[Image description: a stock photo of a woman holding an apple in both hands. If you are not from the United States, the apple is fucking huge, at least according to my British friends. If youâre from the US, itâs normal.]
^ That? Is a normal-sized apple. Three apples at the supermarket = about 1 Âź pounds. (Thatâs about four-tenths of a kilogram.) According to my friend from Bristol, this is FREAKISHLY large. I sent him a photo of one of our so-called âlunchbox-sizedâ apples and his response was âthatâs a normal apple. WTF do you think a full-sized apple is thenâ and I just about gave him a damn heart attack sending him a picture of a regular one, which covers my entire palm and then some.
âOur milk takes like three or four weeks to expire. No, I am not shitting you. Same friend and I had an entire argument over Sherlock because of the âsheâs been gone at least two days, the milkâs gone offâ in the second episode, with me insisting that was too much bullshit to be believed and him insisting that no, milk goes off in 3-4 days, what kind of freakish Frankenstein milk am I drinking. ( @rowanthestrangeâ, paging you for this conversation.)
âAmerican cooking: âlook! I put three cans in a pot and added ketchup!â If you can do closer to âfrom scratchâ than this, people will look at you with fucking awe. I make a salsa for company parties thatâs functionally âchop things and put them in a bowl, do this at certain times for three days so all the flavors meld rightâ and people think Iâm some kind of wizard, and, in spite of the fact that you should not be able to fuck this up, they always always always do in fact manage to fuck it up when trying to recreate it.
--I have never had British bread, but I have been told by multiple British friends whoâve been to America that our bread is almost as sweet as British cake. Same with our milkâapparently itâs weirdly sweet.
âwe have to refrigerate our eggs.
âapparently we say aluminum weird? (I personally think YâALL say it weird, but whatever, again, Rowan can confirm we have had entire arguments about this)
âschedule. We say it so the first bit is like âschool,â WHICH MAKES SOME FUCKING SENSE.
âa certain subset of Americans just being like. Wildly obsessed with historical reenactment. And Iâm not talking about the douchey Confederate ones, either. There are like entire groups that go out and dress as Ben Franklin and do âIâm standing on a literal soapbox teaching you about the Founding Fathersâ stuff at Fourth of July festivals and stuff. Iâve met some of them. They use historical sewing tools and methods. Can you imagine sewing an entire fucking colonial dress and all its undergarments, by hand, with a bone needle?! FOR FUN?!?
âtimezones. There are seven time zones in the United States (Eastern, Central, Mountain, Arizona, Pacific, Alaska, Hawaii-Aleutian) . If youâve ever seen an American commercial that says something like âat 8PM Eastern, 7pm Central,â itâs referring to the two easternmost timezones.
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