[gilgameshhimself]

(Getting swindled by a genie) it’s like talking to a fucking tumblr user with you

[higglety]

the genie: how dare you say I'm fucking a tumblr user

[ottoillustrates]

today i just (remembers to maintain privacy online) did something really cool. you have to trust me

[motherfucker-somewhat-limited]

If you like comedy where every sentence is a combination of words that has never been spoken before in human history, a la chris fleming, may I turn you on to Saya Meads

[molabuddy]

does anyone else think about how the sky can literally rock any colour it wants to

[molabuddy]

red, orange, yellow? sunset/sunrise

green? the rarest and not one ive seen personally but it can happen

blue? classics of sky

indigo? violet? twilight babyyy

pink? also shows up at sunrise/sets

black? night. get goth with it

white? grey? her clouds

[molabuddy]

do you love the Fucking colour of the sky. bitch

[fishpondfish]

it is impossible to watch a movie. every night i think i want to watch a movie. no movie gets watched. because it's not possible

[mousidy]

and yet they keep making movies with the hopes that one day humanity will discover a way to watch them. it's so inspiring

[necromancelena]

Computer loves to be like "fuck! You sure you want to shut down? Youve got volume mixer open"

[not100bees]

do we think chocolate guy is gay?

[senatortedcruz]

-Grandpa Joe muttering to Charlie in that factory

[footlongdingledong]

dip shit you are not turning into the joker. you are barely even turning into the penguin or th e ice guy

[sawsbvck]

primadonna girl……………………………………………………………………………………….

[sawsbvck]

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………yeah

[luxwing]

Whenever I hear someone say "the woke mob" I have to stop myself from laughing because even today all I can think of is this fucking tweet

[luxwing]

Happy Pride to the Woke Mob

[beadyeyes]

Let's fucking grab this Wednesday by the nothing

[pjackk]

Can i be sensitive for 1 second or will i be tackled and killed

[wtf-scientific-papers]

Wang and Lai (2014)

[gemstone-gynoid]

[lucyleviathantv]

pjackk's corpse has washed up upon the shore rusted and covered in seaweed

[lucyleviathantv]

they pushed his corpse back out to sea

[orpheusilver]

HOW TO HUG LONG DISTANCE

[orpheusilver]

HOW TO EMAIL HUGS

[orpheusilver]

10000 KILOMETER HUG TECHNIQUES

[melonflavored]

I know we joke and all but i think my mind is destroyed for real

[loveridden1999]

the thing about phone in bed is that it's so awesome. almost makes you feel like betraying & destroying yourself for nothing isn't all so bad