Fuck You

21. Colorado. I'm kind of a bitch but I'm also pretty alright. I post some nsfw so 18+ please. Also, no Kik or Snapchat so don't even ask 👌.

[vi0lent-violets]

For my own reference. Like the rest.

I logged on here to finally delete this blog, but once again I can’t bring myself to do it. I cant just delete it. This tumblr is like a diary of my young teen self, all the heart ache and the desperation to be an adult, one that’s grown past the hurt. I remember how far away that seemed. How a career seemed so impossible. How being my own person left me terrified, because I hated who I was and couldn’t imagine being anyone else. 

I guess that’s why I’ll keep this blog. So I can show myself how things change so completely from year to year. One of my last posts was my 2015 year in review. I’m 23 now, and 2018 will be closing in a few months. So much has changed from that day. 

Brice’s death seems like a far away dream. Or nightmare.  I stopped doing hard drugs.  I am legitimately self employed and never been so financially stable before.  We have put so much work into our house. Our shitty fixer-upper is so different you’d never recognize it.  I have a bunny now! His name is Albert.  I married Chase on June 21st. The summer solstice. The longest day of the year to celebrate the most important person in my life. I love him so dearly. He is my everything, and I love him more every day.  I found out my thyroid is underdeveloped. I started taking medicine to fix it, and I’ve honestly never felt so good in my entire life. I am almost never depressed anymore. I have so much more energy. I use to think I was so lazy and useless. Turns out I just needed a little extra hormone. I feel so in control of my life. I couldn’t ask for anything more. I’ve never been so “wealthy”, and I’m really not talking about money. 

I can’t believe I almost killed myself. I can’t believe I cut my legs up so badly. I’m in the process of covering all those nasty scars with tattoos. I use to think if I covered them, that it would be like it never happened, invalidated, or that I was weak, like taking out a piercing. What was the point of doing it? Shouldn’t I wear them proudly? But I realized that I really don’t want to see them anymore. I don’t want them to be my identity anymore. My brain still craves punishment in some ways, but I definitely don’t ever want to cut my own skin again. I’m an entirely different person now. 

I guess that’s it for now. I have to go back to work, at the job that I absolutely love and hope to do forever. Thanks to anyone who still follows this dusty old fuckin blog, and hope you guys find your reason to wake up in the morning. 

With much love,  Jazmin 

[vi0lent-violets]

I need to snap out of this. I need to do something before I destroy myself again. I can't give in to this sadness after how much I've fought to be happy. I will break this streak. I will do something positive about these feelings. I won't ever give in, no matter the urge. I am still here.

[vi0lent-violets]

Impromptu selfies

[vi0lent-violets]

I forget sometimes that not everyone is sad all the time. I forget that there are people out there who have never been depressed, and who have never thought about harming or ending themselves, and who, for the most part, have been happy their entire lives. In some ways I envy these people, and I wish that I had spent more of my life being happy, instead of feeling so god damn awful all the time. I remember the first time I consciously felt depressed. I was in third grade, sitting on the playground and I had this new, stinging feeling of loneliness as I sat by myself, wishing that the people at school would stop hating me so much, or at least have the decency to keep it to themselves. I was bullied severely at school and had to go home to a broken, toxic family who also hated me because I was "too much like my mom," and I didn't understand why that was such a bad thing. I was in fourth grade the first time I wanted to die. I remembered hearing in church about how wonderful heaven was, and how you were never sad and there was nothing there that would ever hurt you. I fervently dreamed about getting to heaven, and, one night, I decided I couldn't wait anymore. I didn't even know the word suicide, but I gathered some supplies I thought would do the job, and I got ready to go to heaven. I stood with my tools (I'll spare the details) for what felt like hours, but in the end I was too scared. I went back to bed and cried til I had to get ready for school... I remember how disappointed I was when I found out people who killed themselves didn't get to go to heaven. I remember thinking that those people were the ones who needed to go the most. Anyways. Things took so long to get better. It took so long for things to even out, and for more happy to come into my life. I hope someday my happy will outweigh the sadness. Until then, I will just keep rambling on tumblr.

[vi0lent-violets]

2015 Year End Summary

Mostly for my own reference.

This year has been so exhausting. I’ve been absent from tumblr for a while, because the toxic energy of this whole site was so draining I couldn’t take it anymore. However, I’ve decided I want to come back, follow some different blogs, and make posts about my personal life, so future me can look back at 20 year old me and remember what it was like to be a shiny new adult, young and stupid and really fucking hopeful. So, to recap, this was some of my 2015.

I changed my major to something I love. I failed my first class ever, and it made me feel invincible. I got Chinese food for my birthday. Brice died. I threw a surprise party for Chase. I tattooed my head. I quit a dead end, miserable job. I’ve never regretted it once. I got a tattoo apprenticeship. I’ve done two tattoos so far, and im sure I’ve found my dream job. I dropped out of college, junior year, middle semester, straight A’s. I’ve never been more happy. I dropped acid for the first time. Chase went gorilla, and it was one of the most fun days I’ve ever had. I smoked so much fucking weed. Chase and I bought a fucking house. A whole house. A fixer upper. A home to start our lives in. Im so excited to move into it. I made some wonderful friends. I did so much art. Some beautiful, some a work in progress. I stopped relentlessly hating myself, and am trying really hard to be happy. Chase and I got sushi for our anniversary. It was wonderful. For the first time in my life, my family had a good thanksgiving. I will cherish that forever. I realized, with incredible clarity, that I am mentally ill. This is a harsh truth, and I am terrified to deal with it. I snorted two fat lines of coke for the first time, with a $100 dollar bill. I’m still not sure how I feel about it. Chase and I had great sex all fucking year. Ugh. I learned so fucking much. About myself, art, life, drugs, death, and insurance.

I hated a lot of this year, but I’m so excited to wake up in 2016. Life will get better as long as I keep going.

[sapphicnymph-deactivated2016020]

If you have an available room in Orange County i can be quiet and clean and ill almost never be there and pay like $350/month it’s like life or death right now for me

[sapphicnymph-deactivated2016020]

Please signal boost this at least its like really really important

[tattoosandswag]

[we-the-anon-family]

Atena Farghadani is a 28-year-old Iranian artist. She was recently sentenced to 12 years and 9 months in prison for drawing a cartoon.

This cartoon, that she posted on her Facebook page last year, depicts members of the Iranian parliament as animals. It was drawn in protest of new legislature in Iran that will restrict access to contraception and criminalise voluntary sterilisation. Atena’s charges include ‘spreading propaganda against the system’ and ‘insulting members of parliament through paintings’.

Last August, 12 members of the elite Revolutionary Guard came to Atena’s house, blindfolded her and took her to the infamous Evin Prison in Tehran. According to Amnesty International:

“While in prison last year, Atena flattened paper cups to use them as a surface to paint on. When the prison guards realised what she had been doing, they confiscated her paintings and stopped giving her paper cups. When Atena found some cups in the bathroom, she smuggled them into her cell. Soon after, she was beaten by prison guards, when she refused to strip naked for a full body search. Atena says that they knew about her taking the cups because they had installed cameras in the toilet and bathroom facilities – cameras detainees had been told were not operating.”

She was released in November and gave media interviews and posted a video on YouTube detailing her beatings, constant interrogations and humiliating body searches. She was then rearrested possibly in retaliation for speaking out and has been imprisoned ever since. In January, Atena went on a hunger strike to protest the horrible prison conditions. Her health suffered dramatically, and after losing consciousness and suffering a heart attack in February, she was forced to eat again.

The quote used in the comic is taken from the speech Atena gave at her trial. It has been translated into English by the Free Atena Facebook page. You can read the whole thing here.

Time is now against her, she has just two weeks to lodge an appeal. Michael Cavna, comic journalist for The Washington Post, has launched a campaign appealing to artists to help bring awareness to Atena’s case by creating their own artwork in support of Atena and using the hashtag#Draw4Atena. Can a bunch of artists and a hashtag really make a difference and put pressure on the Iranian Government to release Atena? Probably not. But just remember that Atena is currently in prison enduring horrible conditions, and if her appeal isn’t successful, she will be there for another twelve years. FOR DRAWING A CARTOON AND POSTING IT ON FACEBOOK. Don’t we owe it to her to at least try?

Alot worse actually happens out there.. once Being a soldier (which turned me into an activist) showed me..

Signal boost.

[artzandmusiczloverstuff]

This definitely deserves a boost

[worldpeaceinformant]

Just nasty….

[scary-monsters-and-super-creeps]

#IF YA WENT HARD FOR CHARLIE HEBDO YOU SHOULD GO HARD FOR THIS

[vi0lent-violets]

New blog

I’m going to start a new blog for my art. I don’t really come on this one anymore anyways. (I won’t delete this one, I just probably won’t post very often. I did delete all my nudes though, just fyi). My new blog will have no association at all with this one, and I will not announce my new blog name here, so if you know me and would like to follow my art and my tattoo career, please message me for my new username. Peace out girl scouts. ✌

[vi0lent-violets]

New blog

I'm going to start a new blog for my art. I don't really come on this one anymore anyways. (I won't delete this one, I just probably won't post very often. I did delete all my nudes though, just fyi). My new blog will have no association at all with this one, and I will not announce my new blog name here, so if you know me and would like to follow my art and my tattoo career, please message me for my new username. Peace out girl scouts. ✌

[jedavu]

Whimsical Illustrations by Cheyenne

Cheyenne creates for herself or in collaboration with renown brands. For this series, she portrayed whimsical detailed hybrids, between girls and animals

[micdotcom]

Well, this is awesome.

The Hubble Space telescope just sent back a new photo of the Twin Jet Nebula. Here’s what it looked like in 1997:

And now …

Whoa. But wait, we also got an updated image of the merging galaxies NGC 6240. What it looked like in 2008:

And today:

Science, you’re the best. Oh, and the explanation behind those merging galaxies and their black holes is wild.

[raggedick]

[maa-iingan]

VOTE FOR HIM

[veggielezzyfemmie-blog]

Vote Bernie.

[prettyf0x-deactivated20170621]

[overplant]

[inspiring-pictures]

When a flower doesn’t bloom you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.

(via ociz)

[stayprettyandwittyy-deactivated]

I don’t have time for people that don’t get into Halloween