“I’m weird, you’re weird, we could have weird little babies and live weirdly ever after if it wasn’t for the fact I find you repulsive.”
“Boobs are really just squishy pillows.”
“Stop helping. You suck at helping. Plot my death instead, you’d probably end up helping me!”
“I don’t trust shrinks ever since I realized that if you put a space in the right place therapist becomes ‘the rapist’.”
“I’d fuck you if only your no no parts matched my no no parts… By the way I’m gay.”
“I was so deep in the closet I could see the next four years of Christmas presents.”
“I dunno man Heaven just seems boring. Sign me up for hell.”
“So I tried to freak him out by saying I wanted to get married and instead of breaking up with me he fucking proposes.”
“I’m trying to seduce a nerd. How do you say 'I wanna fuck you in my backseat’ in Klingon?”
“If you don’t get turned on by having your neck kissed somethings wrong with you.”
“I wanna destroy our friendship… Let’s play Monopoly.”
“I wish I had a twin so when I kill my enemies I can just blame it on them.”
“Blasphemy! Sex solves everything.”
“He smelt like an old person and for some reason that turned me on.”
“I mean really Vampires aren’t sexy unless your into bloodplay.”
“Look there’s nothing wrong with aspiring to be a trophy wife.”
“If a person with multiple personalities kills themselves is that suicide or homicide?”
“I know he’s old but I’d totally fuck Harrison Ford.”
“I don’t need food to sustain me. Only cuddles.”
“I could spend days just groping your ass and be happy. And "I say that in a completely nonsexual way.”
“I just want to be Mulan. Is that too much to ask?”
“There is nothing wrong with planning a wedding with a video game character.”
“I’m gonna lay down and die for like half hour kay?”
“Don’t say 'I love you’ Just give me cake. I’ll get the message.”
“There’s been some real friction in our friend group lately. I suggest an orgy to save our friendships.”
yousharknotpass
blakekathryn
2087
areudirty
dailybridgerton
andulkaphoto
snowghoul
izzy806
