Just an ordinary college student's life

I'm Neko. I write about my day to day experiences, insights, and realizations.

[nekonojinsei]

When the person you consider to be your best friend denies it and says that she doesn't have a best friend

So basically, I have someone whom I consider my best friend. We have a lot in common and agree on lots of things. On a few occasions, we would even talk to each other while working on stuff until morning, having deep conversations about life. Our personalities match and we clicked the first time we met.

So we've been friends for almost 2 years now, and a few months back, I remember telling her that she was my best friend. I would also usually refer to her as my best friend in conversations with other people. But then, she said jokingly that she doesn't have a best friend. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't hurt. I'm not a robot after all. I may look like I don't have emotions, but I do feel.

Damn, I don't even have a lot of friends. Sure, I have lots of acquaintances, but I only have a few people whom I trust. It hurts so much when the person you considered to be your best friend doesn't even feel the same way.

I've also noticed over time that she'd only talk to me when she's not busy, and ask to hang out with me if she has nothing to do or if she needs some favors. Meanwhile, I almost always go out of my way to respond to her invites even though that requires me to make some adjustments just so I could accommodate her in my busy schedule. The weird thing is that she'd usually tag another person on her Facebook posts but rarely interact with my posts she's tagged in.

Now, I actually feel like it's becoming a one-sided friendship now. I'm the kind of person who never forces myself to anyone, and would gladly withdraw the moment I realize that the person whom I care about doesn't care about me as much.

I guess the worst thing about this is that I'm not even a high maintenance, needy person. I'm an introvert (INTJ to be specific), so I'm used to being alone, and often enjoy solitude. Despite this, I go out of my way to accompany her whenever she needs someone to go with her, do favors for her, and listen and talk to her about problems, ideas, and random thoughts.

Also, I regularly assess myself if I'm being a toxic person, but I would always find that I'm not. I try to be as positive as possible, because I don't like dwelling on negative thoughts and stressful situations; that being said, I'm usually the one people go to for advice and support, and not vice versa. I generally don't talk about my problems and feelings especially if I think that they are too much to handle by others (I've gotten used to dealing with my problems on my own, especially the serious ones. No one would understand them anyway.); I am usually the listener and often checks up on people who are on my priority list. So I don't see how, in any way, am I being a toxic person that she could possibly end up hating. I don't quite get it. There is no apparent reason for her to get tired of me, since I rarely talk about my problems and just listen to hers. I know how it feels like to have a toxic friend, so I make it a point to constantly check myself if I'm being one.

I've been hurt many times, which is probably another factor why I've grown so aloof towards people. In general, I avoid being too close to people and carefully choose the ones I hang out with and call my "friends". It astonishes me that despite being critical and picky, I still make mistakes. Obviously, I don't want to repeat those mistakes, so I'm being extra careful.

For now, I'll just observe the situation before taking an action. I won't make any decision on this unless I've reevaluated the situation carefully.

But I guess I won't be as enthusiastic as I usually am when it comes to her. I've grown tired of making myself available for people who only see me as a service they could avail whenever they want. It's true that people would only realize your value once they've lost you.

[elylylyly23]

“Surround yourself with people who know your worth. You do not need too many people to make you happy, just a few real ones who appreciate you for exactly who you are.”

— Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

[nekonojinsei]

Quality over quantity indeed.

[nekonojinsei]

This is so me.

(c) Introvert, Dear

[nekonojinsei]

I wholeheartedly agree with this. People have to realize that they have to be complete on their own without other people. That way, they’re going to build more meaningful relationships.

(c) Typewriters voice

[nekonojinsei]

Life isn’t getting any easier, we’re just getting good at dealing with it. We grow and mature. We become stronger. We learn from our mistakes and make sure not to do them again. We get a new perspective on life as we go on.

As a Christian, I anticipate that life is only going to get tougher as I go on, but my hope is that God will always be with me as I navigate this life. I’ll face this life head on, holding on to the courage and peace that Christ has set in my heart.

[nekonojinsei]

Don’t keep holding on to things that will only hurt you in the long run. Learn to let go, accept things as they are, and welcome new things into your life.

(c) Wish 107.5

[nekonojinsei]

Nope

[nekonojinsei]

There are times when the only thing you have control over is your attitude toward your circumstances. Keep a positive mindset. Keep calm and don't waste your energy over things you can't change. Trust that things will turn out nicely with God's help and mercy.

(c) Typewriters voice

[nekonojinsei]

(c) Typewriters voice

[nekonojinsei]

Holding grudges is a waste of energy.

[andallshallbewell]

[nekonojinsei]

My closest friends and I are like this.

[nekonojinsei]

My dormmate has become so absorbed into her mobile game that she’s oblivious to me

I took a short break from studying Japanese. I wanted to drink some water to rehydrate myself, so I washed my mug in the bathroom. I always make it a point to wash it before using it because I don’t know how much dust it has accumulated just by sitting on my table.

But anyway, so as I was on my way to the bathroom, I checked if the stairway towards the other side of the dorm was vacant, because one particular dormmate who plays mobile games usually sits there. I already knew the answer: as I looked to my left I saw her sitting there, and I could even hear the sound effects from her phone. I didn’t really dwell on it because I thought that she’d move aside if she sees me walking towards the stairs anyway. But look how wrong I was.

When I finished washing the mug, I entered my room to put the dishwashing liquid and sponge back on my table. I walked towards the stairs, and as I was nearing her, there were no signs of her moving aside to let me pass. I was actually sort of waiting for her to at least give me some space so I could walk freely, but she didn’t. She probably didn’t notice me at all, being too focused on her phone. So what I did was I just walked, avoiding her legs which were obviously blocking my way. I skipped two steps and jumped to the bottom of the stairs,  which leads to the other side of the dorm, just to get it done and over with, 

I headed to the small room where the water dispenser was located. I filled my mug twice and decided to drink the water right there and then, because who knows, she might not move aside again and I might trip and spill the water on her.

So as I was about to go up the short flight of stairs again, she still wasn’t moving, so I assumed that the same thing’s gonna happen and I’ll be like an invisible ghost moving towards her. But here’s where I was wrong again. The stairs were made of wood, so they make a fairly loud sound whenever I walked, largely because I tend to have heavy footsteps (But this time, I consciously made it sound heavier than usual just to see if she’s gonna notice me lol).

She noticed me and quickly moved aside, saying “sorry” that time. I didn’t see her reaction but I could judge from her voice that she was surprised and a bit humiliated, since she only noticed me at that point. She must have thought that she didn’t let me pass when I went to the water dispenser.

I just replied with “it’s okay”, then I felt like I actually tripped on something, I don’t know if it’s her power bank or whatever that is, then I said “sorry” back. Now that I think about it, the way I spoke probably sounded a bit stern lol. My voice is lower and kinda deeper than the usual female voice after all, which sort of surprises people when they hear it for the first time because, according to them, my face looks so sweet and young, like a baby’s (WTF).

I just find it funny now, not because I embarrassed her or something. I find it funny that people actually fail to notice you because they’re too focused on something. Divided attention it is. I just hope that she notices me next time and lets me pass. But I guess she’s already embarrassed because of what happened. Lol. We usually each other when I stay at the lobby, so she has no choice but to see me either way.

[nekonojinsei]

More than half of people wear headphones just to avoid talking to other people, researchers say

Other reasons people said they wear headphones are to avoid being distracted at work, while 23% of those polled said they believe headphones are a fashion accessory.

This is actually the reason why I wear earphones outdoors even when no music is playing. I can’t afford to play music because that’d be dangerous. I need to be alert when I go out.

[x0401x]

hey did you hear that one of KyoAni's studios got attacked by an arsonist :(

I actually hadn’t. I went to read the article and holy shit, this was super serious. According to the news, this is what happened:

There was an explosion-like fire in the studio and took up a big part of it. When the article was posted, the firefighters and police were working on it, but the fire had not yet been extinguished.

The police found a guy pouring a gasoline-like thing nearby and arrested him. They’re questioning him about what happened.

It hasn’t yet been confirmed whether or not the fire spread to the neighboring houses and buildings.

The facility that got attacked is called “the first studio”. It’s KyoAni’s main studio, which was founded in the 50′s. It’s the very core of the company as a whole.

Apparently, the arsonist was purposefully targeting the employees. A woman came running out of the studio covered in flames asking for help and saying that the man had poured gasoline directly on her.

The arsonist sent a death threat to KyoAni before the attack. The president of the company told the news that, although they don’t get protests on a daily basis, they do deal with it often. This was far from the first time that they had received a death threat. They normally resolve it with lawyers and protocol, but it takes a while and it seems that the attacker was much too fast.

NHK has confirmed multiple deaths. The number of fatalities is 33 so far, which is about half of the 70 people who were in the studio at the time of the attack.

I’m baffled. Honestly never saw that shit coming. I’m just praying that the guy behind this will be punished.

Also, Sentai Films has created a donation page for KyoAni. They’re already past half of their goal and I think that’s amazing. Let’s keep this going, guys.

Help KyoAni Heal!

[nekonojinsei]

I do trust a few people, so few that I can count them on the fingers of one hand. Trusting is inevitable, and even I would admit that being completely alone and having no one to trust is difficult. You just have to be careful, because there are a lot of pretentious, manipulative people in this world.

(c) Typewriters voice

[nekonojinsei]

Taking a beginner Japanese class online

I’m currently taking a beginner Nihongo class at a distance learning site sponsored by one of our university’s partner institutions. I’ve started learning Japanese on my own years ago, so I already know Hiragana, Katakana, and some Kanji. I also know basic grammar and some vocabulary. There were Japanese dormers in our dorm lobby, and I could hear them talking because my room is literally beside the lobby. I could understand most of what they’re saying.

I’ve been skipping the lessons and going straight to the quizzes ‘cause I have no time to go over it and knowing that I’m already familiar with the content. Still, I must say that the module they prepared is a good one for beginners. They even have skit videos. But I guess I should’ve taken a more comprehensive one.

Learning Japanese is fun. Even the common expressions have become second nature to me, to the point of blurting them out even in situations deemed inappropriate. I mean, you wouldn’t say things like やばい or そうね to someone who doesn’t speak Japanese. I guess I’ve been spending too much time away from social interactions that I just find myself listening to Japanese songs and watching anime most of the time.

Well then, I’ll be back to answering the quizzes so that I could write new posts in this blog.