âHe hid it from me for four years. Â The whole time I believed he was in love with me. Â He was always saying: âI love you.â Â Always: âI want to be with you.â Â And he seemed to care so much. Â Heâd always ask about what I read, and what I learned, and what I thought. Â Weâd talk about our future together. Â I was so happy. Â The world seemed so beautiful. Â Until one night we were eating dinner, and his phone rang. Â He glanced at the screen then put it down quickly. Â Something felt strange, so I told him to answer it. Â But he refused. Â And thatâs when I knew. Â I pressed him for days until he finally admitted everything. Â I went through all his emails. Â All the things he ever told me, heâd told her too. Â Word for word. Â Everything had been lies. Â Theyâd even travelled together when he claimed to be on business trips. Â My world was broken. Â I havenât dated for years. Â So many of my previous understandings have lost their meaning. Â I no longer know what âloyaltyâ is. Â Or âcommitment.â Â I canât even use the word âloveâ anymore. Â I used to say it all the time: âI love this,â or âI love doing that.â Â Now I just say that I âwantâ to do something. Â Or I use the word âhappyâ a lot. Â Like: âIâm happy to be with you.â Â But never âlove. Â Because I donât know what that is anymore.â
(Hong Kong)