D.

A place where perhaps the least understood parts of ourselves may be held.

[wasntshedreaming]

Welcome to where my seemingly restless thoughts rest.

About me:

I am someone that feels deeply, and uses poetry to expel my thoughts from a sometimes delusional, occasionally philosophical, and extremely busy mind.

I do not at all consider myself an author/writer. My poems may not even be poetic at times, but I find myself wanting to share my thoughts and rambles.

Connecting with people is something I constantly yearn to do. So feel encouraged to reach out, this is a safe space for me and for you. (Sorry, had to rhyme there, lol.)

Please note:

> I may not write consistently.

Whenever the urge overwhelms me, my hands type what my heart beats.

> Please hesitate to take my lines without credit, even if only for inspiration. Please don’t hesitate to share what beautiful thoughts my words may have inspired - if any.

[wasntshedreaming]

Distance

I love you in the way I take care

of those you love

the way the clouds depart

to make way for golden suns

I love you in the way the winter leaves

to make way for blooming flowers

I love you in the way the minutes

sacrifice themselves for hours

I love you in the way it hurts to meet

your uninterested gaze

I love you in the way it hurts to know

you’re fine without me for days

I love you in the way I fight

to hold back my touch

I love you in the way a glance feels

as though I’m asking for too much

I love you in the way the heart I send you goes unnoticed

The way my ears await the ping of your text that never sent.

I love you in the way I willingly

erase myself for you

I love you in the way my distance

makes your life a little less crude

I love you in the way I speak

to none but God of you

The way a flower blushes

for the oblivious bee that already went

and flew

I’ve lost the hands that unknowingly warmed the cold I always knew

I’ve lost the embrace that my heart called home,

the loneliness renews

I’ve prayed to God to keep you happy

May your life be,

with my absence,

complete

I love you in the way I thought was old,

but this is.. new.

[wasntshedreaming]

dedicated to U.A.

One of my favorite people growing up.

It was effortless to love you,

and perhaps that was the issue. 🤓☝️

I didn’t know what to do with that effortlessness,

when all you gave me was more distance.

[wasntshedreaming]

Distance

I love you in the way I take care

of those you love

the way the clouds depart

to make way for golden suns

I love you in the way the winter leaves

to make way for blooming flowers

I love you in the way the minutes

sacrifice themselves for hours

I love you in the way it hurts to meet

your uninterested gaze

I love you in the way it hurts to know

you’re fine without me for days

I love you in the way I fight

to hold back my touch

I love you in the way a glance feels

as though I’m asking for too much

I love you in the way the heart I send you goes unnoticed

The way my ears await the ping of your text that never sent.

I love you in the way I willingly

erase myself for you

I love you in the way my distance

makes your life a little less crude

I love you in the way I speak

to none but God of you

The way a flower blushes

for the oblivious bee that already went

and flew

I’ve lost the hands that unknowingly warmed the cold I always knew

I’ve lost the embrace that my heart called home,

the loneliness renews

I’ve prayed to God to keep you happy

May your life be,

with my absence,

complete

I love you in the way I thought was old,

but this is.. new.

[mournfulroses]

Marcel Proust, from a letter to Antoine Bibesco featured in The Selected Letters of Marcel Proust

[mournfulroses]

Ōtomo no Sakanoue no Iratsume, from a poem titled "Like the sedge of sun-dominated Naniwa," featured in Japanese Women Poets: An Anthology

[wasntshedreaming]

Contradiction

Make up your mind,

Is it good to be kind?

You see the good in me and utter

“I was like you when I was younger..”

Are the only parts of me

that make me myself

the parts that no one wants to see,

the parts that can’t be recognized?

You say you were once

naive and kind

You tell me not to change,

yet warn me of the world’s

evil eyes

You tell me not to be so gentle,

so open-hearted,

yet you praise me only

when my truth is masked

behind politeness

My own territory becomes

Uncharted.

Make up your mind,

let my innocence be mine.

[wasntshedreaming]

Gray Sedan

I used to be obsessed with pretty cars. Cars that sounded nice. Cars that were praised and admired by others. Cars that turned heads. Exotic cars, flashy cars, rare cars.

..until I got my own. My little gray car, imperfect, common, small, but cute, but mine.

Suddenly I felt nothing when I saw those luxurious cars. Sure, they’re worth admiring, but my car is more than enough for me. It gets me where I need to go and had in its system the precise location of my home. It was written for me, that little gray sedan, and no other. The sight of a Porsche no longer entices any feeling of want within me.

My car is enough, and while it is mine, I need no other.

I need no other.

this isn’t about cars.

[wasntshedreaming]

something I wrote a while ago, as I sat in my first car and watched what once was my dream car pass by.

[wasntshedreaming]

Gray Sedan

I used to be obsessed with pretty cars. Cars that sounded nice. Cars that were praised and admired by others. Cars that turned heads. Exotic cars, flashy cars, rare cars.

..until I got my own. My little gray car, imperfect, common, small, but cute, but mine.

Suddenly I felt nothing when I saw those luxurious cars. Sure, they’re worth admiring, but my car is more than enough for me. It gets me where I need to go and had in its system the precise location of my home. It was written for me, that little gray sedan, and no other. The sight of a Porsche no longer entices any feeling of want within me.

My car is enough, and while it is mine, I need no other.

I need no other.

this isn’t about cars.

[wasntshedreaming]

Torsion

Tears are the essence of a heart

expelled by torsion

Salty as the sea,

love and grief

in equal portion

Thought wrong that

it would help

to tie the tongue,

snuff that emotion

That damning need to be

what quenches your thirst,

the quiet of your commotion

The mind cannot persuade

a heart that cares not

for caution

What does the mind

have to gain

from the heart

but self implosion?

What becomes of logic

when the heart only calms

to reveal

a raging ocean?

- D.

[wasntshedreaming]

For Chase (z):

To see the brown of your iris

in the golden sun’s light

Is to no longer care for

the sweetness of chocolate

- D.

[wasntshedreaming]

Gardener

I fell for a cliche

“You’re not like them.”

I bloomed with the hope

of being your favorite

To blossom is to trust

My petals deepened in contrast

Your nails dirtied with my soil

You never seemed to mind

The rain came relentless

how does one bloom

in a shattered pot

overlooked,

left to rot?

Where are you now?

The soil under your nails,

the soil of another

As I wrinkle and wilt

Your attention lies

in bed with the flowers

that are different than I

- D.

[mydarkawaits]

i hope my words ease the pain of yours

[thoughtkick]

“I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”

— Mahatma Gandhi

[thoughtkick]

“Enjoy little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”

— Robert Breault

[quotefeeling]

“In any given moment we have two options: To step forward into growth or to step back into safety.”

— Abraham Maslow

[thoughtkick]

“Sometimes you just need someone to tell you you’re not as terrible as you think you are.”

— Unknown

[wasntshedreaming]

Heart

Take every negative emotion

shove it into a bleeding heart

let it beat the essence

of my turmoil

Take the blazing sun in your hands

command it to never shine again

watch the efforts of my restraint

in how persistent rays

can be never shunned

Remind my silly conscience

of how it should not care

watch it stretch and turn

itself inside out

Tell the skin on my body

it will never know

what it means

to be touched.

kissed.

loved.

watch it shiver

in the un-surrendering absence

of passion’s fire

watch me writhe and tire

of the world’s access

to my heart.

The heart which knows not how to give much else. Or much less.