Go Suck A Dick Pls

Missy, Bi, She/Her ♋  I'm sorry for the mess that is my blog. It reflects my inner trashpile.

[gingerhastoomanyobsessions]

this was funnier in my head

[urbanfantasyinspiration]

Then you must be in hysterics

[lethalbutterfly]

[indoorcats-deactivated20151019]

knock knock

[horsefieldmix]

new door who dis

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

tell me something nice

[kyraneko]

if you grow mushrooms over a toxic waste site, chemical spill, or other polluted growing medium, they will suck up the toxins into their fruiting bodies with such effectiveness that they are being studied for their ability to clean up tainted industrial sites. it’s called mycoremediation.

if you do this with edible mushrooms, they are no longer technically edible, but on the other hand they make a great way to poison your enemies. this is called murder and it’s usually frowned upon, but they won’t see it coming and you get bragging rights afterwards about your ability to kill people with a pizza topping.

[kyraneko]

Sorry this was not precisely most people’s idea of “nice.” Let me add that you are a glow of comforting absurdity in an ever-more-fucked-up world.

[mirage358]

I love everything about mycoremediation, but also

[tomatobeans-blog]

[theladytrickster]

My sister studies fungi and let me tell you the shit she comes out with when someone asks her about work is mind-blowing

[toastbutteregg]

[iamoutofideas]

[jihef03]

Gardien

[pomrania]

I’m pretty sure you don’t need to know French in order to understand this comic.

[gallusrostromegalus]

My local garden center had a strict “mask policy enforced by owner’s mother with a garden hose” and the woman really did, and I say this with adoration and aspiring to be like her someday- look like a wizened and moderately sadistic gargoyle perched on her lawn chair with the hose cocked, pressure building behind the nozzle, eagerly awaiting the next asshole.

[angelicguy]

my worm? heh… *plays with pocket knife for a second* you cant afford my worm.

[animatedtext]

[teewife]

op is a person. op can see all the things u write in the tags

[somecunttookmyurl]

#op has blocked you for being especially weird in the tags

[kinschi]

Bruno: "I'm sorry Pepa, it was a vision!! Please don't hurt me!!"

Pepa: "YOU kicked me!!!"

Bruno: "Ah but alas, I cannot change the future"

[monsterlogic]

New outfit idea

[lightningman17]

[sugoichappy]

Yours is the only funny and correct addition to this post

[areyousanta]

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST

[areyousanta]

fullmetal alchemist

[penny-anna]

everyone at the daily planet thinks Lois is cheating on her husband with Superman. it's just like an open secret in the office & they think Clark is just cheerfully oblivious to the world's most public affair. they can't agree on whether to tell him or let him live in ignorant bliss.

eventually someone semi-new to the company works up the courage to sit him down and have the 'hey man I'm really sorry but I think you have a right to know' conversation and he's just like *totally not prepared for this situation* 'no it's fine... because... we're... in an open relationship??'

and anyway now the office rumour mill is just on fire

[penny-anna]

Lois:

Clark:

Lois, who has been trying for years to convince her colleagues that her relationship with Superman is strictly professional and that they're reading too much into it:

Clark, who is hardcore monogamous & now has people starting conversations with him at work about polyamory:

Lois, whose colleagues now feel empowered to ask her uncomfortably intimate questions about Superman:

Clark: ............look i panicked okay

Lois: why would you do this to me

[penny-anna]

obviously the only solution is to stage a very public breakup between Lois & Superman but that has its own drawbacks

Superman, at a JL meeting: *heaves his third world-weary sigh of the morning*

Flash: are you feeling okay? you seem really down

Superman: me and Lois broke up ):

Flash: yeah but. it was pretend, right? you're still married to her?

Superman: yeah i guess ):

Batman: he's upset because he can't hold his wife's hand in costume any more

Superman: LOOK I JUST WANT TO HOLD HER HAND OK

[nyxthechaosdragon]

Reporter: Superman! Superman, why did you break up with Lois Lane? She is by all accounts perfect

Superman, panicking: Because... because I'm dating Batman!

Bruce, halfway across the world, trying to take a damn vacation for once: "Take a break", they said, "relax we won't let anything happen", they said.

[drchai]

Reporters definitely reach out to Bruce asking how he felt after finding out Batman was cheating on him with Superman.

I also love the implication that even on vacation Bruce has to watch news clips involving Superman.

[nudityandnerdery]

The various Robins are EAGER to talk to reporters about the drama of their dad, step-dad, and "that Metropolis hussy."

[buzzlightyearhugecock]

why don’t you shut your fucking mouth and look at the wikipedia page for sucking cock???????????

[pwesident]

alright one sec

[pwesident]

hey it says i gotta have my mouth open for this one boss

[snorlaxatives]

jigsaw is so funny for being like “technically i didn’t kill anyone they had a chance uwu” after putting people in nearly inescapable violent and elaborate death traps skdksjfhksd like okay sir but WHO put them there?? they didn’t attach the bear trap to their own ribcage

[snorlaxatives]

[d1ssenter-be-damned]

how dare you leave this in the tags, etc etc

[whitepeopletwitter]

Relationship goals

[whitepeopletwitter]

You little spin-nach freak.