Shit You Hear in The House

What it says on the tin

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I need to write more Date Everything ship fics

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{Chance, Parker, and Player playing a card game together}

Parker: Three sixes.

Chance, smirking: Four sixes!

Parker: What?! But you can't have four-

Player, dumping several cards on the table: 23 sixes.

Parker: How-?!

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Penelope: You see, I just realized I have two ears. So it's a waste to only listen to one thing.

Dasha: Let me get this straight.

Dasha: You just realized you have two ears?

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Tyrell, reading a letter from Rebel to Bathsheba: "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? No, a summer's day is not a bitch."

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Parker, watering a cactus: Any idiot can take care of a cactus! She thinks I'm an idiot!

Prissy: Why are you watering a cactus?

Parker: Because I'm an idiot...

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Player: Do you guys think the cops will go through our stuff?

Cam: What are you afraid of? Think they'll find your dream journal?

Player: No, I-

Eddie: What, you have a sweatshop back there for skirts that look like curtains?

Player: Actually-

Jean-Loo: You steal a kiss and pack it in an envelope?

*Cam, Eddie, and Jean-Loo laughing*

Player: I have a bag of meth in my closet.

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Bev: Where do you keep your wine?

Daisuke: I don't have any.

Bev: What? How do you relax, then?

Daisuke: I don't.

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Keith: I often forget other people have limitations. It's so sad.

Skylar: Psst, Dorian. He can feel sadness?

Dorian: Not really. It's what you and I would call condescension.

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Amir: Hello, Jean-Loo, today we're going to be talking about being ugly. And now that you're here... *looks him up and down* ...We can get started.

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Shelley: I have to say, I'm a little embarrassed for you.

Stepford: This is a sports-related injury! That makes me cool!

Kristof: Tripping over a basketball on your way to the bathroom is not cool.

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Bev: Get me a bottle of wine.

Daisuke: It's 8 am.

Bev: And a slice of toast.

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Tom: You’re skipping work?

David: I called in sick.

Tom: Called who? You’re the boss.

David: I know, it was a strange conversation.

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Keith: What's up sluts, I'm back from jail.

Skylar, concerned: Sluts?

Dorian, more concerned: Jail?

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Dasha: I just watched Lyric finish reading a book, sigh angrily, and immediately toss it into a trash can.

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Dirk: I'll have you know my trust issues and my mommy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.

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Barry: I probably talk a lot...

Amir: *kisses his cheek* I like hearing you talk.

Meanwhile

Freddy: Grapes are easy to acquire and easy to eat.

Mitchell: If you say one more thing on this topic, I will kill you.

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My Player Character OC. They like talking with everyone, Kristof adores them