all is flux and nothing stays still ✶

amber | she/her | thirty | bne

[lamignonette]

[vigilantejustice]

have been very good about forcing myself to go to work because historically speaking this is the kind of blue mood that’s easy to “one more day off to rot and i’ll be fine” about it that leads to quitting a job and leaning into the hole like a thumb jammed into a bruise. so that’s something. but just feels very much like having had a mirror pointed at me and seeing a thing so deeply beyond fucked. it’s been physically nauseating. have my entire life held lots at arms length because there’s no way to survive it if you don’t but sometimes an arm shakes sometimes it falters and sometimes it comes too hard and too fast and you’re nose to nose with kind of super untenable fundamental truths.

don’t know how to let it move through or how to push it back. feel both like the vulture picking away at a carcass and the carcass being picked at :(

[iamheavymeta-lll]

[myheartis4him-deactivated202207]

any other girls feel a permanent sense of unbelonging no matter where they are or who they are with

[magicfriend1000000000000000]

its kill yourself wednesday be careful out there

[nonlynear]

[suddenly disillusioned] my illusions..

[sadiec0re]

photographed by xiu xiu kong for fruits magazine

[vigilantejustice]

prefacing this by saying that i’m so fine so safe etc etc but stepped on a scale for the first time in half a year and then had a very brief moment of clarity where it was like. girl are you actually trying to tip yourself all the way into black dog’s jaw

[calebwittebane]

my name is Fucked Bastard and my special talent is not going to make it

[ryan-sometimes]

Paramore was right. Hard times

[vigilantejustice]

omw to meet up with the guy from last week and i’m so nervous i could throw up about it

[vigilantejustice]

it was so so nice and so so much fun genuinely. but. i am having many a black thought now :-) love my brain love my life :-)

[vigilantejustice]

omw to meet up with the guy from last week and i’m so nervous i could throw up about it

[sovietnam]

[homunculus-argument]

I love informed consent, I love dignity of risk, I love the thought of having someone willing to tell me why the thing that I'm about to do is a bad idea, telling me in detail exactly what the consequences are, what's going to happen and why, and what's the worst that can happen, and then having no power to stop me when I decide to do it anyway because I'm an adult and I'm allowed to get my shit kicked in so fucking bad while doing something stupid if I so choose.

[rozieramati]

via

[unioncarbidesuperfan66]

library classification labels

[vigilantejustice]

oh boy oh boy new interpersonal relationships are a nightmare. there is no way to get inside their head to know what they’re thinking! and i’m thinking all of it! everything! from every angle!