I do not post anymore on mainstream social media… and I am not sure if it is because I do not want to hurt you, because I wish you would write me to ask how I am doing, or because I do not wish that you get to see any of me… since you chose to leave me in a most devastating way. Yes I said I am not going to write you anymore, yes I unfollowed you and I unfollowed your family and your close friends… because I could not do things anymore… I was having anxiety attacks so hard that they turned into panic attacks. I still have troubles doing some activities. I still am plagued by anxiety… I found people I value but I can not let anyone close… I heard of you every now and then… and I still think about you way to often… Friends that know tell me they never want to see you and I should forget about you. And I question myself if I am angry or sad. The few talks I had with my therapist a year ago in the clinic, they wondered why I am not angry at you. And I was, but I do not feel it that present, I do not feel present at any point… I still am sad… and wonder what I could have done differently… even though I know… it wasn‘t just my problem… the only thing I should have done earlier… is setting boundaries that I would not ignore… I still wish you would tell me what you said you wrote after we broke up… The text you said you did not send… honestly… I do not really believe that you wrote a lot of them. Honestly I do not believe anything anymore… and yes I do have hope… for others… rarely for me… for me… I just have wishes… and I know they won’t come true… because I do not dare… to feel for someone… as deeply as I felt for you… and I am not sure… if it is possible… to feel that way again… after every fear you had came true…
germansingergirl
phantompulseband
titsay
vaporwave
gummygunk
yousharknotpass
areudirty
