Sometimes, sometimes
Sometimes I wanna give up. I feel tired, I feel like there’s no more sense to be feeling this awful with myself without knowing the reason. This feeling of not knowing what to do or why does this happen to me has me right on the ground begging for an absolute end.
Sometimes I wake and feel all of these positive vibes I can receive from life and I enjoy how beautiful it is to be alive. I am grateful for the sun, the rain, the clouds up above my head, the grass on my feet.
Sometimes I just don’t understand why my mood can change so easily from loving life to hating myself for this and regretting that night I did know I shouldn’t drink. I don’t understand why there’s no other medical treatment than pills I refuse to take if they tell me to do it. I have been doing everything as natural and as inspiring as posible but sometimes it’s like I just forgot to do it and I spend my whole day under the ground and not being present. I might be looking at you but I’m not really listening. You might ask and I don’t know how to answer. You might laugh and I will do it too just because you’re laughing but not because I really wanted too. There’s so much I could keep on writing over here but what’s even the point on it? Will this heal me? Do you read this?
How long will it take to me to finally understand that the solution is right in my hands but it’s like i am just blinded. But here I am still. Another day, another night to survive this little long nightmare that sometimes seems like it has no ending. Sometimes I wanna sleep and don’t wake up. Sometimes I wanna sleep and wake up feeling like nothing ever happened.
