lotta fantasies, not a lotta life

ce/cem ✫ ey/em ✫ thon/thons ✫ it/its i am a young adult. this is my vent blog.

[wannabe-problems]

why am i making the same kind of stupid mistakes a fucking 12-year-old would make

[wannabe-problems]

tmi warning

i cut off my bush and now i am miserable :/ why do people do this shit

[wannabe-problems]

hmmm. so i haven’t gotten over my crush

[wannabe-problems]

if i were an alcoholic or whatever i’d feel like a loser for that but as things stand i feel like a loser for never having drunk or done drugs. all these years resisting the urges and for what. FOMO

[wannabe-problems]

life is just so much better when you’re not hungry

[wannabe-problems]

of course the corollary of this is that everything sucks so much harder when you are hungry

[wannabe-problems]

really scared that i’m gonna fuck up at my doctor’s appointment. what if i undersell it and they decide i don’t need help? what if i oversell it and they upend my life? i just really need things to get better and i’m really, really scared of doctors

[wannabe-problems]

life is just so much better when you’re not hungry

[wannabe-problems]

having an eating disorder sucks! how on earth is it so difficult to just. eat food?? i don’t like being hungry!

[wannabe-problems]

eating disorders are very unpleasant. being hungry is very unpleasant. i really hope that things go well with my doctors, because i want this to stop sooner rather than later.

[wannabe-problems]

“i’m not sick enough, i’ve got to make myself sicker” -> “it doesn’t count if i did it on purpose, i’m not really sick”

unpleasant cycle

[wannabe-problems]

i don’t use this blog much anymore, i started venting on main i guess but i also just don’t vent on tumblr as much in general lol

[wannabe-problems]

i don’t want to wait any longer for treatment :(

[wannabe-problems]

i honestly don’t understand why eating food is still so hard for me, like all the old reasons i was starving on purpose are just not compelling like they used to be and yet i’m still so hungry all the time. what’s the problem? it’s not like i don’t want to eat

[wannabe-problems]

and i FUCKING HATE being hungry, you can rest assured of that

[wannabe-problems]

i honestly don’t understand why eating food is still so hard for me, like all the old reasons i was starving on purpose are just not compelling like they used to be and yet i’m still so hungry all the time. what’s the problem? it’s not like i don’t want to eat

[wannabe-problems]

hunger feels so awful??? i hate being hungry so much??????

[wannabe-problems]

why are you supposed to tell people when you want to die? what are they supposed to do about it? what happens?

[wannabe-problems]

lol @ my doctor describing me as "well nourished" in her notes tbh