my friend and i were joking around about ishimaru having a jealous streak when it comes to togami, thus birthing the Owl Eyes of Doom. in my head ishimaruās not even aware heās making this face.
#DO I SINCERELY THINK TAKA WOULD BE THE JEALOUS TYPE. NO NOT REALLY#but i love it when characters get jealous i looooove that trope i eat it up every time#and the idea of taka having that streak and not even realizing it is so funny#like in his head heās like āhm. i donātā¦like. that. :[ ( >:[ )ā and thinks heās got the most neutral expression on his face#maybe slightly perturbed#but no. fucking death glare#basically ishimaru wouldnāt hurt a fly but he looks SO SCARY. SO FUCKING SCARY
You were 5 pounds and 9 ounces, just teetering on the edge of low birth weight.
I couldnāt see you through the blur of my tears at first. Everything was so loud, so overwhelming; the lights of the hospital room, the sounds of all the doctors and machinery and your motherās cries. For a second I was convinced I had stepped into a little piece of heaven, like I was escorting an angel down to Earth. No part of me felt like it was in the real world.
You were so small, impossibly small, I couldnāt believe it. You were only a fraction bigger than my hands, and I felt like such an idiot holding you, bewildered at the fact that you were my son, that I made you, that you were half of me.
Everyone looked at me funny when I handed you to the doctor only to take off my shirt and take you back, but I read somewhere that fathers should do skin to skin too.
And I remember in the moment why it was important.
Because when I held your still naked form up to my body, and felt the stickiness of afterbirth and the warmth of your breath and downy softness of your still wet hair, I realized that I was a father. That you were my son and you were a part of me just as I was to you.
And my heart flared and my lungs hurt and my eyes stung as my body filled with the knowledge that you were so small and that I was your protector, that you were just birthed into this cruel world and I was the only one there for you. Suddenly my life felt complete but also like it had just started, I felt the hairs growing on my chest as I looked down and saw that in the moment, we were connected. That we were one being. I am you and you are me.
I wish I had some clever story on how we named you, but in the heat of the moment your mother and I just combined our first names (Kanekiyo + Takaaki). However, Iām glad we did because in all honestly I couldnāt imagine you with any other name. I know a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet, but in my mind youāre the exception. There is no universe in which you arenāt Kiyotaka. At least to me.
Now here you are, 146 pounds and 5 feet 9 inches.
Youāre still a lot smaller than me.
And you lay in this morgue swaddled in gauze and tissue and it reminds me of the baby blanket I keep in the inside pocket of my coat.
I know itās bad to tamper with the bodies but-
I gently reach forward and pry your cold fists, and I feel myself tear up because it reminds me of how youād grab my hair as a baby and I tried to make you stop.
And I settle the blanket between your fingers and bring it up to your mouth, just like how youād suckle the corner of it when you were scared.
And now Iām crying over your body like an idiot because I couldnāt bring you home in time, and I feel someone grabbing my waist trying to pull me back.
I love you, Kiyotaka, and I hope that in your final moments you remembered that.
I hope that in your final moments you remembered the day you were born.
And you find it in yourself to forgive me for my failure.
theartofmadeline
stormborns
jimmyeatworldofficial
