V's Soapbox

Just a blog about the head space and life of a trans woman.

[vsoapbox-blog]

THIS ASSHOLE. 

If you’ve been keeping up with the news, or probably any social media in general, you know who this asshole is. Mr. Pat Mcrory here signed the bill into law that stripped every LGBTQ person in North Carolina of their rights and protections, and made something as simple as going to the bathroom into a dangerous proposition for trans people like myself. 

So here’s what I have to say to Mr. Mcrory: 

Dear Asshole,

The first thing I want to say to you is FUCK YOU. I realize that this isn’t the most intelligent discourse, but intelligence clearly isn’t a priority in your world. You’re so proud of yourself for this shit, and you really shouldn’t be. You should be ashamed of yourself. You claim this bill exists to protect people’s privacy, but anyone can see that it’s pure and simple discrimination.

 You claim this bill protects people from perverts coming into women’s restrooms and locker rooms to prey on your womenfolk. I can honestly say that as a Transgender woman, I usually only go into the women’s restroom to, you know, relieve myself of bodily waste. Okay MAYBE I might also check the mirror to be sure I don’t look like crap, but it’s all business in there, and I’m not thinking about other people. (Well, except the worry that assholes like you will make a big deal that I’m in there.) 

So now, if I visit your fine state, what do I get instead? I get forced to go into a men’s restroom instead! Well I’m not a man, so that’s very problematic. It’s also dangerous and life threatening. Don’t think so? Well, what do you think happens when a “man” in full female regalia enters a men’s restroom. In the best case scenario, nothing. In the worst, violence. Yep. You’ve basically just thrown us all to the wolves, knowing full well what the consequences of that are for us. But hey, it’s about protecting people from perverts. We can afford to have a few thousand or more assaults on Trans people, right? Gotta break a few eggs and whatnot. 

Also, how are we going to enforce this? Bathroom police? Are you going to check my genitalia at the door? You want to know what I call it when someone forces themselves into my pants without my consent? 

Rape. 

So there’s that. Or maybe, maybe we can all wear pretty stars on our clothing that denotes the genitalia we have? Ooh that could be fun too. Let’s go ahead and take that cue from the Nazis. Its cool to vilify them when they’re the big scary bad guys, but you’re pretty quick to default to their behaviors when you feel your religious beliefs and bigoted ideals are being threatened. 

Oh wow. I just compared North Carolina lawmakers to Nazis. This is a red letter day. And don’t get me STARTED on Donald Drumpf...

But you know what? We’ll beat this. We’re stronger than you. (Cue the infamous Steven Universe song here.) You will go down in history for being a bigoted asshole, and we’ll beat this, one way or the other. The protests are already there, and our communities are mobilizing. I really do hope you enjoy your pride now, because that satisfaction of yours is fleeting, and our PRIDE isn’t. 

Again, fuck you. 

[vsoapbox-blog]

Better than Jenner

It’s super important, at least in my opinion, to be a positive role model if you happen to be in a place of influence and visibility. This is the main reason why I have a seeming grudge against Caitlyn Jenner. (And when I try to forget her, she pops up whenever a person realizes I’m Trans. seriously.) 

Personally? Well I don’t know her, so I can’t comment on that aspect of her life.

What I AM salty about, however, is the way she chooses to represent herself. She’s entitled, rich, and totally does more harm than good. Every word out of her mouth just seems to be dripping with ignorance, and the media loves to hold her up as a role model for the trans community. 

Well, we deserve better. We deserve better than the kind of representation she supposedly brings to the table. We also need people that are trying to do more for Trans rights, but that’s a whole separate issue. There are so many other amazing trans actors and actresses out there that don’t get half the attention she does, and they are so much better as people. They don’t support the same terrible bullshit that exists to keep us in the dark. 

You can’t support and benefit from the people, laws, and ideals that discriminate against you, while claiming to be an agent of change. It doesn’t work that way. 

There are so many people out there without anywhere the means she has that struggle for our rights and freedoms every day. They’re the heroes and role models we need, not some aloof attention-addled jock with money to burn and a mouth that constantly has her foot in it. Please Caitlyn, do continue to support the assholes that think they have a right to check our genitalia before we use a restroom.

That’s why I’m looking to do something new. I want to call attention to the heroes and amazing people who work every day to help, even if its just by living as who we are, our wishing we could. Counselors, Allies, amazing trans people, (namely, ALL of us,) we deserve much more credit for our actions than some so called “Trans ambassador” (Yes, I will use that quote. Foot in mouth Caitlyn, foot in mouth.) 

You are all amazing people. 

WE are all amazing people. 

Let’s give love and shout-outs to all the amazing people in the world, not the false idols.

And now, I’m done. (at least until the next time she does something detrimental to Trans rights.) 

[vsoapbox-blog]

Hi everyone!

For those who don’t really know me, my name’s Vera, and I’m a transgender woman. I’m not a celebrity, and I work a crappy menial full time job to support my family, and hope that one day I can afford certain surgeries to help me along in my transition process.

I’m not a millionaire, or a media darling. Nobody gave me a magazine cover for coming out as trans, and nobody ever will.

I’m not feeling particularly cute or photogenic today, and that’s really part of the point. I’m a transwoman, and I’m a person. Regular everyday person.

I love to share bits of my life with people, and I strive everyday to do more for the trans community, as well as the LGBTQ community. I’m working hard to create a place where those who have lost their homes and families because of their LGTBQ status can feel safe and among friends. Because I could have been in that position, and I would have needed a place like that.

And I’m a better role model to trans people than Caitlyn Jenner could ever hope to be.

And you know what? So are you! It’s true. Because you’re not an entitled celebrity who doesn’t know what struggle is. Because you live your life everyday, the best way you can.

I admire all of you so much. ^_^

[vsoapbox-blog]

Well I’ll be.

It appears that trying to get a job as a transgender woman is a difficult, heartbreaking process that basically just destroys my self-esteem and self-worth. 

Well played world, well played.  -_-

[vsoapbox-blog]

It’s your job

Would you like to know what one of the most interesting experiences in the world is? 

Trying to get a job when you’re transgender. 

It’s not the kind of thing that SHOULD be a big deal, but it can be. I’ve been searching for a new job for awhile, and I’ve had my fair share of interviews go south the second I walk in and they realize I’m trans. My ID says I’m female, and legally I am, but apparently what some employers see isn’t female. 

And that’s their problem. I don’t care. And I’ve called them out on it in some cases. They think it’s sour grapes when I say that I wasn’t given a fair shake because I’m trans. They think I complain because I got turned down for the job. 

Oh no. Not at all Mr. Bigot. I wouldn’t work for a company with a transphobic asshole as a manager. But I will call you out, so that you don’t get the chance to discriminate against the next applicant for being trans, or gay, or lesbian, or black, short, tall, or any other reason you can think of. 

[vsoapbox-blog]

Another piece from my wife’s Etsy shop! This time we’ve got the massive drink of water known as Alexandrite! 

https://www.etsy.com/listing/267988287/steven-universe-ink-and-watercolor

All of her works in her Steven Universe series are done with ink and watercolor,and of course, love. 

If you got to her Etsy shop, you can see her other awesome works! There’s more to come!

[vsoapbox-blog]

Moving!

Hey everyone! 

When I first created this blog, I didn’t have the foresight to make it my main blog. Whoops! 

I’ve remedied that a little bit. The sad thing is that I won’t be posting here anymore, but the upside is that you can follow my NEW blog! all you have to do is go to http://veesoapbox.tumblr.com/ and it’ll be business as usual! 

Follow me there if you’d like! And thanks SO much for reading thus far! I really appreciate it! 

[vsoapbox-blog]

Body Inc.

I kind of want to do a more elaborate and interesting photoshoot of all of my tattoos at some point. My obsession with covering my body with more of them interests me, because it wasn’t until I realized I was trans that they became more of a big deal to me. 

I think it’s just that with the comfort that comes with living as myself, I’m learning to love my body more, and I care a lot more about what happens to it. I’m not all the way there yet, as I have an um...surgery I still want performed before I finally feel “right” in my body, but I love what the estrogen and t-blockers have done for me so far, and I really like having breasts. ^_^

It’s not enough to just slap any old tattoo on my body though. I take a very long time to decide on my next one, but that’s because each one has a deep personal meaning to me, and represents not just my interests, but tells a lot about who I am and where I come from. 

You might see a Rainbow Dash cutie mark tattoo, and think “Wow, she really likes My Little Pony.” And that would be true, but Dash also represents loyalty, a concept that’s very important in my life. I’m a very loving and loyal person, and it’s one of the biggest things I look for in friends and love. So yeah, it’s there. You might see my Sapphire tattoo and say “Oh hey, Steven Universe!” But my wife also has Ruby, and together they represent a love and completeness that I share with my wife. ^_^

One day I’ll do my shoot, and chronicle each tattoo’s meaning. I like to share. That’s the point of this Tumblr, to share myself with the world, and hopefully inspire, entertain, or have some microscopic impact on someone’s day, even if it’s just a laugh or two. 

Later! 

[vsoapbox-blog]

Um...Nope

Work is always fun, especially when I run across somebody who knew me back in my game store owner days. A customer came in last night and says “Oh hey, you’re the person who owned that shop.” And I respond with a “yep, that’s me.” 

He then gives me this gem of a line: 

“Yeah, everybody talks about how they stopped going there because you’re a tranny.” 

Well okay then. I mean, sure. I thought people stopped going for other reasons, but he sure showed me. Haha. 

What a dick. 

A little background, I’ve seen this guy in my game store before, and he was always an asshole.

And in ever classy Vera fashion, I responded with 

“Must be a relief to you. Now everyone can stop talking about your [very specific personal hygiene problem.]” 

[vsoapbox-blog]

The big reveal is finally here! I’ve got a new tattoo! It’s Sapphire from Steven Universe! She’s one half of the duo that makes up Garnet! Is she looks like she’s reaching out to something, it’s because my wife is getting a matching tattoo of Ruby, the other half of Garnet! It totally made sense to get matching tattoos of two characters in love, who also happen to be our birthstones. ^_^

Seriously, if you haven’t watched Steven Universe, you really ought to give it a try. It’s such a sweet and feels-y show, and I love it to pieces. 

[vsoapbox-blog]

We’re Still Here

If you choose to deny us, to deny our rights our our very existence, just keep in mind that it’s not going to make us disappear. We’re still here, being ourselves (or yearning to be)  and your disapproval isn’t going to erase us from existence. 

[vsoapbox-blog]

You (don’t) got the Touch

So I was out enjoying a walk downtown today, after a cancelled tattoo appointment. I’ve been really conflicted about a lot of things as of late, and needed some quiet time with my headphones to think about things. I walked by the local frat row, and felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see three college bros standing behind me. One of them just bluntly says “What are you supposed to be?” Which I respond to with “Someone who doesn’t like to be touched.” I put my headphones back on and walk away, only to feel the same tap again. I turn around, clearly angry at this point. “Seriously, what are you?” they ask again. I give them my best death glare, tell them “I already answered you.” And turn to leave. One of them puts his hand on my shoulder and tries to stop me. 

And I won’t go into the rest. Suffice it to say, they didn’t leave happy, the word bitch got thrown around a bunch, as well as fag, tranny, and everything else in the book. Once the little altercation was done, I left them with a “I warned you, twice.” and went back to my music and walk. 

The moral of this story: Two things. don’t mess with people you don’t know, no matter what they look like. Two: Don’t be a dick. 

[trutranssoulrebl-deactivated201]

My transition is hard for YOU to cope with?

Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize. Please, tell me all about how it’s hard for YOU. I’ll just be over here, teetering on the edge of self-harm and feeling like the world’s biggest piece of shit because you refuse to use my proper name/pronouns. It’s all about YOU, after all.

Or maybe I’ll break down in a public place over something ignorant or transphobic you said last week (either directed at me or just as a joke in passing).

Maybe I’ll spend a day avoiding mirrors or windows like a vampire so I don’t fall apart when I see my reflection.

Or maybe I’ll just shut down altogether and sit on my bed and stare at the wall for a few hours because the weight of my dysphoria that night is just too much to deal with.

How about I live in constant fear and doubt, thinking that everyone secretly hates me? Oh wait—that’s an average Monday night.

I’m so sorry that my identity is hard for YOU, but that’s your shit and you gotta deal. Cuz making someone feel worthless just to make yourself feel more comfortable is NEVER okay.

[vsoapbox-blog]

There are no Stupid Questions?

One of the most interesting things about being Transgender, at least for me, is the sheer battery of questions I get asked. Granted, most of them are innocent enough, but most are downright ignorant, invasive, rude, or just plain stupid. I’m sure this isn’t something that’s unique to me, but it’s still an experience. Here are some of my favorites! (Yes, I’ve had all of these thrown my way.) 

-”Have you had the surgery yet?” (Yes/no. Wanna SEE?)

-”When did you realize you weren’t normal?” (Wait...I’m not normal?)

-”Are you SURE you’re a woman?” (Yep, pretty sure.) 

-”Do you ever think about going back?” (Haha. No.)

-”What was your name before you transitioned?” (Dongle McManjuice. Or none of your business.) 

-”Are you SURE you’re a woman?” (Yep, still sure.) 

-”How can you be a lesbian when you weren’t born male?” (WTF.)

-What are those things are your chest? (They’re called breasts. Real honest to goodness breasts. As seen on TV!) 

-Do you stuff your bra? (Nope. Still real breasts.) 

-How are you a woman when you’ve got a crotch bulge? (Why are you staring at my crotch?) 

-How does your religion feel about you being a tranny? (Ooh, a double whammy! The religion and derogatory term!) 

-What ARE you? (What ARE you?) 

-Are you a tranny? (Sigh.) 

-What does it feel like crossdressing 24/7? (Um...I’m not.) 

-Ooh! Where did you get that particular item of clothing? I didn’t know they made them in men’s sizes! (Not a man. Also, if only they made more clothing in my size.) 

Just a small sampling of the interesting ones. I think it’s funny, because most people are just ignorant, and it’s not that they MEAN to insult, they just don’t know better. Except the ones that do. They can eat a bouquet of penises. :p 

I’ll be back tomorrow, with an update of substance! Much love to you all! 

-Also, is there a topic anybody would like me to talk about? I’m happy to take on pretty much any topic! 

[vsoapbox-blog]

SRS

I'd give anything to finally be able to undergo SRS. Yes it terrifies me, but I can't deal with my body as it is. But I don't see it being something I can ever afford. It's that last obstacle, and one I don't see any way around.

[vsoapbox-blog]

A brisk morning walk!

[vsoapbox-blog]

"Cute"

I think it's kind of amusing that as a woman, I get flirted with and hit on by far more women than I ever did before transitioning. I have no idea why that would be a thing. But, I'm married to an amazing woman, who I happen to love with all my heart and soul, and that's even better.