Conventional weapons and queer acceptance
I'm going through it rn so here's a really long post on a queer interpretation of Conventional Weapons.
Notes:
-Yes, I will talk about every song. No song is safe from me.
-No, I don't think it is the only/correct interpretation but its one that I've been thinking about for ages so leave me alone :D
-I know these songs were recorded separately and they don't have a linear story (like revenge or tbp) but for the sake of angst, I will treat the whole album as a queer journey where the speaker is the main character, also I will use they/them for them because the album itself talks a lot about gender.
-"Some of these are more about the system and protests rather than queerness" guess what? those go hand in hand even though it's 2023, life sucks.
-I will use "queer" instead of LGBTQ+. That debate does not belong here but I'm just giving a heads up.
TW: homophobia, transphobia, conversion therapy, unhealthy coping mechanisms (?), aids crisis, society just being shitty in general
Let's start :3
Album context: CW is not a concept album (sadly). The band had ideas for these songs since their TBP tour and didn't think it was fit for Danger Days so they only released them because Frank thought they were cool (bless his soul he was so right). Therefore, these songs' messages/perspectives/feelings may vary.
Boy Division:
*The first two songs have a handgun on the cover. This weapon is a small and distant weapon, portraying the distance the speaker wants to have with queerness since they're still in the closet*
From a queer perspective, this song is about the speaker's closeted life as a queer person. The song asks people close to him how would they react if they were to find out about they are queer. The speaker already knows the answer, people would be disgusted and reject them entirely, making the speaker mad. It can be assumed the speaker is at their last straw here and leave their home behind to live their truth.
"If all my enemies
Threw a party, would you light the candles?
Would you drink the wine while watchin' television?
Watch the animals and all the tragedies
And sell your arteries to buy my casket gown"
Enemies in this context are homophobic/transphobic people. If the speaker admitted to being queer, would their loved ones pretend the speaker is "dead"? Would they side with the homophobic/transphobic people?
"Well, it better be black and it better be tight
And it better be just my size
I'm stalkin' these metro malls and airport halls
And all these schoolgirls"
This may be a reference to the kind of stereotypes the speaker's loved ones believe about queer people. About how they stalk people in public and "try to convert minors"
"I'm not askin', you're not tellin'
He's not dead, he only looks that way"
The speaker not asking anymore if the people they know support queer people/if they would support them. The part about "him" not being dead could be how their relatives see the situation from the outside. The speaker is apathetic because of their situation but no one knows.
"Out nowhere, take me out there
Far away and save me from my
Self-destruction, hopeless for you
Sing a song for California"
They're in the middle of nowhere, and they wish to be in a more accepted place, putting California as an example (is this true? idk I don't live there)
"I bought my enemies
Rope to hang me and the knives to gang me
You can watch them stab me on your television
Stomp the halls, because the bathroom walls
Would have a lot to say
About the lines you're puttin' down"
This is the speaker's way to say he is one of the queers their loved ones hate so much. The speaker "bought" the rope by admitting their queerness and they might as well be the ones on the TV getting ganged up on because of their identity. When they mention the bathroom, it could be a reference to how there are worst things happening in bathrooms, but transphobes are too busy gatekeeping them from trans people.
"Well, it better be white and better be cut
And better be just my size
Until my capillaries burst of boredom
I'll be waitin"
Instead of funeral attire, now they want to use wedding attire because they feel alive by coming out, hence the white. If we assume they were rejected by their loved ones, the speaker will wait for them to come around until they get bored. The speaker's capillaries are a symbol of their patience.
"I'm not laughin', you're not jokin'
I'm not dead, I only dress that way"
The speaker dresses as if they're dead not only because they could be at any time due to harassment but also because they feel dead being in a place they can't be themselves. It could also be a reference to gender expression and the speaker experimenting for the first time.
"'Cause we got the bomb, we got the bomb, let's go!
We got the bomb, we got the bomb, let's go!"
This could mean queer people (we) are fighting back society (the bomb) and the speaker feels inspired.
"Say a prayer for California"
A prayer for California so it can stay as a place the speaker can run to and be free.
Tomorrows Money:
This one is about the speaker's views about capitalism and taking a stand as an activist against corporations and rainbow capitalism. The speaker knows queer people aren't welcome and yet they're still used for profit, however, we could say the song's pov is from the speaker and the corporations. The song also makes an argument about how capitalism actively makes queer people's lives even more difficult.
"You fell in love with a vampire
Do you wanna get it for free
In this song, vampires are associated with queer people and their experiences (just like many movies about vampires and other monsters have done in history). Getting one for free would be to get to live the experience of a queer person instead of seeing it externally (in a movie, show, book, etc)
"Then say hello to the brush fire, baby
You gotta take it from me, I’m gonna take it from you
Say hello to the good times
And burning up in the sun"
According to corporations, the speaker can live out as a queer person, but they will have to face conflict against capitalism, a model that is mostly known for taking things away from people.
They’re sitting back on an empire
While the world lays back, puts a kid behind that gun
This is the speaker's view about capitalism and the world. Corporations and their owners are living comfortably while they leave the most vulnerable minorities to deal with the dirty work.
"If we crash this time
They got machines to keep us alive
When the mixtape plays
Choke down the words with no meaning"
This refers to how queer people can't seem to escape capitalism. If they get hurt while protesting or get sick, they will still need to get (most of the time in most places at least) private health insurance to get good medical attention. When talking about the mixtape, it can also be referring to the multiple products corporations do for queer people (see the "pride merch" on june). But when you analyze the final products, it is clear that it lacks meaning and it was only made for profit.
"I stopped bleeding three years ago
While you keep screaming for revolution
Me and my surgeons and my street-walking friends
We got no heroes, 'cause our heroes are dead"
Here the speaker is personally calling out corporations for their meaningless support. While they and other people have been protesting and taking care of themselves within their community, corporations keep shouting out their outdated "love is love" slogan and keep repeating their empty promises about equality. The speaker, the "surgeons" (people who focus and live to take care of the queer community as volunteers/nonprofit organizations), and more activists keep protesting for a better future but also for the people who came before them and died for the cause (for example multiple people during the aids crisis)
"Say hello to the program
We’re gonna give it for free
Hook up the veins to the antibodies
Got it with the disease, we’re gonna give it to you"
This verse could be considered queer representation in media and how it helps queer people even if it ends up being queerbating. Corporations give queer people the content and even if there are no official queer people in it, subtext and further readings into the media help people to see themselves in the story and/or characters, they work as antibodies against society.
"Say goodbye to the good times
You’re loaded up with the fame
You’re dressing up like a virus
But the words get lost when we all look the same"
The most popular and famous logo (and stand) corporations take in pride month is the rainbow. They don't specify anything and just keep it open to appeal to most people as possible. Although queer people have taken the rainbow as a general symbol for everyone when corporations use it is because there is no interest in other people who aren't the "classic" cisgender white gay male, there's no meaning on their rainbow. All the rainbow logos in June end up looking like a virus taking over for a month rather than support.
"You fell in love with a vampire, torch up for the empire
Say hello to the brush fire, the microphone's got a tap wire
You fell in love with a vampire, torch up for the empire
Say hello to the brush fire, the microphone's got a tap wire!"
In this verse, the speaker is possibly talking to a multitude. They make a reference to the vampire analogy but also says that if they want to live free queer people need to get rid of the corporations. No matter how many problems they face they have to be careful since they're still under capitalism and being watched.
"Because rebellion's not a T-shirt you sell
You keep your money, and I’ll see you in hell"
Many queer people have that reaction when companies don't support queer people's rights but sell queer products on pride month. The speaker rejects rainbow capitalism and will see the company in hell since, according to religious fanatics, that's where queer people are going.
*I find this topic (capitalism vs the queers) really interesting but I honestly don't know much about it but this is a cool video I recommend: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xQVFYWvd3o&t=1449s)
Ambulance:
*The second disc has a picture of a small knife, a weapon of short range that requires the user to get really closer to the opponent. This represents the speaker's change from their involvement with the queer community; they went from keeping their distance to putting themselves out there as an activist*
Ambulance, under a queer context, is about the queer community and the love the speaker has for them since they have helped after they cut ties with their family in "Boy Division."
You don’t know a thing about this life, and we are up for
Everything it takes to prove we’re not the same as them
The speaker could be talking to someone new when it comes to activism. They want to motivate the new recruit but also be honest about what is like to constantly be on the line. The queer community will never be like the people who can easily thrive in a heteronormative society because the queer community looks out for every minority (let's ignore dumb organizations like lgb for this, they suck)
"And we will wear our masks again, out after dark
'Cause we are up for everything it takes
and we are not the same
'Cause we are not afraid
And we are not ashamed"
This part is about how they protect themselves while defending themselves and how they are not ashamed of fighting for what's right publicly.
"And if you save my life, I’ll be the one who drives
You home tonight
And if I ever let you down, I’ll be the one who drives
You home tonight"
One of the things that the speaker appreciates most about the queer community is how they take care of each other. If one of them gets hurt, they will help each other. No matter what happens everyone looks out for everyone.
"Remember once, you walked this kind of life quietly, I’ll sleep
Behind the wheel, and passing every face you see the first time
Singing every piece as you walk by proving that with
All of my mistakes, that we are not the same"
The speaker is comparing themselves to other people in their group who have been in their position but also have had a completely different experience. Other people may have cope in healthier ways than the speaker, which makes them feel kind of guilty.
"'Cause we are not the same
And we are all to blame"
When it comes to protesting or activism is it always is the activists' fault if something bad happens. According to conservatives if anything goes south (police brutality, hate crimes, etc) is the queer people's fault for not being closeted, for "indoctrinating people".
"'Cause you don’t know a thing about me
, you don’t know a thing"
This is from the speaker to the people who have helped them in their life. They don't know who they were before but the community still took them in as family.
Gun:
Honestly, there's not much that this brilliant thread hasn't already said. La (the twitter user) suggests that "the song's main theme is obviously a young person entering the military, which is known for having a strict structure and very precise rules to follow and roles to fill. in this case, I believe the military could represent the cis, heteronormative society"
See the rest of the thread here :D
https://twitter.com/zhongmcr/status/1560384799101124614?t=emxookpnkny0c5iYV4fmdw&s=19
Please read it and send @/zhongmcr some love for it.
The World is Ugly:
*The machine guns reflect more intensity as an attack. The speaker is going deeper in being vocal about the queer community on this disc.*
The world is ugly is, of course, a romantic song. When analyzing it through queer lenses, however, it can be about the speaker getting strong feelings for someone but still being afraid of confessing their feelings, even if the other person is also queer, because are traumatized by past experiences while in the closet.
"These are the eyes and the lies of the taken
These are their hearts
But their hearts don't beat like ours
They burn 'cause they are all afraid"
The speaker usually gets that feeling of "them against the world", but it is different with the person they are interested in. The speaker feels they have a connection and they are together while being against the world.
"For every one of us
There's an army of them
But you'll never fight alone
'Cause I wanted you to know"
Conservative people are "afraid" of queer people and it has made their lives difficult but when they're together it doesn't matter.
"That the world is ugly
But you’re beautiful to me
Well are you thinking of me now?"
The heteronormative society is a pain for the speaker and the love interest but the speaker wants to make clear that their love interest is beautiful no matter what society says.
"These are the nights
And the lights that we fade in
These are the words
But the words aren't coming out
They burn 'cause they are hard to say"
This part is more personal for the speaker. They reminisce on all the nights they have spent with their love interest and how on those they have tried to tell how they feel, but the speaker cannot say it out loud.
"For every failing sun, there's a morning after
Though, I'm empty when you go
I just wanted you to know"
The speaker comforts themselves with the fact that they can try the next day, but at the same time, they keep living with the pain of their love interest not knowing.
"That the world is ugly
But you're beautiful to me
Are you thinking of me
Like I'm thinking of you?"
The speaker wonders if their love interest thinks about them the same way or if they have another kind of relationship.
"I would say I'm sorry, though
Though, I really need to go
I just wanted you to know
I wanted you to know
I wanted you to know
I'm thinking of you
Every night, every day"
In this verse, the speaker implies they usually focus on activism and things that will help their community rather than their own feelings. They have to go and keep helping others but still wants to let their feelings come across.
"These are the lies
And the lives of the taken
These are their hearts
But their hearts don't beat like ours
They burn 'cause they are all afraid
But mine beats twice as hard"
Because the speaker is really focused on others but also wants to be with their love interest, they are passionate about 2 things.
"Stop your crying, helpless feeling
Dry your eyes and start believing
There's one thing
They’ll never take from you"
The speaker goes back to their "mentor mode" and inspires their love interest to believe in a better future. However, they also reference how the world can never take their love interest's beauty away.
"One day, like this
We'll never be the same
Never, forever
Like ghosts in the snow
Like ghosts in the sun"
This is the speaker dreaming of what their life could be only with their love interest. They would just be people exploring the world.
The Light Behind Your Eyes:
This song is about a guide saying goodbye to people or a person whom they have helped in the past. Under a queer interpretation, it could be from the point of view of an elder queer passing away who was really important to the speaker.
"So long to all my friends
Every one of them met tragic ends
With every passing day
I'd be lying if I didn't say
That I miss them all tonight"
The elder queer is possibly passing away and is thinking about the friends they got to make within the community. By saying their friends met tragic ends it could refer to the aids crisis or hate crimes.
"And if they only knew what I would say
If I could be with you tonight
I would sing you to sleep
Never let them take the light behind your eyes"
Just like the elder queer, their friends used to help people in the community, and they would approve the last reassuring words of the elder. The elder wishes they would be alive and well to see a better future but for now, they can only hope people stop harming queer people.
"As we fade in the dark
Just remember you will always burn as bright"
The older queer people may have passed away but they want the younger generations to have a good life.
"Be strong and hold my hand
Time, it comes for us, you'll understand
We'll say goodbye today
And I'm sorry how it ends this way
If you promise not to cry
Then I'll tell you just what I would say"
This shows the elder was really appreciated in the community since they have people with them in their final moments. They wish they would not be leaving that way (probable aids) but they still think younger generations need to learn about the problem and be strong enough to face it.
"I'll fail and lose this fight"
The elder already knows their own fate.
"Sometimes we must grow stronger
And you can't be stronger when I'm gone
When I'm here, no longer
You must be stronger and"
The elder knows it will be hard for future generations who still feel like they need guidance to survive, but they hope the people they leave behind get stronger.
"I failed and lost this fight"
The elder queer couldn't avoid their future, as if from the beginning, it was meant to happen.
When the outro keeps repeating it could reflect how those are actually the last words (or at least sentiment) of the elder, and it will stay present in the community for a long time.
Kiss the Ring:
*This disc has two axes on the cover. Additionally, from here on out there are 2 weapons on the covers, which means the speaker is not alone anymore, but with someone who shares their "them against the world" feeling.*
Kiss the Ring is another song about the speaker's feelings against the system. However, this one and the next song in the disc have more rage on them. The speaker starts to lash out at authority and politicians who keep failing queer people.
"We kill the girls to get paid
And put the whole damn room on the edge of the blade
You'll get far, stay clean"
The speaker is mocking society's standards for people. They set dangerous beauty stereotypes only to get women to buy their products, reject measures that could help queer people (hormone treatment, counseling, etc) even if they know people could die because of the lack of it, and attribute failure to substances such as alcohol and drugs. Some queer people will turn to those substances because of the lack of support because society keeps making it hard to live, but big institutions don't care.
"And if the world stops believing, I'll keep believing
That the world could make a change
(All I know is I won't stop believing)
And put the suicide dolls as the last ones to mate
(All I know is I won't stop believing)"
Although the speaker still has faith in a better future, they are angry about society putting queer people in a complicated position. Queer people create their own communities because they are pushed by the people who refuse to let them live. They insult and make everything more complicated up to the point of giving queer people trauma and mental health issues. The queer people affected by this are the only ones left to help themselves and others. Queer people are left at the back where they find each other.
"Come hard, stay clean
(You're the next if you don't stop your creeping)
And singing songs for the damned now
(You're the next if you)"
The line on the back "You're the next if you don't stop your creeping" could be the authority's opinion about queer people: you will get in trouble if you are out/"explicit". Additionally, the songs for the damned could be a metaphor for people who think praying/conversion therapy will work as a "cure" for queerness.
"Hail! Hail!
'Cause the king is gone
And if you don't stop believing, we'll keep believing"
This part could mean how conservatives celebrate when something bad happens to a politician or anyone famous who is in favor of queer rights. They tend to believe that there is a leader (like the people who believe there is an ANTIFA leader), but queer people will keep protesting and believing in a better life for everyone.
"You put the record on
And live the life that you're making, shots that you're taking"
"So grab the cash and run
And let the suits watch each other kill one another"
This is the speaker starts to get reckless. For them, it has become a matter of taking back at society. They want to live their life the best as they can, so they let themselves enjoy music, drink, and commit crimes since they will end up in trouble anyway for being queer. They steal money because they need it but also to get a sense of power over their life. The "suits" in this case would be politicians, the ones who say they want to help queer people against the ones who want them dead. Even if someone is fighting the good fight the speaker doesn't care for them anymore.
It doesn't matter if the words don't mean a thing
You gotta kiss that ring"
The words could be the empty promises some politicians do to queer people. Many of them beg them to vote to protect their rights only to back off when it really matters. Kissing the ring means the absurdity of respecting people, authority figures, and institutions (the government) who don't want to be held accountable for queer people's rights.
"Move like the wolves, keep the faith
There ain't a dry eye left in the back of the place
Is it hard to stay clean?"
The speaker warns their community about the government since politicians don't have empathy for them (dry eyes)
"And if you all keep believing, I'll keep believing
That the world drives the saints
(All I know is I won't stop believing)
And put the shotgun shells in the hills it makes
(All I know is I won't stop believing)"
In this verse, the speaker mocks how authority loves to praise "pacific protests" but will still kill them. Most of the time when queer people organize a pacific gathering, they are met with violent repression.
"So come hard, stay clean
(You're the next if you don't stop your creeping)
Because they don't give a damn, now
(You're the next if you)"
The speaker believes after so many failures that no politician cares for queer people.
"You got your leather on
And live the life that you're making, shots that you're taking"
This could be referring to what kind of clothing queer people "tend" to wear. The idea is to just wear whatever you want and live your life.
"Hail, hail 'cause the king is gone
Hail, hail 'cause the king is gone
Hail, hail 'cause the king is gone
Hail, hail 'cause the king is, the king is gone
Hail! Hail! Hail! Hail! Hail!"
Queer people celebrate a supposed leader that never existed because it is not about leaders, but the community.
"Fist up, head down
Hail, hail to the king"
In this verse since the king is not "gone" it could mean the community is celebrating itself. They will keep fighting even if there's the risk of something bad happening, which is why they put their head down as a sign of being prepared for the worst.
Make Room:
Make Room is mainly the speaker setting the people who do not accept queer people or pretend to be allies as zombies. Queer people are most of the time used for gossip, instead of being treated as real people. The people who only care about gossip and getting to know who came out just to be disrespectful about it are people who do not have reasoning skills, making them zombies.
"Make room! Make room!
Down on the coffin, there's a coffin or two
Dead chic, so cool
The cannibals are starving when they're looking at you"
This verse is about how dead queer people are seen just as numbers. The cisgender straight people's main concern most of the time is the funeral (what will people say, how to present the dead queer person etc), reflected on the line about the coffins. The dead girl represents dead queer people who attracted attention, making the zombies (society) wild to get the news and learn about everything that went wrong. They just want the gossip.
"Tank tops, jet stream
Karate lessons with a killing machine
White lines, nose bleeds
I know you get excited when the cameras go
Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta"
The speaker refers here to the kind of people who talk and treat queer people as means for gossip. They can be relaxed in their summer clothes with their private jets and do questionable things (drugs as mentioned with "white lines"), people with privilege. They get excited when a famous person reveals themselves to be queer and are able to get every single detail, however, they don't know (or don't care) that the spotlight can be stressful and harmful for famous queer people who come out. This is reflected by the "ratatata" the cameras make.
"Me and you, and all of this living dead
Burning up in the sun, where the bodies add
Sitting here with you, in misery
Anybody gonna come and rescue me?
La la la"
Here the speaker is talking with another queer person about how stressful people can be. They have to endure their questions and actions but even if they are miserable, they are together. The speaker's petition for someone to rescue them is mocking how some people "became" queer because the community pressured them into being queer.
"Make room! Make room!
One day, you're gonna have explaining to do
Drag star, so cool
There's only room for one man and the one is you, you, you"
This verse is just multiple wrong arguments that people make about queer people. A popular argument that homophobic/transphobic people use against queer people is how are they "going to explain" their identity or sexuality to others such as kids, elders, etc. Those kinds of people also have problems with drag artists. They may say they are letting drag artists live their lives, but they pressure them and their gender expression, reminding drag artists they are men and have to act like it. This argument is not only wrong because not all drag queens identify as men, but also does not consider drag kings.
"Got a taste for the cash and androgyny
Anybody wanna come and rescue me?"
Androgyny is considered the combination of man and woman. This combination seems fashionable for multiple people and companies have decided to adopt it for profit. If it looks pretty it will sell. Multiple companies will present an androgynous person/model and show it off as their queer representation.
"Well alright, well alright
She's alright
Everybody in the room is alright"
This could be a reference to the dead girl first mentioned in the song. Most people just want to pretend nothing bad is happening and that queer people are okay if comparing these times to years ago.
"Everybody wants to change the world
Everybody wants to change the world
But no one, no one wants to die!"
"We are never gonna change the world
We are never gonna change the world
'Cause we are never gonna die!"
I see this as what the speaker thinks about activism after being vocal about queer issues during the whole album. They know protesting and being an activist is important for the queer community, and if they want society to change there will be sacrifices that no one wants to do. However, they also want to be happy and have a life of their own with the person they like. Maybe the change will be delayed and they will keep fighting for it, but not to the point of putting their happiness on the line anymore.
Surrender the Night:
*These last two songs have grenades on the cover because these ones are the tipping point for the speaker. They are done hiding their emotions and will explode at any second. It's a more aggressive weapon than the rest. The songs still talk about how society sucks for queer people, but the main focus for the speaker is the person they like and showing their feelings.*
Surrender the Night is a continuation (kind of) of The World is Ugly. If on The World is Ugly the speaker was afraid of confessing their feelings, on Surrender the Night they decide to be selfish and take control of the situation, take control of what makes them happy for once.
Everyone's a passenger, tonight
Just another accidental on the freeway of this life
This night is important for the speaker, anything else doesn't matter.
We'll drive on and on and on and on
We'll drive on and on
And I'll remember this night when you're gone
The speaker and the love interest will leave everything behind, and the speaker wants their love interest to remember that night forever.
You surrender your heart
I surrender every dream
Every weapon you've got
Every secret that I keep
This is a deal the speaker proposes as a way to confess their feelings. If their love interest accepts being with them, nothing else will matter to the speaker. They will protect the love interest and will be completely honest with them.
You can fight this, all you want
But tonight belongs to...
The love interest can fairly reject the speaker, but just for that one night, they will have to listen to what the speaker has to say.
Just another surgery, tonight
Well, if you amputate the loneliness
Anesthesia dims the lights
This is the speaker's opinion about their love interest. They are a complicated person who ignores their own problems by distracting themselves as if they wanted to disassociate from life and the pain. The speaker tells them they can do that, they can ignore their problems but by rejecting their emotions, they will also miss the good moments.
So dream on and on and on and on
So dream on and on
And I'll remember your eyes when you're gone
In this verse, the speaker encourages their love interest to follow their dreams instead of disassociating from life, and even if they don't end up together the speaker will remember them.
And I'll watch you in your sleep
'Cause tonight belongs to me
You can fight this, all you want
But tonight belongs to
The speaker will watch the other person sleep as a way to protect them and make sure they don't run away.
Sparks against the railing
Distant phantoms wailing
Through the windshield, sailing
With these airbags failing
Here, the speaker is honest about how their lives will be if they're together. There will be chaos, people will talk, and they won't be able to control some situations.
But tonight belongs to me
But tonight belongs to me
But tonight belongs to me
The speaker reassures this to their love interest, expecting an answer.
Burn Bright:
And finally, we get to talk about my baby, the creme of the gays. This song in general is about finally accepting who you are, living as you want, and loving whoever you want; even if you know people are against it. If following the story from the previous song, this song is where they get together with their love interest and start a relationship. The speaker knows it won't be easy but they don't care.
So give me all you've got
I can take it
We walked alone in your city lights
Did you make it?
We lit the fire and it's burning bright
Did you take it?
Kissed all the boys in your city lights
Did you make it?
Left all the stars in your city nights
Can you fake it?
I lost my way in your city lights
Glad you made it
We stole the fire
And it's burning bright
Fire/stars/light is represented as strength the queer person has found in their identity, and it burns so brightly at the end of the album that they won't hide it anymore. Now that they have met another queer person and they are both out, the speaker trusts that it is possible to live as who you truly are, and they are not willing to hide anymore.
Not ashamed of what I am
I took the pills
For these empty nights
'Cause it makes me who I am
The speaker is not ashamed anymore of being queer but they still remember how it felt. How they had to cope with unhealthy copy because of the suffering of being against the world.
"They always told me that
"You never get to heaven"
With a love like yours
Well if you're lost little boy
The cameras pull you right back down, yeah"
Social/ expectations opinions are a heavy theme in the album, and it continues in the last song. It is not uncommon that society to treat queer people as little kids who don't know what they want or at least "should" want. Society will tell queer people that the way they want to love and/or exist is wrong. If a person dares to do something not straight or gender not conforming, society is there, like cameras, to judge that vulnerable moment and show it as a mistake. The speaker reflects on religion telling others "you won't get to heaven based on the things that you do" because people still use religion to discriminate against queer people.
"It's like a chemical burn
I'm peeling off your skin, yeah
And when you see your face
Well you'll never be the same again, yeah"
Queer people have to hear bad news, insults, misinformation, etc. every day. It takes a great toll mentally that can make people and that can be manifested physically, to the point that it hurts and/or to the point that people start noticing. Sadly, it's a kind of pain queer people have to live with for now until who knows when.
"Cause if you just stop breathing
I'll stop, stop my heart
I'll stop breathing too
[...]
Not ashamed of what I am
I'd trade the world for your city nights
'Cause it makes me who I am"
Queer people rely on each other, and the speaker relies on their significant other. The speaker would give up everything for the experiences they will get to share together.
"And though I missed the chance for this
I confess that I can't wait
Until it's gone
No I mean this every single day
Don't go if you got more to say
'Cause the world don't need
Another hopeless cause"
The speaker makes a small confession here. They are tired of society, of hiding, of fighting. They want the whole world to disappear just so they can be happy. They don't want to be part of "the fight" to make things better but they don't have any other choice. For them, the world cannot afford people doing nothing.
"Though it makes me who I am
'Cause it makes me who I am
And you made me who I am
And you made me who I am
Be afraid of what I am"
Although the speaker is done with people who don't do anything to fight against a society that doesn't accept them, they recognize that's who they were for so long. But now their significant other gives them the strength to leave all doubts and fear behind. The speaker is warning the world to be afraid of them because they are done being afraid of the world.
"We walked around in your city lights
'Cause it makes me who I am
I burned it all but im doing fine
'Cause I'll never fade away
If I steal the fire from your city nights
'Cause it makes me who I am
Who I am"
The speaker borrows strength from their significant other to go against the world, and in doing so they burn (jeje) relationships with other people, but they are okay with it. They will survive now that they are strong enough to stand up for themselves.
Conventional weapons sets someone in multiple stages of queer life and use weapons to portray life as a war with oneself, expectations, and society.
FIN
tldr: cw is gay af argue with the wall
