security blanket

i just wanna be the best nick i can be, and believe me im trying. let me show you! |PDX|29|Pisces|Skateboarding|

[unfortunatename]

Face update. Uglier and older. I should shave my head and beard.

[unfortunatename]

I hate myself and everything I've ever been. If I wasn't such a coward I'd be dead by now. I can only consider the last 10 years as borrowed time. I wish so much for love but it's always so far away and unattainable. The dating market is dead. My soul is diseased. My heart is nothing. Everything I've ever cared for is mostly gone. Every relationship has been a failure. Every task I've taken on is a black mark on my record. I can no longer consider myself anything but belligerent and grotesque. Video games mean nothing, skateboarding means nothing, music means nothing. I mean nothing. I wish I wasn't a coward. I wish I wasn't a disgusting wretch of a human. I wish for happiness. Yet nothing but despair, deceit, and disaster awaits me.

I'm broken beyond repair. I'm desperate beyond gratitude. Nothing is for me but death solitude.

How jealous and perverted I am. How fragile and haunted I am.

Like an untouched freezer. Like a forgotten ghost.

I haven't talked to anyone in 2 years. I haven't fucked in 3 years. I haven't felt happy in 4 years. Everything just crumbles and nothing ever builds. It's all my fault and I can't bring myself to be myself. It's all faded to nothing. All because I wish for nothing. I'll never be happy. I'll never be complete.

All I do is wallow in self pity and anxiety. Like a lamb called to slaughter.

[unfortunatename]

my mustache is finally something worth talking about 💪😤 lmao

[unfortunatename]

People on grindr are so fuckin weird lol

This guy messaged me and I didn't respond within two minutes so he sent another message saying, "thanks for wasting my time asshole," and then blocked me 😭😭

It feels like I'm never gonna find another relationship, or fwb or whatever people do nowadays lol

[malibuklaus]

[arpeggia]

Gundula Blumi - Fata Morgana

Website | Tumblr | Instagram

[roguetraders]

Lily Allen, Urb Magazine January 2007

[unfortunatename]

Here's a body and face update. I gotta hit the weights more 😭

[unfortunatename]

[unfortunatename]

[unfortunatename]

my brothers painting me something lol

It's alll part of the process

[unfortunatename]

Fell asleep right after the wake and bake 😂

[sp3rg]

[unfortunatename]

Lol some guy tried to fight me at work last night because we didn't participate in a meal deal he wanted. People are so crazy for no reason.

He was yelling at me telling me I should know what deals we have and that I'm bad at my job.

I felt kind of bad and also confused, so I was nervous laughing/smiling at him which... wasn't helping. Because then he yelled at me "stop looking at me like I'm fucking retarded!"

... Ok...

I kept trying to talk but he shouted that over and over again so I yelled "you need to leave" louder than him.

He told me he was going to kick my ass and lunged at the counter again like he was going to jump over. I backed up and said "don't do it," kind of chuckled, and put my hand up.

He turned around quickly and walked back to get his stuff. Then just stormed off yelling at me telling me I was the worst employee and that I'll never get anywhere in life.

Poor guy must have been having a bad day and was projecting his issues onto me :(

[unfortunatename]

I saw Sweeney Todd a couple weekends ago for opening night. It was pretty sweet

[unfortunatename]

We got a puppy

[unfortunatename]

Real gamer hours