Me

Searching for a purpose

[wanting-searching]

I’m lost. I don’t know from where or from what but I know Im lost, I’m missing something and I have this ache in my chest everyday. Hopefully I’m found soon because each day it’s getting harder.

[wanting-searching]

Have that sudden urge to just pack up my life and start over somewhere new….

[wanting-searching]

We all have fears. Fear of the dark, fear of swimming, fear of bugs and rodents and pretty much anything else that seems logical. My fear is fear of sleep. When I lay there, closing my eyes trying to drift off to the sound of nothing where one is suppose to relax and unwind for the cruel day. All my past mistakes and failures come knocking in my head, the past opportunities that I never took , the words that I was to afraid to say suddenly play over and over in my mind and the void that is my future fills my brain with unwanted uncertainty and regret. I dread laying in my bed because it’s where I feel the most anxious and the most fear that is my life.

[wanting-searching]

I’m scared to sleep. The later it gets in the day, the darker it gets outside, the cooler the air feels brings fear into my body. I don’t know why or when this started but I dread to sleep. I force myself to stay up and fight the urge to sleep. And just thinking about it gives me anxiety, I just want to be normal.

[wanting-searching]

They say your home is the safest place you can be. You are sheltered, loved, protected from the bad things that creep around every corner that exist in this world. Some of us don’t have that luxury, sometimes the world is our safe haven from our home and we stand there in silence pretending to hold it together.