Keep Running Up That Hill

dance my dreams dance and bring all the night take my memory from me dance as i give up these few delights light as a feather into hell and bad weather like a ghost in the night （˶′◡‵˶） Agent Nestor Avani. Peacekeeper & Executioner. High crime & supernatural investigator. [Tracking: unluckymockingbird] [Fandomless horror-based OC]

[unlucky-mockingbird]

archived.

This blog will be considered an archive officially. Anything more I do with this character can be found over on my multi-muse blog, which you can find here.

I’ll be keeping this blog for nostalgia purposes for now. Things from this blog will gradually be moved onto my multi and any asks I want to answer still chilling in the inbox will be moved over there to answer in the future. It has been really fun writing here for so many years but I just hit that point where I need a fresh start and something more simplified to write her on. Hence the multi.

Consider Lenny and my Multi the main blogs now.

[blacknosugar-blog]

[ella-bliss]

[aniime-mangacaps]

[wordsnquotes]

my highest ambition is to crawl out from under the ash and laugh at the things that thought that they could bury me.

Rudy Francisco  (via wordsnquotes)

[unlucky-mockingbird]

By the way, you can also find me over on Lenny’s blog and my multi-muse that I am still getting in order.

[unlucky-mockingbird]

Going to be doing some tuning up on this blog on and off.

[samisoffthewall]

[greyscale-hands]

[bruised-minds]

B&W

[bostonpoetryslam]

“I open my chest and birds flock out. In my mother’s garden, the roses flare toward the sun, but I am an arrow pointing back.”

— Cathy Linh Che, “Pomegranate,” featured by the Poetry Society of America

[unlucky-mockingbird]

Like for a starter from Agent Avani.

[unlucky-mockingbird]

@cxnfidenemini

She’s chewing on the inside of her cheek even before she enters the premises; the description she received was very telling of who she was being sent to investigate. The call wasn’t of a terribly serious note, more like a noise complaint at worst but even so she felt a rise of anxiety in knowing who was waiting just on the other side of the door. This isn’t the type of call she usually is assigned to, obviously, but she felt it was necessary to intercept given their on and off again history.

Taking a deep breath she opened the door, seeing ahead in the room Rymus was present. Her knuckles pushed against the door, shutting it behind her as she entered the room a little further. “Welcome back to the area.” A small smile crawled across her lips, pushing down the uncanny vibes she got when dealing with Rymus and allowing her friendly nature to take precedence. “Would have been a l-little awkward if it wasn’t you.” She held up the extra cup of hot coco and extended it to him as she approached, wary though she walked with enough confidence to hide most of it.

[technicallity]

doubt

[salemwitchtrials-deactivated202]

Her voice grows flesh / & we can see her falling / into words, a bleeding flower,

‘Hanoi Hannah,’ Yusef Komunyakaa (via salemwitchtrials)

[lilacremes-deactivated20220714]

[unlucky-mockingbird]

“This is a crime scene, please do not trespass.” Agent Avani called just loud enough to be heard by the other.

[unlucky-mockingbird]

It’s amazing how the older I get the more thought I put into characters and their ages than I used to. Nestor is one of my youngest nerds and I always want to age her up but it’s central to her story that she is young in the first half of her tale.

This girl had to grow up fast and though Adrian and Joshua were good guardians that made an effort to preserve her childhood, it was still not enough with all the violence and unknown that came. As a young adult she is still very much learning how to be a person; you add crippling PTSD that has smashed her identity into pieces and you get a someone like her who is just doing her best to catch up and find herself. I think having a character that can be two opposing things at once is important. Nestor can contradict her own behavior and does so pretty often, completely unintentionally and without meaning to do harm. She is a loving person, for example, but her lack of identity makes her love feel disingenuous (from her perspective) because she is doubtful of her ability to love, given she has no frame of reference.

Trauma has placed a reset on her; the person she was is a ghost that still haunts her and so many years have passed that there’s no way to return to that person. On top of that she doesn’t even really recall who that person was beyond facts; she loved her parents, she loved the strays that ran around their neighborhood, she used to enjoy board games, etc. Now she isn’t sure what she likes or dislikes, who she is as a person and her own opinion on things.

Work is central to her because this agency is what protected her and raised her from a young age. It is what she knows; she reflects the people she feels a connection to, like Adrian and her fierce compassion or Joshua and his cautious strategies. Nestor emulates others as she tries to figure out who she is and what feels right.