Iāve been thinking for a few days now that I wanted to do an update post on this blog, I feel itās the right time to with everything thatās happened since I abandoned this blog. So first of all I moved in November, from my grandmaās house where there was giant holes in the ceiling that let every bit of cold air in from the winter while letting what little cool air we had out in the summer and poured rain so heavy we regularly had to leave tall buckets under all of the holes. Plus there was the mold, the mildew and the dust. Regularly losing water from our well or power from the busted breaker box. The house had four bedrooms but only one wasnāt packed floor to ceiling with junk and that one I shared with my mom. That mixed with the strain of living with my somewhat mean and spiteful grandma, to say it was stressful is an understatement. But in November I moved from there into a spacious trailer with my mom, sister, her boyfriend and their new baby! I have my own room, the place is well kept and not falling down. Itās amazing. Money has been more tight and as a result we havenāt gotten wifi yet, which has been a little tough since YouTube and twitch was my main coping mechanism for my anxiety and agoraphobia but Iāve actually been managing without it well! Not only that but pretty much every day since Iāve moved Iāve maybe only spent 2 days where I didnāt leave the house. I always go with my mom to take my sister to work, which is only 5 minutes away but I gradually have been staying out more, going further and staying for longer! Just the other night we all went to the laundry mat thatās a good 20 minutes or more away and we stayed there 3 hours to do laundry! No anxiety, no panic attack. A few weeks ago I went with my mom to the old house, my grandmas house, which is at least a 45 minute drive there and 45 back and I accomplished that! The most exciting thing so far was I asked my mom to take me to GameStop to trade in PokĆ©mon Y and Majoraās Mask for a new game. I hadnāt been into a GameStop in a decade, I basically grew up there as a kid and it was so incredible to go back after all this time! I ended up trading in those two games and getting Harvest Moon The Lost Valley, which I've been enthralled by. Iāve also been to Walmart, which I found at first to be a major sensory overload but every time since Iāve been ok. I got to pick out my own snacks for the first time in forever, helped pick out movies from redbox. Itās just been so amazing going places again! My stomach has even been better, I guess from the lack of stress. It hasnāt been hurting as much, Iāve also made a point to start eating more fiber which I think has helped. Iāve been walking a mile almost every day with my mom, weather permitting. My poetry has been published in the local newspaper, thatās really cool! Iām even gaining weight again. I still find myself drifting into deep sadness and loneliness some nights, I still sometimes get anxious and Iāve had a couple of panic attacks since moving but I think thatās normal, it doesnāt happen too often. I havenāt cut since either. So Iām actually doing great! Things have really turned around for me! All I need now are two things, wifi, Iāve been without it since November and Iāve been missing out on so much YouTube and twitch and even just talking to friends! And dating/a relationship, I think that ones a bit too hopeful though tbh. It seems no one ever really pays me much attention while weāre out, like no one checks me out or even acknowledges me besides the rare glance or when you make eye contact with someone and you both smile or nod. Anyways, thatās the update on my life! Iāve gotten so much better and Iāve actually been really happy!
On a side note, today my mom and I stopped at this gas station that weāve never stopped at before who sold their gas at an astonishing $1.99 a gallon (I actually know proper prices for gas now!) we heard a rumor they sell it so cheap because they mix water in it but idk if they do. I bring it up because inside the store (I went in!) they had this really nice bike, it was teal and orange and was sturdy, it looked like a bike from the 50s and they had a sign on it that you could enter a giveaway to win it! But you had to buy something to enter, now at the time I thought āwell weāre not buying anything so I canāt enter so I might as well not even askā but when I told this to my mom after we left she said that technically we bought gas so we might of been able to enter so Iām gonna have my mom call and ask tomorrow and if so maybe we can go back there to get more gas and enter and if so I feel like Iām gonna win it! It feels like destiny, Iāve been talking about wanting a bike literally ever since we moved here and now here one is? In a gas station we never use that we just happen to stop by that day? Gotta be fate, if anything comes of this Iāll make another update, until then, see ya ā¤ļø
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