send a meta topic // always accepting
Growing up, love was something she craved. She longed to be wanted, to be chosen. As one of many kids in the orphanage, she was always hoping to be picked and taken in by a loving family. She tried many different personas in her attempt to be chosen, however it was all for naught and she remained there until she was about 15. Still, the craving never went away.
In the next couple of years, she ended up joining Blue Pegasus and finding acceptance there. However, fame and popularity, along with being in a guild that has a glamour about it (where there is much more going on beneath the surface than anyone knows), did push her to hide certain aspects of herself in order to become more…marketable, more palatable to the public. And, while she knows key people in her life know her and care for her true self, it’s something that is high in her mind and creates uncertainty at times.
The fame especially makes it difficult to trust the interest and apparent love of others, as she feels she’s only wanted as a trophy of sorts or as a way to get closer to others. She’s no stranger to the fickle nature of the public and their interests either. She learnt early on that she had to be careful about any sort of relationship she might have, as it would influence her popularity and potentially even that of her guild. Even with taking great care, with being choosey with who she associated with, she knew there were certain people, certain magazines, that would publish whatever they wanted to anyway.
Due to her guarded approach and her awareness of all the things that could go wrong, she is not the type to easily give her heart away (as much as she wants to and still craves it). The moment she starts to feel something a little too deeply, she finds a way to pull back and end the connection. The number of serious relationships she’s had is very limited due to that fact (not to mention that she once ignored her better judgement in the past and began to develop feelings for someone, only to find their own intentions were questionable to say the least).
Still, she is a romantic at heart, when it comes to others anyway, and as much as she can be cynical about her own love life and chances, she is generally supportive of others. That being said, those that are closest to her might find that her advice to them becomes a little pessimistic (as opposed to those she’s not as close with, that she gives much more positive opinions to), as she secretly fears they’re getting their hopes up and that they will get hurt and she wants them to avoid such a fate (she is most definitely projecting).
With the people she loves, platonically or otherwise, she is generous and affectionate. As she has trouble trusting (herself and others) and in expressing through words, the words ‘I love you’ would take a long time to come, but her feelings come through in other ways, namely touch and thoughtful gifts/acts of service.