War Paint Jane

Just a Sad Kween with big dreams 

[warpaintjane]

The real test to see if you’re responsible enough to have children:

buy a tube of chapstick. If you lose it before you’ve used it completely, you should not be responsible for a Whole Ass Child. if you can’t keep track of a plastic tube full of flavored wax, you are not ready to rear some bone-filled-sack of meaty responsibility. I’m not saying this because I fear what will happen to the child. I fear what the child will become. Parents lead by example and we need a nation of people who don’t lose their chapstick that they only used twice. 

[warpaintjane]

my boyfriend told me this so I drew this up for him but all I could think was cloud-person with legs 

[sa2ha]

me: i reject materialism. Im literally not buying anything ever again as it cannot make me happy. what i own should not define me

a tshirt with like idk a tiny strawberry on it: 🍓 :)

me: well i absolutely must have this or i will literally die in agony.

[warpaintjane]

meeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[warpaintjane]

You’ve always loved me quietly

In whispers

In murmurs

In soft forehead kisses

Your sentimental heart

Your pretty brown eyes

And your carefree chuckle

Yes you’ve always loved me quietly

I wish there was a way to save your smile

To keep your happiness fresh

To hold your warmth long after our hug has ended

To kiss you from miles away

You tell me I’m pretty

And perfect

And you love me

And I wish I could believe this when I look in the mirror

When I wait for your next text

When you say you’re busy

I wish there was a way you could phrase your affection for me

So that I could know you meant it

A word for forever

That means forever

And I want you to care a little more

About the little things

Be bolder in your love for me

To shout from the rooftops

To want to be seen

But you’ve always loved me quietly

[gluten-free-pussy]

*sees a woman with literally my exact body proportions*

Me: oh my god???? She’s gorgeous!! Look at how beautiful her body is oh my god she’s a goddess come to earth

*looks in the mirror*

Me: I am literally an ugly swamp monster. Why should I even bother to leave the house?

[crawdaddykink]

Men be like “Let me just play Devil’s Advocate” like no, Shut up. You are the Devil

[user87262893]

This post Has Influenced Me Beyond Reason.. Yesterday a man said to me “well, to be devil’s advocate-” and I said “there’s no ‘advocate’, men are the devil and when you speak its with his tongue” and he stared at me until be both awkwardly laughed bc i momentarily was haunted by a Victorian feminist ghost

[thesubcon10ent]

I once had a guy I was arguing with tell me he was being the devils advocate and I replied “self advocating? that’s a bold move.” and I don’t think I’ve ever felt that powerful in my life

[warpaintjane]

“playing devil’s advocate” is man-speak for “I have no real opinion or strong argument for this topic but I want to dominate this conversation anyway.” 

[warpaintjane]

may I just suggest

men with long hair having girly updos for formal events. I'm talking fancy hairstylists, sparkling hair accessories, very elaborate hair that looks like a whole work of art. as opposed to the flowing locks or basic ponytail we always see.

[frogitivity]

Welcome to Build-a-Frog!

Click here to enter

[sweet-sins-and-stuff]

EVERYONE DO THIS ITS CUTE

[sandersstudies]

“B-but pansexual is just the same as bisexual!”

Who are you, the fuckin word police? When somebody says “large” or “huge” do you throw a tantrum because they didn’t say “big”? Do you go ape-shit at the thought thought that “scarlet” and “crimson” might be different to people who can see a shade beyond “red”? Do you just go absolutely totally feral when I tell you that one person says they are “joyful” and another claims to be “content” as you stomp your foot and insist they’re all “happy”? Stop being a shithead.

[imposterogers]

what if the teenage mutant ninja turtles exist in the mcu but they’re just really good at staying under the radar and criminals are too embarrassed to admit they got beat up by some guys in “turtle costumes” so they blame daredevil. peter parker worked as a pizza delivery boy for a while and brought like eight pizzas to a man hole cover but thought nothing of it bc nyc

[imposterogers]

peter parker: i once was one minute late delivering pizza and the dude was like “forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza” 

clint barton: oh cool u met one of the tmnt 

literally everyone: who 

clint: am i the only one in this goddamn city who knows about the crimefighting turtles that live in the sewers 

(they all think clint is playing an elaborate prank on them, especially when he shows them a photo of four guys wearing what are ‘very obviously halloween costumes’)

[sweetiesoju]

fun fact: it’s TMNT canon that the chemical container that hit Matt Murdock across the face and gave him his Daredevil abilities is the same canister that landed on the baby turtles and mutated them, so…..y’all aren’t far off

[captainlordauditor]

i’m sorry it’s WHAT

[theyoungestwhateleydaughter-dea]

TMNT started as a Daredevil parody.

Matt’s teacher is Stick. The turtle’s is Splinter.

Matt’s enemy is the Hand. The turtle’s is the Foot Clan.

It was originally a dark, edgy, turtle themed parody of Daredevil.

[fungusfather]

FREE PADS AND TAMPONS

Hey all you lovely people who have periods, the world is starting to look a little bit brighter now that certain tampon/pad companies have started to allow people to receive small kits and samples of pads, maxi pads, liner, and tampons for free. And I mean 100% free and discreet. You just have to give them your address and name, and bam! You’ve got all the menstrual cycle products you could ever need for no cost. Links below!

U by Kotex

Always

Playtex

Poise

[lyrical-galaxy]

i expect everyone to reblog this

[vampchick24-blog]

Reblog this everyone.

[tricksters-pride]

I’m not a girl but I’m rebloging for all my followers who may need this

[symbf-deactivated20190613]

abs are cancelled. we all about soft tummies now

[princecarlton]

[warpaintjane]

stay squishy babyyyyyyy 

[neyruto]

Cowboys are witches and horses are their familiars

[istillfuckwithdemilovato-deacti]

guns are their wands and they only know one spell (bullet)

[omnybus]

Rootin’, tootin’, toil n’ shootin’

Fire burn and cowboy bootin’

Eye of newt and spicy beans,

Toe of frog and denim jeans,

Whiskey, grits, n’ demon spittle

tossed into my iron griddle

With the tannin’ of our hides,

Somethin’ wicked this way rides

[luidilovins]

This is better than the entire harry potter series

[warpaintjane]

Room inspections are coming up, you know what that means

hide your swords and whiskey 

[warpaintjane]

mmmmmmm????

[warpaintjane]

I made my boyfriend pick his favorite pic of me from my insta and then I turned it into digital art and framed it as his birthday gift ^-^ 

I don’t know why he chose a pic where I had major double chin, but now he has to live with his decision .-.

[warpaintjane]

I loved seeing people carry around gift bags and presents today. Like tiny girls scurrying around with heart adorned bags for each of their friends, or big beefy dudes carrying dainty little boxes for their SO. Just so cute. 10/10. 

anyway, my boyfriend got me a bottle of honey whiskey and a fountain pen. 

I got him... socks...