velocity vs vicosity

19 Female Australian I guess this is both a collection of all my negative thoughts. Please don't be shy to message me ☺️

[wackmethmind]

To everyone who draws on freckles

I have always had freckles, for as long as I remember. My brother has then too as does my sister. We get them from my parents who are also covered in them, somedays it looks as though their skin colour is 'freckles' because of how many they have. We all have many things in common, our freckles, our DNA, and our experiences with bullying. We were all bullied for having freckles and moles. My mum was bullied all throughout her school years for having freckles, my sister and I were always teased for having 'too many dots' or 'dotty skin' when we were growing up. My brother, never looked like many of the kids at kinder because he had so many freckles that his skin contrasted with other kid's clear skin. Most people with enormous amounts of freckles get bulliedfor having freckles. I'm always jealous of people with fake freckles because they get to go home at the end of the day and wipe it all off, I can't wipe mine off. I can't even sandpaper them off. I'm always jealous of people with fake freckles because they get to leave the house knowing that their freckles are allowed to show where as I'm buying tons of makeup to cover mine up because I was always told they were ugly. See where this is going? This is also a collective opinion I should say, I have spoken to many freckled friends who have all shared the same experiences of being bullied, teased, tormented, for something we can't control, being told that they make us unique just so we could gain an ounce of confidence to not have to cover them up just for the same people to mimic them on what, their nose and cheeks? Freckles are on all parts of the body, not just the nose and cheeks. I have watched many videos of people getting freckles tattooed, Would you get a birthmark tattooed on your face? No, because that would be insensitive towards people with birthmarks so why do it to people with freckles? I am not saying "don't you dare draw freckles on" all I'm saying is that when you go home and wipe yours off just remember that there are people out there who can't, people out there who you have potentially teased in the past for having them, and that there are people out there who still have scars from years of torment because of something they can't help, and you can draw and wipe it all off so easily

[moika-palace]

Comrades, Henry Scott Tuke 1924.

[harcules]

Two bros chilling at the beach 5 feet apart cuz they’re not gay

[piss-bong]

…and they were comrades

[thegirlinthebyakko]

oh my god, they were comrades 

[wackmethmind]

I've been feeling very small and insignificant lately. I'm moving back home because I can't hack uni, I'm a terrible person.

[wackmethmind]

I don't want to be alive most days

[wackmethmind]

I know that I'm the worst person person in the world and I'm not saying that to be edgy or to fish for compliments like i am the most revolting and and annoying person that I know and I wish so much that I wasn't like that and I would do anything to be anyone else and I feel like I literally need to move away from everyone because I don't belong in the world in general let alone with other people. I'm so sorry that you ever met me, I promise that I am sorry that you met me, more so that you met me at a time after my life had fallen apart and that I've been so scared and fearful of everything that life involves.

[tiinamenzel]

[soybbg]

I just wanna fuck and go on cute dates and have someone care for me, is it too much to ask?

[wackmethmind]

Inadequate

These past few days I've been comparing myself to everyone, usually it's just my sister. I don't compare my looks much anymore because no matter how hard I try, I'll never be good enough. I don't know why people end up with me, they deserve someone so much more competent than I am, I suck and everyone hates me and I'm so fucking annoying. I know people roll their eyes when I try and ask for help because it just seems like I'm going on another depressive rant and they literally do not need to put up with this shit. They aren't my parents, they aren't my babysitter. I hate forming relationships I always know they need someone who is better than me, who is smart and intelligent, who is pretty and doesn't make them gag, who isn't annoying as fuck and knows how to actually socialise and have a conversation without breaking down over everything and who can do normal, neurotypical things. I am none of that and I'm so sorry that people ended up with me. I just wish that I could make people feel what I feel, even just for 10 minutes. I just want someone to understand how hard it is to participate in life when you don't want to be here, how hard it is to pretend that you have all your shit together, only to find yourself crying in the toilets at school, at work, in public. I don't think inadequate is enough. Inadequate is inadequate to describe what I feel.

[backxblackx]

[recaption]

[wackmethmind]

I have too many emotions to know what is going on. I have too many thoughts to know what's real and what's fake. I have too many people in my mind to know what's the truth and what is perception. I have always been easily influenced, convinced, manipulated. My brain is saying one thing and I'm trying to say another

[wackmethmind]

I've finally found someone who I can safely say "I love you" to. I'm so scared that it's going to go away, that you're going to go away. I need you, I've never something so more in my life than you. I love you so much more than you'll ever know. I cry myself to sleep most nights because I'm scared that I'll wake and you'll be gone. I don't know how to live like that. My disorder makes it hard for me to believe you when you say you'll never leave because I have been told that many times before. I can't communicate my feelings to you properly which is so unbelievably hard. I don't like telling you the truth because I know it will hurt you which will hurt me. When I have a nap during the day you ask me how my sleep was and if I'm still tired, I was never tired, I'm exhausted. I can't tell you that I nap to stop hurting myself, to stop all the thoughts, to be with you in my head. I just want to hold you. So, so much. I'm so caught up on the fact that you want to touch me.

[aztrolab-deactivated20200927]

I feel that in the studyblr community nobody actively talks about the study environment some of us have, so shoutout to those students that:

• live with their parents (not everyone goes to college/uni where they have dorms, and even then, not everyone can afford it)

• have to deal with parents/family members constantly arguing in the background

• work / have to worry heavily about just getting by (paying rent, groceries, medication)

• need loud music to study and drown outside noises

• can not "study prettily" at coffee shops

• take care of other family members, and thus have to be ready to drop whaterever they are doing to assist them at any time

• can not concentrate or get "in the zone" no matter what they do

• do not have a personal computer/tablet

• do not have a room of their own

• are neurodivergent and the advice of most study masterpost/tips is not applicable.

You are valid, you are seen, you are not alone. If nobody has told you already: if you are trying the best you can then the best you can is good enough.

sincerely, a student who needed to hear this.

[yongxqi]

pls,, this is normal and this is important!!

[wackmethmind]

Why do I try so hard for people who wouldn't try half the amount for me? I always feel guilty when I don't put other people before me, if I don't give up my things for others and it always backfires on me. I get yelled at, cry, breakdown. Most times I feel suicidal I mean, what's the point of giving everything if you don't even get a thank you back. Maybe I'm just selfish

[wackmethmind]

I don't understand why people still want to talk to me, I don't like me so how can you even stand to look at me, I try everything that I can to get away from this body, this person. People try to get close to me and be my friend and I don't understand why and when I tell them this they get angry at me for thinking it. I just don't fucking understand anything.

[wackmethmind]

I tell you that I'm fine and that my day has been great because I'm sick of sounding like a broken record, taking about me and the same things over again so I have to lie so you don't ask, I don't know which is more sad, that I lie to you or that you believe me

[wackmethmind]

Literally another fucking person has given up on me and this time it wasn't imaginary they actually said to me "it's not possible to be in your life because you're not positive and won't change." I'm not even crying anymore, I'm just waiting for everyone else to leave me so that I can leave me too, I have so many things planned for the future and I don't know how many of them I'll be here for, I want to be a mum but that possibility is so far away. I need help but no-one is listening. The doctors keep increasing medications and the counsellors keep increasing my waitlist time and my family doesn't notice when I say goodbye at night and not goodnight. I can't confide in my friends, they wouldn't understand. How do you tell someone that loves you so much that you don't love yourself. There's nothing about me that I like and I'm not saying that to be cool or whatever but there isn't a single thing that I could even say "well, I don't hate it." My personality may be the only thing but when you have a personality disorder do you even have a fixed personality? When you're alone in your room and you're just a shell, sitting on your bed staring at the wall or when you're crying in bed because everything is your fault and everything you do is wrong? I don't think those are personality traits. My mum said that she isn't a parent to her adult kids so if I do it then it's not like I'd be hurting her. I'm just an inconvenience to everyone. I just take up time, and space. I spend everyone's money and make everyone mad so I really don't see a point. They always say there's a light at the end of every tunnel. I think mines broken. I'm not really a "why me?" type of person but why am I like this? I literally feel like I have been cursed with low self worth and irregular emotions and there's nothing I can do about it. There's no cure. I have to learn CBT and DBT. I literally have to learn coping skills for daily life because of the way I was treated, like it was my fault. Everyone fucks me over and I have to learn how to control my feelings like it's a hobby I chose.