haruki .
it’ll never stop being difficult, having to keep up with her lifestyle. it’s always one thing after another, reprecussions much more apparent than they are when it comes to other people’s lives. the outcome being skin deep is harder to handle than if it were all on the inside, but she never seems to take anything too harshly in the first place. oftentimes, he’ll wonder what goes through her head once they’re here, haruki attempting to scold her for the millionth time while she’s in the process of recovering and both of them are stuck in their own heads.
“ sometimes jokes are okay. this wasn’t one of those times, ” he replies half teasingly, attempting to keep things as serious as he can while in her presence. surveying her hands, he takes them in his for a brief moment, her fingers placed on his palms in order to avoid touching the tender areas. his thumbs lightly trail over her fingertips. “ fuck. now i really want him to be dead. ” there’s not a single hint of playfulness in his tone when he says that, nor does he bother to make it out to be a joke. “ that is good news, yeah. if you ask me, i think you should take a few years off. i hate seeing you like this. ”
『 𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕓𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕙 𝕔𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙𝕖𝕤 when she hears how seriously he says it , fingers pulling out of his grip unconsciously . “ please don’t say that . ” it’s probably the only time he’ll hear her voice sound so broken , desperate , thoughts of why she ran here in the first place taking over . the image of that man , the blood pouring over the concrete , the awful metallic smell that she can’t get rid of , even in her dreams .
it’s a bit pathetic , really , how someone like her has such a volatile reaction to the idea of death . not even her own death , she’s came to terms with her mortality long ago - but she has never had the stomach to see someone else dead . “ stop dealing drugs and then maybe i’ll consider taking a year or two off . ”
