Tumblr Sexyman Contest 2026 Round 1 Part 63
Alucard (Castlevania)
Caleb Widogast (Critical Role)
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Not today Justin

roma★
DEAR READER
Jules of Nature
todays bird

No title available
Show & Tell

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cherry valley forever

if i look back, i am lost
we're not kids anymore.
Game of Thrones Daily
$LAYYYTER

ellievsbear

Discoholic 🪩
No title available
h

Kiana Khansmith
Sade Olutola

seen from Japan
seen from Portugal

seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from Philippines
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from T1

seen from Germany

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@agestofrobynhode
Tumblr Sexyman Contest 2026 Round 1 Part 63
Alucard (Castlevania)
Caleb Widogast (Critical Role)
Interested ✅️
Massachusetts police seek owner of creepy puppet abandoned at station
Interested
Not interested
Official Poll of Massachusetts
I started thinking about that one post about how from dogs POV humans are beings that live like 500+ years (because I was petting my dog and I was looking at her like “thirty thousand years of cooperation have led to this. our species have spent 30k years building up to the point where you, child of wolf, descendant of noble hunters and wild things, would come all the way out of the office and come sit with me in the hopes of letting a souped up monkey rub its paws on you”)
and then I thought about what it must have been like for the first humans to let a fucking wolf, maybe only a few generations from the wild, behold their infant child. Like man can u believe that? Maybe this alliance is only a few years old and sure you’ve seen the wolf’s kids but now you’ve got one of your own. And even though you’ve seen this wolf tear out the throats of creatures that could kill you, this wolf is your family. This wolf is your friend, you love them and they love you and you gotta show ‘em the new kid, look, friend, I had a child. I know you are wild and dangerous, but look at this, my most precious thing, sniff him, give him a lil lick, his children and your children will be bound together for thirty thousand fucking years because I love you
There’s a set of preserved footprints from 30k years ago that is a young child and a wolf standing side by side can you fucking imagine? Maybe the kid’s mom was like “hey go get some water from the stream, but take the wolf with you. I trust him, he will protect you.”
if i had to explain what tumblr is like i’d only show this
No one seems to be acknowledging the far funnier element of this, which is, that when you go to the commenter’s account, you find out they are actually fucking roleplaying as a sexually repressed skeleton and jjst really committed to the bit while everyone in the reblogs is talking about how much they hate minors or whatever. thank you kharak the skeleton servant of the almighty lich king
if i had to explain what tumblr is like i’d only show this
When people justify using gen AI by talking about how it allows them to do (insert creative hobby) it sends me into a blind rage. The whole point of the creative hobby is to use your brain. Having a machine do it for you defeats the purpose. That’s like saying you’re getting into running marathons then just driving the 42km
I started using Head and Shoulders ten years ago for itchy scalp and dandruff, and then for ten years I have not had itchy scalp and dandruff, so I thought “why do I still buy shampoo to combat itchy scalp and dandruff when I do not have itchy scalp and dandruff,” so I stopped buying the shampoo for itchy scalp and dandruff and can you guess I have now? Can you predict what currently afflicts me? It’s alright if you can’t because apparently I fuckin couldn’t either
Cutting something out of your life because you think you don’t need it any more only to realize that it was in fact working as intended and preventing a problem that will return should you stop doing this is a good experiment to run periodically with something small like dandruff shampoo, lest you start to think it would be a good idea to do this with like let’s say public health and the social safety net and vaccines
I had a liver transplant when I was 14 and like six months later I was chatting with my surgeon and he said “there’s gonna come a time, probably when you’re a teenager, where you’re gonna think, ‘I feel great, why am I still taking all this medication? I haven’t needed it in years.’ and you’re gonna want to stop taking all this medication. Guess what’s gonna happen then? You’re gonna go into rejection and your liver is gonna start failing, and you’re gonna be dying again, and we’re gonna have to find you another liver. So don’t do that.” And I said “why the fuck would anyone do that?” and he said “people are stupid.”
every once in a while when I get annoyed by a pharmacy or don’t wanna get out of bed to do my drugs I think “ugh, this is dumb, why do I do this?” and that conversation slams into me like a truck and I remember that I am, in fact, stupid
#you are not immune to the recency bias(via@arrows-for-pens)
Every person on earth needs to read this post. It will make people’s lives a lot better and lessen the crises everyone faces in day-to-day lives.
As a kid you see seahorses in cartoons as actual underwater horses for the fish people to ride on and it makes u never really realize how fucking weird seahorses actually are. Forget the horse part and just look at this fish. It’s a serpentine type fish like an eel, with a tube shaped body, but it’s stuck in a stiff C shape and can mostly only articulate its head and tail. So it swims standing upright. With its weird tiny hummingbird fins. Is this weird to anyone else
it's also kind of hard to get until you see it but they are literally just barely wrapped around their skeletons. there is no extra meat there.
a tiny bony as hell animal with a prehensile tail that is incapable of swimming like other fish (so they cling to seaweed and coral). they can do mpreg. some of them are ambush predators. nobody does this like them
can you imagine what it will be like the day it finally happens. no one will be posting about anything else. category 10 posting event. if it happens because of someone else their gofundme page will reach over $500,000 within a day. #hopecore
I'm honestly worried about the bartenders. They are going to die from overwork when it happens, particularly given their staffing has probably been cut from the whole "nobody can afford to go out to drink on a regular basis" thing.
I don't even drink on a regular basis and my immediate response will be to use annual leave for the rest of the workday and go for celebratory cocktails.
I don't care if the news arrives at 10:30 AM and I have literally never in my 37 years had a drink that was not at a family get together, when the news arrives I will be headed directly for the nearest downtown bar with TVs on the walls and something fruity enough to cover the taste of alcohol on the menu
Got a bottle of prosecco and another of honey mead.... All ready to go, name written on and ready to pull the cork.
this is so fucking funny i cant even be mad
Car problems are great bc I can finally get that disgusting $600 that I hated out of my bank account
me to the accursed whispering amulet: hey can you speak up please i have an audio processing disorder
(via @cuunos)
Man notices an Eagle eyeing the fish he just caught
*gets back to the nest* baby you are NEVER gonna believe how i got this fish
There should be an "It's Christian" section when asked why you pressed "hide ad"
y'okay can we stop pretending yet. like can we all acknowledge that eating disorders are chic again, and it's going to kill someone.
and like. do we have to keep gently phrasing things to protect naturally-thin people's feelings. in my life it has never been fashionable to be fat. "fat" is still a bad word. there has never been institutional power pushing people to gain weight; no trillion-dollar industry to "fix" skinny people. a larger body type has never been over-represented in models, influencers, celebrities. sure, people might say "i'm worried for your health," but they do it with respect and gentleness, like they're talking to a scared deer.
every single fucking time i talk about this, i have to be so careful with what i say, in case i offend even one skinny person. it is just true that skinny people have social capital across many cultures. there is a reason you almost never hear someone say "i wish i was fat," but you will constantly see people say "I wish i was thin." and yet inevitably some skinny person will tell me: i thought you wanted body positivity. it is the same fucking attitude as when a cis man says "when you say men have power, well, i've been bullied for being a man. i thought you believe in mental health awareness. don't you know men have a higher suicide rate?"
two things can be true at once: your experience being bullied for being thin was terrible. and people with larger bodies probably have it worse.
i have been big and small. i know many other people who have been big and small. trust what i'm about to tell you: being small is much easier. the world is kinder to you. people treat you better. honestly, this pattern occurs pretty much regardless of gender - my guy friends have confided that they'd rather be bullied for being thin than be bullied for being fat. if you're skinny, the pressure might be to gain weight, sure, but it's often to do so in a way that keeps you skinny - to gain muscle, specifically.
thinness is seen as innate and natural, genetic. whereas carrying any fat - that is a moral failing. it is assumed to be related to your character, your personality. i have seen people equate it to discipline, to hygiene. that bias is why we need to talk about this.
of course i want nobody to make a comment about anyone's bodies. and i think that hyper-thinness and an obsession with weight loss and a recession and a rise of conservative values... all of this is very fucking concerning. we are watching a return of "pro-ana" content, reframed as choice feminism, "health-conscious" behavior, "looksmaxxing". it's fucking terrifying.
"don't you wanna be squished by her thighs?"
"yes! ... what?"
req'd by @wendibird
always lovely to meet a friend :)
text: It was nice seeing you at the devil's sacrament