Vigilante Orphans

Just some bat family stuff

[batfam-stuff-posts-0]

Love it when that happens

[anonah-deactivated20251221]

And he only does it on purpose 35% of the time!

[arrowheadedbitch]

That's just what he wants you to think

[webshood]

In the DC universe there's a petition with over five hundred thousand signatures asking Batman to let Robin represent the USA on the male gymnastic team

[shyestofhearts]

Bruce: Has anyone seen Damian?

Dick: No...?

Duke and Damian on the roof trying to figure out if Duke can use his powers to manipulate the light enough to roast a marshmallow without a fire: I think it's working

[bat-stuff]

Batman: Gotham is quiet tonight

Batman, suspicious: too quiet

Meanwhile five blocks away:

Teen Dick: Swiper no swiping!

Criminal, crying: I'll turn myself in just please stop talking

[ikan-luar-air]

I stand by my decision.

Also, I want to talk about the fact I used such a cute photo of Damian and at the side it’s just ‘Purposeful Murder’.

[incorrectbatfam]

[Dick's Teen Titans era]

Donna: Gonna have to wash this blanket to get rid of that new smell.

Kory: *makes a note that humans prefer to mark objects with familiar scents*

—

Wally: Gotta love that new car smell.

Kory: *scratches out previous note and replaces it with a question mark*

—

Roy: Old books smell so good.

Kory: *increasingly frustrated note taking*

—

Dick: Mmm love that new book smell.

Kory: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?

[the-overanalyzer]

Cassie ships TimKon because she cares about the two of them and wants them to be happy.

Bart ships TimKon because he thinks it’s better that they’re together rather than breaching containment and inflicting themselves on some poor innocent outsiders.

[thesevenumbrellas]

The types of de-aged Batfam fics:

How did this angry, feral 8 year old become Dick???????!!!!

How did this sweet, happy 13 year old become JASON!!?????

Yeah, this stalker child is definitely Tim.

[d-cookie-deactivated20210317]

Local 9-year-old doesn’t want to socialize with rich people who are going to ask him 838238 questions and pinch his cheeks more at 11.

[incorrectbatfam]

rank the kids from "would destroy the batmobile in less than 10 minutes if left alone" to "Bruce wouldn't notice for 2 weeks if you took it for a joyride"

Canonically can't drive – Cassandra

Can drive but can't operate the controls – Duke

He's 3 feet tall, that's a fender bender waiting to happen – Damian

Promptly returned it because he felt bad – Cullen

She's 13 – Carrie

Failed her driving test so many times the DMV just gave her a license so she'd stop bothering them – Stephanie

Tried to pull a quick one as an only child so as punishment he's no longer an only child – Dick

Could pilot it remotely while borrowing her neighbor's WiFi – Barbara

Made it halfway to Central City before getting a ticket – Harper

Slowly stole the parts and reassembled it somewhere else, waiting for the opportunity to pull up next to Bruce with his second secret Batmobile – Jason

Leaves it where it normally is but gaslights Bruce into thinking it's gone – Tim

[jaxinkh]

[yesiknowimshort]

conner: i have a 50/50 chance of turning out of the world’s greatest hero… or the worlds greatest villain

tim: and you also have a 50/50 chance of going bald, which is infinitely more tragic

conner:

conner: wtf is wrong with you man

[confused-wanderer]

Dick: Hey guys what’s up?

Damian: Silence! this is a debate I intend to win.

Dick: huh?

Jason *eating popcorn* : You’re gonna wanna see this

Tim: BY FAR IT IS ONLY LOGICAL TO ASSUME-

Steph: LOGIC HAS NO PART YOU’RE JUST BIASED

Jason: They’re fighting over who was the loosest cannon Robin which caused the most chaos

Dick:

Dick *reaches for popcorn*

Jason *slaps his hand* : Nuh-uh Goldie only the one with the title of MOST CHAOTIC ROBIN gets to eat popcorn

Tim: YOU ARE A LITERAL ASSASSIN WHOS TRIED TO MURDER SEVERAL PEOPLE

Damian: REMIND ME OF YOUR BODYCOUNT?!

Dick: what now-

Drake: THAT WAS BARELY ANY AS ROBIN

Steph: Dudes I was literally Robin to piss off my dad and became friends with poison ivy and Harley

Jason: You’re all just competing for second place

Dick: .. wait what about me?

Everyone *stops and stares*

Damian: Nightwing, this is serious

Tim: Yeah dude I remember your reputation as Robin and you haven’t changed

Batman: .. are you all done with the bust?

Steph: BATSY! Just who we want to see! So.. tell us, who was the most chaotic robin ever

Batman *without hesitation* : Nightwing

Penguin *tied up after the bust* : Yeah it was blue

Damian:

Tim:

Steph:

Jason:

Dick *steals popcorn* : Y’all better start putting respect on my damn name

[burning-quesadilla]

Wally: I need life advice.  Dick, sipping Gatorade and eating cookie dough: You came to the right person.

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

Yea but it's

Wally, happily married father of two (with one on the way) who has a stable job as an engineer, a lovely house and is living his dreams carrying on the Flash legacy: I need life advice.

Dick 'stable job? stable relationship? what's that lmao' Grayson, sipping Gatorade and eating cookie dough: You came to the right person.

[gothamundernightlight]

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

Jason: Hey, Dick, how did Tim come out to you?

Dick: He didn’t have to. A few years ago, we were doing a stakeout inside this bar hosting a drag show, and the whole time he had this look on his face like he was having a transcendent awakening.

Dick: And then halfway through, one of the queens came up to him and asked “Honey are you straight?”

Dick: And he muttered out “I don’t know.” After that, it was only a matter of time.

[bruciemilf]

The Batkids being considered the biggest nepobabies in the DC universe makes me grin so much

[emo-batboy]

Some loser on TikTok going on a rant about the Wayne family being “privileged” and “talentless” with no context so a 17yo dick responds with a video of him doing several backflips and the caption “I literally watched my parents die :)” and runs that user into the ground

[comics-and-mental-breakdowns]

The Waynes count as found family because Bruce found all the traumatised children and went ‘oh, new family memeber’.

[gretahayes]

"Nobody does rage as well as a Kryptonian." 🤝 "If you want to know cruelty, speak to a Bat when they're hurt." 🤝 "Death is a mercy from a grieving speedster." 🤝 "Choosing mercy isn't weak to a Robin. It's an act of defiance." Being cool lines I came up with and have no idea where to put