Sneak Peeks by Carino

A young miss who wants to leave a remarkable deed in the world.

[unwellmiss]

Drama Queen

There are too much stuff happening in my life. By stuff, I meant "drama". Right off the bat, I wanna say that I'm a very understanding individual. One of my college orgmates even mentioned that I have a massive drum of patience so don't get me wrong. I love the people in my life but sometimes, they may be a bit childish or immature or shallow or sensitive and I do not enjoy every piece of it.

I like pleasing everybody which I know is a bad trait but I can't help it. Once a person doesn't like me or has a problem with me, I think about it too much. I dwell on it and it's unhealthy for my mental health or emotional status. I always think there is something wrong with me when in reality, they are the ones who are in the wrong. Yet, I still blame myself, feel sorry for it whatever it is for god knows how long, and end up saying sorry anyways. It's a bad habit, a hard habit to break (pun intended).

I just wish people would start growing up and acting their age, get out of their boxes, and think about others too. To be honest, these past few months, my drum of patience is running low. People out there really be testing me. It's nice to know that I still manage to keep it together. But I think with just one tiny wrong move, I'll snap and this bomb will explode.

Of course, I don't want that to happen. So self, stay strong; be patient, remain understanding, and remind yourself that people have different levels of emotions or pain. However, it shouldn't reach to the point that you'll suffer. Your emotions are as valid as theirs.

Choose your battles. Know who are for keeps and for disposal. Sort thoroughly. Fix those who needs to be fixing and throw away the damaged ones with no more chances of going back to the way it was. Someday, it's going to be worth it. You'll see. Someday.

[unwellmiss]

Sickly Girl

Hi, I'm Czarina and I've been suffering from PCOS for quite a while now. Before, I thought it was just some normal acne caused by genetics so I just went to an aesthetic derma to cure them. I had to because I was slowly losing my confidence day by day where it came to the point I wear mask to work every day because I feel like it's a sin and a big nuisance for people to see how bad the state of my face is. Soon enough, the medicine was working as well as the sessions and topical medication... only to find out there was an addition to my collection of illnesses: PCOS. It already entered my mind that I might have it because: (1) weight gain and (2) giant-ass, cystic acne. The ultrasound just proved my theory. Sometimes, I hope I didn't go to the doctor instead. It was getting better before I found out about it and started drinking birth-control pills (to regulate menstruation and lessen the pimples but oh boy was I wrong AND disappointed). My face was getting less acne, no more redness, and lightened dark spots from the scars. But when I started drinking pills, it seems like I'm back to square one: acnes popping out here and there, conquering all of my face, redness of deep-seated pimples, and freaking scars. I wanted to blame my (PCOS) derma for it yet at the end of the day, it's I who I'm mad at. My aesthetic derma already advised me to healthy: lessen dairy, processed and oily foods, sweets, nuts, seafoods, fastfood, colored drinks, and others that aren't good for my skin but here I am still eating them. I also convinced myself to exercise and perform physical activities but yes, you got it right, I didn't do it again. I guess I was just tired of all these restrictions and additional work because no matter what I do, I'm still going to be sick. I'm still PCOS positive. As of the moment, it's incurable, all we have to hope for is maintenance. It sucks to not be able to follow through the beauty standards set by the society. Hence, I won't be able to find a significant other with this hormonal acne-proned face. No worries, I've long accepted that premise. What's harder is to love and accept myself despite how I look, but so far it's not going so good. It's been only recently that I got back my confidence but ever since PCOS, it's gone. *poof* Popped like a bubble once again. And to be honest, I don't know how to get it back any time soon.

[unwellmiss]

Love(less)

I recently finished watching another series about love - the unrequited kind to be exact. I’ve already seen a lot of series, films, k-drama, c-drama and thai drama about romance and yet after all those times, I’ve never experienced anything what those actors feel. There’s a probability that I may have been into the phase of “puppy love” if you want to call it that. Almost maybe, most likely none at all.

Right now, I’m focusing on my career... or is this just what I keep telling myself to make up as an excuse - a diversion from the fact that I can’t find love. Is it really something you look for or a thing that comes naturally? For someone like me, I guess it’s the former. It’s been so long since I experienced that tingling sensation, that feeling of having a significant other who’s like your better half. Do I even know what it really is or is it just something I’m familiar with based on the films I watched?

As of the moment, whether I’ll meet that person anytime soon or somewhere far from the future, I don’t care anymore. I’m used to this anyway so whatever. Huh, but who am I kidding? Of course I secretly do long for it.

Just a little reminder to cheer myself up, always know that life is more than just romantic relationships. As long as you love yourself (which is hard I know but it’s the best kind of love there is), you will survive. Hang on. Whatever happens, you’re still a person loved by others and that’s enough. At least for now... and I hope until time lasts.

[unwellmiss]

To all the boys whose feelings I haven't reciprocated

You’re charming. You’re sweet. Anyone may fall for you... but I’m not one of them. I don’t love you. As cliche as it may sound: it’s not you, it’s me. No matter what I do, I can’t reciprocate the feelings you have towards me. I will hurt you one way or another whether I lie or be straightforward so I chose to be honest because that's what you deserve. To pain you with the truth is less cruel than to break your heart with a lie. I’m sorry I did the former but I’m still thankful for the love (or whatever it may be). For a short while, I felt that I can be truly enamored by someone like you. It is much appreciated and that’s all I can give you. It may seem unfair at first but it is not really if you think about it. How I wish it were that easy to feel the same thing as you do. We both love each other. We’re just on a different page. You’re a great friend and that’s all there is to it. Thank you. May the universe had healed your scars by now.

[unwellmiss]

Semester 1, 2017-18

After which seems like a very long time, the semester finally ended which  I think  just sucked out all of my energy. The last few months have been packed with meetings, school works and organization duties. This semester has been so far the most toxic and most tiring one I’ve had in my stay in the university. I almost gave up in every aspect of my life. I already came to the point where in the middle of the night, after going home late from the campus, I slump in my bed absorbing the silence in my surroundings and just cry out of a sudden. I let the tears flow for a long time until I get tired and realize that it’s time to get things done. Time’s up for breakdown and the next thing I know is I need continue living life as it’s supposed to be – shitty and dragging.

Well I guess that’s life, right? After succumbing to endless sadness and weariness, at one point you have to wake up and face reality because after all you can barely escape it through weeping and self-loathing. Yup, that is pretty much life indeed. Sucks but true.

[unwellmiss]

Dive

“There’s more in you.”

At times of downhearted instances, rummage these words to get by. Believe in yourself even if others pull you down, especially then. Reach for the skies for there’s no other way but up. Free the baggage you’ve long been carrying and let go. Face the mirror you once despise to look at. Discover more about yourself that you fear to unravel. Do things you love to do rather than what others told you so. Work harder not because you have to but because you want to. Dive deep and bravely dance with the waves to see the world in a new perspective.

You’re more than what you think you are. The blooming of a beautiful flower is yet to come. You just have to wait and see it for yourself.

[ photo by: Joseph Barrientos ]

[unwellmiss]

A-game

Simply bringing my a-game for summer. Here goes the everyday battle with my nemesis numero uno: the sun and its blinding, red-hot rays. 

[unwellmiss]

Blues & Greens

To be with nature is to be serene. The trees and the field cools you down. It gives you the feeling of being home. The water comforts you. Going underwater cleanses your toxic mind. It's nice to go to a place like this once in a while. Now, I feel fresh and fine.

[unwellmiss]

Club Balai Isabel

My family and I went to Batangas for a last getaway before the classes begin. It was very unfortunate of us to go there in a rainy weather. Umbrellas were our constant friend all throughout our stay. We haven't enjoyed the activities we could've done if the sun has shown up brightly in the sky. Well, the best part of our little getaway would be swimming during a downpour. All in all, it was a good outing for our family bonding and a great end to our school break. I may be all freshened and fueled up for a whole new semester. My beloved university, here I come!

[unwellmiss]

Cheers 2017

H&M dress, Straightforward shoes

Welcoming 2017 in a red dress surrounded by little bulbs of light, wishing for a year filled with love and radiance. Here's to a better 365 days for the world. Happy new year, bloggers! Je t'aime. ❤️

[unwellmiss]

Good riddance

2016 was, as they say, a year of extremes. The best of the best things happened yet the worst of the worst did too. Even though it has numerous downs which made it probably the worst year so far, I'm still grateful for the little things - hence, the few ups - I've experienced.

My beloved country has faced a lot of dilemmas this year from the taking over of a new (problematic) president, the extrajudicial killings the "respectable" president is responsible of, and the burial of the late president/dictator in the Libingan ng mga Bayani, who is a corrupt and human rights violator and in no way a hero. However, I believe that this country will once again stand up and wake up from its nightmare. I'm holding onto that hope, the people, who are actively fighting for what is right and shouting on the streets to educate others on what is really happening. Then one day, we will all be in a dream instead.

On the other hand, I may also have encountered challenges in my academic life albeit the outcome of my grades and the new people I've met made the former worth it. I never thought I'll actually be joining an organization in my college days yet I did and honestly, it's the best decision I've ever made in 2016. Through the organization, I was able to try out new things I've never done before and met people I know for sure I will treasure. Each opportunity I've accepted was worth the risk. It just proved that I am braver than I think.

2016, thank you for letting me live under the bright skies which brought me happiness I deserve and also for blanketing me with dark clouds where I got to learn lessons from. Farewell, you'll be remembered.

[unwellmiss]

Coffee Project

An artsy four-cornered room where the aroma of coffee and scent of flowers both lingers simultaneously.

[unwellmiss]

Shoot

Some snaps during our organization’s photoshoot

[unwellmiss]

Reverie

I picture you in my mind and every time I do, I always forget to parallel it in real world. On who you really are, not what I dream you to be. That sometimes I live in the image I built of you. It’s amusing how I'm just making a fool of myself, imagining someone who can be you but will never be.

[unwellmiss]

The Final Bow

He loves violin. The sound being produced makes you want to move together with the rhythm.

Each stroke lures you to dig deeper and finish the performance beautifully.

However, violin is a very sad instrument too. 

Tears seem to fall out your eyes whenever you slide the bow back and forth to the body. It pains you too much yet you still want to create a harmony.

One day, he tries to learn a song and he successfully played it in just one sitting.

Using his favorite violin: his arm as the instrument itself and a blade as the bow.

[unwellmiss]

Mean girl

The aftermath of my sister’s debut taken at the Bellevue hotel

[unwellmiss]

En route

I'm afraid That feelings would fade And one day you'll wake up Wanting us to stop. // I'm scared The moments we shared Will soon be put to waste No more kisses to taste. // I'm frightened ‘Cause everything should be ended For we are a mess Like pieces of chess. // Yet I keep my head up high Don't want to live in a lie You are not my breath Your absence won't be my death.