😎😎😎

I like birds

[xanaxfarts]

The bags of various flickr users

[vaguerock]

When you see this message, you are lucky to have a famous glasses holiday promotion for as little as $24.99.

[feywildwest]

one of the weirdest ways that language is evolving in response to the internet is that “bad words” just. do not have the same impact anymore. i constantly forget that some people think ‘fuck you’ is a terrible insult

so threats and insults have to start getting really out there if the person wants to even mean anything. if a person told me to die i’d shrug it off but if i opened a post’s tags and saw “op i will sneak into your house and replace all your shoelaces with cooked pasta” do you know how shaken i’d be? do you know how upset i’d be if i saw “op is the personification of the look you share w other people in the grocery store when some dude is causing A Scene™ for no reason”

[zmyaro]

So you are saying English curses on the Internet are becoming more like Yiddish curses?

[feywildwest]

I sincerely hope so but I can’t say I’m familiar with yiddish curses and i am begging you to tell me a few

[gallusrostromegalus]

My Personal favorite is:

“May all your teeth fall out, except for one, to give you a toothache.”

[captainlordauditor]

“OP is a complete onion.” (their head is in the ground)

“I hope I have the privilege of sewing your shroud” is another one I like.

[antongarou]

“May you have a hundred houses, with a hundred bedrooms each, and ten beds in each room. And may the plague throw you from one bed to the other”

“May your death be sweet. Run over by a truck full of sugar”

“May everyone congratulate your widow at your funeral”

[chloe-cristata]

Damn these are good.

[trashcanwindpipes]

Fuck these are great!

[gallusrostromegalus]

So while I was getting my haircut, the lady asked me if I had other plans for the day and I said:

“I’m just going to pick up the boy from daycare and then it’s date night.”

And the lady says “Oh! How old is he?”

“He’s three.”

“Mine too! Where are you registering him for kindergarten it’s such a hassle-”

And that’s when I realized I said “boy” and not “dog” because I always think of Charlie as “good boy” but this slip up has lead to a miscommunication.

The lady is now 6 minutes into a clearly needed rant about how unnecessarily complex shopping for schools is, esp when you have a neurodivergent child, so I can’t just tell her that Charlie is a dog because then she’ll feel awkward for unloading on me and she clearly has enough going on.

So the rest of the haircut became a game of “how much can I say about Charlie without revealing that he is not a human child?” And the answer is “enough to cover a half hour hair appointment, quite possibly several hours worth if I’m specific enough”

[gallusrostromegalus]

“is he very verbal?”

“It really depends on who he’s with. He’s very quiet at he but won’t shut up if he’s at the park or has a friend over.”

“was it hard to potty-train him?”

“he’s adopted, but I was genuinely amazed at how good he already was with hygene and potty stuff.”

“mine’s just obsessed with paw patrol and Frozen, drives me crazy!”

“I imagine. Charlie is colorblind so he’s not as into tv, but he always wants a toy if I take him anywhere with them.”

“oh gosh the toys! And the kids are so rough on them!”

“yeah Charlie can destroy a stuffed animal in about 2 minutes, so I only buy him the really cheap ones.”

“Does he throw tantrums when they break?”

“Not really. It’s meditative, really, taking them apart. He has hysterics if the cat takes his toys though. Runs downstairs and cries at me until I retrieve it because he’s not tall enough to get it out of the cat tree.”

[gallusrostromegalus]

The Very Good Boy in question, Charleston Chew.

(if you want to read more of my much weirder adventures, I have pre-orders for my book on Patreon right now: https://www.patreon.com/gallusrostromegalus )

[krwzprtt]

[dankmemeuniversity]

[dragon-in-a-fez]

y'all wanna see a photo of my shrimp I'm pretty sure I just caught speaking directly to god

[dragon-in-a-fez]

[dragon-in-a-fez]

why tf do y’all keep tagging this “shrimp heaven now”

[mysharona1987]

[ristay]

BEACH DAY

Somone once commented “good guy seagull disposing of the evidence for you” and that’s what I choose to believe now.

Follow me on Webtoons:

[taykoutmccleod-deactivated20200]

I’M SO SORRY TO TAMPON USERS BUT THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY

[delladilly-deactivated20161011]

do you ever see someone in some quiet intimate moment and suddenly love them so desperately you feel like you’re dying

#like when they pass a mirror and make a face and mess with their hair a little #or when you hear someone singing in their car with the windows rolled up as they drive past you #i don’t know how to express this i just. people are people and it makes me so sad and filled up sometimes

[mrrrl]

I love seeing grown humans setting about little creative tasks out of boredom and then looking quietly pleased with themselves, like maybe a middle-aged woman on her train home from work manages to make a tower out of empty coffee creamers and gazes at it proudly for a few seconds.

I love seeing other people make the overblown OOPS I FORGOT SOMETHING performance for no-one that most of us do when we have to turn around in the middle of the pavement.

I love seeing stony-faced people in queues unable to contain a smile when a baby looking over its mother’s shoulder in front of them locks eyes and does that astonished stare.

[brittascribbles]

- when someone is standing in line and they don’t quite dance to the music playing, but you can SEE their head bop and them mouthing the words

- when someone thinks no one’s paying attention and they sing-talk themselves thru a task

- when they laugh or try to hide a laugh when looking at their phone

[elodieunderglass]

- when someone does the thing where they enter another space (such as a supermarket aisle) striding with total purpose, then suddenly forget what they’re doing/looking for, and stop there looking blank for a millisecond while they reboot. 

- when people are looking for scissors, in their home or in a store, and they make the scissors gesture with their non-dominant hand as an aid to remind them what they’re doing.

- when automatic social interactions glitch, like when you tell a waiter that you hope he enjoys his food too, or tell the stranger on the phone that you love them. 

- the hand gesture people make when they’re thinking at their computer, not typing, and their elbow rests on the table, and they feel the edge of their fingernail with their thumb. This is such a lovely little gesture and to my knowledge I have never seen it in fiction. You’d think it would come up all the time in fic.

- when you’re sharing an experience with a complete stranger (like watching a seagull throw up in public, or waiting for a late train) and you make eye contact, and some comment to each other, and then you guys are, like, ALLIES now. Like you would willingly ride to war to save them. You can’t make eye contact again, but you are very aware of them. 

- just evidence of other people’s rich, baffling and complex inner lives.

[liquidlightning]

i love watching couples or friends walking in tandem. i love seeing when they make each other laugh

[strangerose]

This is what Hozier means when he says ‘I fall in love just a little bit everyday with someone new.’

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[gokushowerthought]

what us gamers doin when females aint around

[disneydaily]

Mulan (1998)

[welcometoyouredoom]

[70srogertaylor]

This is me, never leaving the house but when I actually do:

[captaindullard-deactivated20250]

I religiously, emotionally, physically, epistemically, existentially, and spiritually identify with this

[books-in-order]

Service dogs training to sit through a movie at a theater.

[driftwooddragons]

It’s actually better than that - the picture comes from dogs being trained to sit through a PLAY… which means there are actors on the stage performing a musical for a theatre full of dogs.

[alexseanchai]

[image: several rows of theater seats, with at least an ear visible of over a dozen patient dogs.]

[armandyke]

Summer Olympics: Who can run the fastest? :) Who can swim the fastest? :) Who can do the best somersault? :) 

Winter Olympics: WHO CAN MAKE IT TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS ICE SLIDE OF DEATH AND SURVIVE?? WHO CAN GET AROUND THE RINK WITHOUT GETTING THEIR HANDS SLICED OFF BY EVERYONE ELSE’S FEET BLADES?? CAN THIS GUY DO A 1080 DEGREE FLIP WITHOUT DYING?? 

[misterclaremontdiaz]

gifs could not capture how hilarious this scene is