Yours Sincerely, Whatever I Am

She/her. NEET Dropper. Currently going through an existential crisis. Hostel Life Diaries. And a lot of Ranting. And maybe my study updates too.

[ghxstttsblog]

I hate all the disguisting things I've done to feel loved

[mindfulstudyquest]

gentle reminder you can rise up from everything. you can recreate yourself. nothing is permanent. you are not stuck. you have choices. you can think new thoughts. you can learn something new. you can create new habits. all that matters is that you decide today and never look back.

[part-time-pixiee]

@whateveriam17 (yes I may have stalked u a lil bit ehehehehee)

[whateveriam17]

@part-time-pixiee Me waking up and finding this popup and going like "Why would somebody stalk me" 🤨😮

[part-time-pixiee]

I only mean stalking because I'd like to be your friend🙂‍↕️✨✨

[whateveriam17]

I am genuinely honored that you want to be my friend but full disclosure : I am not really good at friendships girl

[part-time-pixiee]

It's okayy! Neither am I🥹🥹

[whateveriam17]

And i am also kinda really clueless about what and how exactly do we do friendships and everything related to it 🙁☹️

[whateveriam17]

How do i deal with my avoidant attachment issues ? How ?

I am starting to understand how much they are destroying my relationships but i dont understand how do i deal with ghem

[mindfulstudyquest]

gentle reminder you can rise up from everything. you can recreate yourself. nothing is permanent. you are not stuck. you have choices. you can think new thoughts. you can learn something new. you can create new habits. all that matters is that you decide today and never look back.

[part-time-pixiee]

@whateveriam17 (yes I may have stalked u a lil bit ehehehehee)

[whateveriam17]

@part-time-pixiee Me waking up and finding this popup and going like "Why would somebody stalk me" 🤨😮

[part-time-pixiee]

I only mean stalking because I'd like to be your friend🙂‍↕️✨✨

[whateveriam17]

I am genuinely honored that you want to be my friend but full disclosure : I am not really good at friendships girl

[beingchaos0405]

Being a child is so unfair.

What do you mean somebody else shouts at me, says something mean to me, takes their anger out on me, casually says the harshest things to me, and I have to carry it and let it affect me my entire life until and unless I decide to drag it out of me and heal it and throw it away.

Being a child was really very unfair 😭

[mindfulstudyquest]

gentle reminder you can rise up from everything. you can recreate yourself. nothing is permanent. you are not stuck. you have choices. you can think new thoughts. you can learn something new. you can create new habits. all that matters is that you decide today and never look back.

[part-time-pixiee]

@whateveriam17 (yes I may have stalked u a lil bit ehehehehee)

[whateveriam17]

@part-time-pixiee Me waking up and finding this popup and going like "Why would somebody stalk me" 🤨😮

[beingchaos0405]

Does somebody else ever just start dreading life out of nowhere?

What the hell am I supposed to do on this planet for 60 years 😐

[whateveriam17]

12-07-2026

Woke up. Did meditation. Exercised.

Feeling good.

[whateveriam17]

11-07-2026

Dear diary,

Today I became the reason behind someone's smile 😁

The things is me and my friend were standing in a shop, her buying something, me unintentionally blocking the door. And then I noticed three girls standing behind me. They were just standing but I obviously knew they were there to buy something. So I scooted to the side and gave her a small bow while pointing my hand towards inside. And she smiled, kinda getting shy by the gesture, I guess.

At that moment, I just smiled and didn't feel much. But now that I'm back in my room, there is this intense feeling of happiness washing over me because I became the reason behind her smile.

I might be overreacting but yeah. I'm really happy.

Guess my mission of being a better person is going quite well ☺️ 👍.

Okay bye.

[whateveriam17]

Is anybody else getting this message from Tumblr saying you need to verify your account. And when you click on that, it tells you to fill in card details.

Wtf?????

[part-time-pixiee]

It's so hard to manage extra classes/tutions with self study. Does anybody have any tips or something similar??

[whateveriam17]

A small list of thoughts I've while sitting in a lecture :

1. My butt hurts.

2. What if I just walk to that window and jump out from it. Nah. The teacher would just continue teaching.

3. Is that girl insecure of her acne? I hope not. Because she is really pretty.

4. I wanna be friends with that person. But my social skills are definitely gonna ditch me if I approach her.

5. Life is boring. I need some drama to watch. I hope something interesting happens in this class.

6. I hope somebody dies. No. Stop. We shouldn't wish for someone's death just to escape a lecture.

7. My butt hurts and I really wanna just stand up and walk out of this place.

8. Why are all schools designed like prisons? It's almost as if they take a lot of inspiration from prisons.

9. I wanna see a cat.

10. I'm hungry.

11. I want balloons.

12. What if.......an earthquake happens. Right now. This moment.

13. Fuck everything . Let's just imagine and enjoy that storyline which we never plan to write.

[whateveriam17]

Still obsessed with hunger games but currently stuck in a place with no one to discuss it with and nothing related to it. And just study study study.

I miss you didi. And I miss that day when we spent entire rides discussing hunger games.

[whateveriam17]

Why does existing sometimes feel like a chore given to me by my family

[whateveriam17]

Why are we so hungry for validation?

Nope. I'm not saying this in some mean or derogatory way or in a way to make someone feel bad. I'm saying it as a genuine question. I genuinely want to know what are the roots of wanting validation.

I remember my past self. She was so hungry for validation and she so wanted to be everywhere and win everything and do everything. And whenever someone else got praised for something, she (my past self) used to get so jealous.

Fine. Even if we take this as fine, I remember once hiding my marks in a test where I lost 3 marks out of 10 and I decided to fake the signature on it because I didn't want to show it to my parents. I remember being so hesitant about telling my marks to my mom.

I remember solving questions so fast in class just so I could answer first and teacher would praise me. I remember doing extra things, sometimes being too much, all for validation. I don't remember the exact things I did but I know I did quite a lot of stuff for validation

And I now see myself, the person I'm today. Today in class the teacher asked questions too. And I solved and got every single one of them correct. Even the ones which very few students got right. And yet, I didn't raise my hand when the teacher asked who got it right. I didn't shout the answer loud so the teacher would notice me.

And now, I can't understand what exactly changed.

Why was I so hungry for validation and why am I not like that anymore?

[whateveriam17]

I don't miss the person I was 🥲👍✌️

[whateveriam17]

07/07/2026

Today I had a crying session. Then got up, washed my face, had lunch, came back and cried again. And then started studying. And after some time, put on my headphones and played a few songs I really love and started asking myself why the fuck was I crying for such a small reason.

Why exactly am I like this is something beyond my comprehension skills. Sad one moment, happy the next. Sometimes confident, other times upset, feeling like a loser. But anyways, fuck this shit.

When I was talking to my mom on call, I ended up getting annoyed because of something and spoke to her in a very annoyed tone. And later I felt really bad. So......eventually I messaged her with an apology for that tone. And I felt so better.

Why is apologising so hard even when it makes us feel better instantly????

Anyways, I'm counting that as one more step, a small milestone, towards my journey on being a better person.

And I also studied a lot. I studied all subjects. Solved a lot of questions.

Won the majority of war against Vectors and Electrostatics. Did a lot better than I expected. So I'm happy.

That's enough for today.

Okay bye.

Yours sincerely,

Whatever I Am