The Only Straight I Am Is A Straight Up Bitch

Samantha. She/Her. 19.

[butthair-deactivated20181217]

[splickedylit]

me: *lies down*

things: *continue to happen*

me: *lieS DOWN HARDER*

[vuelosola]

What your headache is tellin you

[vuelosola]

I haven’t seen this post in a min but precisely when I have a headache RN it comes up in my feed

[thedaniverse]

Two quick additions, as someone who suffered from chronic migraines

1. Behind the eyes: eye strain or just long stress. More sleep will definitely make this feel better. 2. Temples: unclench your jaw, as that bone is putting too much pressure on your temples.

[depressed-alone]

This is a fucking life saviour with the amount of headaches I have

[maxburgiv-deactivated20181216]

i thought this image was a shitpost at first

[arpeggia]

Michael Hainey - Note to Self, 2006, oil on canvas, 28" x 22"

[semisweetshadow]

Leia Organa - A Leader Named Leia, Illustration by Brian Rood

[hoemami-deactivated20171229]

[microsoftedging-deactivated2026]

Just Let Him In

[keatonpatti]

I thought the closed captioning was messed up, but nope, he actually said that.

[snackbagels]

[aromanthiccc]

A GOOD ROMANCE STARTS WITH A GOOD FRIENDSHIP. A GOOD ROMANCE STARTS WITH A GOOD FRIENDSHIP. A GOOD ROMANCE STARTS WITH A GOOD FRIENDSHIP. A GOOD ROMANCE STARTS WITH A GOOD FRIENDSHIP. A GOOD ROMANCE STARTS WITH A GOOD FRIENDSHIP.

[thejonymyster]

a bad romance starts with “ra ra ah ah ah. ro ma, ro ma ma ga ga, ooh la la”

[bikesbabesandbooze-deactivated2]

[agestofrobynhode]

[photo of a large sign reading: If it’s inaccessible to the poor it’s neither radical nor revolutionary.]

[dirtinthenails]

@ ELON MUSK

[humansoflatecapitalism]

[grillmasterxbbq]

this is such a bad product. you might have temporary control over your tot but youre just going to make it stronger. whats worse than an uncontrollable baby? an uncontrollable baby who has never missed leg day and could kill you with one kick

[homoschedule]

why would you fill something with syrup im..?

[bintilleil-deactivated20200510]

WEIGH YOUR INFANT DOWN WITH ＳＹＲＵＰ

[memehumor]

[kompanie-mutter-deactivated2021]

this shouldn’t have made me laugh so hard but I almost cried

[bob-belcher]

[yungxicanaa]

This makes me laugh so much

[jaeswavy]

“Yeah I’m in a bouncy house, but will this country ever bounce back from our current administration?”

[stability]

something to think about

[personalgremlin]

there’s no shame in admitting that none of us have any concept of how big a whale is

[captainsnoop-deactivated2020041]

donate to my kickstarter so i can build a time machine and

get julius caesar addicted to hentai

seduce cleopatra

“oh but how will you seduce cleopatra?” you might ask because you’re a moron. it’s simple: i’m 6′2″ and i’m fat. fatness was considered attractive back then because if you were fat, that meant you were wealthy enough to get fat. plus, 6′2″ is unreasonably gigantically tall in the BC times. 

so cleopatra will be like “a giant? AND he’s got stretch marks?” and she’ll instantly become infatuated with my rotund, hairy body 

then i will live in royalty for the rest of my days. kickstarter backers will have their names written in my tomb, baffling archaeologists for centuries to come. 

[theirisianprincess]

My favorite part of this is that OP didn’t feel the need to explain how he’d get Julius Caesar addicted to hentai.

[officialunitedstates]

steps to overthrow government

1. stop paying taxes

2. stop sending mail

3. stop riding amtrak

4. stop complying with U.S. census requests (next is in 2020)

5. call your representative and ask them to fire themselves

6. throw an egg at your state capitol building