I see your âElias Bouchard, husband of Peter Lukas, is homophobic and hoards gay rightsâ and I raise you:
heâs a real asshole in a way that comes across as homophobic but is really just him being petty and judgmental.
In a nebulous universe that does not exist in canon, Jon and Martin are leaving work to go on a date. They run into Elias on their way out the door.
In this scenario, they have changed into Date Clothes at work because I am too tired to concoct something more realistic.
âOh dear,â Elias says in a Tone. He looks both of them up and down. His face says that he has just smelled something particularly unpleasant. His eyes linger on their hands, which are clasped together between them.
Jon bristles like a startled porcupine. Martin shifts from foot to foot nervously. They had not expected this. Their âWelcome To The Magnus Institute, A Reputable Academic Institution That Does Not Exist To Feed A Preternatural Fear Entity!â brochures that they had received upon being hired had said that the instituteâs company culture was very accepting of members of the LGBTQIA+ community.
Elias is still watching them. His posture is impeccable. Jon finds himself standing up straighter. He resents Elias and his dismissal of Jonâs request for ergonomic chairs. Perhaps he had denied it because he realized that Jon and Martin were dating.
âHmm,â Elias says. He is smiling blandly, as if pained. âThatâs certainly a choice.â
âWhat is,â Jon says, daring him to answer. He may be small but he is not above violence for a good cause; not unlike a badger. Martin finds this endearing.
âThis,â Elias says, as if the answer is painfully obvious. He gestures with his hand, flicking it back and forth between Jon and Martin. His face is scrunched up like he had just taken a bite of bad sushi. Martin stares and his hand and notes that his nails had been painted; black with little green eyes on each one, meticulously drawn on by hand.
Jon steps in front of Martin protectively. He might be growling a little bit; he needs to watch how much time he is spending with Daisy. âI beg your pardon?â Jon says challengingly.
âWell,â Elias simpers, examining his cuticles. âYou could both clearly do better.â
âSorry, what?â Martin squawks indignantly.
He is perplexed. Jon is fuming. Elias seems none the wiser.
Martin cannot believe the gall of some people, to be so blatantly bigoted and hateful out in the open.
âYes, that sweater with those shoes, Martin, they clash horribly, Iâm afraid,â Elias continues. His mouth twitched downward, disproving. âAnd Jon. I understand youâve been under a lot of stress lately, but they do make clothes in your size. You donât have to wear everything four sizes too large.â
âYou donât like our clothes?â Martin asks. He is very confused, which, while not uncommon, is unpleasant.
âThatâs a bit of an understatement,â Elias says. He looks down his nose at them. His earring gleams in the fluorescent light that had been strategically placed to give Dave from accounting frequent migraines. Elias prefers to do the budgeting himself.
âOh,â Martin says. He holds Jonâs hand tighter. âI thought you were homophobic.â
Elias rolls his eyes. âPerish the thought.â
At this moment, Peter Lukas materializes out of a cloud of Loneliness Fog(tm) and kisses Elias on the cheek. He is wearing the same thing he has worn every other time Martin and Jon have seen him: a nondescript Captainâs uniform and a sailorâs hat. (They do not know that he has changed his socks, as they cannot see them; Elias can. These have anchor patterns in blue and white with the words âitâs the sea for meâ in cursive along the fronts of the toes. Elias thinks theyâre charming.)
âReady to go, dear?â Peter asks.
Elias smiles. âOf course.â
âItâs our anniversary tonight!â Peter says cheerfully.
âOh,â Martin says. âUm. Congratulations? How long have you been⌠married?â
âDivorced,â Elias corrects, staring into Peterâs eyes with a loving smile. âThree months now, is it?â
âYep! And counting!â Peter says. âI donât have to see him for seven weeks after this!â
âOh,â Martin squeaks.
âYes, and we better be going lest we miss our reservation,â Elias says. âJon, Martin, do take what I said to heart.â He looks over at Peter like he had found a very sad looking box of kittens that heâd like him to look at with pity with him. âTheyâre going on a date.â
Peter wrinkles his nose. âWearing that?â
âAlright,â Jon says angrily, âWeâll be going now. Martin?â
He tugs Martin towards the door. Martin is quite unmovable until he realizes he his meant to be following.
âRight! Um. Happy⌠divorce? See you later,â he says. He and Jon escape while they can in hopes of greener pastures.
Peter and Elias watch them leave.
âWhat an odd pair,â Peter says.
âYouâre telling me,â Elias sighs. âDinner?â
âThought youâd never ask.â Peter leads him out the door.
