"And then we gotta behave like mothers?"
SHE WENT OFF
according to her latest tiktok, she’s been getting death threats over this video
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@universe246
"And then we gotta behave like mothers?"
SHE WENT OFF
according to her latest tiktok, she’s been getting death threats over this video
Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.
― Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum
what if i don’t want to Express a Gender. what if i’m a woman who’d rather her clothes not be imbued with profound meaning for like, five fucking minutes
I’m too lazy for dating. Why can’t someone materialize out of nowhere and agree that we should spend the rest of our lives together
this smacked me directly in the face. are you me?. who wrote this i just want to talk
“That as a society, we really don’t mind if women suffer, physically or mentally, as long as it makes things easier for men. “
Also, here’s an article Gabriel Blair wrote that covers the same topic and makes similar points
I recently saw an Icelandic guy say that in Icelandic culture it’s generally not stigmatized or looked down on for men to leave their children or women they impregnate if they don’t want to be involved in the child’s life because it’s seen as better than being resentful and vengeful towards a kid you don’t want.
And like, I almost saw the logic in that, but then all I could think about was this post, and it just made me realize how fucking evil, selfish, and misogynistic men who leave their kids or women they impregnate really are. You see, if these men were really that against being a dad that they felt justified in abandoning a child or pregnant woman, they would have taken more measures to prevent the kid from happening in the first place. They would have gotten a vasectomy, they would have worn a condom, better yet if they were really so against being parent that they’d rather abandon a pregnant woman or actual child than be a parent, they would have gotten a vasectomy AND worn a condom!
But here’s why they don’t, they don’t think any possible accidental pregnancies that happen before they’re ready to be a parent are actually their fault or responsibility. They feel okay with not getting a vasectomy and not wearing a condom when they’re not ready to be a parent because they don’t think they’ll have to stick around and be a parent if a pregnancy does happen, and they’re right! It’s not just Iceland, but in ALL societies it’s generally more acceptable for men to opt out of parenting than women. Men are usually given a free pass and not shamed too much in most societies if they abandon their kid(s) or women they impregnate but women are ruthlessly demonized if they’re not present in their children’s lives even if they have an actual justifiable reason not to be, and we know why!
I feel like men leaving their kids or women they impregnate is handled the same way as sexual assault, on paper most people will say it’s bad and they don’t condone it but when a man they know does it they’ll make excuses and find a way to put the blame and responsibility on the woman.
We only see accidental pregnancies as women’s responsibilities. That’s why men feel okay with not getting a vasectomy or wearing a condom even if they don’t want to be a parent, but women will suffer through the often nasty side effects of birth control or the pain and discomfort of having an IUD put in if they don’t want to be a parent because they KNOW if an accidental pregnancy happens it’ll likely end up being her responsibility, and he’ll actually have a choice if he wants to take responsibility or not, she won’t.
It’s just, so fucking evil and selfish for men to opt out of safe sex even when they don’t want to be a parent, because they feel completely justified once an accidental pregnancy does happen in just leaving all the responsibility to the woman, responsibility that’s going to affect the rest of her fucking life, her finances, her career, her social life, everything, but nope not his.
(btw, I don’t know if what this Icelandic guy said was true, because I’ve also had Icelandic people, like my husband, tell me they don’t condone men leaving their kids or women they impregnate and think it’s shitty behavior)
I was thinking about this post again recently because I saw a post from a Facebook group for women I’m in right now. A woman posted that she’d been dating a guy for only a few weeks and ended up with an unwanted pregnancy, and the biological father threw a fit and didn’t want anything to do with it and broke things off with her and told her never to contact him again.
The comments from the other women in the group were all lovely and supportive, and several other women commented saying they ended up with kids from the same situation, an accidental pregnancy then the father flipped out and didn’t want anything to do with it, then left.
I couldn’t help but notice that between the OP and the overwhelming majority of commenters who shared their situation with contraceptives that led to the accidental pregnancy, in the majority of them the woman *was* on some form of birth control, but the man wasn’t using protection.
I also couldn’t help but notice that both the OP and several other commenters sharing that they didn’t want the baby in the first place, that they didn’t feel ready to be parents, and that they didn’t want to bring a kid into the world under the circumstances of being fucked over and left by the bio dad, but that they felt “too guilty about the idea of murdering an innocent unborn baby and just couldn’t do that.”
Don’t get me wrong, choosing not to have an abortion is just as much your free choice as choosing to have one, but the wording of both the OP and several of the commenters of how unready they felt for parenthood and how much they didn’t want to be a parent under those circumstances but feeling too guilty to have an abortion because they thought they’d be “murdering” an innocent baby, gives me major major moral qualms. It feels more like these women had been socially guilted into keeping a baby they didn’t actually want to deep down which makes me seriously worried about the well being for both the mother and child in these situations. Where’s that post about banning or stigmatizing abortion is going to lead to higher rates of child abuse because an unwanted pregnancy leads to a resented child?
There’s a lot to unpack here about what this says about the state of women and abortion in our society, about the state of women being seen as vessels of pleasure and reproduction for men.
Honestly, in any coupling where pregnancy is a risk, I think it’s crucial that both parties are doing something to prevent pregnancy and equally sharing responsibility.
Condoms are great, but don’t fully prevent pregnancy. Hormonal birth control pills are great, but don’t fully prevent pregnancy. Using both? The chances of pregnancy are so small it’s almost non-existent. In a cis m/f couple if the woman is on birth control and the man is using a condom they are equally sharing responsibility and it’s almost impossible to get pregnant when using two forms of effective contraceptives.
Let’s fight for a world where all children are wanted and planned for, and all responsibility between men and women is equally shared in both childcare, and preventing pregnancy when one or both parties aren’t ready to commit to the responsibility of childcare yet.
@puttingherinhistory I agree with everything you added, I just wanted to make one extra point - I wouldn’t say that if the woman is on birth control and the man is using a condom they are equally sharing responsibility because they are not really comparable. A condom is external - easy to use, relatively comfortable for most (or at the very least not painful for the wearer). Whereas birth control for women is internal, as in it requires an IUD or a pill, which has the potential to cause severe side effects such as mood swings, hormone imbalances, nausea, weight gain, headaches, and even elevated blood pressure. All which carries increased long-term risk to the user, i.e. women. So the burden, again, is not equal because a condom cannot and will not cause any of these issues for the man. Women always bear a greater burden, both if pregnancy occurs and when both partners are actively trying to prevent it. And that doesn’t even cover non-consensual condom removal by the male, which is unfortunately very common in heterosexual intercourse (Sources, x x ).
so women are supposed to grin and bear the books, the comics, the movies, the plays, the tv shows, the stories, the sci-fi, the translated ancient poems, the fucking millennia of men writing about their self inserts torturing women and it being declared as High Art by other men, we’re supposed to read it in our free time, study it in classrooms, include their styles in our own writing, accept their cultural influence as natural, watch it in the cinema, write about it, talk about it, accept it, aspire it, but men can’t tolerate three seconds of female wish fulfilment of a woman snapping the wrist of a creep without feeling personally kicked in the balls.
This reminds me of something I observed in college while I was doing my honors thesis on women in modern horror films. I watched a LOT of horror during that time as part of my research, and sometimes that was done with my family around.
And my dad and brothers? Were deeply disturbed by the movie Jennifer’s Body. I was flabbergasted. It’s not scary! It’s not even that gory. But they were horrified by it. These men who grew up on 70s slashers were legitimately shook by 90 minutes of Megan Fox eating a few teenage boys, mostly off-screen.
Similarly, my all-male reading panel for my thesis? Were so disturbed by my synopsis of the film Teeth that they couldn’t even talk about it. One of them said he couldn’t look at his wife for a week after reading it.
Again, grown-ass men who study and teach media for a living. Who definitely watch and enjoy horror movies. One of whom was a huge Tarantino buff. We watched and read worse in his intro to mass media class! But one movie about a girl whose vag could bite was enough to haunt him.
Then of course you have things like the Gone Girl backlash–men yelling that Amy Dunne is evil and women clamoring to assure everyone that they know she is not someone to emulate–the backlash against Carol Danvers, and, more recently, the griping from MRAs against the upcoming film Hustlers, which is about strippers scamming their Wall Street clients.
My conclusion? Most men–at least most straight, cisgender men, who are both my sample population and most of the ones whining that Carol is a “villain”–are perfectly fine with, and desensitized to, media where men do violence to women (horror movies), or men do violence to men (horror and action movies). They’re even sort of fine when women do violence to women (“ooooo cat fight!”).
But they get intensely uncomfortable when women are depicted doing any kind of violence to men, especially in films that tilt the balance of power to the other side of the m/f gender binary beyond a single moment or scene.
So woman as flesh-eating monster with men as her preferred cuisine? Woman who responds to unwanted sexual contact by biting it off? Woman who frames her cheating husband for murder? Woman whose response to harassment–behavior that many of the loudest whiners know is both creepy and reflective of their own thoughts/actions–is to break something?
Too scary. Unacceptable. Disturbing. These men hate being presented with the idea, even in fiction, that their position of power is socially constructed, that it could easily be flipped the other way. It terrifies them.
In feeling that terror, they experience a tiny modicum of what living, existing, moving, being perceived as a woman in the world is like.
And they flinch every time.
Here have a newspaper comic from 1993
good fucking lord i would just like to spend so long walking around a museum that my feet hurt by the end of the day. maybe pop into the gift shop. grab a latte on the way home. jesus christ
real talk: if your ideology subscribes to the idea that you have to physically alter your body permanently and/or consistently to be your “true self”, it’s intrinsically harmful.
when millennials were first heading into high school and college there was a huge trend in news stories about how stressed out our kids are, how their backs are getting messed up from carrying so many books, how they’re sleeping less and doing more school work, and how we should do more to help our kids have the childhoods we had because our kids are falling apart from stress and being forced to be more productive than kids should be. but then once millennials started hitting the workforce all the news was about how millennials are lazy and narcissistic and entitled lmao you were real concerned about us until you found out a 23 year old is more qualified to do your job than you
That’s because at some point in the middle we stopped being “their children” and became a bloc of terrifying outsiders with foreign values and little regard for what had been their established cultural norms.
I’d forgotten this but you’re right. I think it started earlier though, it started when we started out performing them on exams. Then suddenly all our schoolwork was easy and we were being rewarded for just showing up.
I personally believe it started when it came time for the supposed pay off.
We worked hard in school. As teenagers, this was supposed to pay off in respect. Instead we were told that we did not deserve it because we were a generation “raised on participation trophies”.
As college kids it was supposed to pay off as superior education opportunities at lower personal cost. Except the exact opposite occurred as education cost soared. The excuse this time was because “we were lazy” because we couldn’t put ourselves through school on a summer job like our parents did.
As adults entering the work force it was supposed to pay off with better and more fulfilling jobs. A fucking joke if I ever heard one, and the excuse this time just straight up said “millennials are entitled! They think the world owes everything to them!” as if we had not been ground into the dirt our whole lives by adults vicariously living through the accomplishments of their children, pushed to the breaking point on the promise that we would someday reap the benefits that never came.
i know generational conflict isn’t really a thing compared to like class warfare, but it really feels to me like at every point in our lives millennials did ‘better’ than boomers and got less in return and then got scolded for our performance.
we achieved more academically in an atmosphere of intense restriction and school shootings. then we signed on for college classes that were a hell of a lot more intellectually rigorous than they had been forty years before as well as a hundred times more expensive. saddled with a novel form of perpetual debt, we entered the workforce–overqualified in just about every arena–during a huge recession that the economy never recovered from, to find the shattered ghosts unions, little to no worker protections, or any sense of loyalty or responsibility from management towards increasingly disposable employees, and the launch of an era of breathtakingly corrupt vulture capitalism.
all this stuff had effects on our elders, too. gen x has been thoroughly shafted at every turn right out in front of us, then dismissed by younger millennials as out-of-touch losers, or just part of the problem. and boomers have fallen horribly into poverty, especially as they got older. elder poverty is a huge issue right now, and i’m full of horror and pity for them. but still, the gap between boomers and millennials is always going to be extra broad and extra bitter, because we worked so much harder for so much less at each of our life stages, and had to hear boomers blame us for the conditions they should have taken responsibility for.
now that i’m in my thirties, i can’t wrap my head around blaming zoomers for what they’re going through, much less the poor apocalypse generation of children that are out there right now toddling around in baby-sized plague masks. they’re kids! we’re adults! how can you say that kids should save the world, fix the economy, reform the education system, when you’re decades older than them and can’t do it either?
how could boomers have so uncritically written and signed off on all those fucking think pieces about millenials fucking everything up and never looked at each other and said ‘what are we doing about this?’ how could they have flattered themselves that they weren’t on the hook for anything? millenials are killing this! they’re killing that! we were always the starving, overworked, underpaid kids just trying to do our best and getting some cheap plastic You Tried participation trophy for it. it’s more infuriating than ever.
Where’s the T in your bio? I believe it’s LGBT.
Any letter after B has nothing to do with same-sex attraction, and many people in the latter are more than happy to put their homophobia on display. Have a nice day! 👋🏻
sometimes it’s just u and ur oversized jacket against the world
*every american crime documentary narrator*: this kind of thing just never happens in a quiet town like this
Shout-out to all radfems trying to patiently explain biological sex to genderites who are pretending not to know what “female” means.
Here’s a hint for gender-believers: if you can draw a distinction between cis women and trans women, AFAB and AMAB, or TME and TMA, you already know which humans are which sex.
No offence, but Alan Turing didn't kick the Nazis' collective ass for you to run around saying that you're too gay to learn mathematics.
Have you thanked Alan Turing (1912 - 1954), atheist and homossexual, the father of modern computer science, today?
Reblog if you have thanked Alan Turing today
no offense but alan turing didnt kick the nazi's collective ass and later be punished by his government for you to run around saying u hate the cis white gays
Full offense Alan Turing didn't kick the nazis collective ass and then be punished for being homosexual by the government with chemical castration that was so traumatic he killed himself to have bigots with gender identities decades later claim he was one of the 'first trans people to start hormones therapy'
Seriously. Fuck trans activists. You’re doing exactly what the government did to Alan Turing 100 years ago to gay people now. Keep Alan Turing out of your gross homophobic mouths.
you don’t get to defile Alan Turing’s legacy. he was a GAY MAN.
Washington Square park, New York 1970 - Ellen Shumsky