none of it

Lori, she/her| aromantic

[noxidae]

Everyone get more aromantic now!!!!!

[noxidae]

You can become more aromantic by

Becoming single

Staying single

Becoming polyamorous

Staying polyamorous

Loving your friends

Caring about your friends

Subvert the structure of friendship

Being a lover

Being a hater

[noxidae]

Listening to the Mountain Goats

[crowycawcawart]

heartless

[specialagentartemis]

Aro and ace activism is housing reform, is well-funded public housing, is an expansion of affordable housing, is allowing single people to get affordable and public housing, is rent controls to make it possible for single people to be able to afford to live alone on a single salary.

Aro and ace activism is healthcare reform, so that no one needs to rely on a spouse for health insurance, so that healthcare is available to everybody regardless of income, so that no one’s lived experiences or basic dignity are dismissed or overridden by doctors

Aro and ace activism is well-funded and expansive public transit, so that you don’t need to have someone on hand to drive you places if you are incapacitated, so that you don’t have to pay for an ambulance if you need to get to the hospital quickly

Aro and ace activism is disability and elder care services, so that no one needs a spouse to care for them, so that no one needs children to care for them, so that marriage is not a bind for disabled people, so that people on disability who want to and can live alone can

Aro and ace activism is community-building, it’s public events, it’s free social activities, it’s mutual aid, it’s activities that bring community members together without socializing relying on just a romantic partner

Aro and ace activism is developing a culture of believing when people tell you who they are and what they want rather than assuming you know them better than they know themselves

Aro and ace activism means a better world for people without “normative” desires or “normative” social support, which means a better world for everybody

[knifearo]

would say “where’s the pride flag for aromantics who are sick and fucking tired of it all” but i think that’s just the regular aro flag

[leikeliscomet]

Aces Are White, Aros Are Green, But Spades Are Black

On the (online) ace & aspec community’s antiblackness, once and for all.

'Using this age old script of whiteness, ace and overall aspec communities weaponise the Mammy and the Jezebel against Black aces and aros, assuming and projecting sexuality onto us that we do not want, whilst also demonising the parts of sexuality we do want to take part in, directly or indirectly, alongside our romantic attractions, sensualities, QPRs and friendships. In online ace and aspec spaces, the white fear of Black sexuality is reborn with queer terminology in its right hand and a tumblr login on its left. Echoing James Baldwin’s words, the queer world still isn’t prepared to accept Black people yet and neither are the asexual or aromantic worlds either.'

'Eeriely, I now follow the very same path as Yasmin Benoit. An Asexual Jezebel, a somehow sexless sexual predator, who enforces Black sexual deviancy, the great harasser of innocent white children and the white sex repulsed, but also an Asexual Mammy, expected to serve her white counterparts endlessly, on demand, with no reward and no rest and a threat to white sexual normalcy and its sexual reproduction.'

'How many more? How many more Black people will be driven away because of this community’s antiblackness? How many more Black aspecs will we lose access to because they can’t safely be in community with other aces and aros anymore? Black asexuals and Black aromantics continue to be the bedrock of aspec activism, contacting MPs to include asexuality in their LGBT policies and pushing for legal recognition of asexuality and aromanticism, publishing reports on the anti-asexual medical stigma, raising awareness of asexual conversion therapy, pushing back on the capitalist and conservative control of romance, building coalitions with lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans orgs, creating artworks of asexual and aromantic representation and commentary and writing works on asexuality and aromanticism as social-political frameworks, to educate others and create an archive of our works for future aspec generations, like this very essay you are reading right now. And yet we are the most insulted, most hated and most neglected people of this entire online aspec space.'

[stemmehistorian]

Black Aromantic Texts Masterpost

It can be hard finding aromantic texts especially outside of the context of asexuality. Because of this, Black and mixed perspectives of aromanticism can be left out. That's why I'm sharing all the works I found for this Aro Week in a masterpost. Please share this around and support the OG Black aro writers and creators too! Tagging @blkaroculture as that's the new official Black aro culture account.

Michaela Coel On London and Love in Netflix Musical 'Been So Long' by Ann Lee on The Culture Trip (2018)

'“I googled aromanticism and I very much felt like, ‘Oh, that’s me.’ Which means if you tell me to dress up nicely because we’re going to go to a dinner with candles, it’s not going to mean a lot to me. It’s a waste of money and I have ingredients at home. Things like weddings and the expense of these things – I would rather settle for the rest of my life with a person. I am OK being by myself.'

Being Aroflux and Black by Kimberly Butler (@/TheAsexualGoddess) for AUREA (2021)

'I think black women could feel more assertive in themselves if they realized that they can be Aromantic and not pushed into this box where they have to play a role they don’t want to play. Black women deserve to explore romantic orientations as well as sexual ones and have a deep dive into how they feel. And that should be respected.'

My Personal Experiences in the Aro community by Jason W. for AUREA (@/DerelictSpectre) (2021)

'I am unaware of any exclusive space for Black aros, however I believe the creation of one would be best for the safety and wellbeing of these members of our community.'

hello! from a Black Aromantic by Mazarae, idkjustwordsyameen.wordpress (2021)

'..but because of my undesirability, because of my Blackness and Black womanhood, and because of my aromantic identity, I feel very much cut off from having the types of relationships that I would like to have.'

"I'll never fall in love and that's OK"know what it means to be aromantic by Yasmin Benoit for Stylist (2022)

''We are taught that you can have everything – great friends, a loving home, a beautiful family, a successful career, comfort within yourself – but if you’re single, you’re incomplete. You haven’t succeeded in life unless someone romantically loves you and you romantically love someone else. Some assume being aromantic must be a terrible thing – like you’re missing something essential. But romantic relationships aren’t the ultimate relationship, and I appreciate all of the others.''

Videos:

Being Aromantic (While Not Asexual) By Nick Hampshire (2017)

My experience being Aromantic Asexual (AROACE) by bmud angel (2022)

[ocyaoi]

many crane wives songs are secretly aromantic if you know how to listen

[aropride]

critiquing marriage as an aro person makes me lose my marbles pretty frequently because basically every time i do someone says "well you can just marry a friend for tax benefits and legal purposes!" like well. first of all part of the problem here is that most of my aro friends are aro in the way where they either actively want or wouldn't mind having one (1) legally-bound non-platonic life partner, and i wouldn't want to get in the way of that (plus not every friend is someone you want to Marry, yknow). second of all i don't want to get married for a multitude of reasons (one being that it just doesn't sound like fun to me) (another being if i am ever able to get disability benefits i wouldn't be able to get married without losing my ssi anyway) (third reason it's a lot harder to leave a relationship when the government's involved and domestic violence is incredibly common) (i have more of these) and that should be a completely feasible option. third of all when i critique marriage as an institution or a concept or whatever my Point is that Nobody should Have to do any of that. there shouldn't be any social/legal/medicinal/financial repercussions for not getting married. i'm complaining about the whole system not just how it's detrimental to me specifically

[aropride]

[rosieethor]

Aromantic short fiction open call!

Hey! We're doing an open call for submissions for Being Aro, which released from Page Street Publishing next summer. Submission guidelines here!

Text: Editor of BEING ACE Madeline Dyer and author of TARNISHED ARE THE STARS and FIRE BECOMES HER Rosiee Thor's BEING ARO, an anthology of short stories in multiple genres from contemporary to fantasy to science fiction that celebrate and explore the sub-identities of the aromantic spectrum from a mixture of established and emerging YA writers, to Tamara Grasty at Page Street, in a nice deal, in an exclusive submission, for publication in summer 2026, by Saba Sulaiman and Amy A. Collins at Talcott Notch Literary Services (world English). 

Submissions are open between March 31st-April 28th 2025!

Stories should be:

approximately 5000 words long

any genre/subgenre of young adult fiction

centered on aromantic characters/themes

written for a young adult audience

original fiction (no fanfiction, no AI)

written by new/emerging authors who identify on the aromantic spectrum and are 18+

Once again, here's the link to the full guidelines! Please don't self-reject! We hope to see your submissions in the inbox!

[ilovedthestars]

I wish it wasn’t a hot take that a story in which two characters of any gender prioritize their purely platonic relationship over any other romantic or sexual interests they might have is a textually queer story

[ilovedthestars]

A lot of people really don’t understand amatonormativity as another dimension of “there is a right way to love people” that we have to dismantle.

Amatonormativity 101: Amatonormativity, a term coined by Elizabeth Brake, is the very prevalent idea that there is one relationship type that is above all others. This relationship is an exclusive/monogamous, committed, romantic and sexual relationship.

According to amatonormativity, this specific kind of relationship:

Is something everyone wants (or should want)

Is the most fulfilling relationship it is possible to have

Takes precedence over all other relationships in your life

This goes hand in hand with heteronormativity, which says that this ideal relationship also has to be straight. But if you remove that part, all the normative forces of amatonormativity still exist. And they suck for just about everyone! Amatonormativity says aromantic and asexual people will never experience the “highest” form of love. It says single people are inherently less happy than people in a romantic relationship and should always be actively looking for one. It says sex without romance or romance without sex are both lacking a fundamental part of an ideal relationship. It says polyamorous people are failing to choose the one person they can be fully devoted to. It says that your monogamous, committed, romantic/sexual partner is the most important person in your life—more important than your family, your best friend you’ve known all your life, etc.

I hope we can all agree that is something queer people, and also people in general, would benefit from dismantling!

Now let me talk about an example of what I was referring to in the original post.

If you’re not familiar, Elementary is a TV series based on the Sherlock Holmes stories. It’s a modern day adaptation featuring Sherlock Holmes, consulting detective for the NYPD, and Joan (rather than John) Watson, his sober companion and eventually detective partner.

Sherlock has many casual sexual relationships with women throughout the series, while Joan has a string of romantic relationships with men. Neither of them is textually queer (although Sherlock feels very aromantic-coded, if unintentionally, and I personally think an aro reading of both characters has merit).

However, the two of them share a relationship that defies amatonormativity. Sherlock and Joan share almost every part of their lives together—first because Joan is monitoring Sherlock to help maintain his sobriety, but soon because they have actively chosen to remain in each other’s lives. They eventually become partners as detectives but are also functionally life partners, living together, sharing their resources, taking care of each other emotionally and physically. At multiple turning points in the story, they express their love for each other. Throughout this progression, their relationship never becomes romantic or sexual. While Sherlock continues to have casual sex and Joan continues to go on dates, it’s clear that Sherlock and Joan remain each other’s most important person.

This relationship defies amatonormativity, and in my opinion that makes it queer. Queer as in breaking boundaries, defying norms, challenging the idea that there is any right or wrong way to love someone.

Now it’s time for my real hot take. There is a reason I used Elementary as an example, instead of the many other pieces of fiction that have a very similar dynamic between two characters of the same gender.

Those stories—stories that center a platonic relationship between two characters of the same gender, a relationship that remains platonic but is deep, devoted, and prioritized over other relationships in the character’s lives—are textually queer. They are not textually gay (although yes, many of them are subtextually gay). But that does not stop them from being queer stories.

If you want to read into whatever subtext might be there and interpret that relationship as a gay romantic/sexual relationship, that's great. But I wish more people shared my opinion that this is not making a previously normative story into a queer one. Usually, it’s trading heteronormativity for amatonormativity, creating a relationship that defies different norms.

I’m not saying that one or the other interpretation is more valuable (in general—which one is most meaningful to you is a personal preference). I think they’re both queer interpretations of the story. However, given how often stories like the ones I’m describing get accused of “queerbaiting” or simply “not being canonically queer,” I’m pretty sure my opinion on this is not widely shared.

In conclusion: Queerness is a much broader set of concepts than just gay romance. We should consider amatonormativity another dimension of oppression that queerness is in opposition to. Ship or don’t ship whatever is more fun or meaningful to you but please don’t assign moral righteousness to one kind of queerness while erasing another. Also, please be nice to aro and ace people, we already have enough to deal with. I wish none of this was a hot take. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[ilovedthestars]

I've gotten multiple responses to this post that are basically along the lines of, "I mostly agree with this, but calling close platonic relationships 'queer' still feels weird to me. That's not what 'queer' usually means and I don't know if I'd use it to describe relationships like this."

And like. I appreciate that people are listening to my point and being receptive to it, even if it feels a little Out There to them! I genuinely appreciate the folks who aren't sure they get this but are hearing me out.

But I also keep wanting to be like. Yeah, that's my point!

We don't use 'queer' to describe platonic relationships but I think we should. (Or at least, should be able to, when it fits the circumstances!) I know, and I acknowledge directly in the post, that this is not a widely accepted usage of the term. I am arguing for an expansion of the term.

I can only make guesses as to what people with this kind of reluctance are feeling, but my best guess is that they're used to "queer" (or at least "queer relationship") being used mostly in reference to gay/lesbian/same-gender love and attraction. A lot of people mostly associate the word "queer" with gay romance. And while that's a big subset of queer experiences, honestly, I think it's a shame that it's often the only type of queer experience that gets talked about.

Queer is an umbrella term for a reason! Is there any reason "queer relationships" shouldn't include, say, friendships between queer/trans people? Or romantic/sexual relationships that could be considered straight, but include one or more trans people? Or, as I make the argument above, relationships that are breaking down the normative ideas of what kinds of relationships a person is "allowed" to have, regardless of whether the people involved are themselves queer?

Maybe that last one is a leap for some people, and you think that a relationship can't be queer if the people in it don't identify with any of the LGBTQ+ labels. I understand that reservation, but honestly, I think that there's so much social pressure against non-normative relationships that people who break them should get to be considered queer / in a queer relationship if they want, and that we should get to apply queer interpretations to characters in that kind of relationship as well.

(Also, like, a lot of people in non-normative relationships are in fact queer, especially aromantic and asexual. But if we aspecs can have fun with our queer friendships and queerplatonic relationships, I don't see why anyone else shouldn't be able to!)

Anyway, all that to say that if this is pushing your definition of queer a little bit, good! That's what I was trying to do! And I hope people come away from this a little more open to the idea.

If you still aren't really convinced, that's okay. If it doesn't change what you personally use the word "queer" for, I hope you still get something else out of this post—like learning about amatonormativity and starting to see it around you, or considering friendships in media through a queer / anti-amatonormative lens of analysis when it feels relevant. (Or just being more chill about aro and ace people in fandoms who don't ship your ships. Please. We would really appreciate it.)

And I just want to say, while I'm here: Thank you for the incredible response to this post. It's just over 10k notes as I'm posting this and I'm so happy that so many people are interested in this topic & my thoughts on it (and so grateful that the response has been 99.99% positive so far). To all the aspec folks who have told me I've put something into words that you never could—thank you, I'm truly honored and I love you all 💜💚. To all the people who have told me I've opened their eyes to something new—thank you for being curious and willing to learn! And to all the people who still don't get it but are here anyway—thank you for listening to what I had to say. I'm glad you're here.

[normcdf]

aro comics....

1: To me, being aromantic feels like having a gaping hole in the middle of my chest.

I don’t want to fill it. 

And it’s already full, anyways, of nothing. 

Tangible nothing. Dark matter or some shit. 

2: I've never loved anyone. 

It’s annoying when people say that love is a choice, 

because yes, kind of,

but also there is a difference between feeding a flame and tossing sticks in the ocean.

3: I keep having this dream. 

There’s this wounded animal, curled up on my doorstep. 

Someone carved out its heart. It’s bleeding to death.

And I always think, “Thank god. Someone already saved it.”

4: I wish I was a tree. 

Or a fish.

I wish people thought I felt less than I really do instead of more. 

God fucking dammit. 

[aro-absol]

Some good news for my arospec followers from the US:

The state of Wisconsin has officially recognised this year's Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week!

This was the effort of Patrick Bex (fluentlyaspec), an aroace content creator who is from Wisconsin.

In this video he uploaded yesterday, he talks some more about it (transcript available on YouTube):

I'm not from the US, but I don't think Patrick Bex has tumblr, so I'm sharing this here.

[aromantic-aurea]

The Aromantic-spectrum Union for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy is trying to raise $1000 for general website and organizational costs by February 28th. You can help us reach our goal here! [Image Description: A square graphic that reads “Help us build reliable and accessible aromantic resources!” in bold letters. The text and AUREA logo are situated on a white text box on the bottom half of the graphic. Above the text is clip art of three people building a three piece puzzle of a house.]

[trickstersaint]

swear on it // october 2 2024

[ladygolgotha-deactivated2025012]

I understand the impulse behind that post about legalizing polyamorous marriage everywhere but the fact that marriage is so economically important and the fact that it determines which forms of long-term relationships are considered acceptable within society should make you question the institution of marriage and understand it as a tool of class society. We don't need to expand the institution of marriage so it includes gay people, polyamorous people, etc, we need to abolish marriage entirely and make it so that people don't need to be married to be economically or personally secure

[ladygolgotha-deactivated2025012]

In discussions like this there are always some people who say that marriage should just be for fun or if you want to do it, but you don't even need to wait for marriage to be abolished if you just want a "for fun" marriage. I personally call someone my wife despite the fact that we're both legally not married to anyone. The entire point of marriage is to serve as a legally binding contract wherein the state provides the married couple with certain economic and social privileges, but also implicitly or explicitly mandates they must stay together. It was designed to place women under the direct ownership of men, to keep women in the home where they are easily exploited and abused where nobody else can see it happen. It also has the purpose of separating groups of workers into easily moved small units overall lacking in external support which are dependent on the needs of Capital. It also has the purpose of transferring responsibility of the disabled from the state and society as a whole to an individual who is expected to care for their disabled partner, or abuse them as they please. If you want to have a "for fun" marriage you can just start calling people your husbands or wives, we don't need to keep marriage around for that.

[trickstersaint]

i want to introduce you all to a project that is very close to my heart... or lack of one. anyway. for anyone who has ever wanted to play a poem. i'd like you to meet aromanticism

(link opens itch.io - she'll run on html in your browser! please be nice to her!)

[hairscare]

it is absolutely so absurd how shipping culture has made people feel like every single aroace character must be romance and sex favorable and its a normal thing to insist to real aspec people that its not disrespectful to mass headcanon every aspec character as favorable. yes yes youre very woke for knowing that aros can date and aces can have sex but maybe its not cool that you cant handle a character that doesnt want those things and should be understood in a way that isnt via a pairing