* 11:59 PM

> YOU SENSE A CHANGE IN TIDE . . . you only wish you knew what it might be. the rain pours and you wonder — — ind. ryotaro dojima / filed by ferns. tracks : #victive / est. nov 2017.

[victive-blog]

sorry  for  the  endless  radio  silence  over  here    ——   i’m  going  to  try  and  come  back  around  here  within  the  next  couple  of  days  !

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            “  NANAKO  ISN’T  GOING  TO  BE  HOME    for a while ,  but you’re more than welcome to stick around until dinner if you want .  beats waiting around outside in the  rain . ”      /    @homosinger   ♡ ‘ d

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❛  —  TRICKTIER.

           dojima says he’s not mad and ikki almost believes him  ,  but without the ability to see his face  ,  or whether his shoulders are tensed  ,  he is unable to be certain  .  he’s left to decide based upon what he’s given  ,  and it’s not being pushed away  .  it’s not being brushed off  .  it’s the exact opposite  ,  and that  …  throws him off  .  leaves him still in his arms  ,  with his face pressed into shirt  .

           it’s  …  almost suffocating  ,  the way dojima hugs him again  .  but ikki thinks that’s just because he’s not used to this  ,  the feeling is as nice as it is uncomfortable  .  leaves him slow to relax  ,  shoulders ever so tense  .  his senses are filled with him  ,  and he wishes his dad would have done this  .  wondered what he would have been like if he did  .  it doesn’t matter  ,  now  .  thinking on those things will do nothing but upset him  .  that’s all  .

                                 ❛ but  ,  to hug you without asking is unkind  .  ❜            he pushes  ,  muffled into the fabric of shirt  .  ikki only just reaches his chin  ,  so his face is tucked down into chest  .  it makes him feel smaller  ,  still  .  makes him wish he’d worn taller heels  .                                  ❛ and disrespectful  ,  and my parents told me that touch was unnecessary  ,  that words were all we’d need  .  ❜

            “ UNKIND  ... ?   WHAT’S  WITH  THAT ? ”       he was raised different ;  dojima has to remind himself that .  one set of parents never helped their child grow the same way that their neighbor’s did ,  or even  their  parents had .  the  hibikis  were unlike the  dojimas .   ikki’s parents had treated him far differently than he and chisato had treated nanako .  the further they fall into this hole and semblance of a   familial  standing ,  the more is brought to light . 

“ you know ,  they’re not  supposed  to be something you ask about . ”    words should be chosen carefully as to not make ikki feel  guilty ,  but he’s never been good with that .  never been good with talking to high schoolers ,  never been great at playing the  parent  card .  at the very least he can tuck his head over ikki’s head and keep his place . 

                                                                                   at the very least he can  offer  ikki an alternate outlook .

“ i can’t  imagine  making nanako ask for one  —  or you .  my parents never made us growing up and ,  well — sometimes words just don’t cut it . ”  

[victive-blog]

im hitting the drafts again but in the meantime :  hit that  heart  for a little oneliner ?

[victive-blog]

❛  —  THGGED.

“ ain’t that the point though? s’not like the government’s doing shit to help people — i don’t think the phantom thieves give a crap about the legal shit, they’re just doing what’s right ! “

            “  IF  THEY  KEEP  THIS  UP  ...   then   jail time   is going to be the least of their problems .  doing the right thing or not ,  as much as the people around here appreciate a  vigilante  to help them out ,  the higher ups aren’t too happy with how things are going . i haven’t seen it this bad in a while . ”

[victive-blog]

❛   — MISETOS.

                           “Sorry to be BLUNT HERE, SIR I don’t think Nanako would want her memory drenched in another mans blood.” There was no sugar coated Tohru Adachi to be found now, the syrupy sugar he poured over his personality had turned bitter and sour the moment he heard the sounds inside the hospital room suggesting its occupant was deceased. While Adachi was not a FAN of speaking of the dead as if they could still give speech to the living he needed something as incentive to stop Dojima from going back for ROUND TWO. Dojima was not MEANT TO BE A KILLER it would defy everything that made him Ryotaro Dojima– He wasn’t going to allow that to happen… It would break him and Adachi would lose the last person in the world he could trust to a shattered psyche… Dojima was all he had left.

                          He would simply need to… Deal with the situation himself to soothe Dojima’s rage if the kids didn’t.

                          “You could’a I’m not gonna deny that…” If there were not three people throwing themselves upon an injured man to stop him from entering into the room there was a very good chance he would have made it in there and oh boy he doubted Namatame stood much of a chance against Dojima even INJURED, “But you didn’t– And you’re not going to.” He’s careful as he closes the wound, muttering while he speaks a sudden MORBID JOKE slipping into his head that he doubted Dojima would find remotely as funny as he did, “Guess you finally know a guy once you’ve sewn him shut again… We’re really partners now.” Partners? He wondered if Dojima would even remain on the Inaba PD now that Nanako– Now that Nanako– He really wasn’t sure what would happen next. “Sorry if this hurts I can’t really give you pain killers…”

            SHE  WOULDN’T   ——     nanako would have wanted her father to accept this and to let namatame  LIVE .   much like  chisato  would ,  if she was here .  but she isn’t ,   nanako  isn’t ,  and a part of dojima still twisted up in the  bitter reality  of it all thinks that is enough .  that that should allow him to leave this room  ——   but he can’t .  adachi stands in his way .    (  and while adachi is someone dojima knows he could pass ,  he doesn’t .  ) 

the drag of the needle is sobering .   pain  is easier to focus on than the set of his jaw ,  the  irritation  that causes to flare up in his cheeks from his teeth grinding together .  his fingers curl at the edge of the mattress ,  keeping him in place .  from knocking adachi’s hand away and effectively making this  worse .  

but i could have .     “ they’re going to lock him up ,  and if the evidence we have doesn’t stick — ”   

dojima settles in the silence that sweeps over while adachi tends to the thread .  his head aches ,  his jaw aches,  everything does from head to toe .  he continues to bounce back and forth between righteous anger and an overwhelming sadness .  it’s going to swallow him whole . 

though  acknowledgement  settles in his throat but he can’t force it out .  it turns into a wince rather than a  thank you ,   to a sideways glance rather than a verbal response .  when he speaks ,  it isn’t what he means .  when he speaks ,  it’s the golden question of the evening .    “ ... where were you ?  when she  —— ”

[victive-blog]

❛  —  NARXKAMI.

           After all Dojima has done for him, he’s offering to drive Yu back … ? It seems ridiculous to Yu that after offering up his own roof and clothing his nephew (in fashionable swimsuits) for almost a year now, that he would still want to offer more. Quickly, Yu shakes his head, offering a modest smile in response. “Ah, no … That’s not necessary. I’m already grateful for you, Oji-san.” Plus, a train trip is one way, whereas Dojima would have to drive all the way back to Inaba after dropping Yu off. “Please don’t worry about that.” 

            “ YOU’RE  SURE  ?   it wouldn’t be much of a problem . ”       he’d like to think it’s yu not wanting to  step on toes  more than he  thinks  he already has .  but much like dojima has learned over the year ,   pushing  does not equate to earning a  favorable  outcome .  he’ll leave it as it is and keep the option open .  yu agreeing to return ,  even for such a small break ,  is  reward  enough .      “ ... at least think on it ,  if you want .  the offer stands even when you get back here .  it could be that trip we never got to take . ”

[victive-blog]

❛  —  PRETOIN

@victive  ||  Lyrical Starter.

Panic! At The Disco – Death Of A Bachelor

“ Share one more drink with me, smile even though you’re sad … ” Akihiko sat by Dojima at the pub, ignoring all the distractions in the bar and focused on him. He ordered another round of drinks for the two and slide another glass to him. “ … I know how it is losing someone. I lost my little sister, Miki, in a house fire … Well, our orphanage that is. I couldn’t save her. I guess we can both relate on something huh? ” His speech was slowly beginning to slur as the intoxication began to kick in. He felt as though he could relate to Dojima in some aspects as he spoke of his wife in his drunken state. They were both broken because of the death of their loved ones. Akihiko could get through it and so he wanted to help Dojima in return now.

            THERE’S  A  HEAVY  AIR  THAT  SETTLES    in complete contrast to the  warmth  of the lights and sound that surrounds them .   inaba  had one small place to drink ;   it hadn’t changed much since the first time dojima had come here up until now .  both times now for similar situations .  he finds it  bittersweet  as much as uncomfortable ;  ONE  DEATH  AND  ANOTHER  ——   it isn’t easy to talk about .   for both of them ,  he thinks .   (   for himself it’s worse tonight compared to recently .  )

“ miki  ...  huh .   i’m sorry to hear that . ”      worse than a hit and run .  maybe ,  maybe   ——   chisato could have been a live for some time after that .   miki  could have been awake .  he takes a drink from the glass pushed his way to drown it out .      “ were you   ——   how old was she ? ”

[victive-blog]

"He'd never tried hunting before, but he decided to give it a shot."

@putonasho     (  a very overdue bonding moment  )

                ‘  THAT’S NOT BAD  ——   but i bet you a  BUCK  that he didn’t do so hot .  ’

[dekutree]

*dad voice* absolutely not

[victive-blog]

SHAKESPEARE  AESTHETICS.

MACBETH.

the howl of wolves.  moonless nights.  dirt under fingernails.   stained silk.   chattering teeth.   voices hoarse and cracked.   rotting fruit.   echoing drums.   dry heaving.   hanging cobwebs.   stifling humidity. bloodshot eyes.  the roughness of rusted steel.   wild rosebushes.  muscle cramps.  the sound of splintering wood.

A MIDNIGHT SUMMER’S DREAM.

crackling fires.   ivy crawling on stone.   the faint music of running water.  petrichor.  dirty, bare feet.    tattered clothing.   thistledown.   wilted wildflower crowns.   late evening birdsong.   curling leaves.   a symphony of croaking frogs.   drifting feathers. the eerie sound of windchimes at night. humming bees.   beds of clover.

ROMEO & JULIET.

warm golden lamplight.  worn shoes.  crumbling brick walls.   whispered poetry.  embroidered satin.   cool, hazy mornings.   tousled hair.  rosewater.  flushed cheeks.   distant orchestras.   unfinished marble statues. cobblestone streets.  loose threads.   ink smudged on parchment.  tapping fingers.   dust illuminated by sunlight.   poison vials.

HAMLET.

shattered glass.  a cluster of fraying ribbons.   unanswered knocks on doors.   lingering dampness.  white noise.    inexplicable drafts.  migraines.   bleeding ears.   the taste of metal.   reflected mirrors.    dry, cracked lips.   the sound of tearing paper.   fogged windows.  memories of dreams.   tarnished silver.  protruding veins.

tagged by: @misetos tagging:  if u wanna do this say i tagged you honestly !!

[victive-blog]

im going to be out for the day being an  Adult™    but i hope everyone has a good day and   ——  i found some extra christmas cards so if anyone wants one  (  and is comfortable giving me a mailing address !  )  hmu in im or an ask ??  i’d love to use these up and send you guys some little messages with some silly stickers !

[victive-blog]

❛ — PUTONASHO .

“… I’m Sho.”

It was difficult for him to even mutter his name in response. When Sho wanted to introduce himself, it wasn’t particularly stressful, but when he was ordered to do so? His instincts told him to run, to escape the scenario and stay away.

“Is that all ya wanted?”

            ‘ SHO ...  ARE  YOU  NEW  AROUND  HERE ? ’     more questions ,  more gentle pressing for further information .  at least he hasn’t dragged out paper and a pen  —  this isn’t an  interrogation ,  no .  only simple  concern  and  curiosity  for someone who couldn’t be older than his nephew .    ‘ almost .  sorry .  i don’t want to make you uncomfortable .  if you don’t want to answer anything ,  you don’t have to .  i just have a couple of questions . ’

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❛ at heart , you know , i’m rather fond of you . ❜ give me joker n dojima. make me cry ferns

@tricktier​      (   book meme from ages ago   )

            ‘ FOND DOESN’T SEEM LIKE THE WORD YOU WANT TO USE . ’     fond doesn’t truly fit any of this ,  not from the minute ikki   ——  no ,  joker   ——  twisted from one ideal right to the other .  like  SMOKE ,  dojima thinks .  hard to catch and even  harder  to see in the pitch of night .  there and then gone with an  acrid tinge  of scent and a bitter memory for echo .  this moment wouldn’t last long . 

dojima would be  lucky  to be granted anything longer than a minute with him .  absolutely by chance did this happen  ——  or maybe it  isn’t  chance at all .  they’ve both been wandering a  dangerous path  since the moment that they met ,  and eventually it was meant to reach a dead end .  this end , he thinks . 

at heart ,  you know ,  i’m rather fond of you .  it’s a lie as much as it is the truth . 

‘ if you were you could have told me . ’   there’s  disappointment  leaking into his neutral tone .  ikki had been family ,  is  family ,  but …  he didn’t think the same , did he ? 

                                                                            ‘ if you did …  i could have helped you .’       but you didn’t . 

[victive-blog]

“ at heart, you know, i’m rather fond of you."

@misetos     (   book starters from ages ago   ) 

            ‘  FOND ,  HUH … ?  ’

in reality ,  he knows without adachi having to say anything .  never in his time of knowing him had dojima seen adachi  allow  people in .  not like with himself and nanako . the two of them who adachi  willingly  stayed around and talked to ,  who had the choice now more than ever to leave that ,  should he want .  the opportunity to recede back to how he  (  TRULY  )  always has been . 

dojima doesn’t need adachi to say anything ,  though .  not when it’s   late at night  and the tv is near quiet ,  playing an old rerun that he hasn’t been paying attention to .  it switches to a commercial and swaps the  glow  for something warmer .  something softer for the moment .  with adachi’s weight against him,  near shoulder to shoulder ,  it’s comfortable .  this is comfortable . 

enough that dojima leans further into the couch and extends an arm ,  wrapping it over the back of adachi’s shoulders .  he’s still slow with this ,  hesitant .  careful to not push and drive away  ——  even if he ends up pulling adachi  closer  instead .   it’s a silent response before an audible one .

                                                                                                        ‘ —— guess that makes two of us . ’

[victive-blog]

AS  A  DETECTIVE  IT  IS  YOUR  JOB   ——   to  look  at  every  fact ,  at  every  angle .  eliminate  and  analyze .  even  if  it  brings  your  family  grief .  even  if  it  rips  you  apart .   in  the  end ,  they  will  understand .   in  the  end ,   you  may  hope  to  be  a  better  man .       (   THIS  IS  YOUR  CHOICE .  )

[victive-blog]

            ‘  WHY  DON’T  YOU  START  FROM  THE  TOP ?    tell me about it one more time .  i’m sure we can figure this out . ’    /   @renegaid   ♡ ‘d