WARNING: I WILL NOT HOLD BACK

Mood at time of blogs: Not giving a/f My blogs are real, and my heart for fake people is as black as Kunta Kinte. I will bitch on here...a lot. If you want to see my happy, cool and laid-back side, go to my facebook. If you came to see my dark side, enjoy my blogs. Oh, and feel free to laugh your ass off at some posts, cause what can I say? Drama is hilarious sometimes

[verbalninja823]

#99 Have We Fought For This?

Following the hard decision of removing one of my steppers over politics regarding other organizations, I'm starting to ask why we do the things we do. We don't even make decisions among each other anymore, so where has the idea of working together gone? It's like being trapped on an island where 12 other people, and instead of working as one unit to gather food and shelter, 6 of them break off and get what they want, leaving the other 6 stranded and starving. That's not the idea of brotherhood to me.

As head step master, my job is to run the step realm and formulate the best show possible. All the extra bullshit just wears me out sometimes, and I need to get back to my roots and do the one thing that I'm good at.

I want to feel human again, not a robot that doesn't see others the way they should be seen. It's left me a lot to think about...

[verbalninja823]

#98 A Student's Dilemma

Why is it that teachers have to be so bitchy sometimes? I mean damn, I get it if I didn't prepare something, but seriously? How is saying "You have prepared" going to help my day? Let me unravel this...

Then in my diction class, I simply forgot to do the iPA for the class song. K, I'll own that one, and so I'll take the fall. But, I don't need a lecture. How is saying "Alex, you're behind on homework" going to help the situation? For the record, we've had a billion assignments in my class, and I've only forgot two of them. Seriously, back the fuck off. 

I'm so done with today dude. Just need some sheer relaxation time, and less bitchiness from the estrogen-filled faculty. 

[verbalninja823]

#97 If the World Could Turn Backwards

Sometimes I feel like I cause some of my own problems. When everything is in balance in my life, I do something to throw it off from time to time, and it leaves me feeling frustrated at myself and confused at the world around me.

If only I could turn back time, just by a day, to prevent certain things from going wrong. It sucks to feel like I ruin good things, especially if it affects the people around me.

Maybe it's just me having an off day I guess. 

[verbalninja823]

#96 The Art of Empathy

This week has been the typical week for me. Stress level is normal, and the days happen without anything out of the ordinary for me at least. I feel at peace with myself for the moment. Yet, it feels like people who are close to me have rising stress levels and various emotions. My girlfriend and my roommate are both stressing over huge tests; I have a friend reaching the breaking point of his extracurriculars; I have another friend who literally broke down for reasons I don't know. 

I love to help other people, but I feel like it's easier when I can say "I know how you feel". I wish I were an empath, feeling what others feel on impact, so when they look at me with pain or concern, I can mirror them and they know they are not alone. But since I'm not, I gotta go back to the drawing board to figure out the best way to console others when I myself am content.

Funny part is, I'll be feeling how they feel soon anyway...

[verbalninja823]

#95 Misperception < Truth ≠ My Responsibility

So our sister step-team had some bitch and her mom cry wolf that she was being "hazed". First of all, bitch shut up. You're not being hazed. Get your sensitive, bitch ass the fuck out of our culture. But moreover, why the hell are my sisters even being put in the hot seat because of ONE person's misperception? What happened to "innocent until proven guilty"? Do not take my sister's out due to ignorance.

Here's the part where I'm pissed as fuck. So I run my step team. I've been running it for 10 months now, and I run it well. Today I hear that now WE are being put in the hot seat? Oh HELL FUCKIN NO. I didn't do shit, so don't sit here and think that just because some GIRL didn't like step, that AUTOMATICALLY means that all the GUYS in my group are being subject to horrible things. How dare these people judge my group and my organization based on this dumbass chain reaction of ignorance. I'll be damned if I even hear rumors of us hazing. DO NOT even think about taking out my group cause of this shit.

I'm fuckin annoyed right now. I've put in wayy too much work, have wayy too many ideas, and want wayy too much for my steppers to have it ALL ruined by some vicious ass ignorant female who couldn't even SPELL hazing. Know your shit bitch before you try and touch our organizations.

P.S. How the flying FUCK are you supposed to pledge a sorority in the future if you think being told what to do when you don't want to do it is "hazing"? Grow the fuck up

[verbalninja823]

#94 The Stress of a College Student

Revelations, adversity, and mid-terms make it so that my stress level isn't going down. Today, literally nothing specific caused stress, but yet I still felt it. It's attacking my emotions and my personality, but it won't go away until all of my stuff is done.

Studying. Mid-Terms. It never ends sometimes. It's like the minute I want a day to relax and keep calm, there's always something else to worry about. Always somewhere to be, or something that I have to get done. Can I just freeze for a second and take a breath?

Things move way to fast, and to really reach my deans list goal, I have to keep up. But one gets tired though. Things could be so much easier if things would take care of themselves, or due dates didn't pile up back to back.

The cost-benefit of the amount of stress it takes to get on the deans list seems more of a sacrifice right now. There's always hope, which I can only try to tap into. For now though, I would be grateful just to sleep again...

[verbalninja823]

#93 Perseverance

Yesterday, I was so angry at the world for bringing a burden into my life. I asked it how it could be so cruel, and why I had to suffer for no reason. My mind was so clouded, filled with narrow, dark thoughts like a scary tunnel. Today I found the light at the end of the tunnel, and it's in the form at pushing through and moving on.

This week, or rather this year, has made me value the importance of perseverance and how essential it is to not let anything break your spirit. I'll be damned if I don't achieve my goals because of other people's actions. I will succeed, no matter what anyone says...

Maybe the answer to why people do what they do in the world is so that the good people can grow as people. When life throws you a curveball, you might swing and miss and feel really bad about it, but haven't you learned how to time it better as a result? 

Every rose has it's thorn. I got pricked yesterday. Now the pain is over, and I'm still making the deans list with or without my bike, bitches. :D

[verbalninja823]

#92 Crabs in a Barrel

Ever since I turned 19, I feel like I'm been trying to rise up from the bottom, from all the adversity that I was suddenly hit with since my birthday. Right now my world just seems like it's crashing down, and I don't know what to do next. 

So my bike got stolen today. And of course, I'm wondering "why me? What have I done?" I am a good person, so I don't understand this. I try to look at the world in a really positive way and see how everything can be solved through tranquility and positive thinking (which is probably why this is my first Tumblr note in over a month), but when things like this happen, it leaves me asking "why do I continue to use SO MUCH positive energy when I still get screwed over?"

When will I feel safe? At what point will my mind, body, and spirit be at a constant center? These are all things that go on in my head. Then I think back to why people do what they do. Why do people steal? Kill? Rape? etc. I wish for a world where everyone feeds off others' achievements to help themselves achieve and motivate others. The world we live in has people that are negative, who cause negative energy by committing evils onto people that don't deserve them. Why are we pulling each other down, instead of helping each other rise up?

I mean, I just want my bike back. I don't want to go through adversity and to feel like someone took something so essential to me. I want to stay away from rock bottom, but I just can't seem to grasp why I'm taken back there. Do things ever get better?

[hplyrikz]

[verbalninja823]

I'm a good ranter. Obviously. But, I'm a better listener.

[verbalninja823]

#91 You Got Served

My PMS, god-awful, stupid passive-agressive, power hungry asshole manager Wendy (#89, 78) got FIRED today at work. Where are the fireworks dude? I'm so fuckin happy right now.

All my co-workers are happy too. Nobody, and I do mean this, NOBODY was sad to see her go. I think I saw everyones face light up when she walked out the door today. I mean damn, the bitch had ZERO good managing skills, and tried to fake it to everyone like she was really that goddamned skilled. Get the fuck out of here!

Wendy, you're a high school dropout, dating someone almost six years younger than you, and not to mention you have the worst personality I've ever seen. Yep, you're a piece of shit and have nothing to contribute to this ever-growing society. Piss off.

Good luck trying to find another job as a manager, dumb bitch. Sike! :D

[verbalninja823]

#90 My Head Floats in the Atmosphere

Earlier today, a plumber came to the house. My dad had him come over to check the laundry area, but he thought he was here for the kitchen area. I should've told him it was for the laundry, but I just let him go to the kitchen anyway. When dad came to the house and told him it was downstairs, he looked at me like "why didn't you tell him that in the first place?" I felt bad...

As I get older, I don't wanna be an airhead. People like that usually just go with the flow, not being able to stand on their own feet and do smart things. Independence is so key in my life, in all areas of it. I don't wanna feel like a follower.

Maybe that'll be my promise to myself after I turn 19. More assertiveness. Shouldn't be too hard I guess... 

[verbalninja823]

#89 Pissing You Off in 10 Minutes or Less

Can I tell you, of all the bad days I've had at work, of all the people who I haven't liked working with, I've never gotten pissed off so fucking FAST at work. But I should've known that anytime you work with bitch Wendy (#78) stupid shit is gonna happen.

Then when I don't want to talk to her, like AT ALL, she's all "Well you know, I CAN send you home". Bitch, I don't give a flying fuck. She is the SOLE FUCKING REASON why I'm unhappy at work today. Not even kidding. If Wendy didn't work (or if she fucking died and rotted in hell) I'd be just fine.

At first I didn't know which manager was all time worse: Wendy, or Patricia from Byerly's (#15). Now I'm convinced that there's not a single human on the motherfucking earth that has worse manager skills than Wendy. 

Seriously Wendy, you're a horse-shit asscunt who wastes my time, energy, and sanity with your power-hungry attitude and your compulsive need to take any amount of fun from my work. Learn how to fucking manage, broke bitch. 

Thanks for being my reason for going to college, so I can get a REAL job and become wayyy better of a leader than you'll ever be being stuck at Noodles for the rest of your goddamn life. Hashtag bitch.

[verbalninja823]

#88 One-Way Conversation

Ever talk to someone who only talks about themselves? Ever try to have a conversation with a person who never returns the talk back to you? It's super annoying. If I'm gonna talk to you, don't make everything all about yourself and pretend to listen to what I have to say. It's rude. Moreover, it makes you look like a complete asshole with no sense of common courtesy towards others. Oh my god...

Me: Hey Rex Rex: Hey Me: Did I tell you about when I threw out a coach the other day? It sucked Rex: This one time, this coach was really pissing me off, and... Me: (annoyed as hell because he didn't even acknowledge what I just said)

Dude, can you wait until I'm done before you start on another story? Or rather, can you at least react to what I'm saying so that I know you didn't just let it go in one ear and out the other? So incredibly rude it makes me want to punch him in the face. 

Rex, your social skills have GOT to be in the shitter, because I have a hard time thinking you make friends when your conversational abilities are so revolved around you all the time. I don't give a finnuck what happened to you if you can't even give me two goddamn seconds of talking time before making it "the Rex show"

Btw, you look like a walrus with down syndrome. Get your eyes checked.

[verbalninja823]

#87 The Bourne Identity

From the moment a child's parents gives them a name, that child has an identity, created and owned by that child for the rest of his life. Some might not think of it as a huge deal, and to others, identity is all they ever think about. From paranoia to carelessness, one handles their identity very differently. I believe that identity should be attached to a person in the same way that your soul is attached to your emotions, and that's how I see mine.

Of course people can change, but a person really has to know who they are changing for. Are they in charge of who they are? Or did someone pressure them into changing? The most issue I had in high school was with my name. Alex is my middle name, not my first, but it also serves as my social identity. I used to go crazy when people would want to address me by first name. Not ok. People grew up now (for the most part), but I would guard that name like it was my life, because to me it IS my life, or a large part of it. 

The other two parts to my identity, sexuality and race, were not challenged as much back then, but all the stereotypes and slurs that I would hear in the hallways made me rebel against what is the "norm" and really find how I personally wanted to live. For example with race, people in my high school stereotyped blacks as "the ghetto ones", and if you weren't like that, people would say "oh, I guess you're white". I had a huge problem with this. It was a very ignorant way of thinking, but again, I'm in control of my racial identity. And of course, I like to explore different ways of thinking about sexuality, and I wonder why we live in a world that thinks so black and white on it (#86). 

Just some food for thought. I hate to see when people just "give in" to society's perceptions, and they end up changing who they are JUST because they only see one way of thinking. Kinda breaks my heart. That'll never be me. 

Morning thoughts...time to umpire.

[verbalninja823]

#86 The Heterocentric View

So throughout middle school, high school, and now college, I've discovered that living in a heterocentric society, no matter what sexual orientation you are, breeds subliminal and subconscious stereotypes of what a "straight man" should and shouldn't do. For example, ever hear something like this?:

"Don't put your hand on your hip. That's gay"

or...

"Why did you go see Twilight? You're such a girl"

I identify as straight, so my observations come from that perspective, but I'm constantly questioning why people think that straight guys have a certain "code" they have to follow. Personally, I don't see myself as a Macho, womanizing, sports-fanatic. To me, that's okay. I'm definitely comfortable with my personality and how I live. Here's the thing: society says that it's okay too. SAYS. But the stereotypes that come with being in a heterocentric land often say otherwise.

Why is it that the arts are seen as feminine? Why is it that when people think of male cheerleaders, the first word that comes to mind is "gay"? And why is it that some guys feel the need to boast about hot girls constantly to their friends JUST so that their sexuality is never questioned? I challenge the world to overturn their perceptions, because I can imagine that it's caused and lot of pain and confusion for the ones who haven't yet figured themselves out, like emotionally vulnerable teenagers. 

The "equal rights" part is on its way. Now, lets work on the "things that make us straight/gay" part, and we'll be closer to one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. 

[clownasaurus-deactivated2020100]

[verbalninja823]

Land of the free? I don't think so...

[verbalninja823]

#85 Good Money or Bad Scam?

Recently, I just invested in this new product, which we'll call Sunrise. I was introduced to it by a friend about a week ago, and I completely liked the idea. After some more information, I decided to get on board as a promoter when I found that I could make money by it. Not long at all after I joined, I've had at least 3 of my friends ask/tell me about Sunrise being a huge scam. It's annoying, yet it's scary to think about.

What's annoying to me is that when I pass the word on, my friends are so QUICK to judge it and say "oh that's bullshit. they just scammed you". I want to push through that and listen to my new "team" of promoters, but it leaves me thinking: did I actually get scammed? Did I invest for nothing? Or can I really make this work?

My fear is that a month will go by, I won't make any money, and I'll end up actually pushing people away. But I really do think it can work for me. I say that now. I want to prove my friends wrong, really bad actually (cause they piss me off when they shut out the idea). What if the joke is on me?

I think I can, I think I can...