Keith was never sure what “love” was supposed to look like, growing up. He saw it on television screens, read it in books, and glimpsed it at parks and the grocery store. Still, he couldn’t make sense of it. In most stories, love was said to be this grand, consuming force, moving mountains and crossing rivers to pull together two separate people.
However, he knew from experience that love wasn’t actually enough. His father claimed his mother loved him, and she left anyways, leaving behind nothing but a weapon and a heartbroken man. Love wasn’t enough for her to stay, or for his father to hesitate before entering the fire that stole his life. It wasn’t enough for Shiro to keep his feet planted on Earth.
So Keith didn’t believe in love’s mystical power for most of his life. He thought of it as an abstract fantasy to play up in fiction; cute, sellable, but unrealistic.
Then, he went to space. He met Lance. Overdramatic, flirtatious, and explosive, Lance wasn’t like anyone he’d ever met before. Instead of trying to calm Keith down or calling him crazy, he fed into Keith’s strangeness, brought out this competitive fire in him that wouldn’t seem to rest. At first, he pissed Keith off unendingly. Over time, though, they grew up, and Keith learned so much about the strange boy who’d whisked them all off-planet in the first place.
When Pidge was down, Lance had an easy cheer and steady presence that pulled her off a ledge of despair. Allura could rely on him to relax her with face masks or conversations about Altea. If Hunk was spiraling in his head, Lance begged him to try garlic knot recipes again, giving him an external task to distract. Coran shared parts of the castle with Lance that Keith only knew by association. Even Shiro sometimes laughed amusedly at his poor attempt at humor.
And Keith? Well, when Shiro disappeared, he relied on Lance more than anyone else. Lance was the voice of reason to his ideas, the shoulder to lean on, the ears to listen to his fears, especially when Keith couldn’t explain well with words. Every part of Keith relied on every aspect of Lance.
That must have been when Keith realized: Lance knew love. He knew how to speak its language, knew how to alter his approach and show deep care depending on his loved ones’ needs. Somewhere deep down, Keith found himself jealous. Incredibly envious. Here was the difference between a boy who grew up with everything and a boy who was abandoned on the side of the road, left stray. Keith flinches from the hand that offers comfort. Lance, despite rebuke, is that hand.
This time, Keith leaves first, and when he comes back, Lance isn’t the same. It frightens Keith to his core. He tries to hide from this angrier, tired version of Lance. Like a magnet, Lance pulls, until finally Keith can’t help but fall into place once more.
More than ever, Keith sees Lance speaking the language he can’t understand, but at a new frequency. Lance speaks love into his desire to go home, then into his embrace with his mother, then into his relationship with Allura. It drips off his tongue like honey.
Keith tries and fails to avoid feeling hurt by the fact that he never receives any of it for himself. Maybe once, before the Blade, he would’ve. Back when they were co-leaders. Keith left, though, and now he can’t expect that same consideration.
Everything builds up. Keith, learning from Lance, finds a way to be moved by his small Voltron family. It spurs him to lead them to the end of the war, sword slicing past enemies and toward a brighter day. Hope is a bright, warm sun in his chest, and, when they come out of it, he wonders if Lance will have actually forgiven him. He can be worthy of that honor.
Plans never work out. Allura, fiercely loyal to her royal duties, dies. For them.
Keith watches helplessly as the disparate pieces of Lance fall apart. He wonders if he was right, as a kid, when he believed love wasn’t enough for people to stay. If loving Lance wasn’t enough for Allura, how can love be enough for anyone?
The world celebrates, but Lance is frozen, and Keith watches. He’s never spoken the language with which Lance so easily uplifts and understands them all.
No one seems to. The whole team fumbles with awkward silences and nervous expressions during their godawful press tour. Keith would have left Lance alone entirely, too panicked to respond, if not for the silence.
Lance is barely living, outside of their public appearances, and when he does, he’s angry or melancholy. Keith recognizes grief, knows that anger like it’s his own hand. Allura sacrificed herself, and Lance isn’t speaking at all, of love or otherwise.
Keith tries to help. He brings him out to the ocean, lets Lance seek catharsis. It feels like a step in the right direction. A few words, uttered by Keith, show that Keith sees Lance the same way Lance always made sure to see Keith. For a few, perfect minutes, he sees that spark reemerge in him.
But sparks terrify Keith, and he retreats into himself. His self-doubt and skittishness stands in his way, renders him silent once more as Lance returns to their tour emotionlessly, then after, goes to his family home. Keith lets him leave, like a coward, and disappears, too.
He avoids thoughts of Lance McClain like the plague for as long as he can. Months. Years. They see each other at a reunion, and it’s brief and awkward and full of Keith’s inability to string together sentences. As if nothing happened, they separate again. Lance doesn’t contact Keith. Keith makes no effort to call Lance. Their lives are so separate Keith begins to think they’ll drift forever, until they become nothing more than strangers. The concept leaves him hollow.
Dear Paladin Keith Kogane,
We hope this email finds you well. At the Universe Guardians Historical Society, we endeavor to preserve the legacy of our planet’s most esteemed heroes. As part of this, designating historical sites has become a key step in our mission.
Recently, we became aware of a property in Garrison possession formerly belonging to you. This property is your residence from the time before Voltron, in the desert outside the Garrison Academy.
We were wondering if you might be willing to let us transform this property into a museum about the origins of Voltron and the team.
In addition to its preservation, the Society will pay you a regular dollar sum for use of the land.
Thank you for your consideration,
The Universe Guardians Historical Society (U.G.H.S.)
Keith doesn’t like this group very much. They have Lance’s stolen shoe on display in one of their paid attractions, for one. Despite their hack nature, he considers the message heavily. Shiro wants Keith to visit soon, anyways, and he’d just planned to stop at his house briefly. However, this could be the perfect excuse to see Lance again. Lance is one of the few people who knows about Keith’s childhood. He’d never say no to helping unravel Keith’s past, and having an activity to do might smooth over the awkwardness. Together, Keith and Lance could clear out the desert home, and Keith could….
Well, he isn’t sure what he would do. He just knows he wants to talk with Lance.
Keith radios Acxa and tells her to step up in his absence from the Blade— the Zarkonites can wait.
He’d try to be better than the people that failed him. Keith’s feelings toward Lance might be enough, this time, to pull him back in.