“I’ve heard people say you don’t get high the first time you smoke. Not me. No-o, not us. WE were really, REALLY high. We was to’ up!”
“Why you gotta make me feel inferior because I’m workin’ the grill, B? Damn!”
“So, now we all live together in New York. I myself, am a master of the custodial arts. Or a janitor, if you wanna be a dick about it.”
“Abba Zaba, you my only friend.”
“They/You get to talk about music ALL day, which is a perfect job for a stoner.”
“You want seven bucks for a used Kenny Loggins record? I’ll give you five.”
“Get some sour cream and onion chips with some dip, man, some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Get some Haagen-Dazs ice-cream bars, a whole lotta of chocolate. Gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, pink popcorn, graham crackers!!! Graham crackers with the marshmallows, little marshmallows with little chocolate bars and we’ll make some s'mores, man. Celery, grape jelly, Cap'n Crunch with the little crunch berries, pizzas, we need two big pizzas, man, everything on ‘em, water, a whole lotta water and… Funyuns.”
“Yeah, get me a box of condoms, and, what was that thing we used to eat back in the day? What was it… oh yeah, pussy.”
“Hey, if I’m not back in 10 minutes, call the police.”
“Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, *you’re* cool, and fuck you, I’m out!”
“Yo, that shit must be good, B. My boy hasn’t coughed like that since back in the day yo!”
“I didn’t know that horse was a diabetic!”
“Just? No, no, no, no. Not just. Marijuana is terrible. It’s a gateway drug. I mean, everybody knows that it leads to other stuff.”
“Gateway drug? Yeah, to mostly junk food.”
“In 11 days I’m as good as skewered! Ever take your clothes off and run backwards through a cornfield?”
“You know uh, I never thought I’d say this to anybody, but you two smoke entirely too much reefer.”
“Marijuana is not a drug. I used to suck dick for coke. Now that’s an addiction. You ever suck some dick for marijuana?”
“BOO THIS MAN!”
“You ever see the back of a twenty dollar bill… on WEED?”
“60 bucks? Man, I remember when a dimebag cost a dime, you know what I mean?”
“You know how much condoms used to cost back in them days? I don’t know. We never used ‘em.”
“I got some booty! I got some booty! It was good, too. She was a GIVER.”
“For 400 dollars I got Jerry Garcia in a pouch, man!”
“I’m not gonna do what everyone thinks I’m gonna do and… FLIP OUT man. All I wanna know is… who’s coming with me? Who’s coming, man? Who’s coming with me?”
“Well, I would be your girlfriend. But I’m gay. Yeah. I’m a big dyke.”
“The doctor said I need a backiotomy!”
“I’m impotent, man! Get away from me, biatch!”
“No. NO. NO! Devil man! Devil 6-6-6, the mark of the beast! No! Naughty! Naughty jungle of love!”
“All right. Then get me an avocado, an ice pick and my snorkel. Trust me, bro. I’ve made bongs with less. Hurry up!”
“I have killed. I have helped kill. I have killed part of myself. I cannot change this. I… I must seek Buddha. I must seek Christ.”
“You must seek therapy. I would’ve gone with that.”
“Operator with an emergency breakthrough from your sister. ‘Samson, it’s Delilah! Mama fell-’”
“This weed was the shiz-nittlebam snip-snap-sack.”
“This money is not for spending, it’s for saving! _______’s sweet virgin ass is at stake!
“You guys spend one more dime, I swear I will *bitch*slap you!”
“I’ll pretend I’M Jamaican, man!”
“You have smoked yourself retard.”
“If I wasn’t from Jamaica, then why would I be wearing this hat?”
“Oh my goodness! Now that is a titty! That’s what I’m talkin’ 'bout!”
“I love weed, LOVE IT! Probably always will! But not as much as I love pussy!”
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