There is something about the way Kiyoi has always been independent, aggressive, and often following the "I don't need anyone" archetype . This shows that he doesn't know what healthy relationships look like or why they matter. He never had anyone he felt he could rely on. He did not even want his friends to know what his dream was or that he took the idol thing seriously. He did not have anyone he thought would be his support if he failed and most likely assumed he would lose the artificial friendships that he did have if he showed his real self to them. His whole demeaner screams lonely, hurt, and scared.
Kiyoi has always been so sure that nobody is around him for any reason other than to use him. He does not think anyone takes him seriously. He doesn't trust that anyone could ever be sincere. That is why when Hira comes into the picture, he doesn't trust him. He seems to see it as a way to go from being used to using someone. He never truly accepted that Hira truly just wanted to be around him because of him. This is most likely why they parted ways like they did.
This has been on my mind because of the development we see later on. It becomes even more clear that Kiyoi does not want to be aggressive or the one to make the choice. He has always wanted someone to prove they take him seriously, that they want him, that they love him unconditionally.
We see Kiyoi struggle to open up and communicate and how hard it is for him. We see his tendency to flee when he is scared or hurt. We see there communication suffer because of misunderstandings. But most of all we see them fight for each other even well fighting against each other.
This leads me into the bathtub scene. Kiyoi is no longer this mean aggressive man that we once saw but instead someone who is quietly asking Hira to give him more physical attention. This is a big deal because we start out with him physically throwing Hira to the ground but now we are here.
I am leaving so so so so much out but this show really took over my brain and I don't have anyone to talk to about it. Its been a while since I watched it and these scenes still live rent free in my head.
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