Simon Jarrett x Reader headcanons because im normal about the Canadians
Ok this technically for all the Simons since they are basically the same person. I used the picture because girlies on tumblr do the same.
>Sweetheart,sweetiepie,cutiepie
>Would absolutely be there for you.
>Need something off the shelf but too short? he'll get it (Dude is 6.6 read the wiki its insane)
>Need to talk to someone? He might not understand 100% but he would support you nonetheless
>doesnt do PDA. thinks its excessive but will hold hands.
>Not in front of Jesse though, Jesse will act like an actual child around you two.
> "Simon and Y/N sitting on a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g" type beat
>"Jesse. Please."
>He blushes alot, but not just from embarrassment.
>Multiple moles and marks dot his body.
>Always thought they were distracting and kinda gross.
>But when you start kissing and caressing across them???
>absolutely a flustered mess.
>"Cmon, q-quit it!"
>It works the exact way for Simon 2, kissing the blue dots makes him equally flustered.
>very sensitive to touch, easily overstimulated.
>might accidentally whimper.
>might accidentally moan too.
>Oh dear
>He did not mean that.
>Keep touching him though...
>and lets just say...
>Candian Healthcare is free and so is he~
So i came up with a deranged hc awhile ago...what if Shockwave was an incel. Hear me out, he calls his own species females and he is ugly by transformer standards. So what if he was sexually frustrated from this, only to find out on the decepticon incel forums (or decepticels.org for anyone curious) that human females are "easier" and tighter than the
What could they mean? Well his attempt doesnt go as planned. The poor feeeemale human is screaming and he has no idea why. He supposes that females of all species are like this then kidnaps you. (have fun drowning in his jar)
I saw this post and it made me wetter (from sweat, of course, lol).
Especially this part:
Obsessed! Shockwave x human! reader
GN! reader. Thank you, @nsfcomets, for your post and for the portion of inspiration! English is not my native language!
Humans resemble Cybertronians only in certain external characteristics. This is logical, as this variation in physical form is most suitable for living in a wide variety of conditions. It is, in fact, the gold standard. That is where the similarities between humans and Cybertronians end. From the first glance at Earth life forms in Decepticon reports, Shockwave realized that humans are very primitive creatures. The Autobots' habit of caring for all living things is nothing new, but to become attached to a human as a friend and companion? Something more than a pet? Illogical. Foolhardy.
That's why he knows there wasn't a single chance for pity or sympathy for you, even if the mech was capable of feeling anything.
Your tiny body is pressed into a corner when Shockwave, who has come to the surface of the Earth for his first mission, blocks your escape. Excellent, specimen number one. How many more will there be? Oh, he'll lose count if he tries to keep track. You are one of thousands, tens of thousands, in his optic. The alien's only healthy arm reached out toward you, grabbing you sharply and precisely, lifting you with calculated precision for just a fraction of a second before throwing you against the wall as if you had electrocuted the scientist.
Something came out of the little fleshy's mouth that, judging by the tone, was a sharp curse, but the mech recoiled and almost fell, looking at his now empty palm with a searching gaze. Not understanding, not believing.
For just a moment, something extraordinary flashed through his microchips, something so forgotten and yet so familiar, something that was impossible and had long since been accepted as fact.
Fear.
When Shockwave's palm stopped touching you, the feeling turned into a very quiet echo, an elusive mist, clearly intangible but definitely existing, not an illusion. The servo stretched forward once more and covered the small body completely, as if shielding it, forcing you to bend over and put your hands in front of you, and then it sprang back, causing you to feel irritated. Is this robot deliberately trying to creep you out?
Oh, now he feels a handful of confusion at the root of horror. Mesmerized, the scientist now boldly takes you in his hand and stands up straight, watching your little spinning head and listening to your babbling in one of the human languages, which the mech does not understand, but feels your emotions with his whole frame, with the Spark itself. Incredible, amazing, simply impossible, but this is definitely not a glitch or a processor game, it's all real. You are the conduit for something alive and trembling in Shockwave's asset, and he simply cannot move, hypnotized by the fireworks of emotions, sensual thoughts, and sensations.
Ultimately, without saying a word to you, he will return to Nemesis, clutching his “prey” in his fist and full of sincere enthusiasm. He does not recognize or add your language to his vocabulary yet, but he does not part from you for several hours. He simply holds you in his single palm and seems to float. The current carries him first into the pool of your anger and impatience, then into panic, along with compassion for yourself and your fate. When it's all over, because you've simply shut down from the stress, Shockwave lays your limp body in front of him and, in his usual manner, opens the necessary template for analyzing scientific research.
Your breathing is quiet, completely imperceptible amid the hum of the spaceship. Fingers move with professional speed, typing out a report of everything that happened, describing every possible detail. Everything is exactly as it was before. Quiet, predictable, logical. He has lived this way since that accident until today, millions of years, but…
Just one finger gently pressed against your thigh, it's radiating warmth even through the fabric of your pants, while you slept and Shockwave's scarlet optic dimmed slightly in bliss, and the ventilation released warm air. Through just one finger, the serenity of your unconsciousness entered all of the scientist's systems, which he did not feel even during the calmest and sweetest stasis…
There is still much to record, explore, and experiment with, but it has been decided that you will remain at his disposal indefinitely. If he loses all these again for a long time, he will not be able to return to work. He will not be able to. He needs you here. To increase the percentage of efficiency.
simon regularly gets dragged by people because he comes off as "stupid." SIMON IS NOT STUPID, HE HAS BRAIN DAMAGE. do people not understand this??? literally the whole game happens because simon went in for an experimental brain scan in hopes of recovering from the horrific car accident he suffered prior to the games events. his brain is literally BLEEDING. so much so that he has to go to the hospital to get his fucking skull cavity drained so the blood buildup doesn't cause even more damage
his condition is demonstrated in the prologue. he has memory problems. he cannot remember where he put the tracer fluid, and has to go through his whole apartment to find it. he forgot to send jesse that email explaining why he wouldn't be coming into work that day. he can't watch TV or movies anymore because screens gives him headaches. he needs to be medicated because his nightmares cause him stress, which can be fatal for him.
simon's scan is not only one of the very first of its kind, therefore quite primitive, but it is also that of a damaged brain. it is 'flatter' than the other scans we encounter. right off the bat, all versions of simon are impaired.
so of course it makes sense that he cannot fully comprehend certain concepts. it makes sense that he doesn't quite grasp what is going on and what will happen to him, even when he is faced with it after getting put in a new suit (WHICH TRAUMATIZES HIM BY THE WAY). and just like the ones who embraced the continuity theory, he clings to hope that he will be saved from the nightmare that is pathos-2.
simon is remarkably fucking chill when you think about it. he navigates the dilapidated structures of pathos-2 quite well, despite not only being impaired, but also coming from an entirely different time period. simon's scan is from 2015. he comes to in fuckin 2104. this guy is resilient as FUCK. and on top of that, he is constantly in danger and has to sneak around and hide from literal abominations trying to tear him apart and also has to cope with the fact that the world fucking ended and almost everyone is DEAD AND GONE. in fact, his impairment is partly what keeps him from going completely insane like the other mockingbirds.
and not to mention the fact that his guiding companion knows all of this. catherine is very careful with the way she words things after she picks up that simon isn't quite understanding the concepts involved. she redirects him from certain thought paths, and omits information she know would upset him. it is subtly manipulative. (but i still adore her)
simon was just a guy. an everyman, if you will. he worked at a bookstore. he dabbled in photography. he liked watching movies. he had an unrequited crush on a friend who died horrifically in the same accident that gave him serious, fatal injuries. he wasn't particularly academic. he wasn't an engineer or in STEM. he was just a guy from toronto who was dealt a very shitty hand and died young. and then his brain scan gets uploaded into an absolute NIGHTMARE.
AND HE STILL GETS SHIT DONE. DO NOT COME FOR MY BOY. HE IS PRECIOUS AND HAS NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG IN HIS WHOLE LIFE. HE DESERVED BETTER.
do you see simon as primarily a dom, sub, or switch? i feel like it could go any way (dont even get me started on what simon 2 and simon 3 would get up to in pathos-2 after the launch)
Sub mostly. I feel like he would like to get pegged and would cry at orgasm. Probably the type to moan loudly so you gotta give him a gag hehe.
Bottom as hell, I feel like he would be nervous so you also gotta hop on it. (Of course lust might get to him and maybe....switch it up.)
In my opinion at least. Sorry for the lack of activity.
IM SO EXCITED FOR THE NEW FRICTIONAL GAME JEGFYCUJFFJCUTZHXHCFHCHCH
I kinda lowkey hope theres a tiny lil soma reference in there. Maybe a lil computer that sounds like simon. Or maybe his voice actor coming back as a new character. that would be so cool.
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