having 2 new things in as many years

Markiplier accidentally predicts an actual conspiracy and starts randomly trending like #simpsonsdidit or whatever. He is in turn baffled by the whole thing

Youtube does a rewind but it baffles absolutely everyone because its just shitty ads.

Dropout buys Cracked.com and saves it by hiring people who can write more than buzzfeed listicals.

Disney announces a spinoff following Old Grogru. People still call him Baby Yoda.

Someone reinvents Cable but for The Internet as an innovative solution to Streaming has Become Cable

Americans lose interest in Gaza and focus instead on [Idk].

Americans lose interest in yet more foreign policy and begin focusing on Korea

Americans forget that we dont like Russia, saying "Putin's actually a sincerw and nice guy". This ultimately bites them in the ass... but not before people genuinely realize the leapords are feasting on faces.

Carl Tuckerson finally says something so batshit against a topic that conservatives are experts on and people see him for what he is.

Meanwhile, Nasa works very hard and gets us ready to go to Mars.

Secret Service unionizes and strikes over harsh working conditions as "no one really thought it was going to be this hard to keep armed maniaca away". Rummors begin of mafia for hire being used until an agreement is made.

Boeing leads to the downfall of the Pinkerton industry and is forces to fraudulently report whistleblowers to collection agencies.

The FAA finally audits the site of the New Jersey UFO-Drones and declares "Not our problem" because "technically they're over the water which is not our jurisdiction" while still trying to make people take Remote ID seriously. There is an uproar in the drone community as it turns out this is a hoax to promote the importance of this regulation.

JD Vance's time in the whitehouse is filled with endless jokes about the couch. Efforts to counteract this lead to discussions on free speach and how parody should be protected. As reference to Putin as a gay clown, Americans make signs with a cumstained couch and the phrase "Ohio..."

Proud Boys finally change their name after a new group of antifacist show upt to simply hold up signs of rainbow roosters with suggestive text. Someone finally explains it sounds like a gay club and the white supremisists are mortified and angry about it.

Antifa changes its name to something Cryptid related just to fuck with conservatives who scapegoat this mysterious group as terrorist.

Jackson Mississippi makes headlines again after the water finally... just gives up. The nation forgets Mississippi exists until August when a huricane threatens Louisiana again.

The Michael Bay Skibidi Toilet spawns yet another generation bitching about how "Michale Bay Ruined My Childhood". Thus maintaining the trend started by Millenials and Gen Z.

"Doomers" becomes the nickname for Gen Alpha.

Conservatives blow a gasket over the latest trend of pride "wwjd?" Bracelets. Little do they realize the trend starts with somwone finding a tiedye rainbow one from the 90s and posting it innocently online.

Hades 2 has a vote on if the game should be delayed to finish or released with a tiered lootbox system (ptw). Luckily fans vote for "delay and make it good and not pay to win".

Witcher 4 divides a fanbase between misoginists and "thats my daughter". Memes trend about "First time I've played a witcher game and didnt go to the brothel" with jokes about Ciri being their daughter.

A funeral is held for a mars space device or something.

Media has a huge issue when they accidentally plagerize an Onion article. It hits CNN as well as Fox. Reputible sites are not immuned.

/s ! /s!!!!

Updated 1/3/2024 5:35 AM CDT

forgot some and wanted to have them on the record

Putin finally dies of whatever cancer was rummored

The stockmarket gets better and conservatives worship trump for it

2025 deemed "year of assassination attempts"

Isis is back forgot to add it but was thinking it when I talked about the Proud Boys

Timothee Chal(hard to spell) does something that causes Zenials to be conflicted between cancel culture and understanding humanity is flawed

Old School Minecraft Lets Plays become a huge trend (like Captain Sparkles, drunken minecraft - people just buming around with no mods just some Beta/First Release version)

Not-Zionists make it very clear that Isreal (at least within religious context) has a monumental trackrecord of fucking shit up. They proceed to imply that there will be divine judgment for what is being done

"God punishes the Isrealites" 2025 edition

Joel Olestien gets canceled in heat of the megachurch-metoo movement.

In response to Joel Olestien the two rivaling organizations of Satanist both release statements about plans for improved protections against SA and abuse of power. One of them is actually sincere.

Keith Richards proves he either is or isnt a vampire. One of these options means that he is not imortal and I dont want to say what that leads to because .... well... appollo's red ball is hovering. Keith Richards mortality somberly revealed. Paint It Black trends for a while

Willie Nelson must also prove whether or not he is imortal. Same thing - feels disrespectful to say it any other way. Not rooting for it... but their old.

Somehow... Mic Jager continues on. Mic Jager has another kid. People think scientists should get a sample and study it. Mic Jager DOES turn out to be a vampire.

Bruce Willis passes peacefully at home surrounded by loved ones as a result of rapidly deteriorating condition. Kevin Smith releases a sweet statement and is fond of the weird experience of working with him. He admits copout may have partially just been that he was high.

[unfilteredcontainmentbreach]

Does this count as something?

[redstonedust]

the thing that bothers me with 7 deadly sin based characters is when they cant decide if they embody the sin by suffering from it or by drawing it out of others. ie. if your gluttony demon is a guy who loves eating then your lust demon should be a gooner sex pest. and if your lust demon is a seductive girlboss then your gluttony demon should be a 5 star chef. does this make sense.

[unfilteredcontainmentbreach]

Describe TV Badly:

The Good Place - is just a show with the most convoluted game of [imposter variant of your choosing] ever.

[unfilteredcontainmentbreach]

Istg the twilight movies could be amazing if we redid them as George Lucas adapting the source material and somehow pull a bunch of people who are Used To That Shit.

The LONGER i think about the phenomenon of Whiny Emo 2000s Goth Boy the longer Im convinced he would at least kind of pupeteer the emotions out.

But also... it would at least be funny in a way that didnt make me sad.

George Lucas' Twilight

The baseball scene? THE most dramatic shit you have seen in your life.

The Big Battle? Spectacular and visually stunning

He wouldnt cut lore from the books. He would spend twice as much time on lore than anything else.

The Vampire Logic would be so much stupider and there may be a plothole bridging technobable.

Instead of looking constipated, everyone would be so over the top emotional that youd think the still shots were from shakespear.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Whats that? I stole it from the 1960s rendition of Hamlet. Its right here in the script."

The CG would be decent. But Jacob would look goofier somehow.

He would change Edwards eye color every time they rereleased it for no apparent reason.

He would not change a thing about the dialog. Delivery was perfect. Keep that in.

[unfilteredcontainmentbreach]

Racking up injuries like I'm speed runing shit, and may have broken my pinky toe last night after having gone to the ER for... lets just say they prescribed a laxative.

Either God is testing me, or Satan's trying to keep me out of some potential future war draft.

[*ques draft dodger rag*]

[despazito]

*old man voice* back in my day tik tok was a ke$ha song

[angstandhappiness]

Then I am ancient then

[unfilteredcontainmentbreach]

My brain cycling through the rolladex every time like:

Ke$ha song

The alligator

The app.

[unfilteredcontainmentbreach]

Feel like buying a bullshit ghosthunter EMF detector and just using it to find and remove every smart device in my home like a paranoid Spy throwing out bugging devices.

On the other hand, the corporate datamining devices do keep me comfy.

[unfilteredcontainmentbreach]

AI but also... who the fuck on this site wants a "my wife beats me" shirt.

1.) Does the AI have a prompt that says "wife beater shirt" [our region has this as an old slang for a sleevless or tank top]

2.) Did the AI just spit out progressively more insane text until it devolved into jibberish?

Who is this for???

[everythingfox]

You better listen to what he’s telling you..

[pit-of-frogs-deactivated2025011]

[unfilteredcontainmentbreach]

His face says stop talking but his brain is just speed running the humiliation.

[unfilteredcontainmentbreach]

House: Everyone may or may not hate being here and there's something passive agressive about this diagnostic. There are fights going on that are being ignored and it may or may not be taken out on the patient. But admittedly this is the only team not detered by malpractice, so the odds of the patient getting better are at least 50/50.

Bones: People who are way to excited about dead bodies and gross things. The kind of people you arent sure if you should allow to work in a morgue. Dont worry, they're being supervised by people who arent fond if bugs and death. You may or may not be presented with something slimy while being rapidly explained a hyperfixation before someone remebers to point out that it IS relevant and not That Guy being weird.

Elementary: the autistic guy is vibing. Let him cook.

[mistercomplete]

"People are too hard on Allison in season 3" I mean she tried to rape her brother but yeah go off i guess

[unfilteredcontainmentbreach]

I watch TUA season 3-4 like I watch Seinfield or IASIP - "everyone sucks and [insert act here] was a shit move."

[unfilteredcontainmentbreach]

Guys... we need like... a new political campaign button that says "I only vote for people who DON'T hate Neurodiversity"