day trip to the moon @viv-fonseca - Tumblr Blog

the muse - vivienne paloma fonseca

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character inspo: Rose Dewitt Bukater (Titanic), Nell crane (HOHH), Holly Golightly (Breakfast at Tiffany’s), Juliet Capulet (Romeo & Juliet), Aly Hamilton (The Notebook), Alice Cullen (Twilight) & Waverly Earp (Wynonna Earp),

TW: anxiety, depression, death, mugging, gun violence, bad parenting, abandonment

#providence.intro #death tw #murder tw #gun violence tw #anxiety tw #bad parenting tw #abbadonment tw #reposting with some slightly new info and new graphic #about

NATHAN.

‘Only when I paint something that matters’. She was impossible; Nathan thought there was a strong argument to be made that she was a figment of his imagination. If it weren’t for the fact he was certain that a mind like his could not conjure up a creature so sweet, he might’ve been tempted to believe it.

In his with the portrait, he had almost forgotten the actual purpose behind her visit. He gave himself a mental shake, making a note to have the painting put somewhere safe, then stepped aside to let her through.

“Keep flattering me like that and I’ll float away from how big my head’s getting,” he joked, then reached out to take the handle. “Allow me.” His hand brushed hers as they moved, further confirmation that while she was indeed impossible, she was also impossibly real. He wished suddenly that he’d been more prepared for guests. The house was quite impressive most of the time, but more so when it was tidier. Right now both the lounge and the sunroom were scattered with stray CDs and records, a half-finished tumbler here and there; he hadn’t been able to settle on anything specific the night before. “Head through the door by the stairs, I’ll have this put somewhere safe… and my apologies for the mess.”

.

Flattery meant very little in many cases—empty words from the tongues of serpents intended to manipulate. Vivienne had grown up watching the best of the best use words to get their way. Vivienne had been determined to use her words differently, honestly. Even if she sometimes lost herself to her inner world, the words she said were all true when she said them, for the moment for however long it lasted. Vivienne made it a point never to say things she didn't mean. Regarding Nathan, with a shake of her head, "We're friends now, Mr-" She stopped herself from calling him by his last name, "Nathan." She said his name, testing how easily it rolled off her tongue. "Compliments come with the territory. At least when I feel they're deserved." She wanted him to know she meant it earnestly, that she would not butter him up for the sake of it, even if she suspected he deserved more kind words than she could ever offer. Viv only released her hold on the dolly seconds after their hands had brushed, reminding her to let go and to stop searching his face for the answers to her unspoken questions about what in life had led him here of all places in the world. She knew her reasons were less than typical, so the thought that Nathan's were as well had invaded her mind and left little room for her to remember her manners, at least promptly. Vivienne let him take it with a small smile of thanks and followed his direction into his home. She grew up in a grand estate a lot like this, expertly designed and beautiful, but she'd never seen her childhood home with anything out of place. It left the environment feeling more like a museum than a home. This felt lived in. Vivienne could see Nathan here having a drink, listening to music- living in the way people do when they are alone. It felt strangely intimate to see his home this way, almost vulnerable. Vivienne found herself enamored by the sight of the pieces of him she wouldn't get to know otherwise. "If you think this is messy, you should see the rest of my apartment." She joked, tho the invitation was very genuine. Viv's eyes scanned curiously over the room trying to take in all the details with a moment to herself. Her attention turned to the echo of his approaching footsteps, and she gestured around them, "What are you listening to these days?"

#chat. nathan

NATHAN.

Nathan leaned in the doorway, surprise colouring his gaunt features. Vivienne was the last person he’d expected to see on his front step—not that it was an unpleasant sight—and it took a moment for him to comprehend her presence. “You didn’t have to do that, I could’ve sent someone for it,” he said, but couldn’t help smiling all the same. After a restless night, she was a sight for sore eyes with the sunlight haloing behind her head.

Her favourite client.

“I’m honoured.” The morning had dragged by slowly, meetings pushed back so he could catch up on paperwork, spent with his head bent low over his desk until his neck because to ache in protest. Time was eluding him today, not helped by the whiskey and cigarettes he’d occupied himself after the third time waking from a nightmare. He took the painting from her carefully, an odd mixture of emotions churning in his chest. It was like looking into the doorway of another dimension—the man in the picture was him, but something more at the same time.

Alive. Not a ghost.

He stared at it for a long moment thinking about how, if life were simpler and Nathan possessed such a thing as a soul, it would be terribly easy to fall in love with Vivienne Fonseca. When he looked back up at her the sunlight seemed to intensify. “I think you’re going to be a legend one day, Miss Fonseca. The world of art is going to be falling at your feet.” If you can make me look this good, you truly are a miracle worker. “Would you like to come in for some tea?”

.

"I know." She said, with a dimpled smile, "but I like ensuring quality control." And maybe she wanted to see him and didn't know how without feeling ridiculous about it, "It was easy, but I need to find better contractors, or I'm going to go broke fixing their mistakes." Vivienne watched with something akin to anxiety as Nathan took in her unofficial portrait of him- her chest seemed empty of a beat. At the same time, she waited on bated breath for his thoughts. Seldom did Vivienne hold the opinions of others in such high regard, at least not so quickly, not where her art was concerned. She'd learned a long time ago, after the constant disappointment of her mother's less than enthusiastic reactions to all her effort, that some people would not like what she did. No matter how hard she tried, how good she was, or how much of herself she poured into her work, some people would see no value in it. They'd claim she was wasting her time and should settle for coaching young Olympic hopefuls. That life was never enough for Vivienne. She wanted so much more than that. The sad truth was she longed for so much that one lifetime did not feel long enough to experience it all. So she'd create it in her paintings and share it with the people she valued the most, and Nathan Crane was fast becoming one of those people. When he commented, Vivienne exhaled her smile, returning with a flush of color to her cheeks. His flattery didn't feel sugary or false but genuine and authentic. It took all her willpower not to throw her arms around him to show her thanks. "I told you, you'd be lovely to paint." Hauntingly lovely, the sort of person whose presence stuck with you- she hoped he could see it, if not in the mirror, then at least in how she viewed him. "Only when I paint something that matters." She amended, Viv wasn't sure about her end goal with her art career, but if it came with continued praise, she knew she was headed in the right direction. "I'd love to." Viv accepted quickly, the idea of seeing his home, of spending any time with Nathan felt like a good way to pass the time, and maybe to know him more. "Where should I leave the big one?" She asked, her hand on the dolly handle

#chat. nathan

CORA.

Cora was happy to order their ice cream for them, content with familiar fingers tangled with her own, a slight flush to her cheeks that if questioned, she’d fully pass off as the fading rush from the ride they’d just come from. “Anything for you.” She nodded, glancing over the ice cream flavor options before deciding on strawberry and cheesecake for Vivienne, sprinkled with crushed graham crackers. “Trust me, it’s like a cheesecake.” For herself, she requested a simple banana split - can never go wrong with a classic and she was hoping the banana would offer her stomach some form of comfort in its rather tumultuous state. Whether that was from the ride or from the tone of the other’s voice, Cora couldn’t quite tell.

Stepping to the side as they waited for their order, she squeezed Viv’s hand reassuringly, letting her friend know that whatever it was, she’d be right there, even if it hurt her to be. “Your ex…” Her voice faded off, putting the pieces together, remembering what the other had told her of them. “You want me to put out a hit? I have connections, they can find him.” And maybe, quite possibly, getting rid of the ex was a bit in her own favor as well, selfishly wanting to protect the woman’s heart from anything threatening to break it even more. “Wait, do you really want to see him? Why can’t he just explain over text like every other modern aged millennial?” Her brow furrowed and her questions were interrupted by their ice cream order being called out. With a sigh, Cora dropped Viv’s hand and moved to grab the frozen treats for them. Returning only to have to deal with another admission. Maybe the heart breaking wouldn’t be Viv’s after all. “Do you like them?”

.

"What would I do without you?" Vivienne questioned tho she'd genuinely meant it. After all her losses coming to providence was a chance for something new, to begin again. She doubted she'd have been able to do it without the unyielding friendship and closeness she had developed so quickly with Cora. Sometimes, it felt a bit like wildfire, a bright and consuming woman who cared about Vivienne for whatever reason; the rest seemed unimportant, and Vivienne didn't question things. She simply enjoyed what Cora offered her when she needed it the most. "Delicious, I trust you without hesitation," Viv assured her and followed Cora to the side, her hand slipping into hers once more. Viv watched Cora piece it together, unsure what to expect, but murder was not on the list. Viv pulled Cora's hands and pulled her close, "Jesus, no." Her head tilted as if considering it a moment, and then Viv shook her head free of the totally insane thought. "I appreciate the offer to commit a literal crime for me, but no." She sighed, slumping against a wall, her face turning towards Cora with a frown. "I loved him, I mourned him, I hated him-" Viv's voice warbled with emotion she attempted to smother with a sigh. "The way he left me Core-" Her brows furrowed, "I thought I'd never see him again. For a time I thought he died. I felt insane calling morgues for weeks." She explained, "I want to see his face, look into his eyes when he explains to me his reasons for doing what he did. I need to see his face or I don't know. I don't think it'll ever feel real." She explained her voice crackling and low as she attempted to keep herself from crying in the most ridiculous place to cry ever. Taking the ice cream Viv distracted herself by taking a big frozen bite. Did she like him? She blinked wet lashes a few times, her gaze unfocused on the ice cream before she forced herself to focus on Cora's face. "This is good ice cream." She replied instead of answering her question, her stomach still in knots she pushed off the wall and made her way to a picnic table were she sat quietly for a moment. "I don't know." She replied truthfully. Theo made her heart pound, her cheeks warm, she adored talking to him, wanted to kiss him again, "I like a lot of people." Viv answered before filling her mouth with more ice cream. "What does it even mean to like someone like that? I-" She begun to explain how she'd spent four years pushing down any real feelings in favor of no strings, hot and fast moments. If she collected enough her heart would be satiated, at least for a time. "I've known him for years. From my summer at Cambridge...we had something then, but that was before Sam ghosted, before I lost my career, my brother." She added while stabbing her spoon into the ice cream for another bite hoping if she ate it quickly enough her stomach would begin to ache for a different reason.

#chat. cora #anxiety tw #murder mention tw

KHALIL.

He wasn’t sure on the occasion, but he’d never pass up food and a chance at catching up with her. In fact, he felt like a chat was long overdue. After all, he had to look out for her now. It was a promise he wasn’t willing to cave on. “Feels like we’re celebrating something. I’ll take a whiskey,” he countered, a brow permanently arched upwards. He knew Viv as the bar hopping funtime; not the apron wearing woman who offered him options of alcohol and food. “I feel like I came unprepared. Should I have brought something?” The male plucked a blueberry from the board and popped it into his mouth as he he tried to bite back a grin. “Alright, I’ve definitely missed something. Mind telling me why you’re doing a whole five course meal? Should I have the fire department on speed dial?”

.

"We can be." While pouring him a glass of whiskey, she said, "Do you like ice? I have the round ones whiskey-savants swear by." She said, pulling a small bucket with spherical ice from her freezer. The truth was Vivienne felt the creeping anniversary of Ivan's murder already. It was making her feel like a bird crashing into a glass box. There was nowhere to go, no up, no out, just the constant feeling she couldn't escape. She cooked, she drank, and she distracted herself in any way she could. "I just sold a large commissioned painting to a guy with deep pockets. So- cheers to me. What about you?" She asked, genuinely wondering and excited to hear how he'd been filling his time. Viv shook her head and placed the platter down, "No, this is my treat." She insisted, "You're all that's required." Vivienne's features dropped into a deadpan expression, "Haha." Cursing under her breath in Spanish, she held up a finger, "I caused one kitchen fire when I was fifteen, and you won't let me live it down." Viv swatted him with the dish towel over her shoulder with one hand, grabbing her wine with the other- "It clears my mind to cook." She admitted, "so enjoy the fruit of my loud mind and give me the pleasure of your company." She said before sipping, "but if you're afraid of a little fire the extinguisher is in that cupboard." She said, nodding to the row of cabinets behind his head.

#chat. khalil #murder mention tw

DOM.

Dom cut the lights in a moment of uncharacteristic obedience. And it was only a moment, as a beat later, a blinding spotlight flipped on and he swiveled it towards the car. Hopping down out of the truck, his boots crunched against gravel. “Pop the hood for me,” he said with a jerk of his chin as he came around to its front, giving it another once over.

He lifted the top once she’d done what he asked, eyes roving over the engine. There was no simple fix here. Classic cars normally were fickle things that required a special sort of attention. “I’m gonna have to tow it back to the shop.” That much he was sure she already knew, but he wiped his hands off on the backs of his jeans as he let the top fall back down with an audible thud. He was almost thankful for a reason to focus on something else— anything else. Glancing back at her, he asked, “do you have a ride to wherever you need to be or do you need one?”

.

Vivienne's momentary thanks for not being blinded were short-lived as a flashlight swiveled into her line of sight, creating rings of light that blurred her vision. "If I can see." She muttered mostly to herself, shoving off the graveled side to pull the hood up, revealing a smoking inside that smelled like burning rubber and gasoline. Vivienne's frown deepened while looking at the damage she knew was there but could not place. A brief flash of pained panic crossed her features while looking up at him, she knew it wouldn't be an easy fix, and yet the thought that it was unfixable made her heart pound painfully beneath her ribs. Anxiety slithered down her spine and curled heavy in the pit of her stomach, and all she could do was look at him. Her green eyes were unfocused, and her brows furrowed as she tried to find her voice. Opening her mouth and closing it like a fish out of water, Vivienne pinched the webbing between her thumb and index finger hard enough to snap her focus back into the now. "I need one." She managed to grind out, "If you don't mind, I'd be grateful for the help." She added while closing the hood. "I-" She wanted to ask him if it was possible to fix it but felt ridiculous that she cared so much about a car that she closed her mouth and pushed down on the hood until it clicked.

#chat. dom #anxiety tw

THEO.

“Tolstoys make for great lovers, surprisingly, considering his personal love life wasn’t much of a deal at all. I suppose all great writers are, too, liars.” Theo sighed, smoothing down the hardcovers of some of his books. He was a liar, himself, though not much of a writer. He lied about himself and his life and love, of all things. He’d lie, rather than live the truth, that one being that he was completely okay, and that his bohemian, itinerant life was his ideal, because that’s who Theo Andreas Bailey was. As she analyzed the portrait carefully, he studied her face and felt like reaching forward. And when she said that she still had his portrait of her, he had to hold back the meaning of the moment, the meaning that said that Vivienne, his Cambridge summer fever dream, had kept him somewhere even though she seemed so willing to abandon things, and focus on how ridiculous that whole idea was. “I can’t believe that.” He said, bewildered. “You must have had so many skilled artists picturing you the way you should and that… highly interpretative piece of my wildest dreams was what you chose to keep?”

He felt as if the few sips of wine was already making him delirious. “I get what you mean. About missing things forever. Even things you’ve never had in the first place.” Theo sighed, relaxing his ever so tense shoulders and feeling like he ought to hear her words forever, whispering, transporting him to an alternate reality. “I’m feeling quite poetic at the moment.” He said, looking for the thousands of words, in the dozens of languages, he could use to describe her. And yet, the biggest poetry in his had had nothing to do with talking, especially not when she touched his hair, leaving a burning feeling behind. Theo leaned into her her touch and blinked. “Then I couldn’t deny you that, could I?” He slid his hands up her waist and her neck, leaning forward until his nose was brushing hers and he thought he could see the details in her irises. He loved the way she looked when she was about to be kissed. Then he took her lips in his.

.

Vivienne shook her head, "Not liars, hopeless optimists doomed to feel nothing but pessimism." She said as if she knew, as if she'd felt the same wanning desire for the hopeful only to be left with the same bruise pressed so often that it never had a chance to fade. "Maybe." She tentatively agreed, her thoughts going faster than she could find the words she wanted to say. " Maybe they are liars, but at least it's a nice lie." Vivienne's shoulder rose in response, "I don't know which I'd prefer. Depends on how convincing of a liar you are." Some place else, maybe back in Cambridge, maybe further into her hopeful future, no matter how far-fetched it was, Vivienne shook her head at him. He didn't believe it- she'd kept it, kept a piece of him because, despite the lack of consistent communication, she'd never stopped remembering him. "It's true." She defended gently, "Pressed in the pages of a book I keep on my nightstand. Next time three a.m comes, and you can't sleep, come over. I'll show you." Vivienne had been painted, sketched, and molded by plenty of artists. Still, none had been as unabashed and as thrilling as Theo's imagined efforts. She loved it longer than she loved anything else, kept it safe and protected over the years. "A photo of the same lustful thing over and over again. Focus on my body, my lips- whatever they can-" Viv closed her lips around the curse. She knew artists who'd drawn her before did so while imagining all the ways they could possess her. Theo had always felt better-different, more. "It's not the same." But, she concluded, "I am hopeful of adding more to my collection of your works if you ever feel so moved." Never having didn't mean she didn't know it innately, feel the hollowness of where her desire belonged, and emptiness echoed. Vivienne's stomach tightened with every word he spoke, driving her forward into his touch. His touch left a scorching path up and down her sides that Vivienne knew could only be satiated with more of him. Sliding her tongue over her lips as he drew closer Vivienne searched his eyes, a silent plea parted her lips with a breathy sigh that was only silenced with his lips against hers. Vivienne felt herself slacken, her hand tighten around his neck for purchase as she parted her lips to deepen the kiss between them. This was exactly where she needed to be, all her sleepless thoughts and wants cummilated between them and for the rest of the night she would stay her using her lips to say all the things she was unsure she'd ever be able to make sense of aloud.

-END-

#chat. theo

love

#she has the moon in her mind; that's why starts spill off her lips. musings

theoptia

Sophokles, from Elektra; translated by Anne Carson in An Oresteia

Text ID: ELEKTRA: Little words can mean / death or life sometimes.

#she has the moon in her mind; that's why starts spill off her lips. musings

superlove777

#she has the moon in her mind; that's why starts spill off her lips. musings

verytiny

i love crying about everything it’s very humbling

#she has the moon in her mind; that's why starts spill off her lips. musings

CORA.

The sun slipped beyond the horizon just as her breath slipped from her lungs, vanishing behind the mountains and trees surrounding the city, somewhere unseen, disregarded by the beauty that was right in front of her. Just as the lowering sun still shined brightly, the flush in Viv’s cheeks held a certain light as well, causing her to feel as though she’d be blinded if she looked for too long. So, Cora grinned back, melting against the other’s side as their fingers laced as the ride began to slowly move around and around before their cart itself started spinning. It was dizzying, the perfect metaphor for how she felt around her friend most days, a ride that left her struggling to catch her breath, one she couldn’t stop even if she tried to.

When it slowed, Cora wasted no time in chasing after that breath, filling her lungs against with a rush of laughter and a wide grin, her forehead warm against Vivienne’s before they exited the ride. “One more time, no question about it,” She responded quickly, knowing that if she had to stomach another ride, laughter might not be the only thing bubbling upward. Their arms linked together and once they were back on steady ground, she leaned close against Viv’s side and suggested, “How about we get ice cream instead? Sounds a bit more fun than hurling on a kid’s ride.” The soft bout of laughter died on her lips as the other spoke up again, this time her words taking on a more serious tone. Cora tilted her head to glance her friend’s way. “Okay, I’m all ears. Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it and if someone’s trying to start something, I’ll make sure they’re never heard from again.”

.

Vivienne laced her fingers through Cora's, finding solace and stability in her friend's hand as they swayed away from the ride. The edge of laughter still escaped her lips with breathless smiles. "So you're telling me one more, and we'll carry each other home?" She teased her hip, dizzily bumping Cora's as they walked, her attention caught up by all the lights. Her cheek pressed to Cora's, "Yes, I want two scopes, strawberry and-" Viv stretched, "All the flavors look good, Pick for me?" She asked with a hopeful smile. Vivienne took in a deep breath, her chest twisting and aching as she tried to form the words. "The fucked part, first." She said as they made their way past the lights and to the ice cream line, where Viv leaned against the railing to put her thoughts into words. "I heard from my ex. The one who ghosted without a word- I still have no answers, he wanted to meet me to tell me, to explain. But I had something come up so I didn't make it. I didn't go." She frowned, "I doubt I'll get another chance." Viv's chest ached, but she smoothed it over by pressing her side into Cora, "I kissed someone." She explained, "the important part. He wasn't some random who forgets who kissed like Milo." She scoffed rolling her eyes a light smile, "but a friend from my year abroad."

#chat. cora

cithaerons

When I say God, what I mean is: I can barely stand to look at my mother’s face.

Aria Aber, Can You Describe Your Years in Prison?

#she has the moon in her mind; that's why starts spill off her lips. musings #npc. aleyda fonseca #npc. mama

@jamalgdavis

BARKS AND REC Viv moved from cage to cage, looking mournfully at all the animals inside. Her heart kept pulling back to a three-legged a little worse for wear cat the shelter had been calling Lucky. He was an older guy, and the volunteers had joked he would outlive everyone but had been here for two years with not much interest at all. Pausing back and forth Viv went back to Lucky her hand pressed to the bars as he purred and rubbed against her palm. "I think I'd be a good cat mom." Viv explained looking up to Jamal, "What do you think? I could remember to feed him, and buy him one of those big tower things, some toys. Maybe a friend." Viv said nodding to a fluffy white cat who looked unbothered and prim on the top of her tower.

#chat. jamal

@hannakclly

"You lick the salt, take the shot-" Viv demonstrated as she went making a small face as she swallowed down the tequila and squeezed the lime into her mouth. "Then you finish with the lime. Any other way and you're wasting perfectly good tequila." Vivienne explained to a man who was currently condescending to her in a lame "alpha" male attempt at flirting that made her skin crawl. Her nose wrinkled as his tongue wrapped around the lime rind in a way she knew he meant to be attractive but just made her stomach roll. "I'll have to show my partner that tongue trick." She said gesturing while trying to exit and still feeling blocked in, "Oh look there she is now." Viv explained grabbing gently to the arm of a brunette near by, "We had plans, right?" She asked hopeful that woman to woman they would get the hint that Viv needed rescued.

#chat. hanna #alcohol tw

@khalilhassan

The entire house was fragrant with the smell of dinner. Her whole life consisted of home chefs and takeout. Only in recent years had she found a love for cooking, specifically baking. Thus she invited Khalil over hoping to have an evening with him where she didn't cry or get nauseous from far too many spinning rides and too much fun fair spiked lemonade. Letting him in she dusted her hands on her dutch floral print apron before popping open a summer cider for herself, "I remember you're opposition for wine, so I have beer, cider, whiskey?" She asked rising her brows as she fluttered around her kitchen and returned to greet him with a platter of fresh fruits and chacuterie. "Wanna bite?" She asked balancing the tray in one hand and popping a berry between her lips. "Hope you're hungry I made roasted summer vegetables risotto, whipped sweet potatoes, baked cod and there is a pie in the oven."

#chat. khalil

@nathanccrane

The delivery was late, even for her- but Viv insisted on quality above all else. Especially for her most beloved clients. So when her delivery guy fell through dramatically, Vivienne rented the van. After figuring out how to back it out of its parking spot, she made her way to deliver it directly to Nathan Crane. The piece was almost too big, loaded onto a dolly she rolled it covered up to his front door and balanced it on her hip ringing the bell. "I come bearing art." She promises a breathless smile on her lips. "It should have been here hours ago but my delivery guy is a damn con man." She cursed and shook her head flustered with the memory of how he'd almost cost her thousands. "But I'm here and for your waiting, and because you're my favorite client I threw in something special on the house." She said reaching into her art back and handing over a small portrait of him in the way Vivienne saw him; powerful, deep and a hint of darkness that as far as she was concerned added to the depth of all that made him, him.”What do you think?”

#chat. nathan

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