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Keni
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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trying on a metaphor
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@unquietgravekeeper
What category is your last name?
Son of some guy ("Johnson", "O'Brien", etc)
Job ("Smith", "Miller", etc)
Place/town ("Hill", "del Valle", etc)
Nickname/attribute ("Short", "Goodman", etc)
Hyphenated/multiple of the above
Other (describe in the tags!)
Unsure/results
happy pride to my favourite post on reddit
The year is 1492. You are the Catholic Monarchs - both of them. Isabel and Fernando, tanto monta, monta tanto. You have just finished kicking all of the Muslim powers out of Iberia, and you’re feeling so pleased with yourselves that you expel the Jews about it. You have a problem, though - there’s this annoying Genoese moron named Christopher Columbus who keeps waving some bad math at you, insisting that the world is actually smaller than everyone thinks it is and he could totally sail to India by going west. He gets on your nerves so much that you just give him a couple of ships and send him off. He definitely won’t make it to India, but maybe he’ll find some little island and give all of your newly-unemployed hidalgos something to keep them busy. He’ll probably just starve to death in the middle of the ocean, and then he’s no longer your problem.
The year is 1519, and you are Hernán Cortés. You and all of your compatriots are stuck in the most effective way to make someone a bad person: put them in a situation where they must become incredibly wealthy and powerful incredibly fast or else they will die horribly. Transatlantic voyages are absurdly expensive. Anyone in the ‘New World’ who isn’t rich enough to afford their own army is deeply in debt, with no collateral but their own sword-arm. It is an environment that does not reward half-measures. It does not even reward full measures. It only rewards putting a brick on the gas pedal and crossing your fingers - if you kill one person then you’re a murderer, but if you kill hundreds of thousands of people then you're a paragon of glory and the Spanish crown will make statues of you.
The year is still 1519 and you are Moctezuma II, Huēyi Tlahtoāni (great ruler) of the ‘Aztec Empire,’ also known as the Triple Alliance, or the Mexica. You know a thing or two about half-measures not being rewarded, because you are in a process of rapidly expanding and consolidating a nascent Mesoamerican empire. You are quite good at your job - even before you ascended to the throne, you cultivated a reputation as a skilled warrior, a dedicated student, and a devout worshiper. Your name means something like ‘lord who frowns in anger.’ It’s a fitting name, because the process of ‘imperial expansion and consolidation’ generally involves killing lots of people. To make matters worse, some weird hairy white guys showed up out of nowhere and they keep demanding an audience with you. You try every trick in the diplomatic handbook - deferment, threats, flattery, bribes - but everything you do just seems to make them more single-mindedly focused on your destruction. Later, after you are dead, they will claim that you thought they were gods.
The year is 1545, and this whole ‘colonialism’ thing is starting to peter out. Trans-Atlantic voyages are still ruinously expensive, and the pickings are getting slimmer every day - it’s not like you can go loot Tenochtitlan a second time. You’re starting to wonder if it’s time for everyone to pack up, go home, and forget about… holy shit is that a mountain of silver? Is that an honest-to-god mountain with more silver in it than every other existing silver mine on the face of the earth combined? Yes. Some call it Potosí. Many will call it “the mountain that eats men.” In a single moment, colonialism goes from a plundering campaign for recently-unemployed soldiers to a permanent institution. The alchemists back in Prague and Vienna never learned how to turn lead into gold, but the mercenaries and taskmasters in Potosí found a much simpler equation to turn blood into silver.
The year is 1571, and the economy of the Ming dynasty doesn’t feel so good. Their experiment with paper money was a failure, to put it gently. The experiment with paper money failed horribly. It turns out when you try to have paper currency but you don’t have sophisticated counterfeit protections and there’s also a booming cottage industry of people making paper in their cottages, well, you can guess how that ends. So you’re trying to shift to a silver economy. But then you run into an even bigger problem: you don’t have enough silver. So if you start demanding taxes in silver, the price of silver will skyrocket, which means taxes will skyrocket when the economy is already ailing from the whole ‘paper money’ thing. Some hapless scholar-official in Guangdong is nervously watching a peasant sharpen his pitchfork when he gets word from a messenger: some gweilo just showed up at the part with literal shipfuls of silver and they want to buy silk, tea, spices, and porcelain at outrageous markups.
Within living memory, the world was still ‘medieval’ in many ways - slow, parochial, zero-sum, carefully arbitrated by tradition and precedent. Legible. And now Spanish sailors take Bolivian silver on ships guarded by West African mercenaries and Japanese ronin, sailing to their colony in the Philippines to rub shoulders with Chinese officials, Indian sultans, and Malay merchants. All because some dipshit from Genoa got his math wrong and wouldn’t shut up about it.
The moral of this story is that I’m going insane.
#Ironically Columbus made the world small
men will do literally anything other than engaging in pro-social community-oriented behavior and then get online and complain about how masculinity is vilified and men aren't allowed to be heroes anymore
"all men really want is to feel like the hero" okay then volunteer at a food bank. get narcan training. step in when a woman is being harassed on the street. help out an elderly neighbor with shopping or home repairs. learn how to safely de-escalate fights. help your friends move. join or start your workplace union. become a big brother or volunteer coach for kids' sports. clean up your local park or get involved in some local conservation campaign. do your own damn dishes. notice what needs to be done and then do it. the world doesn't need heroes, it needs helpers. there are literally so many paths to finding a sense of self-respect and worth through pro-social behaviors that improve your immediate local community and help build your network of close personal connections. but these guys don't give a shit about actually contributing anything to the world. they just want to whine and fantasize.
their inherent lack of self-respect is belied not only by the fact that they can't imagine doing anything that contributes to building a better, more resilient society, but how they can't imagine that doing so might involve a lot of small acts and choices and not one big act of heroism that gets them on the news as Big Man Of The Year.
They want to be the hero who can save everyone in an emergency. They don’t want to be the hero who can prevent the emergency from happening in the first place. Because that takes small, incremental, systemic effort that doesn’t get the same accolades.
she is a beautiful triangle
she is beautiful triangle
Three Mighty Ladies from Livonia, Albrecht Dürer
I have been enjoying seeing people experience food this World Cup
The person who wrote this has almost certainly never been to Japan- if they had, they would know that Japanese restaurants also offer table appetizers in many contexts. Some of them? Mexican restaurants. You can get free tortilla chips when you eat Mexican food in Tokyo Osaka Kobe Kyoto and rural HIMEJI for fuck’s sake. Those are just places where I’ve personally had free tortilla chips in Japan.
This is chat gpt trash prompted to “sound Japanese” and it’s based off of racist old movie dialogue. There’s zero correlation here to Japanese grammar and how Japanese translates into English or how a native speaker of Japan uses English. It’s slop. It’s racist ai slop rehashing Western exceptionalism, fantasizing about a Japanese person being in awe of how great the USA is. It’s depressing that people fell for this. I know it feels good to think that other people like us, and sometimes they do, but this only works if you assume Japanese people have extremely limited experience and worldview. It’s mortifying.
If someone other than me would push back against this propaganda, it would be nice.
I've been waiting for someone to say this. Because I haven't had the energy to refute the original Twitter bullshit.
So I've been to Japan. I have been to Japan a lot. Probably something like 10-15 times in the last 20 years. I also have several friends who lived and worked in Japan for years. And over the course of these years that I've been to Japan I've also had people come from Japan who would talk about their experiences and we eat out places like Mexican restaurants (side note: the most common place after a good steak dinner that our Japanese a visitors would want to go to was an American sushi restaurant because American style sushi and Japanese style sushi are very different)
I have been to a Mexican restaurant in Japan. It wasn't great. It was probably on the level below what you could get in the Midwest of America. But at the one Mexican restaurant that I have been to in Japan you absolutely had free tortilla chips come to the table because it was a thing. I've also been to Italian restaurants in Japan where we got free breadsticks.
I have also been to many many many other non-western restaurants in Japan. And while most of them you don't get a free appetizers/snack at the table. At some you do. Most memorably at an izakaya that we went to brought a crap ton of fried fish skin as their free to the table appetizer. And I know for a fact that nobody ordered it ahead of time, because it just appeared as we sat down. But at another restaurant we got an entire plate full of fresh in season persimmon. But yet another boiled and roasted ginkgo nuts.
This doesn't even get into the completely racist bullshit way of speaking that is portrayed in the op screen grab.
I have absolutely seen Japanese people being in awe of stuff that they've encountered in the US. The cereal aisle at the grocery store being a big one. But I've also had Japanese guests who have very very shyly asked me "Can we go to a Japanese restaurant, I'm feeling homesick. Can we please go to an Asian grocery store so I can pick up some snacks?" Because in their mind, Japan is home and better than the US. Which, fair Also many Japanese people speak English fairly decently even if they don't feel comfortable because they're worried about being perfect. So there was something about the way that this tweet was presented with the grammar that they were using that just didn't hit right.
So yeah, the rebuttal to the OP tweet perfectly encapsulates what is wrong with this whole American exceptionalism. I love that people are coming to America and discovering it and having great experiences. But we didn't need to have this fake racist experience.
You may be wondering why people are doing this.
A lot of Blue Ticks on Twitter are faking these "naive foreigner is amazed by the wonder of America" posts to earn engagement from gullible people. Either people who don't know enough about non-American countries to spot the errors or people who do know about other countries who are rage baited by the obvious and offensive errors.
They're making some decent money off it. I've mostly been seeing British ones, but they're starting to shift to non-anglophone nations (but obviously still posting in English because American users are their target audience) as people were starting to catch onto the grift and stopped engaging with the posts.
So yeah, it's weird, it's purposefully offensive, it's for money. Strongly advise blocking and ignoring as engagement is the goal.
Tom Holland does Rihanna’s “Umbrella” on Lip Sync Battle
I’m literally zendaya reacting like he didn’t have to go that hard and yet..
if this comes up on my dash and i don’t reblog it - just assume im dead
The burning question: When she has her hands on either side of her face, right at the start, is this the moment she realized, “I’m gonna have to marry this guy” ?
ok note to self i gotta leave the house regularly so that i dont feel like im slowly transforming into an evil fucking shadow clone of myself
So as it turns out your sense of self doesnt exist in a vacuum. You gotta actually use it and bounce it off of other people like echolocation to see where you are as a person and shit. So if you dont regularly interact with other people the echoes just get weaker and weaker and before you know it your personality is a blurry fucked up fog clone of its former self. which it sucks because this makes it really hard to interact with people again but yknow
recently saw ppl discuss whether they put their medicines in a kitchen cabinet or a bathroom cabinet and i was shocked by the fact that many ppl said kitchen cabinet. so now i need you to reblog this and say where you keep yours
i love finding out what degrees my mutuals have. like what the fuck do you mean you do law? you’re a doctor who blog
“you couldn’t make this movie today” not because of cancel culture but because big studios aren’t willing to take risks on cool fun new ideas instead of adaptation number 7,000
anyways (I say this as someone who is deeply critical of the united states government, military, unchecked capitalism, police, etc) I am SICK of people treating america as if it has no cultural value or positives so….. I love u 85 million acres (bigger than italy) of national parks. I love u harlem renaissance. I love u groundhogs day. I love u sweet tea and fried chicken and jambalaya. I love u apple cider donuts and maizes on crisp autumn days. I love u 95k miles of coastlines and new england fisherman and hand knitted sweaters. I love u halloween where millions of people dress up and give candy to strangers and carve jack o’lanterns. I love u small talk and small towns and potlucks and bringing over casseroles to your struggling neighbors. I love u cowboys and ranch hands and arizonian cactus. I love u appalachian trail and dirtbikes and divebars. I love u sparklers and fireflies. I love u mark twain and toni morrison and emily dickinson and henry david thoreau. I love u rock n roll i love u bluegrass and hippies i love u jimi hendrix and nirvana and CCR and janis joplin. I love u victorian houses and jonny appleseed and john henry and mothman and bigfoot. I love u foggy days in the pacific northwest and neon signs and roadside attractions. I love u baseball and 1950s diners and soft serve. I love u native american art and pop art and poptarts. I love u blue jeans and barbecues and jazz musicians
I would genuinely love to hear what a resident of china or russia loves about their home bc I’m not a fucking bigot and I know a government doesn’t define a culture but thanks for ur exposing yourself babe xoxo
Picked some magnolia petals and discovered as they started to wilt at creases they turned a beautiful warm brown color. Then got the idea to use a silverpoint stylus to scratch a magnolia drawing into the petal~ smells divine
I will not call myself or other people "gooners" or "npcs" or "larpers". i will not call things i dont like "slop". i will not use terms like "-oids". i dont like how common language is slowly becoming more focused on shorthand terms for hate and apathy
Tags from @crystaltoa
Does tumblr know about that Papa Johns sauce bottle pissing everyone off on all the other social media?
Its for a good reason but it's kind of also undeniably funny. It really looks like that.
