I’ve been severely lacking with posting on this account but I feel my reason is valid.
I am *pregnant*
I am due late July, I am having a girl, and I have recovered for her sake.
Last night was really hard for me. Being almost 6 1/2 months pregnant is really taking its toll on my self image. Last night I couldn’t sleep because my dad grabbed my back fat last weekend and said “what’s all this?”
So my brain kept me awake by telling me I look like Shrek and need to restrict again. But I can’t. Not until she isn’t dependent on my body and my intake.
I am terrified of what my postpartum body will look like. I am so scared that it will throw me back into this full force and that I will lose control. I’m scared of my daughter growing up with my disordered eating habbits being “normal” and her thinking eating an apple and a piece of toast for the day is okay, like I did.
I told my boyfriend, her dad, what to watch for regarding my ED once she is born. I told him to avoid talking about my body at all, positive and negative. I told him that I need him to help me because it’s so easy to start falling back into old habbits without realizing what you’re doing. I’m scared he wont notice and I’ll be right back here, starting over again, hurting my body even more, leaving more damage than the last time.
Have any of you been through this? I feel so alone in my thoughts right now.
